Day 38: The Film Zombie

Watching films is cool because it shows us ourselves, however I find watching films as this character is not cool - 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeatedly exist as a zombie character, where I only allow myself to watch an “exciting noisy film” from the starting point of wanting to “zone out” purely entertaining my mind, and I realize that within this I am in complete separation of myself creating a film dimension escape in my mind where I do not even notice what is happening around me physically because I am so lost in this colourful holographic reality, very similarly to a form of bliss seeking light thumping meditation which is dishonest, not real and thus unacceptable and thus I take self-responsibility now to stop this piece of my brainwashing from existing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted to only want to watch an “exciting film” with lots of explosions and special effects within and as this film zombie character, where I cannot even watch any film, or analyse a film with common sense, because I am purely just generating energy from feeding my mind the sweets of “exciting films”, when I realize that anytime I’m having a reaction of any kind in relation to any film, I realize I have a problem which requires investigation and correction.

I forgive myself I forgive myself that I have not realized that to say that films with special effects and explosions are “exciting” I am thus saying that films without explosions and special effects are not exciting. Which I realize is where i am fucking myself within creating a valued judgement of polarity within watching films, where “exciting” films I define as “good” and “unexciting” films I define as “bad” where i simply shifting from one pole to the other as an immediate judgement of the film every moment it is playing – is this going to be exciting? I want the excitement! Oh man this is looking boring already? When is the noisy big flashy shit going to start happening? Maybe I should switch to a more noisy flashy film. Pretty fucked up thoughts as this character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire watching films purely to “zone out” where I basically am looking to get away from what is here so I can feed my mind and within this take no responsibility for myself. This I realize is exactly the same as what people that meditate do or drug addicts for instance utilizing separation as a form of entertainment to make me feel as if I am in a secret world of harmony completely removed from the horrors of what’s here on earth now, which no matter how hard I try and escape from in my mind, it is always here, every moment is another moment where this world requires physical action to be corrected to what’s best for all, and I realize that within existing as this zombie character i am unable to take any physical action because I’m too busy “zoning out” to a new illusionary reality in my mind, and this I do not accept and allow myself to do any further.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever an “exciting” film finishes, to experience a light form of sadness that the film is finished now and I have to get up and move around which takes effort unlike watching a film as this film zombie character, which takes no effort and which I have allowed myself to become addicted to. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to an energetic experience of excitement within watching films as this zombie character. I realize that I have been allowing myself to charge the experience of watching “exciting films” within a positive polarity which then is where I experience the negative as a form of sadness that the film is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to trap myself in the positive experience of watching an “exciting film” through watching film after film in a row, trying to avoid the negative experience of the film ending which is not possible, and to within this basically be purposely spiting myself as existence where I am essentially saying  “fuck off existence I’m too busy in my film zombie land to give a fuck about correcting anything”, which again I realize is very much the same as what people that meditate or do drugs consistently are doing, so I realize this is unacceptable as it does not support me in living as life in anyway, so I’m not willing to accept this.

    

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to completely disregard what is happening outside of the film world when I am existing as this character, which as I have seen before can have consequences where something in my world should have been sorted but because i allowed myself to enslave myself as this film zombie character then I cannot see the fuck up I’m creating where I may for instance leave the oven on too long burning the food, forget to do a work task, forget an appointment with someone, all kinds of fuck ups can come from existing as this character within watching films.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear that if I let go of this character then my enjoyment of a lot of films will diminish in some way, which is not true because i realize the mental experience I’m having as this film zombie character will be replaced by me as myself as the physical character which is who I am, and thus where my experience of the film becomes that which is physical with no mind attachments. And so I realize that if my “enjoyment” of films did diminish after removing this character, then that would be cool because it would show me that my idea of enjoyment within watching films was based in energy, which is not a real enjoyment, real enjoyment I realize is enjoying the physical experience of the film itself with no pre-programs separating me from this physical experience in anyway. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand in all moments that what the film is portraying or representing, is completely irrelevant because it is all just mankind playing out its shit on a screen, and at the end of the day I realize that it is who I am in relation to this film which is of the upmost importance to pay attention to and direct to what is best for all.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this zombie film character any further. I realize that within this character I am not actually here as breathe in anyway, I am instead entrapped within my mind where I look for the most amount of energy possible in the film to keep me entertained, where I am completely cut off from physical reality.

I commit myself to not creating polarity judgments towards any films which I realize only enforces my starting point of separation in relation to all films, so I stop now.

 I commit myself to not trying to deceive myself that I can stay in positive lala land in my mind through existing as and feeding this zombie character constant energy through watching film after film trying to avoid the negative. Which I realize operates very much like a meditating bliss thumping light worker repeatedly meditating throughout the day when that person could be putting themselves to much more effective use, or a crack head that at the end of the effect of a hit only wants another hit. I realize that I cannot escape from what is here, I realize that within looking to stay in “positive land” of “exciting films” I am deceiving myself because it is not possible I will have to face reality sooner or later, I realize that whenever I create a positive connection to anything in my mind then the negative will never be far away, I realize that if I do not create any positive mind shit in relation to films, then there will be no negative mind shit that manifests when the positivity has run out of juice.

I commit myself to not disregarding what is happening in my immediate reality in favour of this film zombie character. I realize that within existing as this film zombie character disregarding what’s happening here, i am actually creating consequences that are dangerous and within which may put others at risk of harm also.  

I commit myself to not fearing the removal of this character because i realize it is not real I have simply allowed myself to exist as it for a long time, so It is all I have known, I commit myself to stepping into the unknown as myself and walking what’s best for all here where no fear exists.

I commit myself to exposing any and all that allow themselves to exist as this character, because I realize that this character keeps people cut off from the real world in an illusionary state of bliss while the world is crumbling screaming out for willing participants to stand up and do what’s best for all – not when the 1000s of films are finished. Now. Now is when we must stand up and live what’s best for all, in every moment. 

When and as I see myself existing as this or potentially shifting into this film zombie character, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to be directed by this character, I commit myself to this, I realize that it is best for all to watch films from a clear physical starting point with no mind programming getting in the way. I realize that within this commitment I develop real enjoyment of films as what they are, rather than a programmed concept of enjoyment which is based in energy and thus not real. I commit myself to investigate in detail any energetic experiences or mind movements that may occur in relation to films and to apply self-forgiveness accordingly, not engage these thoughts, simply stabilize myself through breathing application, and this I repeat  until this character is no more.

Day 37: Sleep Addiction – I will get up in 20 minutes….which turns to an hour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a particular sleep addiction character, where I literally will find a way to zone out of reality and take no responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and find an excuse to not be here physically within and as my body, and to use sleep as the point I can use to not be here but to only exist within and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the physical act of sleeping to an illusionary character that I have created in my mind, which completely separates me from physical reality, where I look for an excuse to stay in bed for as long as possible so that I don’t have to face myself. Which I now realize is not possible, because no matter how much I try and delay what needs to be done through the course of the day, it will still need to be done, and I realize that I am simply entrapping myself within procrastination within existing as this sleep addiction character and so I stop now.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every here moment of breathe, that no matter how hard I try and avoid doing what needs to be done in the morning within sleeping, what needs to be done will still need to be done no matter what. Also I realize that if I do not get up and do what needs to be done for the morning, then someone else will have to do what I’m avoiding, and within that I am actually trying to get others to take responsibility for me, trying to throw work onto other people so that I have less work to do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this sleeping addiction character purposely try and push my workload onto other people so that I have less to do, trying to enslave others to be my servants of sorts, so I can spend more time sleeping. I realize that within this I am not standing up and taking responsibility for myself I am actually abusing another, so I do not accept and allow this about myself any further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within existing as this sleep addiction character, to not realize that I am actually trapping myself in the past through procrastinating on points that should have been completed immediately when they came up, but now instead I have to spend the rest of the day trying to “catch up time” which is not possible because what’s here is always here, and what i do here determines on whether or not i will let go of the past, living what’s best for all in each breathe, or will I continue to define myself in the future according to the past. So there is no catching up that exists, this only exists in my mind, in fact there is only what’s here in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can “catch up time” once I get up late. Because I realize this is complete self-deception, because the breathes I have missed while I was sleeping cannot be replaced, so it’s a simple mathematical fact that once I wake up half way through the day, then my timeframe to get everything that needed to be done for the day is cut in half, and so my application can only be half as effective as it could have been if I had woke up earlier, but in my mind as this character I believe I can “catch up” missed time. And so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand in every moment, that within believing I can “catch up time” through the day when I wake up, I am actually justifying rushing through the second half of the day where my application within this half of the day is much less effective because I am rushing to try and catch up time that can never be caught.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rushing through the second half of the day will be ok because I know how to be effective at high speed, which is an idea about myself based in ego which is not real. I know that rushing through things quickly is where I do not pay attention to what’s happening here, because I’m so busy in my mind trying to “catch up” to the next moment. I realize that this is where I make mistakes in decision making, or a mistake in completing a task effectively, all because of allowing myself to rush. When if I had not allowed this sleep addiction character, then I would have been up early, so I could have taken my time with each point as and when it came up through the day where I can focus on being as effective in my participation as possible. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief as this sleep addiction character, that no matter how late I get up, I will be able to get a whole days work done in half a day anyway, so there is no need for me to wake up early. I realize that this belief is revealing my ego to actually think I will be able to get more done in one breathe then is actually physically possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this sleep addiction character within and as my mind because of believing the self-belief I created in my mind that I will be able to get a whole days work done in half a day. I realize that my participation for the day after getting up at midday will be rushed and generally ineffective so this must be stopped. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when existing as this sleep addiction character, to immediately hit the snooze button on the alarm so that I can sleep more, trying to “buy more time” in dreamland reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time I hit the snooze button on the alarm, to speak to myself that “I will wake up in 20 minutes”, which without any direction will inevitably only lead to longer than an hour. I realise that within not living my words in relation to when I’m getting up, I am actually damaging my own self-trust, and within this then judging myself as “bad” for not living my words, and within that disempowering myself to change this about myself the next time I have to wake up, and rather just fuelling this time loop to continue which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damage my own self-trust through not living my words in relation to when I get up in the morning. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “bad” for not sticking to my word and oversleeping, because within this I realize I am disempowering myself to change, diminishing myself, and that I am creating a completely unnecessary polarity point whir i go back and forth in my mind of judging myself as “bad” for getting up late and “good” for getting up early. I realize that there is no such thing as a “good or bad” time to get up, there is only the simple fact that if I wake up earlier, I will have more time as more breathes to complete tasks effectively throughout the day, so I realize that within getting up early I am supporting myself to be more effective in the physical. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for and acknowledge people that also have this sleep addiction character so that we can support each other’s delusion, and also I believe I will feel “less bad” about myself if I see the character that have been accepting and allowing being accepted and allowed in another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to support another person’s delusion of existing as this sleep addiction character, and to within this unconsciously feed into and support the minds of all humans in this reality to accept this sleep addiction character about themselves, to basically say it’s cool to be asleep, which is not true because within sleeping we are not awake to what’s happening in this reality. And so I can see here that I basically have been projecting my bullshit onto existence so that the existence of bullshit can continue which is completely unacceptable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will feel “less bad” about myself for existing as this sleep addiction character if I get acknowledgment from someone that also exists as this character, which is complete self-deception because I realize that through saying someone else can make me feel better, I am saying that I am a slave of another and that I cannot take self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another can change my feelings in anyway, when I realize in self-honesty that whatever feeling I experience in any moment, these feelings are not only not real, but are completely my responsibility to sort out, never anyone else’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when looking for a partner in my life, that it will be “great” if she has this sleep addiction character as well, so we can stay in bed a lot, which I realize would not be great at all, because two people being ineffective spending all day in dreamland is worse than one, and I realize that if my partner was not in a process of willing herself to change then it certainly wouldn’t be great that she exists as the sleep addiction character, because while I am willing to change it, a partner like this would increase the likelihood that I will just remain limited as this sleep addiction character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience depression when I wake up in the morning over the fact that I do not have a partner that I wake up with when that is what I desire. And so this is again where I justify spending more and more time in sleep land, because i am experiencing depression when I wake up in the morning about not having a partner.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate all the dimensions of this depression about relationships when I wake up in the morning, but to rather supress the point through sleeping which has consequences which are not best for all, so I’m not willing to allow this anymore. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in my mind in relation to sleep, where my starting point is dishonesty in that I am not unconditionally supporting myself within sleeping physically here breathing as my body, but instead I have accepted and allowed a fucked up starting point in relation to sleep which I am changing now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely not answer the phone to my staff or my boss in the morning so that I can sleep more, only focusing on my self-interest to get energy within sleeping more rather than doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create elaborate fictional stories when explaining to my boss what I have been doing all morning, even trying to manipulate my boss to feel sorry for me in someway, when if I had not allowed myself to exist as this sleep addiction character, then I wouldn’t have had to make up any story. And within this I forgive myself that because i know my boss does not often ask what i have been doing, i know i can get away with spending all morning in bed. i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what his reaction will be if he finds out that ive been purposely oversleeping, when if i just stopped existing as this character then i would be getting up early and not fearing him finding it out about anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough sleep, but to happily have more sleep then I need. And I realize that within this I am creating a polarity again where I am defining not having enough sleep as “bad” and defining more sleep then I need as “good”, which is where I see I justify this sleep addiction character that I allow to direct me to stay in bed for longer then I need, when I realize this limiting and defining me according to dishonesty so it must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future within this sleep addiction character, where I fear what the next day will bring, because I see that the world is getting a worse and worse place, where people eventually don’t want to sleep for two minutes anywhere over fear of someone trying to take something while i sleep, so it’s like I’m trying to get as much sleep as possible now in “preparation” for living in a world where nobody can sleep, which I realise is a ridiculous justification and is a constant cycle of unnecessary fear based sleep. I realize that no matter what the future brings to me, I can only ever know in clarity what I bring to the future, who am I in each breathe? Who am I accepting myself to be? Am I life or not? Is what I’m doing best for al or not? I am not willing to limit and define myself according to fearing the future anymore as this sleep addiction character.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as comparison and justification of this sleep addiction character in my mind because I see how much the dogs sleep I compare myself to that, and then justify sleeping more, when obviously I have a lot more to do then the dogs because I am a human meaning I have more responsibilities and so this justification is not valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the amount of work that needs to be done in this reality in order to create heaven on earth, and to within this fear try and suppress it through sleeping. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this fear which I have not dealt with to become one reason for how this sleep addiction character has manifested as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger at myself for oversleeping when I planned to get up earlier, even though in self-honesty I knew I would over sleep because I have allowed this sleep addiction character to develop and not be dealt with effectively as yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience self-loathing of myself because I’m sleeping so much, where I see myself as worthless and less than life. I realize that within this I am judging myself enforcing my starting point of separation which must be stopped in order for me to sleep unconditionally as a structured practical amount of sleep with no mental characters connected.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this sleep addiction character any further. I realize that this character is where I attempt to hide away from existence in complete dishonesty. I do not accept myself to exist as this self-deception anymore; I face this now and do so until this is no longer a part of my reality in anyway.

I commit myself to not trying to find excuses as sleeping to not take self-responsibility for myself in every moment, because I realize I have no excuse for not standing up and living what’s best for all. I realize that I am the directive principle of this reality, and I realize that the less time I spend feeding and existing as a character of the mind, then the more time I can spend being effective in my daily participation here in supporting all life equally as myself.

I commit myself to not creating and connecting any fears or polarities to the physical action of sleeping because neither fear, nor polarity should in anyway be coming into the physical process of going to sleep, so I stop.

I commit myself to not deceiving myself into believing that I can “catch up time” throughout the course of half a day when I get up late.  Realize that every breathe I miss while I am sleeping is a moment that cannot be restored, and no matter how much I rush when I wake up I will never be able to catch up to something which is already gone. I realize that all that is ever real is what is here in each breath. And only through slowing down, taking my time within what I’m doing can I really make sure I’m taking care to produce a caring result of effectiveness. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to use sleep as a way to try and hide from depression about a relationship or as a way to hide away from anything allow about myself. I realize that it is not possible to hide from something that I am allowing, all I am doing though sleeping is trying to distract myself from it, trying to deny it exists, and within this I only supress the point which will inevitably come out in some form eventually, so I commit myself here to not allowing any build ups like this happen again. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to support this delusional sleep addiction character in myself or in others, because i am not willing to continue the limitation of myself and all others through allowing this character. I stop now. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to judge and loath myself as “bad” for over sleeping, but rather to look at it as a point where I must re-investigate what is behind this oversleeping, is there any unresolved internal experiences which has resulted in this oversleeping? I investigate, I locate the problem, I remove the problem, I walk as breathe of life.

i commit myself to not allowing my job or anything to be a justification of why im oversleeping, because at the end of the day i am soley responsible for what i allow. i commit myself to investigation of any mental reaction i have in relation to sleeping.

When and as I see myself becoming this sleep addiction character, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to engage any thoughts that come up, I realize the time loop about to happen before it happens and I take action to not exist as or continue feeding into it. I realize that this character is not real, is completely limiting and dishonest in nature. I realize that through pushing myself to stop this character in every moment I build my self-trust to live what is best for all in all moments; I diminish the mind and expand physical expression as myself which is best for all. I commit myself to waking up when the alarm goes off, so that I can be as effective as possible rather than delaying the inevitable. I commit myself to standing here unconditionally as life where I do not create any mental relationships in relation to sleeping. I commit myself to focusing on my stability within and as breathing which I continue until there is no more sleep addiction character that exists.

Day 36: "I’m too cool for school."

This character fucks up a kids ability to learn effectively throughout their life, an its interesting that throughout the years in my life, when I look at growing up I have a seen a character as myself which comes up as a response to sitting through an educational lesson of some kind. “I’m too cool for this” backchat comes up once I know I have to focus on a point of education which I regard in my mind as boring for longer than an hour, and then my body language becomes slumped as a manifested boredom, and then I engage into a daydream spaced out like state where am not really here in awareness of what is being spoken about.  

Throughout school growing up, college and just recently in sitting through a 4 hour speed awareness course, this character has consistently come up. It becomes clear when I’m existing as this character, because once I become aware of it in the moment it’s like I wake up out of a dream and I realize I have really only taken in and understood a very small amount of what the teacher/person has been saying. And if this person then points out that I’m not listening, then very often I have lashed back a response of pride and arrogance over the fact that I’m not listening, some sort of justification for why I’m not really listening enforcing this character I’m existing as – “yeah I’m not listening fully because this is not really relevant”, “what’s the point of this again?” “Why aren’t we learning something else?”

This has affected my educational process at a lot of points in my life, and when I am existing as this “I’m too cool for school character” I really only focus on the future in my mind with constant thought about what I want to do after the lesson is over. And I’ve noticed that while I’m existing as this character, it is like I might as well not even be in the lesson, because my only response during the course will head nods, purposely limiting my feedback and doing lots of sarcastic grunting responses to the information that is being shared by the teacher/person. 

This is a completely dysfunctional character which serves no purpose in supporting life equally, so I take self-responsibility for my thoughts and internal experiences to remove this character from existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a “I’m too cool for school” character, which I have realised is triggered as soon as I know I will have to sit through an educational speech I find boring for longer than an hour, where my concentration levels on what is being discussed is really non-existent because I’m completely lost within and as the hereafter in my mind of what I will do after the lesson is over, and within this my education in the topic I find boring is completely ineffective because I really am in a zombie like state where I will not remember much of what is spoken about during the lesson as soon as it has finished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be triggered into a reaction where I become this character of believing I’m too cool for education on a specific point. I now realize that this is purely ego to believe that I am too cool for an education on a specific topic just because I find it boring, so I’m not willing to allow myself to be triggered into and as this character any further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too cool for an education on a specific topic that I find boring in any given moment, because i now realize that this belief is not real, because regardless of whether the knowledge of the lesson is what I find boring or not, relevant in support of life or not, in fact there is something to learn in any course of education, and as this character I immediately disregard the lesson material and cannot actually take in any of the lesson material thus my expansion of learning becomes limited to what I define in my mind as interesting and within this my education obviously becomes limited so I stop this now.   

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in all moments that boredom is never real which can be proven in any given moment because it only exists in my mind, and what I find boring another person may find interesting, which only goes to show the instability of boredom which is only based in illusion in my head not in physical tangible reality.

I forgive myself that within and as this cool character I have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on the future in my mind in complete separation from what is physically happening here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I experience boredom as this character, to hope for the future to hurry up and be here believing I have “bigger” things to do, which I have realized is simply me allowing myself to exist as ego where I am blaming my experience of boredom as this too cool for school character on the teacher and the lesson material.

I forgive myself that I have not realized and accepted in all moments, that no matter how hard I try and hope for the future to be here it is completely impossible to do because hope is not actually real in anyway whatsoever it only exists in my mind, and I realize that every moment of every day real time is breathe by breathe, regardless of believing I can jump breathes to the future in my mind as this I’m too cool for school character where I completely deceive myself into thinking the laws of breathe by breathe don’t apply to me when in fact they do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for something outside of myself within an as this I’m too cool for school character, looking for something to entertain my mind  like replaying memories and imagining desires in a zombie like state in complete separation of myself defining myself as this limited perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a zombie like state within and as this cool character, where I am completely controlled and directed within limitation of myself through allowing  a warp of thoughts, feelings and emotions to try and distract myself from the “boring” lesson here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in full awareness in all moments regardless of what information is being shared, because remaining here as the physical through effective breathing I have realized is a starting point of stability where I am able to do what is best for all in any moment, thus learn effectively in a moment where my mind does not want to as this “I’m too cool for school character”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of the fact that I’m not listening to a teacher/person in a lesson I find boring as an arrogant perspective purposely trying to sabotage the lesson because of the discord I’m experiencing inside myself when I’m existing as this I’m too cool for school character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too good for a specific lesson of information enforcing the separation of myself from everyone else in the classroom. And I realise that this is simply a self-belief which is completely limiting and based in the illusionary holographic imagery of my mind, and so is not real and not justified to exist as in anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to justify this “I’m too cool for school character” in my mind through believing that I am “above this lesson material”, so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am above a specific lesson as being “better than” when I realize this belief is only existing within and as my mind according to a polarity I design in the moment where I see the lesson material as bad, and my I’m too cool for this character as “good”.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that through labelling and defining the lesson as “bad” in my mind and defining my character as “good” is where I completely deceive myself because there is no “good” or “bad” that exists in fact, and within creating two poles I am actually only creating friction between two points, allowing two points to continuously conflict, allowing the abuse as myself as all of existence, which is not acceptable.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience agitation towards the teacher/person if the lesson goes on for longer then was initially forecast. I realize that within this I blaming the teacher for cutting into my time outside the lesson, which again is indicative of my existence as ego in this moment, avoid responsibility of myself and trying to throw it on someone else which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my character onto others in the classroom, trying to brainwash others to shape shift into the same character as me. I realize this is an attempt to manipulate others to see the lesson material from my limited judgemental perspective as this I’m too cool for school character. And so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate others to agree with and become this character I’m accepting and allowing myself to be which is unacceptable, because this character prohibits learning in every way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy causing discord in the classroom as this cool character with witty, sarcastic, intellectual statements shot at the teacher trying to get attention as energy from others, and I see and realize this is unacceptable, so I stop. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in all moments that as long as I am existing as this character there is genuinely no point in me participating in the lesson in the first place, because unless I am completely here in full awareness, participating effectively to expand my learning in the lesson then it is pointless to be there. I have realized that many times in the past, the only reason why I am even in the classroom is to create situations of friction in the lesson to receive energy as this character which is completely unacceptable.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this “I’m too cool for school character”, because i realise that this character only exists in my mind, this character limits me and defines me according to separation where I cannot possibly educate myself effectively in any moment.

I commit myself to exposing all characters in this reality that define education as “stupid and not cool”, because when I apply common sense, it is clear to see that the other way around is true – to have no education is stupid and not cool, having an effective massively expansive education is the coolest thing one can do, because the more effective ones education of how this reality functions is and what the solutions are, then the more effective I am able to be in supporting all life equally in all moments as myself in this reality.

When and as I see myself becoming this “I’m too cool for school” character in any situation, I stop and breathe. I realize that this character is not real, this character prohibits effective learning, this character is complete limitation of myself according to the pre-programmed mind, this character only operates according to self-interest of energy accumulation at the expense of what’s best for all, so I flag myself, I do not participate with any thoughts, feelings or emotions that come up. I commit myself to make sure that I continue breathing until this character is here no further so I am able to expand my education much more effectively in all aspects of my life, which is best for all.