Want to go further into this point that i exposed in my writings a few days ago. Its Interesting today at work, i had to change where i was working at the last minute, because somebody in my team couldnt make it in to work for a minor reason, which i calculated mathematically as unacceptable. And when i was discussing this with my boss, i said im covering it no problem, and i started getting these ideas of - Trust Marley to save the day, im the one to correct this, nobody else. That person is weaker then me, time for me to put my cape on and fly lol, and it can only be me that saves the day. Then i laughed at the thought, breathed, four count, then i considered, how did that thought arrive? where did this idea come from that i must apparently be the "hero" in my mind? a thought that im somehow more relevant then another at work on this point. What fears, judgments, desires are behind this? What self image have i allowed to be designed from that.
I can see within myself in self honesty that there is a self definition of ego of fearing not being a hero, fearing not being able to save somebody else. I desire to be that which is considered a "great person" that "saved" many. This point will affect me sometimes, where i start focusing on "saving" or supporting others from their own points of self definitions, instead of focusing on correcting myself firstly within my own experience. Also a desire to hold onto that self definition of me as the trusty old Marley personality.
I project that image of me as a trusty saviour to gain a "higher" opinion of me to the other person, and to gain more respect, profit, and ultimately energy from others. Presenting an angel with a spiteful, secretive agenda of vampiring of others in order to get a feeling that i accept and belief to be neccessary within self interest. I judge others as less then me at work if they dont want to be a hero, like i see myself as more valid because of this self formulated idea that i am a hero and the one im covering at work today isnt. That anyone who is walkingthese self definitions are unacceptable, and do not serve me as life here in establishing myself as the self directive principle of equality and oneness.
This self allowed idea of being a hero and how a hero should operate, is something that was as any point is, seeded and developed from a certain point in time, that i can reference when looking at my memory. So from what i can see, i have watched so many cartoons and films where the main character, is the one who gets the most focus and attention, saves eveybody, and at the end is given and almighty thank you from everyone the main character saved. I have allowed these various characters on tv to program me, and then through the years for me to define myself as that self defined coding growing up, that i must stand as the hero code to be "adored by people". Adults where always speaking highly of heroes i noticed as a child listening to conversations, so by attempting to be a hero i felt like i am being more of an adult by defining myself as that. An idea of establishing myself as special in some way.
Also the point of my father not being in my life, i very often allowed when i was younger to push myself to a constant idea that i have to be a hero, because i have no father, so i must make an effort to be extra "strong". And attempt to handle more in one breathe then what i can actually handle.
And also the day my mother nearly died when i was 8, i was so relieved and happy once i found out she will pull through ok, that i made an inner staement to myself of i will be there to look after my mum, i will be her rock, her hero.
So all this programming has occured mostly at emotinal high points in my life, thorugh my acceptance and allowance within and as the mind consciousness system.
I mean why am i even associating the word hero with an accepted and allowed idea of how a hero should operate and exist. That it should be one person that saves the day in a ruthless self interested pusuit of energy, to be remembered as a "great being" one leader to lead them all and all that shit. To redefine for a moment a definition thats best for all of what a hero is, is a being that stand within and as self honesty in every breathe here, a person that is willing to give up all points of self definition to self birth life here within and as the physical. Not from a starting point of self interest as the mind, but from the practical living application of whats best for all. A being that is willing to do what it takes to implement a system that supports all forms of life.
I stand here in self honesty as the solution, i take self responsibility to stop the existance of my self definitions separating me from me here as who i really am as life.
I can see within myself in self honesty that there is a self definition of ego of fearing not being a hero, fearing not being able to save somebody else. I desire to be that which is considered a "great person" that "saved" many. This point will affect me sometimes, where i start focusing on "saving" or supporting others from their own points of self definitions, instead of focusing on correcting myself firstly within my own experience. Also a desire to hold onto that self definition of me as the trusty old Marley personality.
I project that image of me as a trusty saviour to gain a "higher" opinion of me to the other person, and to gain more respect, profit, and ultimately energy from others. Presenting an angel with a spiteful, secretive agenda of vampiring of others in order to get a feeling that i accept and belief to be neccessary within self interest. I judge others as less then me at work if they dont want to be a hero, like i see myself as more valid because of this self formulated idea that i am a hero and the one im covering at work today isnt. That anyone who is walkingthese self definitions are unacceptable, and do not serve me as life here in establishing myself as the self directive principle of equality and oneness.
This self allowed idea of being a hero and how a hero should operate, is something that was as any point is, seeded and developed from a certain point in time, that i can reference when looking at my memory. So from what i can see, i have watched so many cartoons and films where the main character, is the one who gets the most focus and attention, saves eveybody, and at the end is given and almighty thank you from everyone the main character saved. I have allowed these various characters on tv to program me, and then through the years for me to define myself as that self defined coding growing up, that i must stand as the hero code to be "adored by people". Adults where always speaking highly of heroes i noticed as a child listening to conversations, so by attempting to be a hero i felt like i am being more of an adult by defining myself as that. An idea of establishing myself as special in some way.
Also the point of my father not being in my life, i very often allowed when i was younger to push myself to a constant idea that i have to be a hero, because i have no father, so i must make an effort to be extra "strong". And attempt to handle more in one breathe then what i can actually handle.
And also the day my mother nearly died when i was 8, i was so relieved and happy once i found out she will pull through ok, that i made an inner staement to myself of i will be there to look after my mum, i will be her rock, her hero.
So all this programming has occured mostly at emotinal high points in my life, thorugh my acceptance and allowance within and as the mind consciousness system.
I mean why am i even associating the word hero with an accepted and allowed idea of how a hero should operate and exist. That it should be one person that saves the day in a ruthless self interested pusuit of energy, to be remembered as a "great being" one leader to lead them all and all that shit. To redefine for a moment a definition thats best for all of what a hero is, is a being that stand within and as self honesty in every breathe here, a person that is willing to give up all points of self definition to self birth life here within and as the physical. Not from a starting point of self interest as the mind, but from the practical living application of whats best for all. A being that is willing to do what it takes to implement a system that supports all forms of life.
I stand here in self honesty as the solution, i take self responsibility to stop the existance of my self definitions separating me from me here as who i really am as life.
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