Day 108: The Value of Words and TechnoTutor

So we all speak words, since the first day we are born we hear people speaking words and as we grow our ability to communicate and understand the words we have heard grows. But do we actually know what we are talking about? Well one look at the world would suggest we don’t know what we are talking about, I mean the problem with our education is that throughout our lives we scarcely truly understand the importance of vocabulary and what these words mean in direct dictionary fact, there is no work being done on directing our natural learning ability.

The words we know derive every action we make because our ability to comprehend and be successful in anything in life is dependent on how well developed our vocabulary is. At TechnoTutor we say that before we begin studying a particular topic it is crucial that our brick wall is mastered in this subject that our foundation is solid.

For example if I pick up a book on the mechanics of a car engine, it would be of no use for me to sit down and start reading the book until I have compiled word lists of the vocabulary needed to understand the subject and then integrated these words into my physical body, stored for quick and easy recall. Then I will have a solid brick wall and I will not hit any “road bumps” within reading the book on car mechanics in any situation.

The education system that we have all been brought up in suggests that the natural learning ability is not truly understood because we are not being shown how to effectively direct our education. In a society where it is believed that our thoughts, feelings, emotions, life memories and opinions have huge value in everything that we do. However it is a provable fact that this focus on assuming what words mean according to how we feel and what our opinion is of a word completely compromises our education and general ability to understand anything in the world which will inevitably compromise any number of situations we find ourselves in whether it be a social gathering, a job interview, meeting new people, raising children and any other number of situations.

Let me give you an example when I was 17 I decided to switch my college course from drama to media studies because I thought I knew more about media then drama. However as soon as I changed course I was being hit with words that I didn’t know the meaning of immediately, I remember being asked in the class what the word narrative meant. I really had no idea at the time at all and I experienced a lot of embarrassment in the moment, I took a guess and was wrong. Anyway after that I decided to push as much books on media into my head as possible, stressing and straining with difficulty in a constant state of concrete learning. Like many of my friends at college I didn’t start trying to cram these books into my head until a few weeks before the exam, then when I got to the exams at the end of the course I got a C, but you know what, here in this moment I cannot remember hardly any of the subject matter I was being tested on lol.

So what does that tell me? It tells me the problem was that the vocabulary was not being effectively stored into my long term memory, I have no abstract memory, I was not accelerating my natural learning ability and if I were to repeat the exam now with the same flawed study methods of trying to “cram the book in my head” then the same thing would happen again, but I would probably get worse then a C grade because I accumulated a more contaminated brick wall for the years after this exam.

I became less and less interested in education after college was over, as my understanding of its importance continued to diminish further throughout my teenage years and I could remember nothing! Why go to college for 2 years if I come out at the end not remembering what I have “learnt”?

However through changing my starting point with education and utilizing the tools that we offer at TechnoTutor  like the vocabulary builder I know now that there is a way to enjoy education where the learning happens quicker and stores into long term memory, and then it becomes easy and very fun to learn new things. So If I was tested on the same media material now, I am 100% certain with complete clarity that I would get a much better grade then a C, because thinking, feeling and emotions where I assume things and create holes in my brick wall does not come into my learning now, only what I measurably know is proven to me every time I use TechnoTutor to learn something.

I start slow and I drive up the levels until I have reached my maximum capacity, it’s like accelerating through the gears in a car and every driver knows that going into top gear on the motorway is an enjoyable experience, knowing that we are moving at our highest possible potential, which in turn allows us to successfully get to our destination as soon as possible. If I was stuck in first gear on the motorway it would not be effective, it would take me a long, long, long time to get to my destination and of course this would make me tired and disinterested because its taking so long and I would be getting in everyone’s way, literally a danger to myself and others in the world, being an ineffective member of society due to not educating myself in the best way possible.      

The sooner we realize that the problems in the world are a consequence of our education being misaligned, and the sooner we take action to change our education using the time tested tools that are far more effective than the current education system, then the sooner this world will change for the better.

There is so much to discuss here so I will continue in future posts. 

Day 107: Bernard Poolman - Heaven in the Shoes of One and All

Yesterday I was spending the evening with a friend, and we were going to watch a dvd, but I had no films with me and she didn’t have any dvds apart from one - a tv series called Blackbooks. Interestingly the main character in this series is called Bernard, and he is a character that is generally presented in this series as the most uncaring kind of person that one can imagine.

Just as finding out about Bernard’s death for the first time was an extremely strange unsettling experience within me, as im sure it was for every Destonian - also watching this series Blackbooks was a very surreal experience, surreal in that of all the dvds my friend could have had, this was the only one she had.

Also it was strange for me watching this tv series, because this main character called Bernard was essentially the complete opposite of the Bernard I knew. The Bernard I knew was the most giving man that walked this Earth – I understood this before I visited the farm, but complete clarity of this I only realized when I was living on the farm for a month a few years ago.

Anyone that has visited the farm with clear open eyes has undoubtedly seen the exact same thing that I saw when I was on the farm – a living example of an equal money system in action, everyone from plants, animals and humans all having unconditional support, working individually and together as a group building a better world in action, there was paid wages provided for people from local villages, everyone taken care of. And the point of Bernard is also a point that everyone realizes when they visited the farm in the past – that the “myth of the Beast” is a man like you, me and everyone else here.

I mean Bernard could show people their own shit like no other and was the clearest example and point of cross reference that existed for every Destonian – I can remember the chats we had and his words so clearly, always so direct, no bullshit, just the truth, so many points we chatted about, just to give a couple of quotes here – “You must learn to walk away Marley” he said to me, so simple and to the point -  this was regarding my gang past, as I always have had that point of wanting to fight with people, some of which spilled into my process through for example the point of forcefulness with others about the Desteni message, like this is the way so fucking get with the program arsehole lol, which obviously created a lot of unnecessary arguments/fights with people. It seems small, but I never had a father to really lay that point down directly with me and it was a simple clear point that Bernard was sharing with me, and ever since then, I have noticed and stopped myself from arguing with people much more consistently.

“Marley you must not judge yourself because of your skin colour, realize that this is completely unnecessary, I mean one day everyone will be mixed race” – again this was something which really supported me a lot, as I have always judged my skin colour a lot, judging myself as “less than” because I am not white – so these words really had a big impact on me moving forward, it was profound, nobody had pointed this out to me in my life, and so it supported me to support myself to release all the backchat in relation to skin colour.

I really could write a book on all the things that Bernard has said and done for me through the years and immediately when I found out he was dead it was like I felt like my father had died, which essentially for every Destonian Bernard was just that, the fatherly figure, the unshakable rock that you could always turn to when you felt like you needed assistance with something - truly the greatest of us.

There are many that never met Bernard yet claimed to know the man – lots of bullshit opinions, fears and judgements from many, just as I had when I first came across Desteni in 2007. Yet in the scale of billions of people on Earth there really is only a handful of people that truly knew who the real Bernard Poolman was - a man like anyone else – but truly the greatest of us – the man that had walked his process of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, living what’s best for all for longer and more consistently than anyone else – the blueprint of Heaven on Earth existing here on Earth in the shoes of a man – I mean it has been clear to me for years that if everybody in the world could take on the responsibility that Bernard did and live like Bernard lived, then we would already have Heaven on Earth. I feel Privileged in every way to have known the man.

So I cried for some time when I first found out he was dead, and I have got teary eyed at certain points in the day this past week, feeling very low with a lot of backchat of “how can the best of us go now?”, hopelessness, feeling broken in some way.

So I will be walking through any backchat about Bernard dying, applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application of breathing, and so yesterday was interesting as I was watching this tv series Blackbooks with this uncaring Bernard character, my eyes got a bit watery for a moment and I just smiled as I was watching this programme knowing that Bernard left the blueprint of Heaven on Earth in his words and deeds for us all to walk as ourselves – so let’s walk to end all abuse in this world no matter what it takes – we must walk as Bernard walked, as a completely clear example of what’s best for all – the more Bernard Poolmans that exist = the sooner we will have a world that cares for all life equally.

Thank you for everything you have done Bernard - you have been missed by us all this week, we will never forget you or the service you gave to life -  we move forward with objectives clear and with strengthened  resolve as a group.

Day 106: Waiting to teach Reading and Writing?

So it was interesting that recently a nursery pre-school manager explained to me that Ofsted which are the school evaluation agency in the UK, actually don’t want pre-schools to teach reading and writing during the child’s time at the pre-school. So from what this person explained to me, the education system here has for a longtime essentially been trying to limit children’s potential through saying that the learning and practical application of writing in a child’s early development should only start once the child goes to primary school for the first day.

In fact it is never too early for a child to start developing vocabulary, reading and arithmetic skills as the first 7 years of our lives is when we are naturally learning continually and so this is where our potential to remediate and accelerate children’s education is at its highest importance.

Interesting that when we look at an article like this: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9002612/Ofsted-nurseries-to-be-marked-down-if-children-dont-make-friends.html

It is clear from this article that Ofsted have now understood more about the importance of words as nurseries are now going to be marked down for not teaching basic word development.

Words are the building blocks of all levels of life, so we must not limit our children’s building of a strong brick wall of understanding, we must build with them from as early as possible through dedicated parenting/teaching, so they can become strong temples of success in life, and the more strong temples of success we have in the world, then the better our world inevitably will be for everyone. So let’s do everything we can to make sure that all nurseries and educational facilities at each level of schooling provide the best education possible for our children.

Day 105: A Parents Responsibility to Truly Care

What does it mean to be a truly caring parent? Some would say buying lots of toys, sweets, games, celebrating every birthday with huge parties, some would say passing on the family heritage, some would say disciplining every indiscretion the child makes whether it’s minor or major, some would say choosing every decision for our children with our “informed adult mind”. But consider that we as parents have never been trained effectively at being caring parents just like our parents weren’t, I mean it’s not something we had classes for at school and obviously it’s not something that comes naturally - so how can we say we know what it really means to be a caring parent?

When we look at the state of the world, it’s clear that the world our children are growing up in is an absolute atrocity which is only accumulating into a worsening state of disregard for caring of each other – inflating cost of living, record breaking rises in the amount of crime, poverty, rape, diseases happening are all indicators of this degradation of caring in the world.

And what becomes clearer the more we look at this, is that the main reason for the problematic lack of care in the world is our misunderstanding of educations function and true importance in what world is created around us. What I mean by this is that we don’t care enough about education, and so we don’t understand how to create the best in our education, so how we can expect to create the best world possible around us? Its time for us to start caring about building the best education for children, so that we have future adults with integrity and the ability to make a better world.

Money is obviously a huge factor here, because the best education does not come for free in the world we live in, so once we understand the importance of education, as parents we must do all we can to use the money we have to provide the best possible education for our children – forget the mountains of toys, sweets and computer games because while in moderation and with supervision these points are ok, they really are a waste of money on the whole. The best present we can give to our children is the gift of the best education, which is statistically proven to directly decide the quality of a person’s life regarding the jobs they can acquire once they become adults.

So as parents it is our responsibility to give all the nutrients required for our children to grow in this world as a caring human being that can handle the rigours of this world, be stable members of society and have what it takes to make the best of their life and thus create the best for all around them = creating a caring world. So just like a plant if we do not provide sufficient support to our children, then they will not grow and blossom and we will fail in being caring parents.

So these nutrients can only be achieved through education, through making sure we maximize our children’s process of learning to be at its optimum ability in all areas. Understanding that our capacity to comprehend how anything functions is based in our understanding of words, because words create our world, and the more words we know then the more understanding we have of ourselves, our world and thus the more we are empowered to make changes for the best of all in the world.

Day 104: Body Image/Self-Judgment – My Skinny Wrists

So recently I noticed that when my wrists are showing in anyway, that I get back chat thoughts that come up in my mind, where I start thinking about my wrists, judging my wrists as being “too skinny for a guy” believing that because my wrists are skinny that I am “less of a man”. I experience myself as inadequate in relation to my wrists – I notice that when I am around a female I automatically fear that she will judge my wrists in the same way I have been allowing myself to do, and when I am around a male I will at some point look at the males wrist size and compare them to mine to see if they are bigger or not.

Some may see this as a trivial point, yet i have always found in my process of birthing life from the physical that any backchat regardless of how “trivial” it may initially seem, will only accumulate and have unnecessary consequences if the initial back chat thoughts are not dealt with effectively.

And I realize here that I have this image in my mind of how I would like my body to look, and this image is in complete separation from physical reality, does not assist me in living what’s best for all, and this is where I essentially allow and justify my backchat thoughts about my wrists as being valid in “getting closer” to this “ideal” image of myself in my mind.

I realize that this is complete limitation of myself, so I take responsibility to end this stupidity –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with back chat thoughts in my mind about my wrists, which only results in me experiencing uncomfortability about my wrists in certain situations, judging my wrists as “inadequate” when this is all only happening in my mind and so is not real, pertinent or relevant to physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my wrists as being inadequate, not “manly enough” and to be something negative.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every moment that this inadequacy I’m experiencing only exists within the limitations of my programmed mind and so is not real in anyway and so must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within judging my wrists as “not being good enough” that I am in fact creating a polarity friction within and as the mind in relation to my wrists, where I believe that skinny wrists on a man is something “negative” and bigger wrists as being “positive” which is nothing but a mind possessed fuck up which is where I unconsciously charge the mind consciousness systems of every other person in the world to accept the same kind of self-limiting concepts of believing that something about the body must be in a certain way in order to validate my body as acceptable, which is completely unacceptable, as I realize that all bodies are different shapes and sizes, so through self-corrective application of breathing I stop this self-sabotaging behaviour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when I am around a woman, that she will judge my wrists the same way as I have, and then will judge me as an “inadequate man” which is a completely unnecessary story in my mind to accept, so I stop this fear now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my wrist size to other men that are around me in any moment, competing in my mind for validation of my manliness, where I see myself as more of less of man according to the size of other men’s wrists around me, which again is more unnecessary mind theatre shit which is completely unnecessary, so I take responsibility to just breathe and direct myself within and as breathe where I have no pre-conceived ideas about myself, and no comparison with others around me.  

I forgive myself that I have not realized that regardless of what size my wrists are, it does not make me more or less “manly”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fit an image of “manliness” in my mind through having bigger wrists, when this image is nothing more than a hologram which I have allowed to direct my experience towards my physical body to a mind possession which is unacceptable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my back chat thoughts about my wrists in order to reach this image of “manliness” in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire to be seen be seen by others as being “manly” and believing that having bigger wrists will fulfill this desire when this is nothing but a delusion I have accepted as myself which I stop here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as these backchat thoughts, which is simply defining myself according to separation within and as the mind consciousness system which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation from my physical body through back chat participation. I stand as my physical body in complete self-acceptance where I can from this starting point express myself as life in all moments without any thoughts about my wrists getting in the way.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to participate with any back chat thoughts that come up in any situation about my wrists, so when and as I see myself going into the mind in anyway about my wrists, I stop and breathe – I do not allow myself to engage and move from this mind possessed starting point. Instead I realize the consequence of mind participation here will only result in behaviour which does not best serve life as judging myself more and more as inadequate and doing unnecessary harm to my body to get “bigger wrists”. So I breathe and continue to breathe though any reaction that comes up until here no further where I stand as complete self-acceptance of my physical body. 

Day 103: Carrying the “weight” of Illness Part 2

Continuing from my last blog, it really is fascinating to see when we are not ill for a long time, that when we do inevitably become ill at some stage, then we react and loads of supressed backchat thoughts come spiraling around in the mind, I’m not willing to accept this  –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to being ill in the mind as an negative energetic response, where I experience myself as being physically more heavy when I am ill, when in fact I realize that none of this is real, and thus it is best for all to take responsibility for myself and stop participation in this immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as heavy within and as being ill, when this heaviness experience is not actually real, it only exists in my mind through reacting to being ill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect illness to an experience of being heavy within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within this set of events I am creating a polarity split in my mind where I define being ill as something “negative” and being in health as being “positive” when I realize in fact that this polarity is a complete delusion because an illness is in physical fact nothing more than being ill, same with being healthy, there is no more to it than that, anything else is just happening in my mind according to my programming, so I realize that this polarity has manifested when I am ill because of how I accept and allow myself to experience myself in relation to being ill.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that anytime I react to something physical, something real and then believe that my experience in relation to this physical event Is real, then it reveals that I am in complete separation of myself where I am participating in thought energy, so when this happens I know that I require to slow down with and as breathe, where from a starting point of common sense I act accordingly to not allow myself to go into any internal experiences in relation to the physical event through writing, applying self-forgiveness, and re-scripting myself to remain stable as breathe the next time I am faced with a similar situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation from the illness, from this physical body here, which is who I really am, through existing as this “heavy” experience within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a failure when I am ill and that I am a success when I am healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to not participate in anything when I am ill, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this heaviness/failure experience when I am ill which then feeds into laziness where I do not move effectively in anything and rather just compound/enforce this heaviness/laziness experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat thought when I’m ill that “it’s not worth doing anything because I’m ill, I’m a complete failure, so fuck it I will do nothing” which is where I shift in my mind justifying my experience in relation to my illness, and thus justify not moving all day, rather than taking responsibility to direct myself as my body, as the illness here equal and one where I do not allow any backchat to be superimposed over the physical, and thus I can apply common sense and move effectively regardless of whether I’m ill or not.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that within experiencing myself as a failure when I am ill, and a success when I am healthy my whole starting point of myself is separation in energy where I justify my experience at either end of the scale and I am in constant instability moving back and forward between the two poles. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this varying “heavy/failure” “light/success” experience of myself according to the level of physical illness I am having at any moment, which is where I then blame the illness for my experience of myself as ego, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my illness as being the cause of my “heavy/failure” experience and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself attribute this “light/success” experience of myself to how healthy I am feeling, when I realize that anything I do from either end of this equation as a starting point, will be in separation because that is my accepted and allowed origin of myself within success/failure. I am not willing to allow this to continue.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that how much money I have in any given moment is where this point is charged extensively, where if I am ill as well as losing some money I experience myself as “extra heavy”, and when I am healthy and come across some extra money I experience myself as “extra light”, which is clear self-deception showing me as a point of self-support that I require to take action to stabilize myself in relation to illness and money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my experience of myself to be directed according to how much money I have; where this experience is compounded at each end of the scale according to whether i am ill or healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should always be healthy, and within this I realize I have been existing as constant back chat thoughts of “I must stay healthy to be successful” and existing as fear within thoughts like “I can’t afford to be ill”. So I forgive myself that I have not realized that within believing I should a “always be healthy” that I am really just constantly compounding fear of being ill/poor and desiring to be constantly healthy/rich. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and perpetuate this complete fiasco in my mind for so long without questioning this sooner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weak when I am ill, that I am “downgraded” when this downgrading experience is not tangible in anyway it’s only in my mind, and as such is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “never getting ill” when I realize that this self-definition is dishonest,  it is not practical, it makes no sense, and it’s all in my mind, because no matter what preventative measures I take, I am an organic being which is having all kinds of different bacteria’s entering my body at different stages of the day, so within this I realize that everyone always gets ill at some stage, there is no way to avoid this, so within accepting this, I empower myself to not react the next time I am ill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mother being consistently ill throughout the years, and I realize that through years of reacting to her being ill, is where I have allowed myself to define her as the face of illness in my mind, and me as the face of health that apparently “never gets ill” which as I have been sharing is nothing but nonsensical bullshit in my mind, so I stop.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this heaviness/failure experience in relation to being ill, as I realize that it is just an illusion happening in my mind, I realize that this experience does not assist me in living what is best for all, it simply disempowers me, fuelling my starting point of separation/polarity which I’m not willing to continue.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react to being ill or healthy within and as the mind, because i realize that any reaction in my mind will simply be a programmed response which is not real and does not support life in anyway.

I commit myself to not allowing my level of money I have, to affect/compound this heaviness/lightness experience of myself in relation to how ill or healthy I physically feel.

I commit myself to revealing that the success/failure characters in this world in each human is complete bullshit, and that reacting to illness/or healthy feeling within our body as heavy/light experience of ourselves, will only compound the success/failure characters within us and continue to create a world of abuse inside each one of us.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to deceive myself that I “can’t get ill, as I realize that being ill is simply a part of this reality that can be prevented through certain remedies/medicines being taken, but ultimately we will all get ill at some point whether we like it or not, so within this realization I make sure that I discipline myself to remain stable the next time I am ill, and I within this realization I commit myself to not allowing myself to fear being ill, as I accept that everybody gets ill sometimes, and within this I commit myself to not allowing myself to justify no practical common sense movement/participation within being ill, as I realize that no matter if I am ill or not, I am always physically here as my body, where I stand as the directive principle of life not directed by thoughts, feelings and emotions but rather exist in awareness of myself as life here and expand from that where I remain stable as breathe and from this starting point I manifest what is best for all. So I stop participation with any mind shit when I am ill, I stop and breathe, I repeat until I am clear.

Day 102: Carrying the “weight” of illness

So the past few days I have been ill with a cold, it has been about 2 years since I have had a cold partly due to consistently using Hydrogen Peroxide in my diet/ears. Now I’m already feeling a lot better today through using HP rigorously over the past few days, but as soon as I woke up yesterday I started reacting in the mind immediately when I realized that I had all the signs of a cold such as blocked/stuffy nose, sore throat, headache etc.

I started experiencing myself as “down” about this cold, which then resulted in me physically slumping throughout a lot of the day like I’m carrying this additional weight which is not actually tangible, but through my participation in thought energy, it manifests through my body. All day not wanting to participate in anything, experiencing myself as useless, just wanting to lay down, sleep and curl up within and as this “heavy” experience.

I also experienced this judgement of myself as being weak for being ill like this, that I should apparently “not be able” to get ill like this. And I noticed at the same time that I have accepted and allowed this concept for a long time in my life, judging illness as weakness, which I should not experience because I am apparently so “strong”.

I realize that this is all just a fiasco happening in my head, I realize that it is completely unnecessary to react to getting ill in the mind as experiencing myself as “heavy and down”, I mean obviously it is not physically comfortable to be ill in any format, yet through remaining stable as breathe I ensure that common sense is still my directive whether I am ill or not, which is best for all because my effective participation in anything is not compromised through any accepted and allowed mind reactions.

I realize that anybody can get ill in this world, because we are all flesh and bone, so no matter what preventative measures I take, such as using Hydrogen Peroxide which is something I suggest everyone take to avoid unnecessary illness, this HP usage does not change the fact that I am a physical being in a physical world and thus I can be affected by physical illnesses.

I realize that through living with my mum for the majority of my life, and seeing her be seriously ill very often, is where I have created this delusionary concept that illness is something associated with my mother, not with me, that I “never get ill”, which as I have just shared is complete bullshit.

Join me in my next blog for SF/SCS

Day 101: A Bitter-Sweet Existence

So I watched a film called “a bittersweet life” which is a well-made South Korean film, and the title of the film interested me more than anything else. I mean it’s interesting when a person first eats bitter tasting food/drinks like a Brussels sprouts or a strong black coffee with no sugar for example; the face contorts in disgust for many. Then look what happens when we eat something sweet like chocolate or a MacDonald’s, our faces literally light up with enjoyment at the sweetness. Anything that entertains our minds we have defined as “sweet” and thus apparently worth pursuing, and anything which does not entertain us we have defined as bitter and “bad tasting” which we then disregard. Interesting that this spans out to all things in our lives.

We define “love” from an energetic perspective with another person to be sweet, something “good” and having “no love” is something bitter as apparently “bad”. We have defined theme parks like Disney world as something sweet, wearing the most fashionable clothes as something sweet, winning sport games as something sweet, having lots of money as something sweet, having model standard partners as something sweet, playing computer games as something sweet, going into space as something sweet, having an easy job as something sweet, believing in a beautiful afterlife as something sweet, having lots of toys as something sweet, being acknowledged by others for some reason to be something sweet, and the list can go on and on.

 

Now we all enjoy having the best of things, which is not the problem, it’s cool to have the best stuff, as long as what we define to be the best is done so through common sense and not a delusion, such as looking for model standard partners for instance is a clear delusion; the problem though is we are enjoying pursuing all these “sweet tasting” things in complete separation from this physical reality as a whole, while the majority cannot possibly enjoy the sweetness that we the elite have in our lives.

We are all guilty of accepting these concepts at some point in our lives, yet when we look in common sense we can see that there is nothing sweet happening on earth, that we have deluded ourselves with a selfish pursuit of what makes us feel good ahead of coming up with solutions to share the sweetness with all beings in this world.   

So majority desire the sweet and disregard the bitter, we humans have been doing this inside ourselves for so long, and this bitter-sweet acceptance and allowance in everything we do is nothing but a polarity separation which has manifested the huge gulf we see in the world between rich and poor. This is why so few people around the world are taking the time in their lives to live what is best for all, because change is defined as something “bitter and bad”, because it is not entertaining and sweet tasting, it is hard work.

In my life I have noticed how many people have disregarded interacting with me because I have changed a lot in terms of what I accept and allow in my life which has left a bitter taste in peoples mouth, regardless of the fact that I am a much more caring person then I ever used to be when these people were my “friends”, so we humans tend to not care if change is beneficial for us, we still will define that change as something not to be trusted.  

We trust the sweet instead, as being blissfully ignorant to the suffering on earth, we are possessed by the sweet but we must learn that unless we stand up for life there will eventually be no tomorrow for anyone to enjoy anything as the extinction of mankind manifests. And that in order to eradicate all bitter “bad” things from this existence as the ending of all abuse, that we cannot continue to run away into the sweetness of what makes us feel good, because this is making the problem worse. We must first embrace all things here equally, realizing that we are individually the origin of abuse, then take responsibility for ourselves to remove the whole concept of “sweet and bitter”, “good and bad” from everything we do in our lives, and instead live practically according to what supports all life equally, where we implement mechanisms as ourselves to prevent abuse rather than compound it, purely focused on creating a world of harmony for all, which would actually be a real sweetness that we can all enjoy the taste of. 

Day 100: Indecision – Fear of being “Wrong” and Self-Doubt Part 2

So continuing from my last blog also in connection with day 86/87 of my journey to life blogs:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience indecision regarding moving to a new job because of fearing making the “wrong” decision as taking a financial and or enjoyment loss. So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the “wrong” decision within moving to a new job because i realize that this fear of making the wrong decision does not assist me to making a decision which is best for all, and actually feeds into my indecision here regarding this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I will be able to transition into a new sector of work as self-doubt. I realize that this is a self-belief I have created that does not assist me in anyway and only works to disempower myself further which is unacceptable, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not be able to transition into a new work sector which I realize is a completely self-disempowering statement which I must stop.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that my indecision in the moment as itching/making humming noises when I am asked by someone “can you come in for an interview?” or “when can you start?” is a direct result of existing as this fear of making the “wrong” decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive some potential employers into believing that I am interested in a position with them, through saying “I will let you know” when in actual fact I am not really interested in the job role because it is the same sector and generally the same job as what I’m doing currently. I realize that it would be best for me, the potential employer and everyone else to simply let the potential employer know that I am not interested in the job if that is the case rather than deceiving the person into believing that I am still interested through saying “I will let you know” as this manifested indecision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that while I am existing as this indecision, this fear of making the “wrong” decision that within this it can and has resulted in situations where I make no decision whatsoever, so I realize that this fear/indecision experience actually feeds into inactivity which has no benefit for anybody, so I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hesitancy and uncomfortability to commit to any specific new job because of fearing the changes that come with a new job. I realize that this hesitancy and uncomfortability again is a result of fearing that any new job I take will result in a financial and or enjoyment  loss of some kind to my current job, when I realize that regardless of the fact that this could be true, I accept that, and I accept that fearing change is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change in complete separation of myself. I realize that I am walking a process of change out of the mind and into the physical, a process of taking self-responsibility for this world, for living self-honesty as what’s best for all, and so within this I must accept change of any point that exists in my life to what is of the upmost benefit to all beings rather than fearing any part of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to changing jobs specifically into a sector that I have no experience in. I realize that I have been afraid of learning how to apply new work information, fearing being in a situation of not knowing what I’m doing. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new things, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake in a new job role because of not trusting that I will be able to learn the job effectively which is nothing more than sabotaging myself completely unnecessarily. I realize that I am able to learn any new information effectively through standing equal to the information and working to physically apply the new information I’m learning to become solidified knowledge so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in all moments here regarding decision making which is where untrustworthy decisions can get made. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no knowledge about something, and to within this fear that I will have no control. I realize that when I was born into this world I had no knowledge of anything, I realize that who I really am is not knowledge so it is nothing to fear having no knowledge about a new job, in fact it gives me the opportunity to investigate and educate myself about new job sectors –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no control over everything in my life, and within this I forgive myself that I have not realized that in actual fact i cannot control anything because within saying I control something I am saying that I own something, that I am above something when in actual fact this is bullshit because I realize that I am equal to all things in this physical reality, I am owned in fact by the physical, so I control nothing, all I can do is direct myself according to what’s best for all. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself that I am “in control” of things in my life, to fear things getting “out of control” because as I have just explained I am not actually in control of anything anyway, my actions as this indecision with jobs is proof of my existence as an out of control fear of survival system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear surviving in this capitalist money system.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as indecisive in relation to changing jobs which is nothing more than a self-definition which is not supportive so I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as “lost in a spaghetti junction of jobs”. I realize that this experience is happening through my allowance to believe that I am overwhelmed by looking for a new job, that I am less then looking for a new job, that this is “too big” for me to do right now. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am overwhelmed by looking for a new job, I realize that I am not less than anything, I am equal to all things and thus fully able to navigate through job offers to come to the best job possible outcome in my situation, no matter how much of a “spaghetti junction” my mind sees it as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience annoyance at the lack of opportunity I am currently finding regarding the sector that I would like to get into. I realize that there is nothing I can do if I can’t find an opportunity in the job sector I would like to get into, all I can do is breathe, and keep aware for any changes in opportunity in my chosen job sector, but an annoyance experience will not assist me in anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make the “right” decision in relation to changing jobs as a job which provides more income and more enjoyment then my current job, when I realize that desiring anything does not assist with manifesting anything that is best for all, it only keep me in separation, and I realise that this concept of the “right” decision is complete self-deception because there is no “right” or “wrong” that exists in fact. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible to make a “right” or “wrong” decision in my life, when in actual fact this is nothing more than a valued judgement, because in physical reality there is no such thing as “right” or “wrong”, there is only that which benefits all life and that which doesn’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want someone to validate my job decision as “right” in complete separation of myself as the ego. I also realize that within this concept I really am saying I want someone else to choose the “right” job for me as a form of self-enslavement to another which is not acceptable. So I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire for someone else to choose my job for me, I realize that I must take responsibility for myself, trust myself and direct what equates to be best for all into my life in every way.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I must just focus on breathing, slowing down, on being here as life as who I really am, and that any job which is something I enjoy, that can support me effectively financially, that involves no direct abuse of life, and is the best for me in my situation is a job which is common sense to do.  

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this indecisive/fear of being “wrong” self-doubting mind fuck, as I realize that this does not support me living what is best for all, and thus does not support me in anyway to acquire any job which is most beneficial for me in my situation.

I commit myself to not allowing my response to future job opportunities to be directed by fear in separation of myself, but rather directed as myself as life through breathing application and committing to common sense decisions as what stands to be most beneficial for all.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to deceive any potential employers that I am interested in their job role as this indecision pattern, when I am not in fact interested in the job, I must be upfront with people if I am not interested in the job they are offering, because wasting peoples time is of no benefit to anybody.

I commit myself to not accepting inactivity of looking for a new job through existing as this indecision/fear/self-doubt.

I commit myself to not allowing myself doubt that I am able to transition into a new job sector. I realize that this is self-disempowerment which only hinders my ability to effectively look for new work in different sectors. I realize that I am not less than anything, that I am equal to all things and thus able to transition into any job role through self-willed dedication to learn and physically apply new information.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to experience myself as being “overwhelmed” regarding looking for new work; instead I focus on breathing directing myself here where no “overwhelming” experience can exist.

I commit myself to not deceiving myself that I am “in control” of everything in my life, because I am in ownership of nothing in fact, I am a physical being like everyone else, existing within a capitalistic system of debt which requires correction to support life.

I commit myself to not allowing creation of any polarity concepts regarding “right” and “wrong” decisions in relation to changing jobs. I realize there is no such thing as “right” or “wrong” decisions, this is only in my mind, because in fact there is only that which is of benefit to all life and that which isn’t.

I commit myself to not accepting an annoyance experience when I can’t find a job in the sector I want to get into as I realize this will not assist me in getting a job I would like. All I can do is breathe and stay aware of any opportunities that may come up in the future in the sector I want to get into.

I commit myself to not looking for people to validate my job decision as “right”, as I realize that this is indicative that I exist within the confines of the mind looking for acknowledgment as an ego which I’m not willing to accept. I realize that support from others regarding job suggestions is cool, but actually looking for validation from others in unacceptable as it implies that I want someone else to decide for me, that I’m not taking self-responsibility which I’m not willing to accept. 

I commit myself to understanding and accepting that a pay cut, or increase, an enjoyment loss or increase is always a possibility with any job change of any kind so there is no need to fear these changes obviously in common sense though I cannot accept a job below a certain pay structure due to the expenses in my life, and a job that I enjoy is something that everyone ideally wants, but is not always possible in capitalism. 

    

I commit myself to not fearing job change; I commit myself to not fearing being without knowledge that I’m familiar with. I realize that who I really am as life is not knowledge, I realize that within learning new knowledge and how to apply that new knowledge comes a self –educated expansion of myself which happens, which is nothing to fear whatsoever as I have shown to myself many times in my process.

When and as I see myself going into the mind as indecision/fear/self-doubt regarding job changes, I slow down and breathe. I do not allow myself to participate with any mind reaction as I realize that this will result in making no decision, or making fear based decisions which are not beneficial for all beings. I have seen the result of participating with this shit in my head regarding jobs, so I stop doing it to myself, I breathe and continue to do so in complete discipline until there is no more indecision experience here, only directive common sense decision making which is best for all.  

Day 99: Indecision – Fear of being “Wrong” and Self-Doubt

Blogs in similar relation to this: Day 86: Fear of Losing my Job Day 87: Fear of Losing my Job Part 2

I have been facing a point of Indecision recently regarding what company I will be switching to in the next month. Me and my current boss have had many disagreements in the 5 years I have worked for him, and he is aware I am looking to find work in the education sector now. Yet despite this he is financially assisting me a lot while I am bedding into a new job which is cool as he feels I have been a dedicated worker for him through the years.

So in the past few weeks and the next few to come I have been setting up interviews with different companies, and I have not yet had any feedback from the sector I want to get into, yet I have had a lot of feedback from renewable energy/home improvements companies because this is predominantly where my past work experience is.

And within this feedback I notice I have been reacting in the mind a lot where I am existing as this fear of making the “wrong move” either financially or enjoyment wise in work, and also a point of self-doubt has occasionally been coming up where I start doubting that I will be able to effectively switch to a completely new job sector. So obviously I’m weighing up the pros and cons of every job opportunity I’m getting feedback from, yet through existing as this fear of making the “wrong” financial/enjoyment job switch or through believing that I “won’t be able” to switch to a new sector, it is manifesting as this indecision in the moment when I am asked “would you be available for an interview? Or when can you start?”

Physically I start itching and making a lot of hmmm sounds fearing that that the job I am being offered I will be either losing out financially, losing the level of enjoyment and that I have with my current job or doubting that I will be able to do a different kind of job. I have been offered multiple interviews and two jobs in the past few weeks, and so far every time I have been asked when I can come in for an interview or when I can start, each time I have said “I will let you know” when I know full well that I’m not really interested in most of the jobs I’m being offered because most of the job responses I have had is more of the same as what I’m currently doing. So within this indecision results in me not making a decision at all which is of benefit to nobody.

I realize that within this indecision/fear of loss/self-doubt that I am not assisting and supporting myself to make common sense based decisions in relation to work. I realize that there is no “right” or “wrong” that exists in anything, if I accept there is all I’m really saying is that I’m accepting creating valued judgements about things in complete separation of myself. I realize that “right” and “wrong” only exists in my head, because in physical reality there is only that which benefits everyone and that which doesn’t. I realize that realistically with any job switch there is going to be reactions that may come up, I realize and understand that I have to accept that out of the 3 points I am fearing here regarding job change that either financially I may have to take a minor pay cut at first, but maybe not also, I accept that initially I may not enjoy some element of a new job as much as my current job and if I switch to a new sector I accept that I will not have the knowledge base that I have with my current job and so will have to learn fresh from the start how to apply new knowledge.

So I’m not willing to allow my brainwashing to dictate what decisions I make, I realize that I must be stable here as breathe so that I can direct myself according to common sense as decisions that are of the most benefit to all, decisions that make the most sense practically without any mind fear shit prohibiting me.

I will continue this in my next blog 

Day 98: Just Believe in “Miracles” and “Miracles” will happen

So today while I was going through TV channels I switched over to Russia Today news station, and it was in the middle of a documentary. I don’t know what the documentary was specifically about, but as soon as I turned it on there was a woman speaking about “miracles”. She stated that - “we humans try and dispute that miracles can happen, but deep in our hearts we all know that miracles can happen, and as long as we believe in miracles then we will see instances where miracles will happen in our lives.”

As soon as I heard this statement I turned the channel over as I knew from this one statement that the programme was promoting the idea that “miracles” are real. However when we look at the statement this woman spoke in self-honesty with common sense we can clearly see that this is such a massive delusion.

For so, so long we humans have been making statements like this believing that literal magic can happen to make things better in our lives. Yet when we look at the world it is evident to see that the state of humanity has become more and more abusive as rapes, wars, poverty and the abuse of animals/nature has gotten worse and worse. I mean how much time do these miracles need to create a better world for real here? Very clearly all this Disney based “miracle” shit is not manifesting.

So I find it absolutely fascinating that many people will still claim that “miracles” can happen to fix the problems in our lives and this world. I have always found that it is the same with any belief system that we accept - it all requires constant energy generation in our minds, and once we define ourselves according to a specific belief, then we will look for any “indicators” in our lives that our specific belief is real. So if we believe that “miracles” can happen in our lives then we will try and validate the existence of a “miracle event” at any opportunity. For instance if I get a bill through the post which I know I can’t afford to pay, but then I meet someone the next day who agrees to pay the bill for me, then I could say that this event is “proof” of a “miracle” without even considering that meeting this person and the support this person offered me was all physical actions which had nothing to do with beliefs in my mind. 

I find it a miracle that our self-interest, competition, fears, and constant ignorance to do something about the suffering happening in this world has not yet produced the extinction of all humanity, the longer we waste time with miracle concepts then inevitably we will wipe ourselves out, because claiming that the intangible can move the tangible is a sure recipe for self-destruction.

I mean if “miracles” just happened through believing in them, then nobody would be poor in this world, and abuse would have long ceased to exist on earth from the manifestation of so many “miracles”. All the billions of people below the poverty line that pray to god, would have all had “miracles” happen in their lives to pull them out of poverty. So clearly these “miracles” that many claim can happen, are not equally shared in this world, and anything that cannot be walked equally by all is obviously not real.

So the whole concept of “miracles” happening is actually connected to the amount of money we have, because the more money we have, then the more situations arise in our lives which validate this belief of “miracles”. And have a look at what so many rich people in this world speak of as the reason for their riches – “miracles”. So many books/films/music/philosophies/statements made by elite people for profit claiming that if you just believe in something then abundance will magically come to us in our lives, when in actual fact it is all physical actions which funnel money towards us, so there is no magic involved here.  

So it really is time to get self-honest about what is happening here on earth and work together to come up with real practical solutions to prevent abuse in our lives and the world. A real miracle would be to create a world with our hands where abundance is equally shared for all in every moment through taking self-responsibility to support each other and all beings to have the best life possible, living what is best for all and implementing an equal money system which would be the first step to creating a real reality of heaven here on earth where nobody has to ever again hope and believe that “magical miracles” will create a better world.

Day 97: You can't order me around! – The Giant Millionaire God Character Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a “giant millionaire god” character in complete separation of myself. I realize that this character is not real as it only exists in my mind, and does not support me in anyway in living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the mind as taking personal offence when someone directs an order at me. I realize that in my mind I have believed that if a person is ordering me to do something, then they do not like me, they do not respect me and or they want me to be their slave. And then within this I automatically transform into this “giant millionaire god” character attempting to compete with the person, trying to get them to respect me and make it worth my while for following their order. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete in my mind with those that give me an order, and I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire to be respected as something “difficult to order around” by people, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/assume as this “giant millionaire god” character that anyone that is giving me an order is someone that doesn’t like me or wants me to be their slave just because they have given me an order. I realize that all these events are just happening in my head, and even if they were true, reacting in the mind, taking personal offence, transforming into this character is not beneficial for anyone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am “above orders” as this “giant millionaire god” character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words giant, millionaire and god to the words powerful, mighty and respect within and as me in complete separation of myself as a robotic zombie of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the idea of being “big, mighty and rich” as being something “positive”, and the idea of being something “small, weak and poor” as being something “negative”. So I realize that I have created a polarity within and as myself here which feeds into the limitation of the minds of each and every human here on earth. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity separation of myself regarding this “giant millionaire god” character. I realize that whether a person is big or small, rich or poor there is no difference, everyone is equally a physical being here on earth so there is no positive or negative that exists in anything, it is only in the programmed mind where such fabrications can be created. I am not willing to accept this any further, so I stop here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every moment that this character is only an idea about myself in absolute separation and only serves to charge and fuel my existence as the ego which I am not willing to accept because it is destructive to life. So I forgive myself that I have not realized in every breathe that I am not a giant, not a millionaire, or a god, so as this character I am completely deceiving myself living in an alternate reality in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every moment I am existing as this “giant millionaire god” character, that people really do not like being around me, as I am purposefully demanding/forceful and generally an arsehole to people while existing as this character which is completely unacceptable and so I take self-responsibility to stop this now and treat people in all moments as I myself would like to be treated.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to orders that get directed to me, by transforming into this “giant millionaire god” character, where I experience myself as personally offended by the person giving me an order, and where I believe that only I can give orders to people, and that I cannot be ordered around unless I think the money is good enough. So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as personally offended by someone directing orders at me, as I realize that it does not assist anyone in any way through me being unstable within the order -  And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind that only I can give orders to people as If I am more important than others, I realize that this is direct inequality, and that in actual fact anybody can give orders, and I realize that the more money we have then the more we can give orders and the less money we have then the less we can give orders. I am not a super wealthy person, so I must accept that being ordered around is simply a part of my life that I must accept, as long as the order makes sense and is beneficial for all involved, then I must complete the order.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to calculate in  my mind in complete self-interest whether or not an order is worth doing or worth putting effort into according to how much I am going to receive for doing it. I realize that from this starting point all I am considering is what is best for my ego/bank balance only rather than what is best for all. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider my own wellbeing within an order ahead of what is best for all. I realize that it is always best for all to get any task done to the best of my ability with as much efficiency as possible, as it assists nobody to do any task with no effort/efficiency. So I realize that this “giant millionaire god” character actually feeds directly into procrastination and laziness where I do not move effectively unless the “godly energy” as money is great enough for me to move effectively. I’m not willing to accept this any further so I forgive myself that I have not realized that this “giant millionaire god” character actually is charging laziness within and as me which obviously results in nothing being done, and so is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine as this “giant millionaire god” character that I am the “creator of all orders” when in fact this is a complete delusion which is only existing in my mind, does not support life in anyway  and so must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself in my mind as a “wealthy powerful” person where I exist as the ego looking for validation from others, which consolidates my existence as this “giant millionaire god” character. I realize that seeking validation from others as this character is only revealing that I am not here as breathe, that I am looking to be more then breathe, that I am stuck in the mind totally in the hereafter only focusing on energy accumulation from others, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation from others of the “brilliance” of my existence as this “giant millionaire god” character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim as this “giant millionaire god” character that I am “good with money”, projecting that I know how to become rich to others, when in fact this is complete self-deception and the deception of others because i have never been a millionaire so I cannot claim to know how to do it, I realize that I cannot claim to know how to do anything without direct physical experience of what I’m talking about,  so I’m not willing to allow this any further.

I forgive myself that as this character I have accepted and allowed myself to completely disregard whether I need to do a job or not to support myself because of believing I am “above the job”. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider in common sense in every moment when an order is directed at me whether I need to do a job or not. I realize that as this “giant millionaire god” character that it is completely impossible to move/make decisions according to self-honesty and common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view everyone else’s word as being completely insignificant while I’m existing as this “giant millionaire god” character. I realize that within and as this character I cannot even hear the words of a person that is making sense in a discussion with me. I realize that if a person is making sense or not, that everyone’s words are equal as words, and so I must treat all people equally with honour to listen to what the person is saying. So I forgive myself that as this “giant millionaire god” character I have not treated all words and perspectives of others as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically transform while I’m existing as this character where I puff my chest out, speak in a more “deep authoritative” tone, cut across people in conversations, I stare at a person competing with them, and I walk with extra-large steps. I realize that wherever I am, I must always be physically stable here as breathe, not shifting and changing my physical stance. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that as this “giant millionaire god” character that I have more “physical authority” as if my steps and my voice create “earthquakes of respect” in the world, which is simply a complete delusion because this is only happening in my head, I realize that my words and footsteps garner no more respect than anyone else’s in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that as this character that I have “special powers” of “respect implantation” which I can insert into the minds of others, which in self-honesty is not a real living of the word respect, but is more of a domination of all others around me in my mind, which is a complete illusion and is abusive to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this “giant millionaire god” character to only focus on the fulfilment of a desire to be “powerful and mighty” in this world. I realize that nobody is powerful and mighty in this world regardless of how much money someone has, everyone is equal as a human being, we all need the exact same support to remain here, so I realize within this that it is completely useless and pointless to desire to be “powerful and mighty” in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this “giant millionaire god” character only focus on the fulfilment of my self-interest, existing as an endless greed for more than my fair share. I realize that nobody in this world requires more than their fair share of resources, to believe that i need more, is to unknowingly feed into the poverty of others, and to imply that I am more than human, more than the physical I am made up of which is a concept of complete bullshit because the physical is who we really are, and when we have all our basic support provided then we do not require more than this. So I forgive myself that I have not realized in every moment that this “giant millionaire god” character actually feeds into poverty in this world. And also I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I allow myself to believe that I should have more than my fair share, then it is only acceptable that everyone else must also have more than their fair share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as this “giant millionaire god” character, that I can create a world of “respect”. I realize however that this concept of “respect” is a complete fabrication, because in self-honesty anyone can see that this character only creates further disrespect for each other as life, where some are treated as more important than others as a capitalistic system which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and perpetuate memory through existing as this “giant millionaire god” character of when I was a kid at school trading stickers, marbles, pogs etc looking to become the “god of the playground” that can give orders to all the other kids, and cannot be ordered around by others unless they have lots of stickers, marbles and pogs for me. I realize that to define myself according to memory is to define myself according to the past, define myself according to limitation as a time looping mind system in complete separation from breathe. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined according to memory, which is nothing more than a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow up in this world only focusing on becoming something “godly and mighty” that can experience myself as “god”, that can look down on everyone else and give out endless orders and never be moved by orders, which is how this “giant millionaire god” character developed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this character base every decision I make according to what I can receive, completely uncaring of what I can provide. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base the creation and maintenance of the majority of relationships through my life on how much energy I can receive from the person as a complete life vampire, treating people as vending machines for energy which is completely destructive and unacceptable, so I stop this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affected by my environments, through the media and societal concepts growing up where i have allowed this “giant millionaire god” character to develop within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this “giant millionaire god” character believe that I can change the world around me all by myself, when clearly this is complete bullshit as history has clearly shown on many occasions that a single person no matter how much “godly wealth” the person has, cannot create a system of equality for all by themselves. Because I realize that in order to change this world to what is best for all first requires individual change, then through a 1+1+1 accumulation effect stand as a group to direct the money system to what is best for all. So I realize that to end the abuse on earth will require a group movement, no single person has ever or will ever be able to end abuse on earth by themselves.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that the less money I have then the more I must obey orders in order to get money, so I realize that I must be completely stable as breathe within having orders directed at me. I realize that what I think I should be paid and what I need to be paid is two different things and it is always what I need to be paid which matters more than what I think I should be paid. I realize that if an order will cause no harm to anyone and is best for all involved then I must complete the order immediately regardless of what I’m going to receive.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this “giant millionaire god” character within and as my mind, because it is not real, it only exists in my head in absolute separation from physical reality, and so does not support me in living what is best for all in anyway.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react in the mind to orders that a person directs at me. I realize that reacting in the mind to a person’s words and transforming into a psychotic character does not assist anyone in anyway.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this character as it is nothing more than an idea about myself and is indicative of my existence as the ego which I’m not willing to accept any further.

I commit myself to basing decisions and whether I follow an order in all moments to be based on whether the particular decision/order is best for all. I do not accept myself to base decisions and whether or not I will follow an order based on how much energy I will receive from the person in self-interest.

I commit myself to exposing this “giant millionaire god” character in the world as being nothing more than a waste of time which only results in a world of furthered poverty for the majority and furthered wealth for the minority.

I commit myself to creating a world where there are no more orders that exist, because each and every person knows their role in the system and has become trustworthy with life and so nobody will require to be ordering anyone around.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to be defined and directed by memory in complete separation from physical reality. I realize that while I am entrenched within and as memory that I am not here breathing which is unacceptable.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to create any polarity separation inside myself regarding this character and any words associated to it. I realize that there is nothing positive or negative that exists in anything, so I’m not willing to accept this.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to take personal offence to the orders of another. I realize that the person giving the order is more than likely not trying to cause offence to me and even if they are, through reacting to that I am giving the person exactly what they want; I realize that it is always bets for all to not react to attacks from others.

I commit myself to looking at orders in common sense through remaining stable as breathe rather than reacting in the mind. I commit myself to mathematically equating the order - if it causes no harm to life and is best for all involved then I must complete the order to the best of my ability.

When and as I see myself transforming into this “giant millionaire god” character in any moment, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to participate with any mind movements that may occur, as I realize that to change into this character will result in outcomes which are not beneficial for all but will only benefit myself as the ego. I do not accept myself to exist in separation from the physical; I do not accept myself to treat people unequally. I only accept self-honesty for myself, so I take self-responsibility here in this moment to end this. I breathe and focus only on breathing and continue to do so which inevitably through self-dedication will delete this characters existence entirely, which is best for all.