Day 50: Practical application of breathing within physical labour

So this is a practical application I have developed within walking my process, where I remain stable as breathe within working with my hands.

Once upon a time I really could not stand doing physical labour to fix something that is broken or to support another as myself within a point of labour. The only labour that ever interested me was whatever I got an entertaining energy from, which was usually to do with sports, specifically football and martial arts. If it was not something to keep me entertained in self-interest then I would not be interested in doing the labour.

When I was about 8 my mother was diagnosed with Bechets syndrome after having a lifesaving blood transfusion. And after that happened my mother was then on around 20 different medications a day, and at the time I noticed she became less able to do things like cooking, cleaning, basically points of physical labour of some kind. From this point on through preteen/teenage years I got used to my mother going in and out of hospital; however one thing I did not get used to, was the chores I had to do when my mum was really ill.

A lot of suppressed annoyance I had towards my mother, where in my mind I would actually be blaming her for being ill, for at that stage what I saw as causing this annoyance in me, for dumping all this housework on me. I began to secretly loath my mother as being at fault for spoiling my childhood fun.

As I grew from here this suppressed anger I had towards my mother, her illness, the housework I had to do developed further and further, which got to the point a three or so years prior to researching desteni, that i couldn’t stand to be around my mother.

I would find any excuse to get out of the house to avoid doing housework, and to search for an energetic fun experience in self-interest, looking for an outlet for developing anger inside myself. This anger I allowed to be caused by many things, a lot to do with my mother, but also other things for instance my mother’s different boyfriends she had who never stuck around, anger at my father for not being around and general developing anger towards the state of the world. 

Anyway this anger, I would get out of the house at every opportunity to try and find outlets for. I was doing martial arts and football which was perceived by my mother, my granddad and me to be “good outlets” for my anger issues. However what I found was fascinating, because I actually found that while I was doing these sporting activities, that the anger experience inside of myself was actually compounding not subsiding, which I did not realize at that stage was because of my starting point in relation to these activities where I was basically exercising ego in manifestation. I would start doing things in the sports where I would kick other kids, purposely trying to cause harm on the football pitch and in the gym out of frustration of my life, and jealousy of certain other kids that I saw in my mind at the time as having it easier than me with more desirable parents.

So I started looking for more perceived “outlets” for this anger about my life, which is where the whole gang stuff happened. Anyway years later, once I had researched desteni and began testing out the tools from a clear starting point, after some time I noticed that despite releasing some other points of anger, that whenever I was doing housework around the house that I would be having this uncomfortable annoyed experience inside myself, specifically towards my mother.

So I started writing about these experiences, writing self-forgiveness statements with a pen and a pad and stating them out loud about specific thoughts I would have while I’m doing housework, and whenever I next had to do some housework, I would focus on living my self-forgiveness statements, focusing on breathing through any reactions that came up. Just allowing myself to only see the point that requires correction, then standing equal to what needs to be done to create the correction, doing the job as effectively as possible without any added mind shit to make the experience uncomfortable and ineffective.

This I started doing consistently, daily, which through the years i started applying within all forms of labour where something requires to be produced for the best of all with my hands.

However there has been a lot of other mind shit in relation to physical labour I have spotted, investigated and let go of through the years, for example the desire to be a “good” person from guilt of being a delinquent youth, so doing housework/labour for others to be seen as “good”, also doing housework to try and impress females I desired to have sex with, and unnecessarily putting my body through physical pain during labour to project “male strength” to others as ego, competing with other males.

It’s cool exposing all this shit to myself through the years though,  sometimes I enjoy looking back at memory pictures in my head about how I have developed stability within physical labour, how I got to this point here, where I enjoy myself as self-movement as breathe within doing housework and physical labour.

Anyone that is serious about changing this world for the best of all, has to learn at some point how to be as effective within physical labour as possible, to get done what needs to be done from a starting point of breathe, a starting point of what’s best for all. To not participate in labour for self-interested reasons, to give our hands to the service of life, to not allow fear of getting dirty, to not fear being harmed or fear not having energetic fake fun, but to actually stand equal as enjoyment within every breathe of labour, where we realize that this is a physical reality, we are all physical beings, and it is only with practical physical solutions can this world change one by one - so one by one we must see the shit here within us and this world, then one by one clean up all shit that harms life with our hands until there is no more shit existing here, but rather self-expression as life equally shared for all.

Through developing stability within physical labour I have developed self-trust to continue doing what I am doing, because although resistances occasionally still come up, I know the consequence of going into any pre-programmed thoughts, feelings or emotions that come up during physical labour - The consequence is the labour will not be done effectively because I will make some kind of valued judgement in my mind about why I don’t have to do it effectively and I will be thus in complete separation of myself. While the consequence of doing labour from a starting point of breathe in every moment - is that the labour will be done as effectively as I am able to do so, there will be no unnecessary rushing, or any form of programming trying to override to get out of doing the labour, there is simply seeing what needs to be done for the best of all, then immediately doing what needs to be done for the best of all as soon as it requires to be done until it’s done, where the whole experience of housework and physical labour from start to finish is stable as breathe. 

There’s a lot of shit that requires correction here on earth, a lot of labour that needs to be done, within and without, so let’s get stable within all forms of labour now, as it’s clearly best for all.

Day 49: Disgust of Religious people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge religious people as less than people that aren’t religious, without realizing and seeing in every moment that regardless of what is in a person’s head, a person is still equally a person, and through judging a religious person as less than me is nothing but inequality as a complete fabrication in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to blame religion for why so many wars happen in the world, when in self-honesty I realize that war is not a result of religion, it is a result of what we humans allow to be manifested here as ourselves, as our pre-programming. So whether we are religious or not, we have all been programmed growing up to believe that it’s ok to fight for what we believe in. I realize that to blame religion for wars in the world is a statement of ego looking for someone else to take responsibility, abdicating my own responsibility for what is here on earth, when I realize I am equally responsible as any other person for what exists here, so I am Just as responsible for war as any religious person.

I forgive myself that i have not realized in all moments that majority of wars and conflicts in this world are not actually fought over religion, but are fought over money due to unrelenting cost of living rising through inflation and soon hyperinflation.    

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and see that regardless of what a person’s beliefs are, we are all equally participating in this money system of abuse, and thus we are all equally responsible for the horrors that are happening at an accelerated rate in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and disgust whenever i see a religious person projecting their beliefs onto other people, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an attack defence mechanism once I participate with and become this anger/disgust towards a religious person, where I am purposely trying to fight with the religious person to prove them wrong and me right as competition which is completely unacceptable starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see religious people as clowns which should be shown up in front of people as a point of comical amusement rather than respecting the person equally as life, because regardless of how obvious it is to me that religion is an illusion, it is not obvious to everyone else, because I had to walk a process to realize religions bullshit, we all walk a process of self-realization here, and when a person is trapped within and as a religion, it is far from a laughing matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word religion with a negative value, which I realize is where I have fucked myself within seeing religious people as something bad, and non-religious people as something good, which is an unnecessary polarity separation of myself, so I commit myself to stop charging the word religion with a negative value.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a religious person is "not so bad" if the person is into lightworking and ascension beliefs, because i once was into lightworking. I realize in fact though that this is just separation, because all religions are equal as religions reagrdless of whether i have allowed a particular faith myself or not. 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see realize and understand in each moment I am around a religious person, that if i had lived the same life that this person had lived, then I would be religious just like them. I realize that once I put myself in the shoes of another I have complete clarity and respect of another as myself in equality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize  and understand in every moment, that this capitalist money system feeds into religious belief through education, media, politics, parents, environment etc. So anyone that accepts and allows this money system the way it is, is religious whether they know it or not, because within saying that there is nothing wrong with capitalism, we are in fact saying that delusions that exist within capitalism such as religion are valid. I realize that in an equal money system education, media, politics, parents, and environments will all change to be promoting the support of life physically, to support each person to express themselves as life, and so I realize that in an equal money system religion will inevitably cease to exist eventually.   

I forgive myself that I have not understood and realized in every moment, that I have been religious myself in the past, and thus I should understand better than anyone what it is like to be religious, how easy it is to be directed by religion in this world.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to judge religious people as less than life, I realize that regardless of what a person believes in their head, the person is equally a person as me, and thus deserves the exact same amount of respect as anyone else, so I commit myself to treating people how I myself would like to be treated regardless of their beliefs in complete equality loving my neighbour as myself. I commit myself to seeing religious people as my neighbour as any other human here.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to blame religion for any abuse that happens here on earth, because i realize that this is where i am abdicating my responsibility to life as a state of ego looking for someone else to take responsibility. In self-honesty I realize that I am equally responsible as anybody else that participates and is existent within and as this money system of debt, so I commit myself to taking responsibility for all that is here.

I commit myself to understanding in every moment that a person being religious is simply a product of their upbringing, and that if I had lived their life I would be religious just like them, because we are all the same in fact, we all have various beliefs we have defined ourselves as in our life.

I commit myself to not charging the word religion with a negative value.

Whenever I am around a religious person next, I do not allow myself to participate with any thoughts, feelings or emotions, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to judge this person in any way, I realize that this person is equal as life as me, I realize that we are all the same, we are all just flesh and bone being son earth  subject to a money system of haves and have not’s which must be changed.

Do we really enjoy all this war happening now through our allowance? Is this really what we want to leave to our children and their children? It is time we realized our responsibility to change what is here to what is best for all, through uprooting all abuse in this world step by step, and planting what’s best for all step by step until it’s done.

Day 48: Deliberate Isolation of myself

I notice that I purposely isolate myself in certain situations; I become a character where I Isolate myself out of conversations and interaction with people very often. I see that i fear being judged as something “weird” and being confronted as such by others, so through freewill I notice I have many times chosen to isolate myself from others desiring to be left alone to myself where in my mind I believe there are no complications and attacks from others.  

This is a completely self-limiting experience where I’m supressing my self-expression as life, and so I stop now -

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself from others in this world, trying to avoid confrontation in a completely ineffective manner through isolating myself from others, barricading myself into my own personal prison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the best way to avoid confrontation in this world is to just not participate with others, which is actually just separation as a completely self-suppressing system where my ability to interact with others effectively in unconditional support as life is completely hindered because I’m too busy trying to avoid contact with people in an attempt to avoid any confrontation with the person.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the best way to avoid confrontation with people, is to not allow this confrontation to exist, to take self-responsibility to create a world where confrontation is no more, instead of hiding away in my mind as isolation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I isolate myself from others then I cannot be attacked by others which is not true, because humans attacking each other in this world is constantly getting worse, and through the fact that I attack myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions based in various fears, judgements, desires etc - then it is clear that I cannot hide from confrontation, whether from others or myself, so I must take on confrontation in all aspects in this world, by standing clearly as the self-directive principle of what’s best for all, where I myself will not allow confrontation of any kind, inside myself, in my participation or the world as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within isolating myself from others that i am actually hiding from what is here on earth, hiding from taking responsibility in all moments to live what is best for all. I realize that hiding is something which is not supportive in anyway as it only causes suppression of myself, so I stop this.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in all moments that I cannot hide from what is here, because I am directly responsible for everything that is here, so I realize that I must take responsibility in all moments to live what is best for all which means the removal of this isolation character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience depression about the state of the world currently and how majority don’t care, and to within this experience of depression go further and further into the isolation of myself from others, which is actually how the abuse in this world is continued, through people not standing up but instead being consumed by a want to escape from what’s here through points like isolation. I take self-responsibility to end this. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as weird by others, I realize that this fear is only existing in my mind as a state of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify this deliberate isolation of myself through accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged as weird, when I realize that if I just remove the fear of being judged then justification of this isolation character does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be left alone so that I don’t have to deal with other peoples shit, and they do not have to deal with mine. I realize that this is actually saying that nobody should speak up about what is happening here on earth, nobody should take responsibility to be self-honest and stand as an example of what’s best for all, that we should just isolate ourselves from each other, leave each other to our own accumulating shit, which is what we humans are already doing- so I realize that this isolation character feeds directly into everything that is here as capitalism accepting and allowing all that is here to continue, so this I stop now. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity in relation to isolation in my mind, where I see being on my own as something positive and easy, where as I see interacting with others as bad and hard. Thus I see where I am constantly unstable within and as this character jumping back and forth in my mind rather than remaining stable and consistent here as breathe. I realize that from a starting point of breathe there is no good or bad, no polarity that exists, thus no attempting to attract the positive and repel the negative, no choice exists within and as breathe, there is only what is here, and from this clear starting point I walk what is best for all in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-judge every person I meet as going to judge me as being weird, so then just deciding to take the easier way which is to not contact and communicate with this person often. To say I know how someone will react to me is actually a statement of ego, saying that I know something in the hereafter which is not possible in fact, so I stop.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’m pre-judging others because I’m judging myself all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting in the necessary effort to interact with all life equally through existing as this isolation character where I’m looking for the easy way out as being on my own, which I realize is where I disempower myself from self-expansion within and as this world through effective interaction with others.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to interact with people if I think i can get money or sex as a completely conditional starting point of separation where any relationships I develop from this starting point will not be real anyway. I give myself permission to interact with people unconditionally, not looking to receive something from them like a slot machine; I honour each as I would like to be treated, in complete respect and honour as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only interact with people for energy in complete self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame of the fact that I’m only interacting with people for energy, where I charge my starting point of separation as this isolation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself as a slave to the god of isolation when I can stop this through effective self-corrective application. I give myself permission to remove god from the throne I have created it as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as this experience of isolation that comes up sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the apparent choice I have to isolate myself from others is only made possible through money, because I realize that if I did not have money then I would not be able to try and isolate myself from others, because i would have to go out to interact with others in order to get money. 

I realize that isolation of myself is self-limitation and has no practical function in supporting life equally and so must be stopped.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to experience depression about the state of the world and how humans don’t care, because i realize that this experience of depression feeds directly into this isolation character, charging it in each moment I allow myself to experience depression, so i end my allowance to experience depression about the state of the world and the uncaring majority.

I commit myself to exposing the limitations of isolation in this world wherever I see it exists.

I commit myself to assisting others to not allow themselves to isolate themselves through sharing the limitations of isolation I found in my self-investigation and how I stopped myself from existing as it any further. 

I realize that the judgements about myself and others are not real, and to give power to them I am actually enslaving myself, disempowering myself rom living what is best for all.

I realize that confrontation in this world is something that I must face and correct as myself in all aspects of how I exist in this world. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to pre-judge someone as “obviously going to attack me”, because i realize that this is ego looking for validation in complete separation of myself. I commit myself to walking away if some becomes confrontational to or towards me.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this isolation character which I realize is total separation of myself which I end now.

When and as I see myself experiencing and existing as isolation or desiring to be isolated, then I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to exist as this piece of programming as I see the automatic play out of events which do not result in what’s best for all. I commit myself to what is best for all, I realize that expansion of myself in always is what is best for all, so I stick to breathing and not allowing myself to experience isolation, I discipline myself within and as breathe until there is no more isolation that exists within my total experience of myself.