Day 267: Pushing it to the limt and Self-Judgement

Its fascinating how geared my mind is to "pushing things to the limit" and judging myself when I'm not - I just realised this today, I have realised this before but perhaps not paid attention to the consequences or made the necessary adjustments in my living to see the limitations of "pushing things to the limit all the time.

Its like when I'm at work, I want to spend the most hours of anyone else on the project, when I'm working out I want to work as hard as possible until I am struggling to breathe and everything in my body hurts - I must complete my set regime regardless of how tired I am, I want to type until my fingers are sore and then keep typing, I want to fuck as hard as possible, I want to put as much effort into everything I'm passionate about, and squeeze the completion of as many things as I can in a day - If I don't feel physically and mentally tired at the end of the day, I don't feel "like me" in someway, I see this limiting self-definition I have in relation to this.

Ok its pretty cool that I can give me all in whatever I'm doing, because it is definitely true in life that the more focused, the more passionate and determined you become to complete something, then through the law of attraction you will often make it work.

But where does this all come from? This insane drive to keep going? It's interesting because a lot of the pushing of myself will come from the moments where I need to rest, where my physical body just says - no more, relax and sleep now please.

However my mind does not accept this, my mind almost immediately judges myself when I spend longer then a few hours relaxing - what are you doing idiot? Get up and complete your mission parameters, stop being lazy - these persistent thoughts that come with robotic regularity.

Some of this is a result of my life and the responsibility I have had to shoulder at a young age, always having to be on standby to help my mum or granddad with something.

Its like because I always know there is always something else that needs fixing, so there is a pattern of automatically judging myself, when I am not pushing myself to the max and completing something, which is where I basically do not enjoy my relaxation moments, because I'm having this self-judgement. 

Then I see how because I'm always trying to do as  much as possible and doing everything as hard as possible, when I eventually get to sleep (which is never earlier then 1.30 am) upon awaking I just want to stay in bed, this morning for instance - I woke up at around 11.30am, as Sunday tends to the day in the week where I can relax in bed all morning if I want.

The day before was one of many tasks being completed with as much effort as I can as usual and I didn't end up sleeping till around 5am, so sleeping in today and allowing my body to recuperate is cool -  I woke up at 11.30am, then gave myself a further hour of sleep, so I didn't wake up till just after 12.30pm.

Yet what was it that woke me up ultimately? Self-judgement - from the moment my alarm goes off, no matter what time it is, my mind starts judging myself - quickly get up! Stop being lazy!

Bernard for instance told me before me that sleep patterns are fine to be adjusted to 4-6 hours a day and that with so many problems in the world we cannot waste too much time sleeping - 

I've always agreed with that, which is why for years I have only ever slept 4-6 hours, yet I have misunderstood because yes 4-6 hours of sleep is fine for any person from my perspective, but realistically it must be adjusted based on how much physical and mental effort we exert during the day, to realise when our body and mind needs more recuperation and give it without judgement, because continuing to push ourselves when we need to have some more relaxation is a form of self-abuse. 

Yes there is a fine line between taking a break and procrastinating, and it is this constant fear of slipping from a practical moment of relaxation into lethargy and procrastination which my mind is always trying to avoid, the fear that when I take even a moment to relax I am missing something that requires my full attention and effort.

I must learn to be gentle with myself, to understand and realise the limitation of always pushing
things to the limit, trying to do more all the time - I realise that sometimes I do need to push as hard as I can in something, but sometimes I need to be gentle, to go slow, to allow myself to relax and enjoy that relaxation for long periods if necessary, which enables me to see things that I could not have otherwise realised here.

I must learn to enjoy my moments of relaxation with no judgement of myself, I must be aware when I am pushing too hard, or not pushing hard enough, I must always be stable as breathe regardless not moving from ego, I must give myself moments of relaxation in balance with getting things done with my full effort - and I must make sure that I live the realisation that I am flesh and bone, therefore I do require moments of rest and thus any pattern of self-judgement in moments of a break will not assist me.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not physically pushing it to the limit in every single moment of whatever I am doing, I realise that it is not possible to push all the time, no matter what thoughts come up I must allow moments of relaxation in my day - I take self-responsibility to remove this judgement of myself during moments of relaxation, as I realise the relaxation itself will enable me to recharge, which then enables me to complete things more effectively as I will be well rested and thus less prone to mistakes.

Join me next time as I continue this point..

Day 266: New people and new interactions

in this lifetime we are destined to learn certain things, to do certain things and meet certain people - yet this predetermined set of events is not set in stone, because it can be changed, redesigned according to our own acceptances and allowances in our day to day life.

Have you ever met a person in your life where you know that it is not accidental that this person came into your life? And that this person will have some kind of profound or impacting effect on your life? We cannot know how long they will be in our life, but we know there can be an effect.

We have all had this experience before, in fact this has happened to me in this past week - someone that if you asked me 2 weeks ago who they are, I would have had no idea about this person, I could have told you nothing and in no way could I see that they were about to step into and interact with my life pattern - surprising.

It is one of the strange beauties of life in this physical reality, every day we wake up from our sleep, we become conscious from unconscious - we breathe and get out of bed not knowing what events await us on this new day.

I have learnt at this point to never assume that I know what will happen in my life from day to day -

yet isn't it fascinating that in our minds the ego always assumes to know exactly how the day will go, what things will happen where we have this pre-programmed comfort of living out our patterns apparently "knowing" how our day to day life will go.   

So we must be prepared for these interactions, these as yet unknown to you person or persons - because as the ego we can miss these pivotal life opportunities that occur and even if we do not miss these moments, we may miss the point - remember that just because it is no accident that someone came into your life, that does not mean it will always be of benefit to you.

This person or persons may be here to help you learn about improvement of your life in some way, or to the detriment of your life in some way - we cannot fear this, but we must be aware that just because someone literally drops into our life it does not automatically mean it will be something to assist you in living what is best for all life here.

I have seen in my life there has been many pivotal people who came into my life, some for the better, some for the worse and some a mix of the two -

I notice that when I focus on breathing when I am in the midst of learning about this new person or persons in my life, then I can remove any rose coloured or dark glasses my mind is trying to define this new person as, I can apply common sense and actually see clearly here what this person is about and if we can assist each other in our life paths.

I notice that the more attractive things about the person from a physical design, skill set design, character design, makes my mind more likely to trust the person or want to believe that they must be a good benefit for me automatically.

So I take self-responsibility to stand here stable as breathe when new people come into my life, so I can consistently see with clarity in self-honesty what is happening with these new interactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know what will happen in my life from day to day, I realise that while I can determine whether I am smoking tomorrow or not for instance, I cannot determine who or when a new person will enter my life, so this belief is in separation from physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that someone is a benefit or detriment to my life until I have done the necessary investigation from a  starting point of common sense here as apposed to thoughts, feelings and emotions - I realise that I can only ever truly find out what a person is like from standing stable as breathe where common sense and learning is always clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically want to trust a person must be here to benefit my life based on something about their character design, physical design, or skill set design or combination of these things that I find attractive about this person - I realise that attraction is not a solid foundation to base trust on, because real trust is built from consistent

interactions that benefit each other. 

I forgive myself for not realising in all moments that I must always be clear as breathe when I meet new people so that I can provide the optimal version of myself, so whether the person is here to benefit or detriment me, they will ultimately come to know me as someone who can assist them in life.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to believe I know what will happen in my life from day to day, I realise that while there are periods of being able to see how days will pan out, I cannot see what is not known to me, and I can never see who else's life path is about to intersect with mine at any given moment until they arrive - so as and when I see my mind having thoughts of "certainty" about the upcoming days events, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage these thoughts, as In reality I know that these thoughts do not prepare me for any potential new encounters, so I breathe and continue to do so until these thoughts do nt come up any more.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to automatically assume that a new person or persons coming into my life will be of benefit or detriment to me, without making sure I am clear as breathe investigating the point with common sense first -  So as and when I see my mind thinking, trying to come to a hypothetical conclusion without a clear understanding, then I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage these thoughts as I know the cycle that will happen if I allow this, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more assumption.

I commit myself to living the realisation that I must be stable as breathe when I meet new people, so I can make sure that what I will offer to this person in their life will be of the utmost support to them  - a pre-programmed Marley will be of limited use to anyone, yet me as life breathing here supports any and all that come my way unconditionally.

    

Day 265: The Beasts Pain Part 2

Seeing beasts in pain is something I have reacted emotionally about for a longtime, and every now and then I will explode in relation to a charity advert regarding animal abuse.

Also one of my dogs has been very ill recently mainly due to old age and potentially cancer, this has forced me into a position I have been in before with animals under my care - do I continue to look after them while they are in increasing pain and the care they need is becoming more consistent, or do I ask him if he has had enough of the pain and wants me to put him down?

Tears are filling my eyes as I write this knowing that Cypher and so many beasts in this world are suffering immense pain right now, as I sit here in comfort writing this blog.

But as we have been looking at previously, I cannot allow any pattern of psychological behaviour that causes instability in me to exist when it is clearly counterproductive -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally as shame sometimes when I see animal abuse charity adverts, I realise that this is a pattern that has existed for some time in me and does not support me because the consequence of this pattern is existing in separation from people as a judgement towards myself and humanity of not being worthy to have such beautiful animals existing in our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as humanity to not be worthy of being around life - I realise that yes while humanity has been disgusting towards the animal kingdom, to judge myself and all humanity for this only feeds into conflict within and as me as well as the continuation of this system of animal abuse which I will not accept so I take self-responsibility to stop this pattern now.

I forgive myself for being ashamed that many humans still believe that charity is a viable solution to animal abuse in this world, when it has been clear for a long time that charities are a part of the problem  - i cannot allow myself to react to this ignorance of some people, because I once never knew now what I do, and I must remember that everyone who gives to a charity has there heart in the right place so to speak, regardless of the ineffective nature of the charity itself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe here, that there was a time in my life where I also believed that the god/slave concept of charities was acceptable, therefore I have no right to judge anyone who supports this concept now because we are all in a process together and a person can only self-realise when they are ready, not off the back of mine or anyone else's words.

I forgive myself tat I have not realised that I have contributed to the exact same system that allows for animal abuse to exist in the first place through my participation within and as this money system of capitalism - yet I have seen for some time in my life that only I can change animal abuse here through what I allow and accept and how in interact with animals in this world, because when I breathe and stabilise myself here, my starting point becomes clear and this has enabled me to be able to support many animals in this world in my life time.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to react emotionally as anger when I see these animal abuse charity adverts, which then simply cause me to be unstable, to unnecessarily hit a wall or table or something, and to look at the charity as an enemy that I must "fight off".

I forgive myself that I have not realised that when I exist as this anger reaction I am essentially making the charity stronger, I am giving the advert designers what they want - an emotional response from me. But when I breathe, I can apply common sense, then I can take self-responsibility and create whats best for all life here as me, then through this constant walking I take one step towards re-designing these charities from the inside out - when I do this my part is done, and I know that when all humanity walks this point in unison then these charities will truly be abolished.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that through the laws of polarity, the laws of energy, that I cannot sop anything through competition, through fighting, because it is the very action of competing that creates friction which is energy, which is separation, which is not acceptable - the only way anything changes is when I stand equal to this point, realise that this point is me, that this is not acceptable and then re-align this unacceptable point to what is best for all life.

So within this I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that this charity pretending to care, I am equal to that - I am as responsible as anyone else in allowing a system that lets false caring exist in the first place - yet I have seen that as myself here as this breathe that when I take self-responsibility I can redesign this fake caring into real caring - its amazing how animals know when you are a human that can be trusted through developing communication and a relationship based on consistent actions of care and equality.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be angry that not enough is being done individually or in unison by humanity to stop animal abuse - i realise that this anger does not assist me to change this point, because all I can ever do is bring it back to self here and do what is possible within my capacity to stop this abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as anxiety and confusion about whether I should put my dog down or not - I realise that this anxiety and confusion does not assist me, because ultimately we all die, nothing can change that in this world and if his pain only continues to increase from here and he does not die in his sleep - then there is no choice that exists there is only an action of whats best for all life, which of course will mean me stopping the pain for him, ending the physical lifetime of a mighty dog, and one of my best ever friends known as Cypher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting one of my best friends die, especially considering I feel I have lost too many friends to death - yet I see that this feeling is based in self-interest, the ego which cannot let go, so I forgive myself for feeling that this is "not fair" for me to have to decide if i put my dog down or not, but when I breathe here I apply common sense and see the limitations of this feeling and that to allow my friend to be in increasing pain if I can take that pain away is unacceptable animal abuse which I will not accept within and as me.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react emotionally as shame when I see animal abuse charity adverts, I realise that this pattern is pointless, so as and when I see these thoughts coming up I stop and breathe - I do not allow myself to engage as I know the cycle that comes from this, So I breathe and continue to breathe until there is no more reaction that exists.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react emotionally as anger and judgement when I see these animal charity adverts - I realise that these reactions are understandable, but are not supportive and are counter productive to ending these charities activities, so when I see my mind having these thoughts when I see these adverts, I immediately stop and breathe, then continue to do so until these reactions are transcended.

I commit myself to living the realisation that the animal support I have been living as myself in this world for years now, must continue to be fine tuned until the example I show as myself is imitated by every being in this world until everyone is supporting animals  from a starting point of whats best for all life.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to have anxiety or confusion about my dog dying or having to decide to put him down - I realise that we all deteriorate and die slowly in this world it cannot be avoided, so there is no need to have any confusion and whether someone is one of my best friends or not is irrelevant --  so as and when i see my mind reacting to his pain as anxiety and confusion, I stop and breathe, I see that this reaction will not assist me in existing as and doing whats best for all life, so I breathe until these thoughts evaporate.

I commit myself to doing everything I can in my lifetime to ending all forms of animal abuse through creating a system that supports all life as me in equality and oneness - so that when I inevitably die, a blue print will be left here for future generations showing the limitations of how we humans have existed in relation to animals, and how we can build heaven on earth for all life on Earth. 

Day 264: The Beast's pain

What is happening everyday in this world? In every moment there is an animal which is suffering, in the year 2018 on planet Earth there are still tens of thousands of human children that die of starvation every day - when you look at it from this perspective, can you see how horrifying it can be being an animal in this world?

We capture them, kill them, sell their body parts, eat their flesh, we torture them, starve them, we steal their children, destroy their homes - the collective moans of pain of all abused animals in this world is difficult for some to fathom, but just standing in one slaughter house is enough screams of pain for a person to see that this system of animal cruelty is an archaic system, something from our dark past that we have held onto, something that has no part in our development as a species of dignity - if we cannot learn to take care of animals how can we take care of humanity and vice versa?

Can you Imagine what it would be like if you had to live in this world navigating around, trying to avoid the majority of humans? Knowing that the humans will likely try to enslave and/or kill you if they see you in your habitat? Its either directly by the hand of a human, or it is a consequence of something stupid we have done to pollute and destroy a certain species natural habitat.

Just look at Elephants for instance and the damage that has been done to the Eco system of these amazing creatures  - their numbers have been dwindling at an accelerated rate, globally Elephant numbers have declined by around 62% in the last decade alone, with over 100 Elephants still being killed daily for their Ivory.

What can be done to stop this? Well one thing is for sure, its not going to be achieved through providing £3 a month to some charity that will siphon majority of charitable donations into CEO and managing director pockets, while you get a little teddy bear and pictures every month of your "sponsored animal".

This will be stopped by self-responsible individuals walking as an ever enlarging group that will redesign humanity from the inside out through a living example of whats best for all life - the likes of Ivory industries and the murder of innocent inhabitants of our planet will be outlawed completely, it will eventually become impossible for poachers to make money from Elephant deaths, and the whole concept will not be accepted by society to exist any further - when everyone has money to live, nobody needs to kill any living being to live. 

Yet I notice a pattern within me here where, every few months I will see a charities advert on TV about an endangered species like Elephants and even though I have long since known about the majority of these "charities" activities and who is behind them - I will react emotionally very quickly as shame and anger, tears will fill my eyes, I will clench my fists and bang them on the table or something.

This reaction of shame is based on the fact that I am a human being, I am a member of a race that has for so long profited from the suffering of the beauty of natural life in this world - shame that in 2018 these "Charities" are still being proposed as a viable solution by many people, when it has been clear for a long time that these charities are actually a part of the problem.

I say that because the concept of charities are like a plaster being put on a cut that clearly requires stitches - charity is where someone gets to play god to the slave who needs and worships them for the "right to live". In reality as I mentioned a minute ago, the only way our animal kingdom will stop being abused and will be supported by mankind, is if mankind individually and in unison changes its nature in relation to the animal kingdom.

I can speak for myself in relation to this because I have learnt in my life how to support animals in living their life - I know that If I die tomorrow I can say that while much more could have been achieved, I did as much as I could in my capacity to create a world of support for the animal kingdom that exists in this world.

Then this anger comes from the fact of knowing that not enough is being done individually or in unison by humanity currently to end the abuse of nature, then as with any pattern of anger when this is the starting point there is only friction and separation as a consequence.

I see that when this shame and anger exists about the pain of the beasts in the world, it is limiting myself - because while something must be done with haste, proceeding from a staring point of shame and anger while it is understandable to initially experience these kinds of emotions about animal abuse, it will mean that I will be being controlled by these emotions, and there will be no common sense within my participation here, because when I am allowing these pre-programmed emotions to exist I am not really breathing here as life.

Judging and fighting with charities will not assist me, it will not assist anyone in this world, because this fighting, seeing the charity as separate to me, is polarity, only feeding into the whole system of the continuation of abusing the animals, getting us no closer to a solution.

I notice that when I slow down as breathe in the moment when I have this shameful, angry judgemental reaction to a TV charity advert, that I can see with clarity what action I can take here to stop this global animal abuse - because this abuse is me, I see how I am this charity pretending to care, and that I will only change that as me from the inside out - where these charities will be stopped from the inside out.

I you also will not accept a world where animal abuse exists, then walk with me as I continue this point in my next blog...