Day 103: Carrying the “weight” of Illness Part 2

Continuing from my last blog, it really is fascinating to see when we are not ill for a long time, that when we do inevitably become ill at some stage, then we react and loads of supressed backchat thoughts come spiraling around in the mind, I’m not willing to accept this  –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to being ill in the mind as an negative energetic response, where I experience myself as being physically more heavy when I am ill, when in fact I realize that none of this is real, and thus it is best for all to take responsibility for myself and stop participation in this immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as heavy within and as being ill, when this heaviness experience is not actually real, it only exists in my mind through reacting to being ill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect illness to an experience of being heavy within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that within this set of events I am creating a polarity split in my mind where I define being ill as something “negative” and being in health as being “positive” when I realize in fact that this polarity is a complete delusion because an illness is in physical fact nothing more than being ill, same with being healthy, there is no more to it than that, anything else is just happening in my mind according to my programming, so I realize that this polarity has manifested when I am ill because of how I accept and allow myself to experience myself in relation to being ill.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that anytime I react to something physical, something real and then believe that my experience in relation to this physical event Is real, then it reveals that I am in complete separation of myself where I am participating in thought energy, so when this happens I know that I require to slow down with and as breathe, where from a starting point of common sense I act accordingly to not allow myself to go into any internal experiences in relation to the physical event through writing, applying self-forgiveness, and re-scripting myself to remain stable as breathe the next time I am faced with a similar situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation from the illness, from this physical body here, which is who I really am, through existing as this “heavy” experience within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a failure when I am ill and that I am a success when I am healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to not participate in anything when I am ill, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this heaviness/failure experience when I am ill which then feeds into laziness where I do not move effectively in anything and rather just compound/enforce this heaviness/laziness experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat thought when I’m ill that “it’s not worth doing anything because I’m ill, I’m a complete failure, so fuck it I will do nothing” which is where I shift in my mind justifying my experience in relation to my illness, and thus justify not moving all day, rather than taking responsibility to direct myself as my body, as the illness here equal and one where I do not allow any backchat to be superimposed over the physical, and thus I can apply common sense and move effectively regardless of whether I’m ill or not.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that within experiencing myself as a failure when I am ill, and a success when I am healthy my whole starting point of myself is separation in energy where I justify my experience at either end of the scale and I am in constant instability moving back and forward between the two poles. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this varying “heavy/failure” “light/success” experience of myself according to the level of physical illness I am having at any moment, which is where I then blame the illness for my experience of myself as ego, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my illness as being the cause of my “heavy/failure” experience and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself attribute this “light/success” experience of myself to how healthy I am feeling, when I realize that anything I do from either end of this equation as a starting point, will be in separation because that is my accepted and allowed origin of myself within success/failure. I am not willing to allow this to continue.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments that how much money I have in any given moment is where this point is charged extensively, where if I am ill as well as losing some money I experience myself as “extra heavy”, and when I am healthy and come across some extra money I experience myself as “extra light”, which is clear self-deception showing me as a point of self-support that I require to take action to stabilize myself in relation to illness and money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my experience of myself to be directed according to how much money I have; where this experience is compounded at each end of the scale according to whether i am ill or healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should always be healthy, and within this I realize I have been existing as constant back chat thoughts of “I must stay healthy to be successful” and existing as fear within thoughts like “I can’t afford to be ill”. So I forgive myself that I have not realized that within believing I should a “always be healthy” that I am really just constantly compounding fear of being ill/poor and desiring to be constantly healthy/rich. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and perpetuate this complete fiasco in my mind for so long without questioning this sooner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weak when I am ill, that I am “downgraded” when this downgrading experience is not tangible in anyway it’s only in my mind, and as such is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “never getting ill” when I realize that this self-definition is dishonest,  it is not practical, it makes no sense, and it’s all in my mind, because no matter what preventative measures I take, I am an organic being which is having all kinds of different bacteria’s entering my body at different stages of the day, so within this I realize that everyone always gets ill at some stage, there is no way to avoid this, so within accepting this, I empower myself to not react the next time I am ill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mother being consistently ill throughout the years, and I realize that through years of reacting to her being ill, is where I have allowed myself to define her as the face of illness in my mind, and me as the face of health that apparently “never gets ill” which as I have been sharing is nothing but nonsensical bullshit in my mind, so I stop.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this heaviness/failure experience in relation to being ill, as I realize that it is just an illusion happening in my mind, I realize that this experience does not assist me in living what is best for all, it simply disempowers me, fuelling my starting point of separation/polarity which I’m not willing to continue.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react to being ill or healthy within and as the mind, because i realize that any reaction in my mind will simply be a programmed response which is not real and does not support life in anyway.

I commit myself to not allowing my level of money I have, to affect/compound this heaviness/lightness experience of myself in relation to how ill or healthy I physically feel.

I commit myself to revealing that the success/failure characters in this world in each human is complete bullshit, and that reacting to illness/or healthy feeling within our body as heavy/light experience of ourselves, will only compound the success/failure characters within us and continue to create a world of abuse inside each one of us.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to deceive myself that I “can’t get ill, as I realize that being ill is simply a part of this reality that can be prevented through certain remedies/medicines being taken, but ultimately we will all get ill at some point whether we like it or not, so within this realization I make sure that I discipline myself to remain stable the next time I am ill, and I within this realization I commit myself to not allowing myself to fear being ill, as I accept that everybody gets ill sometimes, and within this I commit myself to not allowing myself to justify no practical common sense movement/participation within being ill, as I realize that no matter if I am ill or not, I am always physically here as my body, where I stand as the directive principle of life not directed by thoughts, feelings and emotions but rather exist in awareness of myself as life here and expand from that where I remain stable as breathe and from this starting point I manifest what is best for all. So I stop participation with any mind shit when I am ill, I stop and breathe, I repeat until I am clear.

Day 102: Carrying the “weight” of illness

So the past few days I have been ill with a cold, it has been about 2 years since I have had a cold partly due to consistently using Hydrogen Peroxide in my diet/ears. Now I’m already feeling a lot better today through using HP rigorously over the past few days, but as soon as I woke up yesterday I started reacting in the mind immediately when I realized that I had all the signs of a cold such as blocked/stuffy nose, sore throat, headache etc.

I started experiencing myself as “down” about this cold, which then resulted in me physically slumping throughout a lot of the day like I’m carrying this additional weight which is not actually tangible, but through my participation in thought energy, it manifests through my body. All day not wanting to participate in anything, experiencing myself as useless, just wanting to lay down, sleep and curl up within and as this “heavy” experience.

I also experienced this judgement of myself as being weak for being ill like this, that I should apparently “not be able” to get ill like this. And I noticed at the same time that I have accepted and allowed this concept for a long time in my life, judging illness as weakness, which I should not experience because I am apparently so “strong”.

I realize that this is all just a fiasco happening in my head, I realize that it is completely unnecessary to react to getting ill in the mind as experiencing myself as “heavy and down”, I mean obviously it is not physically comfortable to be ill in any format, yet through remaining stable as breathe I ensure that common sense is still my directive whether I am ill or not, which is best for all because my effective participation in anything is not compromised through any accepted and allowed mind reactions.

I realize that anybody can get ill in this world, because we are all flesh and bone, so no matter what preventative measures I take, such as using Hydrogen Peroxide which is something I suggest everyone take to avoid unnecessary illness, this HP usage does not change the fact that I am a physical being in a physical world and thus I can be affected by physical illnesses.

I realize that through living with my mum for the majority of my life, and seeing her be seriously ill very often, is where I have created this delusionary concept that illness is something associated with my mother, not with me, that I “never get ill”, which as I have just shared is complete bullshit.

Join me in my next blog for SF/SCS

Day 101: A Bitter-Sweet Existence

So I watched a film called “a bittersweet life” which is a well-made South Korean film, and the title of the film interested me more than anything else. I mean it’s interesting when a person first eats bitter tasting food/drinks like a Brussels sprouts or a strong black coffee with no sugar for example; the face contorts in disgust for many. Then look what happens when we eat something sweet like chocolate or a MacDonald’s, our faces literally light up with enjoyment at the sweetness. Anything that entertains our minds we have defined as “sweet” and thus apparently worth pursuing, and anything which does not entertain us we have defined as bitter and “bad tasting” which we then disregard. Interesting that this spans out to all things in our lives.

We define “love” from an energetic perspective with another person to be sweet, something “good” and having “no love” is something bitter as apparently “bad”. We have defined theme parks like Disney world as something sweet, wearing the most fashionable clothes as something sweet, winning sport games as something sweet, having lots of money as something sweet, having model standard partners as something sweet, playing computer games as something sweet, going into space as something sweet, having an easy job as something sweet, believing in a beautiful afterlife as something sweet, having lots of toys as something sweet, being acknowledged by others for some reason to be something sweet, and the list can go on and on.

 

Now we all enjoy having the best of things, which is not the problem, it’s cool to have the best stuff, as long as what we define to be the best is done so through common sense and not a delusion, such as looking for model standard partners for instance is a clear delusion; the problem though is we are enjoying pursuing all these “sweet tasting” things in complete separation from this physical reality as a whole, while the majority cannot possibly enjoy the sweetness that we the elite have in our lives.

We are all guilty of accepting these concepts at some point in our lives, yet when we look in common sense we can see that there is nothing sweet happening on earth, that we have deluded ourselves with a selfish pursuit of what makes us feel good ahead of coming up with solutions to share the sweetness with all beings in this world.   

So majority desire the sweet and disregard the bitter, we humans have been doing this inside ourselves for so long, and this bitter-sweet acceptance and allowance in everything we do is nothing but a polarity separation which has manifested the huge gulf we see in the world between rich and poor. This is why so few people around the world are taking the time in their lives to live what is best for all, because change is defined as something “bitter and bad”, because it is not entertaining and sweet tasting, it is hard work.

In my life I have noticed how many people have disregarded interacting with me because I have changed a lot in terms of what I accept and allow in my life which has left a bitter taste in peoples mouth, regardless of the fact that I am a much more caring person then I ever used to be when these people were my “friends”, so we humans tend to not care if change is beneficial for us, we still will define that change as something not to be trusted.  

We trust the sweet instead, as being blissfully ignorant to the suffering on earth, we are possessed by the sweet but we must learn that unless we stand up for life there will eventually be no tomorrow for anyone to enjoy anything as the extinction of mankind manifests. And that in order to eradicate all bitter “bad” things from this existence as the ending of all abuse, that we cannot continue to run away into the sweetness of what makes us feel good, because this is making the problem worse. We must first embrace all things here equally, realizing that we are individually the origin of abuse, then take responsibility for ourselves to remove the whole concept of “sweet and bitter”, “good and bad” from everything we do in our lives, and instead live practically according to what supports all life equally, where we implement mechanisms as ourselves to prevent abuse rather than compound it, purely focused on creating a world of harmony for all, which would actually be a real sweetness that we can all enjoy the taste of.