Day 211: I will never fail - Well not in front of you Part 2

So continuing from my last blog, it is highly important to become intimate with loss as much as victory. It is a part of growth, because within loss we learn humility, we increase our understanding of ourselves, and how we can improve as living beings.

Do not lie to yourself about who you really are, the ego is a tricky thing, but I will never allow my ego to control who I am, and the decisions I make in my life, because the ego is not based in physical reality here, but rather in the imaginations of consciousness in separation from the physical, and therefore I cannot trust it.

Only the ego can create infallible all knowing ideas of our self, because in reality we all experience losing, and we all learn a lot about ourselves in relation to these losses, in terms of what we did wrong and how we can improve. But an apparent "all knowing undefeatable" being can never learn anything, never forget that -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to avoid people seeing me fail at any undertaking, especially if I like the person - I realise that within this I am creating and existing as a holographic idea of myself as an imaginary infallible being, in complete separation from who I really am as life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that who I really am is always here as breathe, and it is within breathing that I can apply common sense to my decision making, instead of being fuelled by some desire to present the perfect image of myself to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be defined by a person I like, as being perfect and without failings - I realise that this desire is limiting because through participating with this desire, is where I then go and create this projection that I put up in front of people I like, where I am trying to pump up the best of me, and be silent and hide the worst of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen in a compromising position by someone that I like - I realise this fear does not assist me in living whats best for all life, and i also realise that being in compromising positions is something we all go through in life, and therefore we should never be afraid to show our loses as much as our victories with people, so that the true story of who we are is always clear for all to see.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted from what I'm doing when someone I like is watching me fail or be in a compromising position in any undertaking, through existing as this idea of myself that I am presenting to this person, and then fearing that the image I created is being cracked and shattered.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that any projected images we present to others, will always be shattered at some point anyway as we become more intimate with a person - if a person forever believes I am an undefeatable/special being, then all that indicates is that I haven't allowed myself to open up, to truly communicate with and be intimate with that person.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that within difficult situations and failure, there is still glory that comes, in a different form - because when our intentions are clear, when we stand as who we are and express who we are, and the point we are working on is of great importance, and we aim for victory in our intentions, then failure is still supportive, because our input was of worth in this world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that being in a less advantageous/all knowing position is a "weakened state". I have since realised that this is nothing but my ego trying to trick me into believing that I can be a "lessened version" of myself just by virtue of whether or not I'm succeeding or losing in an undertaking, which is complete bullshit because who I am is not defined by victory or loss, who I am is this breathe of life here, therefore who I really am is never in question as our egos would have us believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to attract only positive praise from someone I like, and avoid negative responses from them - which is directly saying to that person that I don't want to have a real relationship with you, I want you to have a relationship with an imaginary version of me which is unacceptable.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to fear someone I like seeing me be wrong, being in a difficult situation, or losing in an undertaking - I realise that within sharing losses and victories with people I like and everyone I know, then the real me is always seen. So as and when I see my mind having thoughts come up that feed into this ego based "never fail" character, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to participate, because I know the pre-programmed cycle i will be trapped within if i do not release these thoughts, so I breathe an doctrine to breathe until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to live the realisation that, who I am is never in question no matter what I do in my life, through the trials and tribulations, the victories and losses of life, I am always still here as life, doing everything in my power to build a world that is best for all life no matter what - that is all that matters.

I commit myself to learning and living that realisation that within sharing my victories and losses, with everyone i know in all situations, this means that my quality of relationships in my life will only be strengthened,  and will support others to only show me the real version of themselves also, as my real self becomes an example that assists others to show me their losses as much as their victories, which is victory for us all :)

Join me in my next blog as I continue to walk my journey to life.

Day 210: I will never fail - well not in front of you.

Fascinating isn't it when our pre-programmed mind shows us things about ourselves and what we have allowed - just recently I noticed my mind being tricky about the point of failure in front of others.

It's funny how the mind does not want a person you like to see you defeated in any situation - its like the ego cannot handle the idea of that person seeing you lose at something, and so you do anything possible to avoid that person seeing you in this position. Any person in life that tells you that they have never failed at anything, or are undefeatable or infallible in some way is lying, never forget that.

Now as some people know, I am very much interested by martial arts, I have been a martial artist since I was young, and in my life I have trained many different martial arts, and trained in many different gyms/training facilities.

My current gym is full of great athletes, but the mental competition is not as bad as other places I've trained in before. The focus is mainly on everyone improving their arts together, which makes it a supportive environment for training.

Now I am respected in my gym, as is everyone else, because we all come from various martial arts backgrounds, to learn from each other and assist each other to grow. A part of this is firstly to never try to injure your training partners, there is no place for egos in supportive martial arts gyms, so anyone who cannot accept losses and victories in day to day life, is not equipped mentally to be a martial artist.

Everyone in my gym is a very high level professional martial artist, so all of us get the better of each other on certain days in grappling, striking or wrestling exchanges, we all know who the most effective martial artists are in a live combat situation, but none of us are there to stamp that authority.

However, while I thought I understood all these things, the principles of a martial artist etc, its amazing how my mind fucked with me just recently - so someone I know that I like, said to me that they would like to come and watch me train, and maybe join in -

In my mind was thoughts like "ok if she comes in on a day where I'm winning all the exchanges with my partners then cool, but if she comes in on a day where I'm losing some rounds here and there, I really don't want her to see me fail. Also while shes in the gym I'm gona be distracted by her watching which will mess my focus up, or mess up some of my training partners focus".

Fascinating isn't it, the ego, I mean really - and then from this thought I started coming up with ways to avoid agreeing to let her come to my gym, just based on the chance that when she comes in and I'm rolling, sparring or wrestling with one of my top partners, who's getting the better of me in that moment and "how bad" that would look, and also fearing she would be the only female in the gym, so i didn't want her effecting anyone else's focus lol.

I said this to one of my best training partners, and we laughed about it, as he said its the exact same reason why he doesn't let his partner come down the gym, but within the moment I could see that this is not something that really is supporting either of us.

I've seen this pattern of behaviour before in my life, in relation to other things, like for instance when I was younger in teenage years and early 20s, I went though a long period of never discussing details about certain conspiracy type stuff that I would claim to know things about, because at the time my ego didn't want that person to know the truth that while I know a lot, there is holes in my understanding of certain things, just like everyone else, that I was trying to avoid admitting at that time in my life.

So this cycle of pre-programmed behaviour, of fearing people seeing me in a "less advantageous/all knowing" position, which my ego has perceived to be a "weakened state" is not supporting me in living whats best for all life whatsoever, so join me in my next blog as I continue to uproot the core of this problem and walk to transcend the point.       

Day 209: Times change people don't - Never say never part 2

So continuing from my last blog -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe for a ling period of time, that "times change, people don't". I have since realised that while many people in this world will remain the same as they are now in 10 years time, and till their death, the fact remains that my own life and the lives of many beings around the world, prove that beneficial changes in peoples lives can occur.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that if a person has the will to change, then something which seemed impossible according to my memory of them, can change - so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my idea of a person in the past, when I can see that this idea I have of this person is irrelevant to hold onto, because it does not support me in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe, that from the experiences I have had with certain people, I then create the memories, beliefs and definitions, and from these memories, beliefs and definitions I make about a person, I have then created doubts based on this, which limits my understanding of a persons capabilities, and limits my own which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt a persons ability to change for the better, based on the belief and definition I have created about a person in a period of interacting with them, which is no way necessarily going to be set in stone for life - we all have our own process to walk.

I forgive myself that I have doubted myself to change certain things about myself through the years, when in reality this doubt has never assisted me once in supporting myself to change, so this doubt i have no time to participate with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ego of wanting to save people from their own demons, and expecting them to listen and act on my support immediately, especially if they are caught in a particularly destructive pattern of behaviour -

I have realised that I cannot save people from their own shit, I can only offer moments of support, and I can never expect a person to make the changes I suggest immediately, its completely unreasonable, as I have found with my own process of self-change - and often the more destructive the behaviour a person allows, then it is likely to be a long hard road before the person will be even ready to consider about changing.

I forgive myself that I have not understood and realised consistently, is that everyone improves at their own pace, and whenever we try and force things upon people, and say we want it "fixed now", then we are existing in separation as the ego, because the ego is impatient, the ego wants immediate results. However when I breathe and slow down it always becomes clear to me that for any person to change effectively in their life, it takes a hard process of standing and falling, creating new goals and reaching them in time, growing our understanding of our-self and our capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say and hold onto a concept that times change but people don't, when I have since realised that never say never, makes far more sense as a living principle, because there is no limits within never say never - yet within the concept that "times change and people don't" while there is some truth to it, there is also limitation within the statement itself, as a self-fulfilling prophecy that essentially makes change impossible which is not acceptable as a living principle.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to believe blindly that "times change and people don't". I understand and realise that sometimes this statement is true, and sometimes it is not. So as and when I see my mind looking to believe this statement to be true about a person, I stop and  breathe, I realise that there is no way I can possibly know if a person will change one day or not, and it is irrelevant to my own process. I will not allow myself to engage any thoughts in these moments, because I know that I will only limit myself if I do within this "people don't change" concept which does not support me in living what is best for all - so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to living the realisation that while there is breathe in a persons body, that no matter how dark it can seem in their life, that as likely as it is that they will remain the same until death, there is also a chance that they may become aware of their destructive behaviours consequences, and walk a process of self-change.

Day 208: Times change people don't - Never say never

So I have found that saying something is never possible in my life, does not assist me in living what is best for all life, especially when you are caught within a concept that "times change but people don't" - for instance recently I was reminded of this, by believing that a person I broke relations with a few years ago would "never change".

This person had some particularly self-destructive elements to their personality, and despite mine and other peoples efforts to assist them to assist themselves, they simply refused to see their behaviour a as a problem.

Now I will not say what this person was doing because this blog is not relevant to the point I'm making, but needless to say, if you have known someone who is lost within hard drugs and criminality, then we can all agree that is behaviour that needs to be given attention to be stopped, when you care about this person you want to do everything you can to help them.

Then at some point in this relationship, you see how hard this person is resisting your support, and so you stop and say to yourself - "fuck this person, they will never change, times change people don't, I will leave them now to wallow in their self-created destruction of the universe, they cannot be trusted with life".

Its interesting really because my own life has proven to me that any person can change themselves for the better regardless of how lost they can seem at certain points in their life - yet still I can see how I have limited myself through believing that what I know about a person, will often stay the same for the rest of their life, and while this often can be true that some people never change -

I can see how from this belief and definition I make about a person, then leads me to build doubts based on this belief and definition I have of them. It was so cool to experience this surprise to see this person again and in such a transformed state, because the surprise was only based on me accepting my understanding of the person would remain the same forever.

This person went on to thank me for what I was trying to do for them, and said that my words settled with them long after I left their life, which helped give them a route out of their personal hell they had created.

It was just an excellent reminder to me that the idea we have of others, is not set in stone, it is not certain that they will remain this way forever - people do have the capacity to change, but our memories of them do not - so no matter how dark it can seem for a person, we must remember that with self-will, introspection, self-development, discipline and bravery - something that seemed an impossibility can become possible, so its best that we do not put unnecessary limits on things in our lives in any areas.

So If you have also seen your self believing that you cannot change something about yourself, or that someone else you know cannot change, or that you will not be able to achieve something, then join me in my next blog as I continue to investigate this point.

Day 207: The end of your Kingdom of Ego.

What is a kingdom? It is a country, state or territory ruled by a king or queen - some say it is a "spiritual reign" or "authority of God".

The King that dominates, King-dom, well every kingdom in history has always been ruled by a King and/or a Queen, this is a part of the pre-programming of humanity as a pyramidal capitalist structure, where "only one" stands "as god" on top of the throne enforcing dominion over their "subjects" or slaves in their kingdom.

This is the signature of the white light of Anu, the god ego, which was always intended to enforce division among life, where chosen families were designed to stand as "Heavens light" to enforce the the sovereignty of inequality to keep humanity in an endless cycle of separation.

But look at all of them - open your eyes to the design of existence, and you can clearly see that every kingdom that has ever existed has always fallen - eventually just like our bodies that return to the earth as death, the castles and famous structures of these past kingdoms become worn and overgrown by the elements of mother nature - slowly being returned to dust from whence it came.

This rise and fall always happens to kingdoms based on separation, because as the energy gets to its high point, then eventually it can no longer sustain itself and the fall will always occur, enemies of this kingdom will emerge from within and come by the flock at the end, because in reality it is not "your kingdom" that moves existence, as your ego believes, it is existence that moves your kingdom.

This "Heavens light" is no more - now is our chance to rebuild heaven on earth - a kingdom based on the ground, a grounded kingdom, not "up in the sky" believing it is above existence, but actually standing equal as existence.

Nothing stands for eternity other then our beingness here as the sound of life. Every creation, every manifestation can only remain manifested for a certain period of time, until re-manifestation must occur - there is no true immortality in one vessel that exists, there is no kingdom based on the dominion of others that can sustain itself eternally. Every light you see in the sky at night, to the shoes on your feet, everything has a beginning and an end, an in and an out.

Now look inside your mind, and see how these kingdoms originate here as the ego, meaning their basis is on that of self-interest, looking to expand and sustain itself off the work of others, a vampire kingdom you could say.

Realise that the day you die, these kingdoms we have been building in our minds as the ego will come crashing down, not a trace shall remain - so its best to get used to the concept of letting go of everything we perceive to own as this kingdom, because it will all be removed in the end.

If you truly have the desire to build an eternal kingdom existing in an eternal body, you must realise that this will not be achieved through the current structuring of humanity, a truly eternal kingdom will only come once we have learnt to live as a message that stands for eternity, to live as a kingdom that stands as an unbreakable pillar of the unconditional support of life. Because only in a  kingdom where everyone rules, where everyone is sovereign, can it truly be sustainable.

As reality continues to compress, this is the age of the crashing down of the kingdoms of ego - from the rubble, are you ready to rebuild a new kingdom that will stand for eternity?