Day 298: Seeing myself in everyone

This is one of the great beauties of life, of walking a process of birthing yourself as life - its when you get to a point of realising and seeing yourself in every being you meet in life.

So I went to London this past weekend for business, I have been London many times and many other cities in my life - its interesting how my experience of myself when I am in London or any city in general has changed through the years.

I had a great time in London, it's amazing how the busy streets of cities makes each person being a single cell of a larger body more apparent then in smaller towns and villages - its very much highlighted in cities that while we have different identities, we really are all the same as life.

Once upon a time the hustle and bustle of the busy city would annoy me, would keep me on edge, would cause me to react and often have negative interactions with people - pushing past people, shouting at people in traffic, brooding about the Royals, constantly being ready to conflict with someone at a moments notice - almost like I allowed the city to cause my pre-programmed self-interest that we all have to be on steroids - like this rude city character would always emerge.

Its amazing though, because as I have walked my journey to life through the years, one thing I notice about myself is that when I am in cities now - I am calm, I am always here breathing, not reacting in my mind to things.

Therefore, I do not get annoyed by the busy movements, If I get lost for a moment, I do not go into fear, I just stop, breathe knowing that I will work it out then use common sense to navigate to my destination.

When I see people in difficulty I do not ignore them as I may have done at times in my yonger years - I stop, I consider how I can help this person and I move into action.

For instance two Chinese students were very confused with the underground map in London when I was booking a ticket for my next stop. They clearly seemed distressed and confused, I recalled when I myself years ago was also lost on the London underground - so I asked where they wanted to go. Even though I have not used the underground systems in London for years, It was almost like I immediately could understand the map through remaining here as breathe and applying common sense.

I showed them the train line they needed, they thanked me and throughout the day of travelling around on the London underground - I reached all my destinations at the right time.

In another moment an older woman seemed to be travelling on her own, but she had a very large bag - the handle on her bag seemed to be broken, she was struggling, I remembered when I had dealt with carrying a broken bag while travelling before - I said do you need a hand with that, she graciously accepted and I carried her bag to the next platform for her.

Then in another moment at the coach station, someone else looked panicked and rushing as many people do in busy cities - he wanted to go to the toilet, but he forgot to read the sign which says 30p entry.

He had no change on him he said oh shit to himself and he seemed like he had learning difficulties and he was really bursting for a pee - I quickly assessed the situation and considered maybe the man had some kind of bladder issue, I knew that the closest cash point was around 400 yards away and even then he would have to take the notes round the shop to get some change - so I gave him 30p and he was so thankful as he ran into the toilet cubicle.

Then when I was in a restaurant before my return to Bournemouth - after dinner I myself had to take a toilet, but on the way to the toilet a busy waiter was struggling to open a door while carrying loads of dirty plates and glasses - then as I walked towards him, he bumped into the wall slightly, a glass fell from his over cluttered hands, it definitely would have smashed but I caught it before it landed on the floor, then I held open the door for him.

He thanked my quick reactions and assistance in that moment - I said no worries, maybe carry one glass less next time, we both laughed and I proceeded to the toilet.

On the travel back to Bournemouth sitting on the coach, It made me smile when I considered how many small moments where I assisted someone happened in one day - and how the old me from teenage years and my early 20's would have likely ignored most of these situations, because like many people in fast paced cities I would have been too busy as this "city character" to do anything.

But now I see myself in everyone  - I want everyone to succeed and to have no stress in their life, so I just automatically breathe, put myself in the persons shoes and assist here.

Focus on the similarities instead of the differences when you come across new people in life, then you see your equality as life much clearer - there is nothing more satisfying to me in life now, then creating a world where nobody has any stress, any problems, or anything to fear - we all share this planet together, so live as an embodiment of this fact, because unless all can succeed, none can succeed.

Day 297: I don't know what I don't know Part 2

So sure everything worked out with me getting my phone upgrade and original phone back after losing it in Germany due to my intent to correct the mistake.

Yet what was revealed from this situation showed me that there are some adjustments to make, so I must learn and change -

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to not realise in all moments that I don't know what I don't know, that I cannot always initially see that a mistake I made, always is showing me something that I need to learn, something that will benefit me in the end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in annoyance when I initially lost my phone because of not seeing immediately that I do not know what I do not know, this realisation came around 30 minutes later.

I forgive myself for experiencing stupidity and feeling embarrassed about losing my phone in the moment, when in fact these thoughts and emotions did not assist me in anyway in this situation.

I forgive myself that I have not realise that this event of losing my phone, actually was showing me the pre-programmed limitations I carry in relation to fearing being late for something exciting - this excitement of quick sightseeing, the fear of not having enough time to see everything, intertwined with the excitement of an imminent flight and a fear of being late for my flight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough time to get something cool done.

I forgive myself that I have been aware of this issue, yet have done nothing about it for a long time and this recent phone loss event has poked me to get the necessary adjustments done.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to procrastinate being self-dishonest about the effects that carrying this fear can have, which I disconnect here as this breathe now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of when I was young and I lost my wallet in the arcade, because it was the same fear of lateness, fear of missing something cool, that caused me to rush and lose my wallet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add layers through the years to this pre-programmed fear, which has only kept me further in separation from physical reality as life, so I take self-responsibility to stop this now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined through limitation as this fear of lateness, when I can clearly see that this self-definition does not assist me in living whats best for all in anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ego trying to defend itself from lateness for something cool by fearing it, when in reality projecting this fear only ends up manifesting my lateness and potential loss of something which is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this fear of lateness onto the future, which will only cause the same consequences on a cycle pattern - this pattern is stopped here.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react in annoyance when something goes wrong, so as and when my mind has thoughts of annoyance come up when something goes wrong - I stop and breathe, I do not interact with these thoughts - I realise that there is something within this situation which is teaching me something I must learn and ultimately it will all work out - I smile and continue to breathe here, until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to continue any fear of being late for something exciting, whenever this fear comes up in my mind as thoughts, I stop and breathe I do not allow myself to engage these thoughts - I see and understand that by accepting this fear, will only manifest a mistake, a consequence of fear which will not assist me, so I continue to breathe until there is no more thoughts that come up when something exciting is happening.

I commit myself to living the realisation that things will always work out, because I don't know what I don't know which is where I have the ability to fix any problem and create whatever I intend.

Day 296: I don't know what I don't know

So today when I lost my phone I initially had no idea how or why I did this, especially given the fact that I was using my phone all day taking pictures with the phone of the fascinating and famous buildings around Hanover in Germany, as well as taking pictures and videos with new friends at my first GIN event all weekend, I mean my phone was hardly out of my hand so how did this loss occur?

Yet when I look closer so much came up -

First off the actual loss itself was in part due to the fact that I was rushing for my flight after a great sightseeing journey at the end of an amazing weekend. As I just mentioned I was almost literally holding my phone most of the weekend - yet somehow I manged to leave it in my friends car
before I got onto the plane. Once I realised this by the time I got to boarding the plane, I shouted fuck sake! As I also realised I forgot to get this friends contact number and she was over 45 minutes away from the airport by this point.

I was annoyed for around the next 30 minutes or so - however, and I have to say this is in part due to the amazing weekend I had at this GIN event, I took a deep breathe and I knew that the universe is trying to send me a message right here and now, a message that I cannot initially see on the face of it. Then 30 minutes after this annoyance I was laughing about it, because ultimately I realised that I do not know what I do not know.

I cannot see what I cannot see, I am not that smart - as I write this blog right now, I know that my lost mobile will come back to me, or it will workout to benefit me in the end somehow, that this scenario which seems so shit is here to teach me something.

Because it wasn't like I left my phone on a park bench filled with homeless people, as I saw on a intersecting flight to Spain, its not like I left it on the floor of a random carpark that I will never go back to - it is in the vehicle of an amazing person, just one amongst the whole host of amazing people that I met this weekend - so I know she will return it to me, that the universe will bring my original phone back when I am ready to receive it back.

Then then second day of writing this blog, would you believe it? After walking around various airports knowing it will workout, that the solution will come forth, after sitting on a plane for hours knowing with a smile that I will always find a way - the very next day when I returned to England, I was offered a phone upgrade by my phone company, as they said I was actually overdue one by a few weeks.

So now as a result of losing my phone, I actually now have a better phone for a cheaper price too lol - so we have all had situations like this, where something annoying or bad happens in a day. But when it does - never deny yourself the truth, that you are too powerful a being - you will always find a way to make it work, to see beyond the initial annoyance/bad day moments, to see it as a blessing, that it is here to teach you something and as long as you remain stable, satisfied, uplifted and focused inside your mind, then take necessary actions it really always will work out.

We can achieve anything in life that we can conceive, bring ourselves to wholeheartedly know we are capable of, then set our intent and actions to doing it.

But lets look at the learning because while it was great that I corrected the situation that arose through my intent and action, I can still take measures to try to makesure that this kind of situation doesn't happen again - because within this losing my phone event I did identify a pattern that has actually existed in me for a long time.

I remember even explaining to my friend on the way to the airport how I have missed flights before due to being late - then it seemed that the fear of this happening again resulted in me leaving my phone in her car and that there is nothing I can do to change what has already been done - what I can do however is first relax, breathe and know that alignment is always my responsibility, then secondly I must take the necessary steps to remove this fear of being late for travel, this fear of lateness, because this fear has manifested me losing things and/or missing my transport method before.

I remember the first time this happened as far as I can recall it was when I was about 8 years old and I was at Sega World, which was an old computer game arcade where I live. I was worried about being

late, that I wouldn't have enough time to go around all the games in the time that I was there,
because they would be shutting in less then an hour - then I left my wallet on one of the machines in this fear, and a few hours later I realised I didn't have my wallet, I tried looking for it but it was gone never to be seen again - I was so annoyed in the moment because my wallet had about 70 pounds in it which was my birthday present from my mum and Granddad at the time.

Since then I have repeated this mistake intermittently in my life again in various scenarios, but just as back then when I was 8, it is the same as just today - I do not know what I don't know, I cannot see what this loss could mean for me moving forward, yet at the same time I must do what I can to remove the blocks that caused this to happen - another friend of mine said that this is simply a hurdle that I must learn to overcome and I will.

I take self-responsibility to change the issue within me which caused this loss of my phone in the first place - so join me next time as I continue to investigate and correct this issue in my journey to life here.

Thanks for reading.

Day 295: The Sleepwalker part 2

So I need to walk out my issues in relation to sleep -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a pattern of always sleeping late -  I realise that this pattern does not support me in living what is best for all, because while oversleeping is not supportive either, getting too little sleep at too late a time is not effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through late sleeping  - I realise this self-definition only keeps me in separation from physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that as I get older there are more consequences of sleeping late and not enough hours too often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped in a zombie state every morning through this continual late night and lack of sleeping.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not consider that the fact that I have been getting illnesses like colds and flues in the past year for really the first time in my life, is likely a result of this lack of sleep and sleeping too late, too often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ego justifying and defending my sleep patterns when someone tries to challenge them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the issues of my sleep patterns, but not being willing to walk the necessary adjustments in self-honesty to truly change the issue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my sleep patterns do not effect me at all, when in reality as I mentioned earlier I am trapped in a zombie state first thing in the morning, and I have been getting ill recently as a result.

I forgive myself for holding onto memories of my granddad and Bernard teaching me that 4-6 hours is plenty of sleep, my grandfather explained that it can be trained into ones mind to adopt, and Bernard taught me the same while also elaborating that with the problems in the world we don't have time to sleep more - I reacted to this and twisted the concept into my own idea.

I forgive myself for not realising that my sleep patterns often result in me wasting too much of the day instead of maximising my capacity, as I sleep too little in the weekdays and too much too at the weekends.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot sleep before 1am, as if I am allergic to this or something, when this is just another stupid concept in my mind and in fact it would benefit me to sometimes sleep earlier then 1am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the idea that I will sleep when im dead, which I have allowed to be a driving force in my forcing myself to stay up late and sleep very little.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of when i was younger and sleeping late was seen as something cool that older people do and then defining myself through this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the idea that sleeping late is something cool to do.

I forgive myself that I have added layers to this "sleeping late is cool concept" by letting films effect me - for instance thinking the explanation of insomnia is cool in the film fight club, and then letting this be another excuse in my mind to keep my impractical sleep pattern in place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I am asleep someone could break in my house, or manipulate my dreams, my sleep patterns, my actions while I am asleep, so purposely trying to avoid it.

I forgive myself for defining myself as not normal, and therefore I must have a not normal sleep pattern which is nothing bu limitation and thus not needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must always watch fighting late at night live, which again has been feeding into this habit - I must get used to not always doing this regardless of my enjoyment of martial arts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to being addicted to sleeping late and allowing this addiction to control me.

I commit myself to not allowing myself continue being addicted to sleeping late all the time, I realise this has benefits but also negative effects as I get older and must be adjusted - so as and when I see my mind having thoughts to stay up late and only sleep 4-6 hours etc - I stop and breathe, I realise that I can sleep at more practical times also - so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to living the realisation that sleep is something that we all need, and at different time depending on what work we have done - we may need more or less sleep - you cannot always be sleeping not much, or always sleeping too much because it has clear consequences as we have been discussing, so I take self-responsibility to walk the necessary adjustments in my sleep patterns in order to maximise my capacities in my life.

Day 294: The Sleepwalker

So sleeping is something that we all do, whether you are a light sleeper or a deep sleeper, whether you sleep for 4-6 hours or 8-12 hours a night, sleep is something each of us must do, it is what separates us from machines.

When we are asleep the nervous system is inactive, our eyes are closed, the muscles in our body relax and our consciousness is practically suspended - in this sleep state you may often have dreams as you fall into unconsciousness and DMT is released in your brain, however many types of chemicals and drugs can affect sleep and dream patterns etc.

Sleep is effectively the time of day where our body is almost recharging, most scientists agree that the importance of sleep is secondary only to water and air.

The effects of not having enough sleep can be detrimental to health in many ways - statistically people who sleep less then 7 hours a night are at an increased risk of: colds/flu, cardiovascular disease, obesity, depression, diabetes and even dementia.

These are the effects of not having enough sleep, and if you do your research the effects of having no sleep can be incredibly devastating as many government experiments in different countries have shown in history.

The Soviet Union in the 1940's did some interesting studies on this, showing that if a person is kept awake long enough, that eventually powerful hallucinations start occurring, a state of permanent insomnia, self-harm and a person can effectively be turned into a zombie of sorts.

There are however scientists who have found that some people have a rare CED2 gene mutation which allows this person to sleep 4 hours a night and still have the energy to function perfectly well throughout the day, though there are not many effective tests currently for locating this gene.

But I want to investigate sleep patterns in my life, because this is a point that I have faced before many times and not been effective at correcting for the most part.

Just recently for instance, I have been spending a lot of time with a female partner and she like most people have a standard type of sleep pattern, where she will ideally sleep between 9.30pm-12am, and wake up between 6am-9am.

For me though I usually sleep between 1am-3am on weekdays, waking up the next day around 7.30am, or on weekends when I have less work, I will stay up till between 4am-6am, then waking up at around 12-2pm.

She has been almost forcing herself to try and adapt to my sleep patterns, which has caused her to get very tired more throughout the day, meanwhile I will usually be totally fine with 4-6 hours sleep.

I have noticed though more recently that as I get older that I am having bouts of tiredness that hit me throughout the day, and when I do wake up, it is like this long process to wake up, because i will be stuck in this insomnia like zombie state for the first few hours when I wake up and it is only after a few coffees and sugary foods that my mind wakes up fully.

Also I used to never get flu's or colds of any kind, but in the past year I have had a lot, and this again has caused me to question my sleep patterns.

So this woman I have been seeing, or partner if you will has been getting more frustrated about my sleep patterns and the effect they are having on her, shes been reacting and I have been reacting to her reaction, justifying and defending my sleep patterns, while also agreeing with her perspective.

There are many factors that play into my sleep habits - years ago I used to always have more then 8 hours of sleep, but things that my granddad and Bernard taught me, is where through the years I started training my mind to have 4-6 hours of sleep.

Bernard suggested to me that when one looks at the world, that there is no time to sleep with the problems in the world, because there is so much that needs correction, but he meant this from the perspective of going to sleep early and waking up early to maximise what I can achieve in a day and that I can train myself to sleep 4-6 hours which makes complete sense.

Where as what I have turned my sleep patterns into is actually wasting more of the day, because I am sleeping so late that the next day I am not actually here for the morning so to speak, especially on weekends.

My granddad also confirmed that 4-6 hours pf sleep can be achieved for some people, which made me want to adopt this into my sleep schedule, but in self abusive way, by always sleeping late, then waking up early on weekdays or late on weekends, but always, always sleeping no earlier then 1 am on any night.

Many pre-programmed thought patterns, memories, and ideas have been endorsed and had layers added to in my mind through the years in relation to sleep -

I will sleep when I'm dead, this is something that I heard Bernard and a few people say before, which again I reacted to and took the wrong way.

Then of course this all started from younger years, where this system teaches children that it is "naughty to sleep late" because only adults are allowed to do it. This is where I first starting defining the idea of sleeping late to be something cool and by doing it, automatically makes me older.

I remember in 1999 when I first saw the film Fight club while I thought the whole film was cool, certain parts of it stuck with me, like the love for fighting, and the explanation of Insomnia in the film - I always wondered if I have insomnia since that film and almost forced myself to become an insomniac because of thinking its explanation was so cool in the film.

Then in recent years I have had fears of being unconscious, that I don't trust being unconscious, because who knows what can be done to me while I am asleep right? Someone could break in my house, or maybe break into my dreams so to speak.

Then for years I have defined myself as "not normal" therefore my mind justifies that I don't need to sleep like "normal people" which again fuels this addiction to sleeping late, and sleeping 4-6 hours.

Also I have always enjoyed martial arts, but as I have developed into adulthood,  I have been enjoying MMA and any kind of combat sports, I even have a website which makes me money for these subjects - so again this adds more layers of justifications onto my sleep patterns, because very often these events will be aired live very late in the UK between 1am-6am typically if its in America, Australia or in Asia etc.

In my mind I must  see the event happen live, so this again just makes sleeping early more of an issue to address.

This addiction to sleeping late is having more effects on me nowadays and I must find a more effective balance of sleep in order to maximise my relationships and potential in this life.

So join me next time as I continue to investigate and correct this sleepwalker pattern.