Day 26: as Greedy as a Scarface Pig.

Greed is something which everyone has experienced themselves as, whether it has only been a few occasions or has been played out uncountable times we have all been in a situation where we received something, and then did not feel satisfied with our fair share, and so we took more than we needed.

And if you notice how quickly and how much a pig can eat, as well as looking at the film characters Napoleon from Animal Farm and Tony Montana from Scarface they work very much like the pre-programmed greed character as the mind consciousness system within and as humans, where enough is never enough, and the focus is to create self as god, selfishly consuming as much as possible as quick as possible.  

I do not accept this character to control me and exist as me anymore as I have accepted and allowed it to do so for so long – 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a greed character within and as my mind where I am only focusing on fulfilling an endless thirst for more energy for me in complete self-interest where I am totally cut off from physical reality as the human body and all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every here moment of breath that Greed is not real in anyway whatsoever, it only exists through my participation with thoughts, feelings and emotions of the pre-programmed mind.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within greed I take no responsibility for what’s here which is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe as this greed character that I am in control of my life, in control of everything, when in fact I am not in control of anything apart from allowing myself to be controlled by this greed character where I disregard what’s best for all life and only exist in self-interest which I realize I must stop as it is abusive.

i forgive myself that i have not realized that within existing as this greed charcater i am acting directly the same way as the Napoleon pig in animal farm works, and from this starting point i deceive myself and others into beliving that im doing whats best for all, when im not at all, because my only focus is actually on oppressing others, building myself into a god ego and seeing others as slaves to my ego which is totally unacceptable and is in complete separation from physicial reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take more than my fair share with this greed  character where my hunger is unquenchable, so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that nobody requires more than there fair share in this existence, and to claim I require more than my fair share is simply an idea of myself and reveals my acceptance and allowance of ego as the mind to control me as a self-belief which is not real in anyway, which is proven with the equality equation in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within greed I deceive myself into believing I am more than what is here, which is complete bullshit self-deception, because no matter what objects outside of myself I accumulate, it does not change how I experience myself or who I allow myself to be. I realize I am no more than what I allow no more than what is here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized within this greed character, that exactly the same as the film character Scarface I am inevitably going to burst because this greed is an act of self-destruction, because within this greed character I disregard all other’s needs, I will stop at nothing, I attempt to destroy everyone to accumulate existence for myself, where I become enslaved to existence not aware that others that I harm in the name of my greed is only harming myself in self-honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can protect myself from others in this world within existing as this greed character, which is in fact revealing that I fear others, fear this world and thus fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am not protecting myself within the greed character, I am only revealing that I am afraid of life, I charge this fear and this character through greed based thought participation where I only focus on my own fortune and comfort being fulfilled ahead of what’s best for all which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within this greed character I am working to free myself, financially and in every other way, when I have not realized that within this greed character I am actually entrapping myself and everyone else in my own prison of endless selfishness, allowing the world to burn through my own design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Pre-plan every situation with new people I meet through work and in my life according to what I can receive first ahead of how I assist myself and the other person as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge this greed character with a positive polarity, where I constantly see more then as good, and less then as bad, and where my focus on attracting the good, unconsciously charges greed in all humans, and thus makes sure that the bad exists in this world as those that don’t have.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within wanting me to succeed I am directly saying I want others to fail, and within this character I actually make sure that others don’t have what I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people and objects according if they can make me money, where thought backchat comes up like: “Can you improve my wealth? If not fuck off.” And so as this greed character I ruthlessly judge a person’s value according to how much money they can make me, instead of valuing the person as life which I realise I must do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that while existing as this greed character, it unconsciously feeds into every human and the whole system of capitalism we accept. And so within this greed character I am actually saying that abusive money grabbing “positive” attracting behaviour towards everyone else is how I myself want to be treated, treated as a money sign rather than as life, which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within greed I am simply in a desperate spiral of energy that will inevitably end trying to avoid death  fearing to lose what I have, fearing death, hoping I can take my money accumulation with me which I realize in self-honesty is impossible.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as, or support this greed character any longer, as I realize that it is directly abusive to life.

I commit myself to exposing those that feed into and exist as this character ruthlessly at the expense of their fellow man, because until all greed characters are exposed and removed from this existence, then we can never have a world that’s best for all. 

I commit myself to whenever a thought, feeling or emotion based in greed comes up, to not allow participation and instead focus on breathing, and this process I continue until this greed character is completely disintegrated from existence. I accept no less than self-honesty for myself in this life, which is a starting point from which I take self-responsibility for all that is here, where I do what Is best for all inside myself, and in my physical participation.

Day 25: Great expectations! As an “Expecting the best” Character.

Have you ever expected “the best” from yourself or a situation/person? I have so i walk in my journey to Life  –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character within and as the pre-programmed mind of expecting the best from something outside of myself as hoping for a positive outcome, and within this I realize I cannot possible stand as the directive principle of life living what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I exist as this character I am completely possessed as the mind consciousness system where I’m not breathing and I am completely unaware of the polarity consequence where focusing on a “positive” outcome to anything will simply result in a “negative” outcome, an outcome of abuse which must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am justified in existing as this character because it assists with “more positivity” being attracted to my life when this is not true in anyway whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within existing as this expecting the best character it is revealing in any moment that I actually am fearing the worst for whatever it is that I’m working on.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within expecting anything of myself or something outside of myself, I am actually existing as a hope, want and desire, waiting for someone or something to come and sort out the problem I have whatever it may be, and within this I am not taking self-responsibility for myself, for the consequences that I myself and all of humanity allowed, so I must stop. 

 I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of existing as this expecting the best character, that the expectations i have about something in my mind rarely match up to actual physical reality fact of something, where my expectations are always, “greater”, “bigger” and “more magnificent”, when in actual fact this is complete bullshit projected illusion in my head, and I realize that the expectancy for something to be “great” and “big”  is revealing that I myself desire to be “great” and “big” in some way, when in actual fact there is nothing “great”, “big” or “magnificent” 

about the humans and the state of this world currently there is only abuse which requires correction. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to experience disappointment when I see that my “larger than life” expectations do not come to manifest as i expect where the result is smaller than my expectations. I realize that whenever I experience this disappointment that my expectations have not been met as this expecting the best character, that this disappointment is actually supportive  so I can see, realize and understand that is all originated from me, and that if I took self-responsibility, having no “big expectations” of any kind then I would not be experiencing this disappointment. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every here moment of breath, that the more disappointment I experience from my expectations not being met, then the more complacent and disinterested i become with everything through thought accumulation, where this disappointment essentially mutates into depression.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience depression from a repeated experience of disappointment when my expectancies are not met as this expecting the best character. I realize that if I simply direct myself within and as breath, stopping the character immediately when it comes up as a thought or feeling or emotion, then there will be none of this knock on effect happening in the mind, and thus no disappointment or depression from it. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting and allowing this expecting the best character, that I cannot see and do what’s best for all because I’m only focused on what’s best for me in self-interest as the ego. I realize that this is completely unacceptable and in order for me to do what is best for all I must let go of this character through specific self-forgiveness in self-honesty and breathing application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this expecting the best character, to sometimes kid myself into believing that I’m not expecting something from a situation when someone points this character out, where I get offended as a defensive starting point of the mind as ego which is in fact just showing that what this person has pointed out in me as this expecting the best character is what I’m allowing within pretending I’m not expecting the best. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this expecting the best character to sometimes pretend I am not expecting the best to fit into a certain social situations, where I’m trying to get recognition from someone else that I’m “so cool” for not expecting the best when in fact I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire recognition as attention from another, and I forgive myself I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop participation as this expecting the best character where there is no expecting or a façade of not expecting to get attention, there is only here as breath as who I really am as life but who I have not yet lived as in totality of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate others as this expecting the best character to try and fit into certain social groups/ work situation, just so the person will like me, however I realize that within this I am hoping the person “buys” this character thinking I’m a positive person, which is where I actually manipulate myself also to believe something about myself which is not real but is only based in pre-programming.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within existing as this expecting the best character, I am automatically then surprised when I don’t receive what I want according to what i expect in my mind, which then I allow to cause annoyance as an emotional response. So I realise that within expecting the best in any situation I am simply setting myself up for an angry annoyed response when my expectancy doesn’t manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this expecting the best character is real, when in fact it is simply a self- belief in my mind in complete separation from physical reality here. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within allowing myself to believe that this expecting the best character is real, I actually then within this belief expect the best to happen in all areas of my life, which is not true at all, and as I revealed earlier this can lead to extensive anger/annoyance when things don’t go according to my “positive expectancy”.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within the expecting the best character I am simply projecting my self-glorified, deceptive imaginations of reality onto the physical reality that’s here which is complete separation of myself which must be stopped here within and as each breath.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within allowing myself to exist as this character I am then also expecting to be the centre of attention, where everyone acknowledges me and things fix themselves. I realize that this is simply an idea of myself and reveals my ego, because in fact nobody is the centre of attention of anything other than in our minds, and there is nothing that can fix itself, to believe this is so is to deny my self-responsibility and say I have no responsibility its someone else’s problem which is a starting point of hiding.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within this expecting the best character, I simply put pressure on myself, others and the world to produce what my expectations are craving for  where I am simply manipulating myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that it is best for all to have no expectations of anything, because within having no expectations based in self-interest, then I can actually focus on doing what’s best for all through remaining stable as breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have not realise din all moments that this reality works according to a 1+1 accumulation effect of physical participation, not according to imaginary characters in my mind .

I commit myself to not allowing myself to be controlled and exist as this expecting the best character, because I see, realize and understand that this character is in complete separation from physical reality and thus is not real, and thus is not relevant to allow.

I commit myself to no longer focus on a “positive” outcome from a situation, because i realize that this is simply a character of the pre-programmed mind where I cannot do what’s best for all through allowing this character, and where my idea of a “positive outcome” is basically a selfish outcome where I can win ahead of others in complete self-interest.

I commit myself to if I become this character again, to not allow myself to become disapointed, depressed, annoyed, angry or frustrated in anyway if an expectancy does not manifest the way I saw it in my mind, because i see the starting point of myself is separation within this.

I commit myself to not fearing what others will say if I stop presenting myself as this expecting the best character to work colleagues, because it is complete self-deception.

I commit myself to having no expectations in self-interest in any situation, and I realize that within expecting anything from anything I am actually revealing what I fear to lose, which is disempowerment of myself, so I commit myself to stopping this.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to project my bullshit beliefs and imaginations of expectancy onto this physical reality. 

I commit myself to whenever this expecting the best character comes up as a specific thought in my head, to not engage the thought, to simply stop and flag what is happening, and then to focus on breathing to remain stable and exist as who I really am, as the physical character, which is the only real character that exists.   

Day 24: Fear of growing old Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing old whenever I am around someone that has any signs of old age such as wrinkles or grey hair, I realize that this fear is only existing in my mind through my allowance to participate with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments when I am around old people that it is completely pointless to fear growing old because it is a natural process to grow old.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a fear of growing old character when I am around old people, as I realize that this fear of growing old character is stemming from a fear of death, which is actually a fear of self, because all fear derives from me as me through my acceptance and allowance to participate with thoughts based in pre-programming which are not actually real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this fear of growing old character to then feed into imagination in my mind as pictures of how I think my life will be like when I’m old where I then create beliefs and self-beliefs from this that  - it will be so bad being old, and  that I apparently will not be able to do anything for myself, when all this is simply originating from my acceptance and allowance to participate with thoughts in my head which are not real, so I take self-responsibility to direct myself here as breathe rather than a starting point of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge old people as weak, smelly, and defenceless, defining old people as less than life in my mind which is manifested through participation with completely unacceptable abusive thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within a starting point of this fear of growing old character that comes up around old people, to physically become more rigid in my stance because of unconscious points I have developed and because of the judgement I’m having towards this person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within fearing growing old I am basically saying that I believe I should live forever, which is not possible for anybody, and is simply Self-belief and reveals the fact that within this fear of growing old character I am not here breathing as life, I am trapped in the hereafter of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame old people for why the world is the way it is, when I realize that the world is fucked up because all we humans are fucked up and thus are all equally responsible for what happens here on earth. Within blaming old people as this fear of growing old character, it simply reveals my starting point of limitation as ego.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within blaming anybody for anything that exists here I am within this expecting them to put the labour in to sort it out while I sit there and do nothing where I take no responsibility for what is here which is unacceptable because I commit myself to be responsible for everything that Is here as me as my world and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an attack/defence mechanism around old people as this fear of growing old character, where I exist as a belief that the old person will attack me verbally at some point so I take on a position in my mind of readying my defences which is not necessary and completely illusionary as is proved by the limited amount of times and old person verbally attacks me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this attack/defence starting point of this fear of growing old character because of the fact that some old people will say to me that “I will understand when I’m older” when in discussion with me and so I know within this that the person will already disregard my word as less than there’s because I’m younger then. However within this I realize that I also disregard the old persons word and I realize that this is no justification whatsoever for mind participation which manifests this inequality so I must stop.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility and remain stable here as breathe when I am around old people, which would make mine and the old persons experience much more relaxed which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to stay my current age for the rest of the time I’m here, which is not possible and is revealing the value that I have placed on my current bodies design, which no matter how much I try and cling onto in my mind, there is no escaping the physical consequences of deterioration as aging currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge aging with negativity in my mind, when I realize that this is only energy which is not real and so it is not negative to age at all it is just a part of life here.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments regardless of who I am around that it is impossible to avoid aging, thus this fear of growing old character is not relevant and as I have revealed to myself is not actually real.

I commit myself to not allowing this fear of growing old character to exist as myself any further because i can clearly see in self-honesty that it is abusive to life.

I commit myself to whenever this character comes up in a situation to stop and not engage in any thoughts that come up, and to rather just stick to breathe where I am actually able to do what is best for all.

I commit myself to treating all beings as equals in this world regardless of how old they are or what I claim to know about the person, because this apparent knowing is not actually real as I have exposed many times, and all beings are in fact equal as life, and so all deserve equality equally as myself which is best for all.

I commit myself to not blaming anyone else for anything that exists in this world, as I realize that we are all responsible for what manifests here at an individual and global level, I commit myself to living in  self-honesty as myself here as life where no characters of fearing growing old can possibly exist.    

Day 23: The selfish Wolf in polite Sheep’s clothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use politeness to hide my real intention behind the politeness which is a selfish act in self-interest, where I manipulate others into believing this polite character so that I can get what I want which is dishonest deception and thus must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from a starting point of my pre-programmed mind, not realize that within presenting myself as a polite character to gain something from someone I am in complete separation of myself - because in every situation with a person I am simply pre-judging and tactically wording everything within thoughts, feelings, emotions and my interaction with the person, trying to manipulate an outcome that works for me. I realize that within this starting point I am not actually breathing here as the totality of myself as life, but simply playing a role in my own fucked up self-glorifying film.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within manipulating people to see me as a “polite person” I am actually manipulating myself through feeding and believing this character I allow is real when it only exists in my mind so cannot possibly be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to receive energy from others by making them think I am very polite, when my focus is not even on being polite but rather on being acknowledged for it which anytime I am acknowledged for being polite it simply enforces this character, and then I know I may be able to abuse them as the selfish wolf.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and others in my world into thinking I’m polite just so I can take something from them, and they won’t think it’s me because I know that people trust politeness.

I forgive myself that i have not seen, realized and understood in all moments that within presenting myself as this polite character, deceiving others into believing this character is real so i can abuse them in secret, that i am in fact then saying that it is ok for others to deceive me in the same way, and unconsciously charge this character within all humans in this world which is completely unacceptable because this character is abusive to life.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to very often automatically shape shift into this [polite character when I know that a person has more money than me, and so secretly I am formulating a plan to become someone they can trust so I can get money out of them, which is how in my mind I justify existing as this polite character to hide my real selfish intentions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand equal to all beings, to remain stable whenever I meet a person, instead of judging and weighing them up to evaluate whether or not I should allow myself to become this polite character to try and get something out of the person which is complete self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as my pre-programmed mind to justify existing as this polite character when the person has something that I’m jealous of, so that I can wait for an opportunity to see them lose what I desire just for the sake of receiving energy from watching another person lose something that I want. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from hiding behind this polite character face enjoy watching rich people suffer when they lose something that I have been jealous of in secret, when I realize this is completely fucked up abuse of another in my head stemming from a desire that is my responsibility to correct.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my own experiences inside myself at all times through believing that it is the rich persons fault why im jealous of something they have as an blaming egotistical starting point, justifying this polite character when there is no valid justification and I realize is not actually real because it is only happening in my own head through my allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge this polite character I have accepted as myself, as being something “good” which will attract “good things” to me and to within this define rudeness as swearing to be something “bad” which will attract “bad things” to me. I realize however that politeness is not good, and swear words are not actually bad in fact because good and bad doesn’t exist, it only exists within and as my mind where I project my bullshit perspective onto physical reality in complete separation of myself.

 I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that swearing is actually much more effective than being purposely polite in a situation, because swear words are the truth and direct, whereas within being polite I am completely deceiving myself and others with various hidden agendas.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing a concept that within allowing myself to exist as this polite character in various situations in my life, that I am in some way securing a more “positive”  supportive future for myself. However I realize in fact that my ability to receive support and luxury products as a “good future” is dependent on my money, my level of labour on jobs that I do, not on an imaginary character in my head.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that any person I know where I become this polite character around, is showing me that the relationship of whatever sorts is not real in anyway whatsoever, because my starting point within talking to this person is a conditional starting point as the mind as ego, so only separation can come from it because that is what its based in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this polite character to exist because when I become this character, it is revealing that I fear people seeing me for who I really am here, I fear they will judge me as “bad” if they find out about my past, so I present myself as something I’m not as a polite character.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within defining myself as this polite character I am completely enslaving myself within and as the pre-programmed mind where from this starting point, I cannot possibly do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and justify this polite character when I am around old people, because I fear upsetting them with any talk about equality/ equal money, getting nervous about their response as if i know what they will say before they say it, which is existing in the hereafter as the limitation of ego. There is not justification that exist for existing within and as any character in the pre-programmed mind, it is always best for all to just be myself here as life, and not try an present myself in a certain way which is separation completely contradictory to what equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have not disciplined myself to remain stable here as breathe whenever I notice that I am or could become this “polite” character in any situation, but to rather try and justify this character in my mind so that I receive something for my well planned charade.

I commit myself to not allowing this polite character to dictate what I say, and do around certain people in certain situations as I realize that this character is not real as it only exists  through my allowance to participate with thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I’m having thoughts to become polite to a person to gain some sort of feedback, that I stop, do not engage with what’s happening in my head and simply remain stable here as breath where I remain as who I really am as life which is best for all. 

I commit myself to living here as the physical in self0honesty with no fake characters of separation and to no matter what remove this polite character I have allowed as well as all polite characters in this existence who are hiding a nasty agenda behind this fake politeness, because in a world that’s best for all nobody will be trying to manipulate each other with politeness.   

Day 22: The "Fatherly" Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within and as a “fatherly” character when I am around my son, wherein I separate myself from my son through presenting myself as this character where my voice, stance and general participation changes into a belief of being “informed and authoritarian”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as this fatherly character give my power away to this character, where I enslave myself to beliefs of myself being informed and authoritarian where I am not living what is best for all and simply am in complete separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the physical consequences of accepting and allowing myself to exist as this fatherly character where I deceive myself into believing that I am doing what is best for my son, but in actual I fact I am only protecting my self-interest to present myself as this character instead of remaining as myself, stable as one face in every moment whether i am around my son or not wherein I direct myself within and as breath which is always best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as this fatherly character feeding into it my starting point of separation where I’m not actually breathing here.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand in all moments that this fatherly character is my creation and thus my responsibility, because In the past I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my son for why I transform into this fatherly character around him which is just me blaming my son as ego because I have feared to face and correct this character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not existing as this fatherly character around my son because of believing that I will become ineffective at being a father without this character like my father, which is not true because in fact I realise I will become more effective at being a father through releasing this fatherly character. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly compare myself to my own father in my mind through years of thought, which I realise now is where this fatherly character stems from, defining my father in my mind as “bad” and desiring to be a “good” father myself, and within this desire I created this fatherly character where i define myself as “good” which I realise is complete separation of myself which must be stopped because in my mind within this starting point I am continually competing with my father. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming an uncaring father like my own father, and within this fear in my mind I validate and justify not letting go of this fatherly character, which I realize is unacceptable because there is no justification that exists for any fear or character stemming from my pre-programmed mind.    

  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this fatherly character I become around my son because of justifying and validating this character through believing in my mind that I am doing a “good” thing within existing as this character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from physical reality through creating and existing as this fatherly figure character, completely unaware of what I’m actually doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes desire others to acknowledge and praise me for existing as this fatherly character, where I attempt to project an image of myself to others as a being a “good dad”, however I realise that I am separating myself from my son within feeding into this character through looking for others to give me attention for what I’m doing where the physical support I provide my son is not as effective as it could be because I’m existing in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within existing as this fatherly character around my son, I take up a position of believing in my mind that I am his god, where I expect him to respect and follow every word I say existing in the hereafter as ego which is unacceptable. I now realise that within expecting anyone to listen to my word without being able to cross reference what I’m saying for themselves, is actually an attempt to enslave the being and within this also enslaving myself as the fatherly character.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that to be as effective a father as possible for my son I must have no characters that I accept and allow myself to be, because within existing as a character I am completely cut off from physical reality, and thus I cannot physically support another effectively within this starting point of allowing myself to exist as a character because I am not physically supporting myself effectively through focusing on breathing rather than breeding separation.

I commit myself to taking not of anytime my physicality changes in anyway when I am around my son, because I realize that any changes no matter how subtle will be an indication that I am shifting into the fatherly character, which I do not accept and allow myself to be any further, and within noticing any physical changes I commit myself to breathing where I release this character.

I commit myself to being as effective a father as possible, where I do not allow myself to create, exist as and define myself as a fatherly character stemming from my pre-programmed mind through my allowance, as I realise that this character is actually what stops me from being as effective as possible at being a father.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to compare myself to my own father, and to not allowing myself to desire to not be like my father, because I realize that through comparing myself to my father and desiring to not be like my father i am actually re-enforcing this fatherly character within and as myself accepting separation as myself which I am not willing to accept, as I accept no less than self-honesty as myself where I simply exist as and do what is best for all.

I commit myself to exposing all characters that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as through years of accumulating thoughts, feelings and emotions cementing myself as illusionary pre-programming which I realise is what actually separates me from physical reality, where I’m not really living I’m just existing.

I commit myself to whenever I am around my son to stop and not allow myself to participate with any thoughts, feelings or emotions that come up and rather focus on breathing here and this I commit myself to repeat until this fatherly character is here no more.  

Day 21: “I’m the Boss” Character

Investigation as self-forgiveness/corrective statements in relation to a character I become around my staff at work. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an “I’m the boss” character whenever I am around people that I’m responsible for hiring and training.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only place value on my own words while I’m having a conversation with people that work under me, where I do not really listen unconditionally to what the other person is saying, which is a clear point of inequality manifested through me accepting and allowing myself to exist as this “I’m the boss” character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enforce this character onto those that work under me where I demand respect in my mind from the other person wherein through participation as this “I’m the boss” characters thoughts and memories, I purposely in some situations take a sarcastic tone and verbally attack the person feeding into a desire to have power over another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have power over another, as this is abusive to life and this desire only exists in my mind and thus is not actually real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind connect desire to power and power to my position over others in the company I work for, which is not actually power at all, it is just a job that perpetuates the system of capitalism here the same way as any job does, my job has no more value than anybody else’s job here.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the power I believe I have over those underneath me at work is not actually real it only exists in my mind within and as this “I’m the boss” character I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the role of god as this “I’m the boss” character over those that work under me at work, where I constantly take the “moral high ground” in my mind, demanding that slaves follow my every word or they will “feel my wrath” by me firing them “casting them out of heaven”.

I forgive myself that as much as I want people under me to follow every word I say, I also sometimes want someone to question my word so that I can mentally fight with them for a moment, crush their word, so I can get energy for my mind that I’m addicted to as this “I’m the boss” character.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that while I’m existing as this “I’m the boss” character that its justified for me to stay in bed, to ignore phone calls, to get my staff to work harder than me on the hardest jobs and I can work half as hard on easier jobs because I can pick and choose who works on what deal. I realise and understand that regardless of my position, me putting in less effort is not justified, that I must live 100% commitment to the job in all moments if I am expecting my staff to produce results with 100% commitment, if I do not produce my staff will not produce.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my behaviour as this “I’m the boss” character around my staff because of knowing that my boss will not stop me from treating my staff the way I want to, which is not a justification at all, there is no justification for allowing separation as myself in anything I do in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my boss in my mind for why I’m existing as this “I’m the boss” character at work because he sometimes tells me to put my foot down with certain staff members, and then I go into a fear of disappointing my boss, so I then purposely feed into this “I’m the boss” character through fear of losing my job. I realise now however, that to blame anyone for what I’m experiencing is simply a state of ego where I take no responsibility for myself, as if it is in the hands of another which is impossible. I also realise that this “I’m the boss” character actually comes from a fear of losing my own job, it all starts from me and thus must end from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow fear to dictate me through accepting and allowing this “I’m the boss” character to build on top of a fear of losing my job. I realise and understand that fear is not physically supportive in anyway and that I must remove this fear immediately.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes show up a member of staff as being stupid charged with negativity to other members of staff, where I also then try to manipulate others to see me as clever charged with positivity, which is complete ego god bullshit as this “I’m the boss” character which I must stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am existing as this “I’m the boss” character, to then experience and justify anger towards any member of my staff that themselves make excuses as to why they are producing such poor results, when in fact me getting angry overreacting about a person’s justifications is only telling that I must work on not reacting to this because my anger will in most cases not assist myself or anyone else to improve effectiveness in the job role. I realise that while directness of speech with some emotion is sometimes required, reacting in anger to my staff is counter-productive to making sales and so is not best for everyone in my team.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to having disagreements with anyone that works underneath me and doesn’t follow my word to the tee, sometimes just for small infringements like being 20 minutes late, which has affected team moral/sales before, and I realise this addiction is only existing in my pre-programmed mind so is not real and is clearly abusive in nature as it is based in creating a conflict with someone outside of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe that my words are no more valid then anybody else’s regardless of what point is being shared – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge my words as “positive” and to charge peoples words that work underneath me as “negative” which is a valued judgement based in separation and so must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely manipulate staff who follow my word completely, to sometimes also mentally attack the person that is disagreeing with me where I receive energy for my ego, charging this “I’m the boss” character I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become around those that work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely, lie, deceive and mislead someone who has offended this “I’m the boss” character I become around those that work for me, where I’m not even thinking about what’s best for a sale, I’m only thinking about causing some reaction of annoyance in the person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be purposely over-specific with new staff through existing as this “I’m the boss” character, where my aim sometimes is more to confuse the person and throw them in at the deep end on their own to see how they react, rather than doing what is best to produce a sale.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that although sometimes it is best to put new staff on their own with a lot of information as a test of their “mental toughness” and ability to move themselves, that still is no justification to exist as or project this “I’m the boss” character onto the person.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that it is actually possible for me to be someone’s boss at work, and to not exist as this “I’m the boss” character, it is possible for me to be someone’s boss and treat the person equally at the same time, still push the person to hit sales, but me myself remaining stable as breathe, just as myself, where I’m not playing any mind games with the person as a character based In separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a concept that I am already as effective a manager can be within existing as this “I’m the boss” character, which is not true because if my management of my staff was perfectly stable, then my teams results would also be stable as well, so clearly there are still ways that I can work on being much more effective in every aspect of my job. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe that while I am existing as this “I’m the boss” character, that I cannot learn anything from staff I’m managing, that they cannot suggest things to me, that I already know the best way to run the team, which is not true as inconsistent results from my team prove. I realise that to believe I know everything within existing as this “I’m the boss” character is simply to impose an idea of myself as ego which is not real.   

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment I am working that in order to maximise staff effectiveness I must manage my staff without becoming this “I’m the boss” character which causes nothing but separation from my staff, so I realise I must walk in equality with all life regardless of a job role a person has. 

I forgive myself that I have also accepted and allowed myself to become this “I’m the boss” character sometimes when I am around my mother, my son or my dogs where I separate myself from these people through telling them what to do, taking a position in my mind of absolute authority as this character.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this “I’m the boss” character any further in my life through stopping myself when thoughts come up, disciplining myself through sticking to breathe anytime I notice a shift into this character.

I commit myself to immediately sticking to breathe whenever I react to something and become this “I’m the boss” character, because I realise that through allowing myself to exist as this character there is only separation that can be produced, but within sticking to breathe then I am able to focus on doing what’s best for all in every way.

I commit myself to continue working on myself as a manager, working equally with everyone in the company regardless of their job positioning, where I can from this starting point improve all aspects of my effectiveness in relation to my job role.

I commit myself to through consistent self-corrective application, to be able to manage my staff effectively to maximise sales without creating an alternative dimension of myself as this “I’m the boss” character which I have exposed to myself as being abusive to life and not real.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to blame anyone or anything, or in any way justify this “I’m the boss” character in my mind whenever I shift into and as this character, as I realise that blames and justifications only derive from the ego driven pre-programmed mind, and so are not actually real in anyway, so I stop and direct myself within and as breathe where I direct myself to do what is best for all life.

I commit myself to expanding myself within my job role, to simply being here as myself without any added multiple dimensions in my mind that I allow to separate me from physical reality, because I realise that I am not perfect at my job, there is no perfection that exists on earth until I first take self-responsibility to not deceive myself or others that I’m something that I’m not. I will accept no less than self-honesty as myself where I remain stable and clear about the origin of all of existence as myself.       

 

Day 20: Anger as ego blaming existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Anger whenever something does not go according to the plan I have in my mind, which I realise it is not necessary because the plan I have in my mind does not take into account the physical actions required. Within the very fact of experiencing anger when my plan doesn’t go the way I want, it is basically saying I have an expectation for my plans to work existing in the hereafter as ego, when if I had no expectations then there would be no anger experienced.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately when something doesn’t go according to the plan in my mind, to then look for someone or something to take my anger out on them through blaming them as a state of ego which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the only person I can ever blame for experiencing anger is myself, because it is only through my acceptance and allowance of the anger does that anger actually exist as me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “bad” and to charge the whole experience of anger with a “negative” polarity whenever I experience anger, when in fact that is just me allowing separation from the experience of anger, which ensures change is not possible, because there is no “good or bad” to anything in existence. 

I forgive myself that I have not taken self-responsibility immediately when a point of anger comes up, but to instead look for something outside of myself to spew my shit all over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want someone else to experience the anger I’m experiencing, where I purposely am projecting my shit on another, looking for attention and consideration from someone else, and I will actually go out of my way to try and cause reactions in the person so that they become angry as well.

I forgive myself that I have not realised every time I am projecting my anger onto another I am actually emotionally abusing that person so it is completely unacceptable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the colour red to the experience of anger in my mind, and then whenever I see the colour red there is a trigger in my mind which makes me think of anger. When in fact the colour red has nothing to do with anger it is simply a colour, so I take self-responsibility to stop this connection. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised that whenever I’m experiencing anger here, if I slow down within and as breath and have a look at the anger experience I will clearly be able to see that it doesn’t physically assist with anything. So if I’m getting angry about something that didn’t go to plan, its best to slowdown breathe and let go of the anger which will assist with correcting the point I’m getting angry about from a stable starting point, while feeding into the anger will make correction of the point that made me angry much more difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards myself whenever there is something I don’t understand that I really want to understand, then I will attempt to complete something without understanding how it really works from a starting point of energy where I end up just making lots of mistakes because my application is ineffective.   

I forgive myself that I have not realised every time I experience anger, that the starting point of where the anger came from is in consciousness, and is thus not real, so within existing as anger I am just in a state of mind possession where I’m not really alive I am just existing as illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through believing that my anger cannot be diffused when it gets to a certain level, when in actual fact no matter how angry I experience myself I am always the one responsible for myself, thus I am able to direct myself within and as breath in any moment and let go of any mind possession directing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind Justify my experience of anger if any of my family are attacked in anyway, which then creates war, and thus more anger/pain for myself, my family and others which cannot be justified in anyway.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in any moment that my family is attacked in some way, that it is best for all to remove my family from the point of attack, and for myself to simply walk away, this reduces abuse in the situation rather than increase it and so is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Anger at the state of the world currently, and anger towards humans in general for not standing up and taking self-responsibility, when I have realised that I once myself didn’t give a shit about changing the world for the better so I understand that perspective, and no matter how angry I get, nothing in this world changes for the better from that anger, because it is a 1+1=2 accumulation effect that is required to change this world for the better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger towards those that build opinions about desteni material and equal money without any effective research, when this anger is completely pointless, because when I reflect the point back to myself, I see that I have built up opinions about the desteni material in the past without research, so there is no need to be angry at others for this because we all walk this reality and points of realization at our own pace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Anger at the government for not doing anything to implement what’s best for all, where I simply exist as ego judging and blaming the government without considering that the government is just flesh and bone humans like me, and if I had lived the life of these politicians then I would not be doing what’s best for all either.

I forgive msyelf that I have not realised that when I experience anger in anyway, it is not best to look for something outside of myself to blame, it is best to bring it back to self and look for the trigger inside through investigating – why am I experiencing this anger, where does it come from? What justifications am I giving for my anger? How do I stop this experience? 

I commit myself to not allowing an experience of anger to control me in totality, to see realise and understand that this experience is not here as myself unless I allow it to be here as myself.

I commit myself to whenever I experience anger, to diffuse my anger through self-forgiveness and consistent breathing application, so I stop I breathe and I continue to breathe through the emotional experience until here no more.

I commit myself to not charge the experience of anger with any “negative” connotations in my mind, because I realise that within defining anything as “good or bad” I am actually making a valued judgement in total separation of myself, where effective releasing of the anger or any effective change for that matter is completely impossible.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to blame anyone outside of myself for my own experiences of anger. I realise is nothing but ego, and so whenever I react to something and a point of anger comes up - I stop, I breathe, I continue every time anger comes up until here no further, I take self-responsibility for myself to live here in equality and oneness as what’s best for all. 

I commit myself to not accepting a world where anger is fed into and justified by the human to create war, because it is best for all to live in a world where war does not exist, and so for war to be removed from this existence, i must take self-responsibility for all experiences I have which result in war, so that I do not go into any ego battles of attack/defence positioning in my mind within and as anger.