Day 337: When Anger possesses a friend

What happens when you say things as they are in life? When you call out someones behaviour in a moment, you will always find a resistance as the ego, because the ego as what we humans exist as hates to be called out and questioned.

It can make a person's blood boil very quickly, which can result in one of 4 ways - the first is the rarest, which is where a person will take onboard what you are saying take a deep breathe and stop their stupidity before the anger builds up, the second is the person feeling insulted reacting to what you say giving scathing spiteful remarks at you in a purposely argumentative way, or thirdly they will suppress the anger pretending to ignore you and walk away probably to never speak to you again, or lastly they will see red, become completely possessed by aggression and actually physically attack you in a blood rage for calling out their stupidity.

When I was a teenager the second and last ways were common for me, I would always love the chance to verbally abuse/argue with someone or an excuse to fight them for calling out my stupidity - I have had to learn the hard way that always reacting in anger with people only causes hurt for yourself and others which can never be acceptable. It was only thanks to learning from some amazing people at crucial points in younger years where I was able to teach myself to change my destiny of anger, to save myself from certain death or life imprisonment.

Now when someone gets consumed with Anger towards you in a moment, this could actually be anyone in life, because the word friend is one we like to throw about without much solid foundation, which is why from my perspective it usually takes years to actually build a friendship that is based in real trust.

You just never truly know what a person is thinking, so you can think you know what someone would do when you offend them intentionally or not, but you won't really know until it happens.

Then when you mix alcohol and/or drugs into the mix things can get explosive as those chemicals, especially alcohol often heighten the emotional anger in a person.

Certain industries like sales, wall street, martial arts, military will often have some of the most competitive office environments, so comparison and jealousy can creep up quickly in people in the secret mind

There will be no pre-warning when a sensitive or easily provoked person becomes possessed by anger, while you are still considering them a friend, they will have lost all concept of you being friends as the anger takes over all common sense in an instant.

When this happens you will be immediately attacked, violently - in the moment this past weekend as I questioned a work mates need to act like a tough guy, I was attacked quickly, sucker punched as this person hulked out about my words in an instant.

As i'm getting hit in the head repeatedly, moving away questioning this work mates anger, telling them to calm down, it's a strange experience wondering how someone close to me in terms of working proximity everyday, could have such anger towards my words so quickly.

I did not retaliate to any of the attacks on me - I did not fall to anger, the same way I did not fall to the ground in amongst the attack, but my hand was bleeding from my beer glass that broke in my hand on a table, my lip was cut and my eye had a lump on it, as the glass broke some bystanders got in between us, I was laughing at the stupidity of the situation while also being surprised and disappointed at the level of aggression towards me from a work friend.

When it comes to my work friends, I have no competition within me, no desire to crush their dreams within me. It is the same as any level of friends, any family in my life - If my mum started punching  me, or one of my longtime friends, I will not attack them back physically at all - I will move away, while letting them take their anger out on me, trying to question their motives and calm them down.

I cannot harm someone easily nowadays, it is a result of years of walking my process and martial arts training - the only time i will engage in combat is if an unknown person on the street is trying to harm me and I have no option but to defend myself, or if a friend/family member of mine is being attacked by someone.

But regardless, I still must make sure I do not forget how quickly anger can take over someone when I say something to them, yet I cannot judge this as I have been this myself before -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, that no matter if I define someone as a friend or not, I cannot forget that I cannot control how much resentment a person has towards me in any moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that trust takes years to build with a person, when new friends come into my life I cannot initially trust anyone because I do not know how they are initially reacting to me in their mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss how much anger a work mate was suppressing/building towards me because of drinking too much alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that the face of pure anger, is like a ticking time bomb in everybody, ready to blow about different things in our lives at different times -  I realise that the stability I have developed to not allow anger to control me into unnecessary combat, not everybody has the same level of stability as me, there was once a time when I also did not know how to control my anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every breath that any outburst of anger towards me is always based on some point of competition and fear the person is having about me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that whenever someone explodes in physical anger on me, it is like looking into a resonant past mirror of when I was an angry young teenager, looking for any excuse to explode in anger upon someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make valued judgements about a young man losing his cool with me, when I was once that young man losing my cool quickly.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this display of aggression towards me, in what should have been a peaceful situation, could be perhaps trying to show me that I still may have some areas of anger that need to be corrected in my own life, because while I do not have anger issues to physically attack family, friends and work colleagues, I do sometimes have anger for instance around not having a partner would be one area of anger I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger about not having a long term successful relationship with a one female, I see how carrying this anger does not assist me in living what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself when I say something in a way a person doesn't like, which then destroys a relationship with someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry towards a person's brainwashing that blocks me from having a  relationship with them, which only causes further offence and spiteful words between each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not always be aware enough of when I am pushing a button with someone, that is too close to an anger explosion in their life for whatever reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that when you are succeeding at a profession and someone you work with is not, it can cause immense comparison and jealousy in a person which can be destructive when combined with explosive anger patterns in a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we live in a world that still allows children to starve and die everyday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I don't have more money then I do , when In reality I live a life of dignity with luxuries so why would I be angry? Aspiring for more is cool, but anger about not having more money is not ever necessary in manifesting what is beneficial to all here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that some of the greatest people in the world, often get ignored by mainstream society for their efforts in supporting all life equally, because it is judged as "not entertaining enough" for the ego, for the mainstream world of Disney, MTV, Sky, Fox, CNN, BBC Etc.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry when my computer doesn't operate quickly enough when i'm trying to do something on it.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to forget how quickly anger can take a person, even if i consider them a friend - so as and when I see someone i consider a friend is having an issue with me, I stop and breathe, I realise that what I say to them and how they respond, could cause a chemical reaction of anger to overtake the person to attack regardless of our friend status, I continue to breathe releasing any thoughts, no fera simply awareness of what can occur when overreaction occurs in a person.

I commit myself to always being aware that when alcohol is given to someone who already has some resentment towards me, it can always lead to an explosion in that person and so it will always be a better idea to keep my distance, or not even be in that situation with that person in the first place.

I commit myself to while i have removed much anger within me in my life, to locating and removing any forms of lingering, procrastinating anger in my life as this anger will not support me to live what is best for all life.

I commit myself to living the realisation that Anger is only valid if it leads to the upliftment of life - for instance, if i let my plant die and i get angry about it, then it's cool to utilise that anger to motivate me to be better at looking after my next plant.

I commit myself to not judging a person for having explosive anger to harm someone, as once upon a time in my youth, that was a type of anger I also had.

I commit myself to showing others the dangers of anger in humanity and how we must be so careful, we must learn self-control in life, because the anger is one of the most all consuming emotions we humans can experience, so its potential to cause horrifically abusive and regrettable consequences is greater than most - we must live as breathe, where we can create a solid foundation within ourselves, within all friendships, where the taint of unstable emotions like anger will not disrupt our living of a world of real worth as equality and oneness. 

Day 336: The Black Hole of Humanity

Do you notice how often black holes come up in Scientific news, Sci-Fi films and books, since before WW2 even. But particularly in the past 20 or so years due to the rapid acceleration of technologies growth in our world, if you look at the creation of something like the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland in 1998 by CERN, which is designed to be able to recreate black holes among other things.

The idea is that creating these black holes could assist humanity in understanding more about space travel, time travel, reality changing, meeting Aliens and even being used as an answer to our global waste disposal issues.

Those are all interesting things to consider, yet while many scientist have applauded this technologies development, many have also hailed it as a danger to humanity, pointing out the potential of recreating a black hole that ends all life on earth, destroys some part of our world, or even provides a gateway for a dangerous unknown race from another dimension.

There are some very outlandish stories about black hole machines, I say their is pluses and negatives to investigating black holes, but much more negatives right now, being as we currently struggle to even feed all human humans in our world, it does not seem to be the right time in our history to start messing around with dark matter and black holes.

Its like anything to do with time travel, reality jumping anything that takes us away from what we are facing right here on Mother Earth is not needed right now, no matter how profound it may sound.

No matter what Scientist you speak to, no matter how qualified, they will never be able to give a definitive answer of what black holes really are and where they could take us, my Granddad taught me this at a young age - they are without question doorways to the unknown, just like our brainwashing is full of uncertainties and could take us anywhere we can imagine without any care of who is forced to deal with what our black hole causes on all other life.

I watched a film over this weekend called Cloverfield Paradox, I won't give away the story, but it really points out some clear dangers of fucking around with black holes, dark matter, dimension hopping ideas and what catastrophic effects this could have on physical matter. Some other films I have seen about black holes are Event Horizon and The Beyond.

As I watched the film play out, what came up was the point that we humans within and as our mind create black holes, where we try to escape from physical matter, or without full awareness of the consequences we allow, subsequently cause harm to and consume physical matter.

An idiotic species constantly trying to create bigger and bigger black holes in self-interest, with no real understanding of what we are actually doing.

I do not want this world, my mother to be swallowed by humans allowing black holes inside ourselves and with technology. This black hole of humanity swallowing up reality must not be allowed to occur.

Walk with me -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  create black holes within and as me as my pre-programmed mind, where I can escape to any reality I want in self-interest, with no care of what unspeakable horrors I may be unleashing from this warp that cause chaos in physical matter.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to grow up in the world believing it is normal to try and escape what I allow, to suppress it into some dark void in side myself - yet since walking my process I have seen how this focus on leaving physical matter only causes chaos here in physical matter - one can never escape from what we allow in reality, everything we allow reverberates into all of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that just like the Large Hadron Collider, we humans have allowed ourselves to exist as over complicated machines, always trying to create a complex answer to get to the hereafter or some godly experience instead of realising that all of existence is right here as this body, this breath, this planet, this universe -  I realise that the mind is pre-programmed to be complex, yet life is simplicity so the mind can be re-programmed to simplicity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use complexity to exist in separation from here, focusing on being somewhere else, instead of living here as simplicity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fly into space and travel through a black hole, when all that is behind this desire in self-honesty is an abdication of what's here and a hope for something better there in the black hole, when this is the recipe for the destruction of our world which must be stopped so that all life can equally flourish on Earth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepte and allowed myself to believe that I have the ability to avoid reality by creating a black hole in my mind "anytime I choose" to "jump realities" to escape facing reality here, where I purposely blind myself to what I have allowed and its consequence on all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that the past 100 years of human life on Earth has shown that the black holes we are allowing inside of ourselves are growing larger and sucking up more of reality - as proven by WW1, WW2 and subsequent wars after and the alarming acceleration of debt, rape and animal abuse over the past 100 years and so we are running out of time, we have to act now to close all these black holes before it is too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that the way we humans play with black holes in our minds and with technology, is very similar to something like a child being given a real gun to play with as a "toy". It is only a matter of time before the child learns how to fire the gun and only catastrophe can occur. Because when we focus on the hereafter, on some "higher thing", we miss the real danger and harm we are creating for ourselves here through our own allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my black hole filled head in my hands everyday, to remind me that these black holes, this dark matter meaning i'm lost searching for in my mind is not me, just an idea of me, the body is the real me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the me created though these pre-programmed black holes, is my version of me, where I exist in complete solitude floating around in this dark matter, where I am "all knowing" and nobody can know what I am doing in my black holes just as i cant them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the me created from these black holes, uses areas of uncertainty to give itself power through opinion, free choice and misrepresentation causing havoc on real humans who are being enslaved to rape, poverty, and war just as I am keeping the real me enslaved to these black holes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that these black holes created all kinds of conspiracies and made up beliefs to make it seem more then real physical matter, while the product of these black holes is just humans walking around conning themselves as consciousness which is subject to real physical matter not the other way around - so con yourself all you want with your black hole beliefs, your beliefs are not valid in reality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that these black holes in my mind do not exist unless real physical matter gives energy and breath to it, like an actual slave - one must respect its master above all else.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to avoid the realisation that these black holes in peoples heads has created a world system that supports and develops these black holes in all others, while real physical matter is treated as a slave which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these black holes to become accepted as the fake idea of life, when reality is showing us all that these black holes is just keeping everyone in dark matter of uncertainty while causing harm to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the black holes to take us to a reality that we have now where value is represented by the dark matter of what our blacholes want and desire like - power, desire, greed, entertainment, competition and happiness - all happy with our black holes while real matter suffers as the slave with no voice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that this system of black holes makes sure that every character representing the black hole of capitalism, will act as an agent in the matrix, a security guard to make sure that nobody escapes being enveloped by a black hole to maintain control of humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the reality that thinking, fear, feelings, emotions, energy personalities, the ego is proof of black holes being in control and the person as a slave. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to realise that these black holes are hostile Alien invaders to our Earth environment, as they only consume habitats as an insatiable consumer and so cannot be allowed to exist on our planet.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the black hole of capitalism is even using machines to compete with humans for jobs more and more as the black hole grows, the machine is more efficient and trustworthy then us, while the black hole infected humans remind us all that we are slaves to these black holes.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to travel into black holes in my mind, as I realise that is how I maintain this enslavement of myself and all others to exist in a world separate from life consuming all life - so as and when I see my mind trying to create a black hole to escape facing myself, I stop and breathe, I abort this space mission into the uncertainty, I keep myself here as this breath, certain that who I am here as this body is all of existence and thus I must flourish as this body so no black hole is needed, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more black holes leading to other realities/personalities that exist.

I commit myself to exposing the alien invasion of Earth by consuming black holes, highlighting the destruction they cause globally through their disregard of life.

I commit myself to showing how these black holes can be closed through my own example, that each human can become physical matter as our true nature as life as equality.

I commit myself to show that humans do not need any dark matter in black holes to be the matter, because this is done through living as the physical body, mastering its equality and harmony with it environment without any kings and know it alls, making black holes. 

Day 335: The Holy Father

How do we define the father in this world? As the protector and head of the family, as the stable rock who all in the family turn to for guidance.

The father is God and God in this world equals money and money equals ego, therefore the father is the light, he who must carry the financial weight of the family. So fathers around the world will often judge their own success of being a father based on their ability to provide financial power to the family.

The Father must be Holy, as the priest in church preaching to the children of the church, standing as God so to speak, this is how we  have defined the father according to capitalism.

It's interesting every year when Fathers day comes around, there is a pattern that shows itself within me, because in relation to the word Father I have had many reactions in my life, I see how I have lived very much in separation from the word Father.

The other day a friend of mine said to me it's Fathers Day on Sunday, my reaction immediately was to make a low pitched groan, a slight shudder along with thoughts of disdain towards my father.

I have applied much self-forgiveness in my life on patterns of thoughts, feelings and emotions that come up in relation to the word Father, which has got me to this point - yet this moment when my friend told it was father's day and my reaction to that, showed me that there is still layers I have not resolved within and as me in relation to the word Father - where I have defined fathers day as the fatherless day for some time.

So then when I was looking closer, it's interesting to note that of all the holidays, I remember the date of Halloween, Christmas, Mother's day, Valentines day, Easter, even bank holidays, but not Fathers Day - In self-honesty it's like my mind has purposely been suppressing, denying the existence of fathers day to make sure I never remember the date of fathers day, so I can avoid facing the reactions I still hold towards my father.

Growing up I would define the idea of the father as something holy in life, that the father should be a great wise inspiration - yet seeing how my father was defined as a bad father and thus defining myself growing up as unholy having no father present, believing then that I must be bad like my father, I wanted to resent myself the way I resented my father, be cold like my cold father, I am my own father.

Then as I started to question my life decisions in my early 20s, becoming a father and began walking my process, It was like my mind shifted, it went into comparison very much, always making it my chief aim to spend more time with my son and teach my son more then my father did with me. 

I was successful in doing that, which was not very difficult then through consistency of self-forgiveness and self corrective application of breathing, I was able to release these resentments and comparisons with my father - or I thought I had.

In my life as I developed, my actual father became more and more distant to me, yet I had not been effective at truly transcending all my reactions about my father, merely suppressing many of them in reality.

I had for years defined only two men as father figures in my life, my Grandfather Peter Dawkins and Bernard Poolman. Then in 2013 when Peter and Bernard died within a month of each other, I wept for days, weeks, months - the father then was dead to me, because although my blood father could still be alive, It was like I wanted to forget the father, because Peter and Bernard were the father to me - then the fatherless isolated experience I so often had growing up would start rearing its head again.

I started drinking and doing drugs more frequently in the immediate fallout of their deaths, things were becoming more fractured between me and my sons mum and anything to do with the concept of Father I wanted to forget, which annually the suppression comes up every fathers day.

So there has been a lot of fearing interaction with my father, believing my father/s are already dead thus father is an "empty word" for me, focusing on the differences to my father instead of the similarities, judging my father - all of these reactions do not assist me in living what is best for all life here. 

So i'm just going to walk out any reactions that come up as i must redefine my living of the word father, if you also have had problems around the word Father, then walk with me now -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively as resentful thoughts and emotions to the words fathers day every year - my immediate physical groans and physical twitches in response to father day is always showing me that there are issues I have not dealt with in relation to the word father here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view fathers day as something separate from me, something that does not apply to me - apparently then giving myself the right to supress how I experience myself in relation to my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because Bernard and Peter are dead, then that apparently means that my father is dead, therefore I have no reason to celebrate or even remember fathers day anymore - I see how in self-honesty this is merely an excuse my mind is using to avoid the fear I have carried for years of facing my actual father in person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that I have been living in separation from the word father, by going into thoughts and emotions which causes chaos avoiding the creation of a living expression of the word father that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to my whole life hold onto to love for my mother and hate for my father - which manifested in me always disagreeing with men growing up, believing myself to be own father, only ever listening to Peter or Bernard because of how profound the things were that they would say to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear interacting with my father, but justifying it my mind by saying "we are so different and he was never there as my father anyway".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear interacting with father because of fearing that I may react in fear and end up physically attacking him, to try and "teach him a lesson" for being a shit father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to physically fight my father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate that my father was never there to help when my mum and grandad were getting ill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself into actually forgetting what the date of fathers day actually is every year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because my father never tried to see me, then I should never try to see him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my father as a coward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word Pope to Father, and defining the pope as bad and thus my father as bad keeping me in complete separation.

I forgive myself for still judging my father as a criminal, when I myself in reality have also been a criminal in younger years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the stable father of my family after my grandfather died, but in reality I was using this to further distance myself from having to face my actual father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my father and myself as a father, as failures due to not creating financial freedom for our families yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that whether I have a supportive father or not, it does not have to determine who I am and how I experience myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see in every breath, that holding onto reactions towards my father only holds me back and limits me in my expression of life in living as what's best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have physical gorans, itches and twitches whenever the words fathers day are spoken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because of my father being a poor example growing up of a father and because of all the violence in the world perpetrated by males, Its like I have deemed that it is ok to forget or act like fathers day doesn't exist because men like my father don't deserve celebration, as if I am separate from it, when in reality father's day is a part of this world and thus is a part of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste so many years resenting my father, judging him, noticing our differences first - instead of seeing and realising that as with any being I must focus on the similarities first, because that is common sense, that is where I can develop common ground with my father here if we are ever to interact again.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to acknowledge growing up that If I had lived the life my father lived, then I would have done exactly the same as him, by never interacting with my son.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to many times in the past judge my father as a bad father and myself as a good father, as ego in complete polarity friction where an unnecessary battle was always going on in my mind, to make myself feel better which again was just more separation in relation to the word father.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise growing up that living as a best for all life example of the word father, is not someone who gets shaken into reaction by the actions of others no matter who, because a father that lives according to what's best for all life will not allow any separation to be projected onto the family.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breath that redefining the word father to what's best for all life, is where the father is not a judge, the father instead lives as the consummate example to everyone in the family of life as the guiding force to what's best for all life.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to hold onto any reactions of the pre-programmed mind that remain in relation to my father, I see that I only limit myself within separation through these reactions which is counter productive to living what is best for all life, so I stop and breathe, I do not allow interaction with any movements that come up, I breathe and continue to do so until I speak the word Father every time with no reactions.

I commit myself to living as the example of being a father, instead of in judgement of certain fathers when it comes to recreating the the word father according to what's best for all.

I commit myself to building networks with great father's all around the world, until there is a group mind of heavenly fathers so to speak, that all together walk as the example of what is best for all life - in unison guiding ourselves, and the family of life on earth to a world of unconditional support as heaven on earth. 

I commit myself to realising and living the fact that Fathers Day is a part of my life just as any other day is.

Day 334: Common Sense Always Prevails

One point humanity must individually and collectively get to a point of, is where in every moment common sense prevails as being the guideline to our interaction with ourselves and all other beings.

When I say common sense, I do not mean logic because logic is based on the ego which will always calculate what is best to survive for itself first. I mean Common sense from the perspective of a tool that enables me to stand on common ground with my fellow man to get to decisions that make sense, decisions that make sure that nobody is left out of an equation.

At the moment in the world we see how common sense rarely prevails, common sense is not so common as humans walk around as the programmed mind traps the consciousness of each being to not become the flesh, but to instead exist in separation from the flesh as continual repeating patterns of fear and ego - as proven by the acceleration of rape, war and starvation in our world.

It is difficult to explain in writing just how many moments since walking my process i have had where common sense has assisted me, where in the past I would have made a choice based on whatever backchat is coming up that would give me what I want first, to boost my ego in someway - whereas now I will slow down as breath, I am diligent, not irrational, I look at each situation and quickly calculate with common sense what is the best solution for all life.

Jus to show you one example from a huge list, this past weekend for instance I was about to walk Baku. Now as I looked out of the window before venturing out, I could clearly see there was not even a little bit of sun out, the clouds were looking overcast and from the physical feedback the colour and formation of the clouds were telling me "it is going to rain soon".

I took a deep breathe, remaining stable here, then I immediately tied my jacket around my waist, as it was common sense to bring a jacket as it looks likely to rain very soon.

Now I have had this exact situation many times in the past before walking my journey to life, where I would have had a debate in my mind and would settle on interaction with thoughts like "I will be fine I don't need a jacket, I can walk the dogs quickly before it starts to rain and even if it does rain im tough enough to walk in the rain with no jacket". Without any consideration of the fact that If I rush the walk my dog might not be happy about that, I might get really wet it if starts raining without a jacket and that real strength is not proven by walking in the rain with no jacket. 

Anyway halfway through walking Baku, it not only started to rain it was like a monsoon, a torrential downpour opened up for around 20 minutes - as I untied my jacket from round my waist and put it on, I immediately felt the physical benefits of its waterproof properties in teh heavy rain - I laughed at myself as I continued walking as I remembered multiple times when I was much younger where i would would walk my dog/dogs from the starting point of ego instead of common sense, knowing that it will likely rain, and then getting drenched by a downpour with no jacket where my phone once was damaged by the rain even.

It's amazing though how through years of applying common sense in an area of our life, through repeatedly seeing the results of common sense always prevailing to find a solution that's best for all life, it then becomes a part of us, it becomes our nature where the pre-programmed mind based in self-interested no longer has a say in the situation.

Instead I stand as the directive principle of life here, forgiving myself, breathing, moving from a starting point of what actually makes sense for everyone to benefit, which can be calculated so simply according to the equality equation of 1+1 = 2.

The clouds were showing me directly here that rain would soon start falling, so I breathe, apply common sense where I see and acknowledge that clearly, then accordingly take the necessary waterproof garments.

Slowing down as breath and applying common sense is like an anchor that keeps a ship steady in the ocean, it keeps us here and thus never fails in providing the most stable and effective solution possible in any situation.

So if you are not used to applying common sense immediately in a moment, then the following statements should assist as they have assisted me through the years -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see in every breath that applying Common Sense to make decisions instead of letting my pre-programmed mind decide for me - this always prevails in creating a result that is best for all life instead of just myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that is only through common sense that I can have common ground with another being, which is obviously best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that without common sense, humans only hurt themselves and each other as "free choice" based on polarity friction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap my consciousness as the pre-programmed mind as energy in separation from the physical, instead of becoming the flesh as this physical body, as this physical planet, which is only possible through common sense here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that If I do not breathe and apply common sense immediately whenever a decision must be made, then the consequence will never prevail in giving a solution that benefits all parties equally, because as the observing ego I will always choose whatever makes me feel better first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to realise that the mind is always less than the body, because the body gives life to the mind not the other way around - and it is decisions based in common sense that support the body unconditionally, while decisions based in our pre-programmed "freechoice" only support the mind despite any destruction that may occur to the body which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have deceived myself in the past to believe that I am made stronger, by making my "own decision" in all moments, when in fact this "own decision" limits and weakens me existing as a tiny little piece of self-interested and thus abusive CON-sciousness, for it is within moving from common sense as what's best for all life where real strength is forged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in the past to define common sense as being boring, indicating at the time my actualisation as the robotic pre-programmed systems within and as me always looking for "some excitement" some energy outside of myself to experience an illusion of stability - when in reality it is the reverse, because supporting life unconditionally is the most exciting thing a human being can do, while maintaining the status quo of always looking for the next highest energy in self-interest is the true tediousness of existence.

I forgive myself  that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand in every moment that it is only through consistently breathing, keeping myself stable here as the body,  where I can consistently apply common sense unconditionally to really see how common sense never lets down life and thus can be trusted as the soundest foundation to move from.

I commit myself to no matter what, locate every area of my life where common sense is not present and to make sure that i fully install common sense so that I may prevail in always living what is best for all life, which will be measured by my effectiveness at sticking to breath - so as and when I see my mind trying to make decisions outside of myself, based on thoughts, feelings and emotions, which are of the ego in separation from life - I stop and I breathe, I do not allow participation, I keep breathing where I can then apply the common sense needed to live according to what is best for all life.

I commit myself to living the realisation that any outcome which does not come from an original starting point of common sense, will always be an outcome that fails in being beneficial to all life, as only common sense prevails to always include all life forms.

I commit myself to rooting out those who disregard common sense in favour of the ego, to peacefully show through my example that is only through common sense that true victory can occur for all, not the ego where there is always a winner and a loser.

Day 333: The Forcing Change Character

I notice when I look at brainwashing patterns I have been effective at transcending in my life and those I have not. The ones I am effective at removing from my existence will be those that I push myself to self-honestly investigate in day to day life and writing, to stand equal to the point and through self-forgiveness and breathing consistently correct the root issue while being gentle with myself at the same time, not being hard on myself when i fall on the journey to transcending the point here.

Yet the points that I am thus ineffective at correcting, or those that I thought I had corrected but only keep coming up again, it very often will come down to the point of forcing too hard, too quickly with myself, trying to change from the starting point of the ego essentially, forcing change down my own throat, being hard on myself, trying to do everything at once, where rather then step by step, breath by breath I'm trying to force changing loads of pre-programmed patterns at once, where I will inevitably fall and not stand up within and as the point.

I see how at times I even deceive myself into believing I have fixed the issue through forceful change, when in self-honesty I know I have not because I fear letting the point go unconditionally, so I merely forced some self-forgiveness statements when it suited my ego, with no consistency as and when the issue actually comes up or clear starting point to purposely fail. 

I have noticed through the years that the ego has created a character around the point of forcing change, where its like my mind plays a trick with me, where back chat will come up like "oh yeah i'm way passed that point, i've forced it to stop with my self-forgiveness" "being forceful means im being strong which is good".

The reality of course is this idea of  transcending something through force is not real, nor is the idea of forcing being a strength.   

I've had this issue since the beginning of my process, which has a lot of layers, I can definitely see where I have been holding onto a memory of really having to force myself to stop living a criminal lifestyle as a youngster and that initial forcing that brought me to Desteni and walking my journey to life is where this idea started to form of forcing change can bring you to something beneficial.

Also it was initially formed growing up, as I was always used to seeing my mum and grandad be very forceful with themselves about getting things done, my grandad for instance was a hard minded Scientist who had no time for laziness and when something needed to be fixed he would force whatever equation was needed until he found a solution - he learnt this himself when he was in his Scientific prime, because It is common for Scientists to be forceful characters in this world, purely because of the nature of project deadlines and needing sometimes incredibly complex results asap before the deadline.

This forceful nature passed onto my mother, who despite her many disabilities I watched pull of feats of great skill through forcing herself to get the job done as best as possible no matter what, to not give in until it's done asap.

I have taken this on as myself through the years, and while I have investigated the point of being too forceful in multiple blogs through the years, I recently had a situation which showed me that my application of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application of breathing has not been effective in relation to being forceful.

Recently I could see that a friend is making themselves ill through allowing of fear to stagnante and control their life's decisions, which in turn was affecting our communication and relationship as friends, I reacted to this getting annoyed that this person would not start writing and applying self-forgiveness to remove these fears.

I got angry that this person was mostly disregarding what I was saying, saying it is their right to feed into their fear, justifying it, so as I got more angry i became more forceful in the conversation, raising my voice, shouting, getting totally emotional unnecessarily.

Afterwards I considered, why did I get so angry at her? Why so forceful about the point of her changing? then I realised that like a mirror, I reacted because I have on many occasions done exactly what she is doing now - saying im changing when really im just forcing a point into submission, suppressing some pre-programming that suits my ego to keep around, being too forceful on purpose so that I fail in really removing a limitation and over time only strengthen the point my ego wants to keep around, which only creates consequences of separation, of mental and physical illness accumulating.

So when it comes to change that's best for all life - we must be direct, we must push ourselves, yet we must be gentle enough, have enough common sense to see that when we are trying to force too much too quickly, it is counterproductive to beneficial change, we are only setting ourselves up for failure knowingly or not and the justification to let our fears and ego run riot in our life.

The moment you try to force too much in one go, you know you are in and as ego because what we resist only persists, so I walk -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself to change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise in all moments that while self-motivation and self-direction is required, change that's best for all life is never from a starting point of "trying to fight my programming, trying to force change", change that benefits all life is always made from a starting point of standing equal to, then directing as self to what's best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger to a friend who has been suppressing fear by being overly forceful with them about how much they must change.

I forgive myself that I did not realise that the reason I got so angry with this friend, is because she was merely reflecting to me what I have also been guilty of many times, which is justifying, suppressing fear and disregarding the mental and physical health aspects of doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself about the failure of forceful change, to get angry about suppressing my fears and then projecting that onto someone else as a forceful demand for change in them without taking self-responsibility myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting being so hard on myself everytime I fall on a point, then being hard on anyone who also is falling on the same point, when this over hardness is counterproductive to standing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify patterns of fear my ego doesn't want to let go of, through becoming this forceful change character, knowing that this ego based forcing will only fail so i can get away with this fear pattern in secret and instead blame and demand change in someone else which is unacceptable separation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am justified in being forceful about change with another that I care about, that I can see is hurting themselves, without realising that we all realise ourselves when we are ready, there is no level of forcing of anyone else to get them to see something now - there is always a day where we all didn't know what we know now.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that just because someone is a friend or someone i consider family, my ego then believes it is acceptable to be extra forceful with them, because they are "my friend"  "my family" therefore they should be immediately responsive to my forceful demands for change, when that is not so because no matter what support I give another, everyone changes when they are ready I can only focus on myself first and if i am not supporting myself effectively first I cannot support another effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as strong through being forceful, that if you can use pure force to stop something then you are strong, when really this is just the ego fucking with me, an illusion keeping me in separation of myself from all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to understand that I have allowed Hollywood to brainwash me, as from being a Star Wars fan since I was a child and hearing how venerated and glamorised "The Force" is to Jedi's and defining myself as some kind of "Spiritual Jedi" at points through the years, it has caused me again to add more layers of value to the idea of "forcing change".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a self-definition of being a "spiritual jedi" roaming around existence using his "special force" to fight and "change the world".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories growing up of seeing my mother and grandfather always forcing a solution to something, no matter how much effort is needed or how long it takes you must force a result, when this is just an unnecessary memory to hold onto as it only serves to feed into my own self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of initially having to force myself to stop hanging around bad influences, force myself to stop living a criminal lifestyle - I see how in my mind this initial forcing brought me to Desteni and thus through holding onto this memory I have allowed my mind to trick me many times about forcing, building on this forcing character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a polarity friction as myself where Force is considered a positive, a strength and lack of force is considered a negative, a weakness - when in reality this is total delusion in separation from myself feeding into everyone else's separation, because in reality real change is not done through some forceful fight of strength, it is done through walking with, accepting the limitation of, the consequence of who and what I am allowing myself to be and then forgiving myself, giving myself the right to let this harmful nature go, directing myself from a self-willed yet gentle movement to what's best.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breath, that whenever I am trying to change too many things too quickly, whenever I am fighting something, that is indicative that I am trapped within and as this Forceful change character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to veer into forceful preaching to others about how much they need to change, when in reality I can only ever focus on changing myself and I am only qualified to support another to see how to stop something in themselves once I myself have been fully effective on the point I am suggesting to them and it must be just that merely a suggestion, it is not necessary to preach.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to feed into and exist as this forceful character, so I can see who I Am without this limitation holding me back, separating me from life, so as and when I see my mind having thoughts about forcing something with myself or another, I stop and breathe, I see that this forcing is counterproductive to real change, so I breathe and continue to breathe until all areas of forcing in my life is transformed to standing equal to and directing to what's best as who i really am as this breath of life.

I commit myself to live the realisation that while pushing myself is always required, this pushing must also be gentle in order to be effective, there can be no form of fight about change, there is no them and me, there is only me standing equal to whatever i allow and only keeping that which is best.

I commit myself to investigate all areas of this character, to deconstruct it, write until everything is located, forgive myself, re-construct myself, commit myself and give myself time to walk into and as the flesh, to be gentle and not force.