Banana Addiction

So a few months ago i noticed a behavioural pattern where in the morning after i make a coffee, my hand immeditaely goes to the fruit bowl to get a Banana, and very often im not actually aware of myself while im doing it, where it became an automated pattern of the mind. Now about 3 weeks ago, when i went to grab a banana, there was no bananas left, and its fascinating because i immediately reacted becoming annoyed that there was no bananas left, feeling it is "not right", and when this happened i stopped, and realised that this reaction of annoyance i was experiencing actually happens everytime i do not have exactly 2 bananas first thing in the morning avaivlable to me.

Anyway so i knew there was some suppressed points in the subconscious/unconscious because of the strong feelings and physical behavioural patterns surrounding bananas. So i sat down and spent a few hours mapping out all the points i could see in relation to bananas in my life. And one point that stood out for me was when i was around 7-9 years old i watched a cartoon every morning called "banana man" i can even recall making an effort to wake up extra early at around 6am to watch it before school, i was definitely addicted to this cartoon, as i was to many cartoons at this time in my life. And when i was mapping out all points i could see in relation to bananas i noticed that this cartoon had a massive effect on me as a child. Because in the cartoon it is about a "geeky guy" who turns into a superhero when he eats bananas, that bananas give him "special powers" lol. And when i looked at all the cartoons i watched at this time in my life, i noticed that "banana man" was the only cartoon i have ever seen and watched religiously in my life that centers around becoming a "superhero" through eating a fruit.

So i laughed to myself when i realised this point, because it is clear that the messages of the cartoon "banana man" imprinted in my unconscious where growing up there was massive value i began placing on bananas, at first when the addiction to bananas started i was consciously aware of it, where i would often say to my mum that i must eat more bananas to get strong like banana man, and of course my mother would tell me that bananas are good for me, which is true, but that also added more layers of value on bananas, and then as i came into teenage years i had long forgotten the cartoon banana man, but the addiction to bananas remained though the starting point started to get further buried in my unconscious to the point where eating bananas basically became a behavioural pattern where i wasnt even aware where the addiction came from, but since i noticed this reaction of annoyance 3 weeks ago when there was no bananas left, this gave me the opportunity to investigate.

So once i had seen this i obviously applied specific self-forgiveness, self corrective statements and redefintion of any words that came up. i then decided to have no bananas for a week to test how effective my application is, and a few of those days i made sure that i did have bananas available to me, to test my resolve, and a few other days i made sure no bananas where available to me to have a look if any reactions came up. Anyway its a cool point, because now through my self - application, i am no longer reacting in the morning to having bananas or not - i remain stable, if they are there then cool i will eat them, although not obsessively, and it no longer matters to me how many i have, before i did this investigation/experiment i would maybe eat around 4 or 5 bananas every day, now i only eat bananas practically if they are there, instead of it being a mind possession point. Bananas are no longer on a pedestal in my mind, i do not consider them to be more important then any other fruit - so If bananas are not available to me in the morning then i just eat something else, releasing any reactions that come up through sticking to breathe. So its cool to no longer be controlled and limited by the point of "needing to have bananas" in the morning, where now i will simply eat whatever is here to support my body for breakfast - best for all

Sunday 24/04/11 - Fears

So im looking here at the fears that have come up during the day today and what thoughts, pictures, words, memories come up in relation to the fears im writing about at the time or here and now as i write this. Its very Interesting looking at fears and how they manifest physically in our lives, and i notice a prominent trend in myself and others i have discussed fears with, that it seems that we immediately attempt to deny whatever it is that we fear, by suppressing the fears through the mind, then through the ego denying that we have any fear, that we dont want to appear weak and afraid infront of others, we want to appear strong and perfect, so instead people put up a fake face of fearlessness, where through particicpating in thoughts, feelings and emotions we attempt to avoid taking self responsibility for correcting the specific fear - facing fears is a simple point of self honesty, because when we are honest with ourselves we can see that fear is existing within us, and only in dishonesty as the minds ego can a being claim they have no fear. However to actually self honestly release points of fear in our lives requires walking backwards in time, looking at where, how and what was created, then flagging self and applying continuous application here until the point of fear is walked out physical through breathe until here no further, where even the fear of death the most extensive fear in all humans can be transcended through effective self application, also laughing is a cool self support tool to direct and release fear.

Anyway rant over - so today i woke up at 8.30am, it was easter sunday, so none of my team was working, and immediately i feared not being fully functional, because of having less then 4 hours sleep because i went to bed at 5am, so then i justified going back to sleep in my mind to have a few more hours sleep, then i woke up again after what seemed in my mind to only be a moment, immediately when i noticed the clock said 11am i reacted to this point as fear which came up when i realised that i am going over 6 hours sleep - i started to judge myself and going into fear beleiving that i wont have enough time to get done what i want to get done today, a thought came up that "i must get up now or i wont get enough things done", the word Lazy sprung to mind, also a memory came up of when i used to stay in bed most of the day, then i started comparing myself to this memory, and fearing being defined as lazy like i defined myself in the "old days". I noted this down and then stabilized myself within the point through laughing and applying the four count breathe, then i got up to have some breakfast.

After getting my coffee and bananas, i noticed as i came upstairs that my next door neighbours were outside making noise, and i had a thought "what are you doing?" then i physically acted upon this thought where i was watching my neighbours out of the window, then another thought popped up "i dont want you to see me watching you" and so i was watching them from behind the blind, then i realised that these thoughts were connected to fear, a fear of being exposed as a "peeping tom" thus fear of loss where i was fearing losing my position of value as the point of being "unseen" as my pre programmed mind - so i wrote this down and then stabilized myself within the point.

Then before going out to the shop to get some food, some back chat came up as i smelt my armpits of "sweat" "i can smell my body odour, need to sort that" so i had a shower, fearing my bodys odour, fearing that another person would smell my body odour and percieve it as "bad", and again as i started taking my clothes off i wrote this point down, realising that the physical action of having a shower was actually motivated by fear. Fear of self, wanting to present an image of "cleanliness" desiring to give myself the "best" opportunity to appear as a valid candidate for a realtionship with a female, and as i was showering pictures of me and my ex partner having a shower came up in my mind, then remembering the acelerated arguments and abuse towards the end of the relationship, then from that memory i then had a fear come up of having another relationship, that while i desire it, im in fact actually fearing another relationship here, fearing being "locked down", and being afraid of reliving any past patterns of abuse, fear of loss/change - instead of trusting myself as life here in self honesty, as being actually able to be in an effective relationship with myself and thus be able to produce an effective agreement with a partner. I flagged this point as i got out of the shower, wrote it down and spoke self-forgiveness statements outloud as i put my clothes on.

Then as i stepped outside to get into the car i looked at the crack on the front of the grill on the car, which happened a few days ago, and coincidently happened when i was in a state of fear as rushing in anxiety, in the haste of go go go, worrying about being late for a weekly team review due to traffic, getting distracted by thoughts, phone calls and a spot on my chin, then my car slowly rolled into the car infront causing a minor crack on my grill and a minor crack on his number plate. I experienced embarrassment at the time at being so clumsy, which indicated fear of change to me at the time. And anyway i reacted to this crack on my grill with the thoughts "car wash" "the car could do with a wash, at the car wash but i dont know if the superglue holding the grill can take the water" lol so i was fearing that the grill might fall off if i try and wash it, so i was fearing my own fear here, again fear of change and fear of the future - i laughed as i noticed this fear, i wrote it down and i simply made a decision from the starting point of whats best for all to get the problem sorted - just wash the car by hand being careful with the grill, and go and get the grill professionally fixed when possible.

Then when me and my mum got to the shop, we started shopping, and when we got to the alcohol section, my mum said to me "can i get a few bottles of wine?" i agreed that she could put a few bottles in the trolley, but i noticed that the starting point was not an unconditional self honest giving, but was actually from a dishonest starting point of fear, because the thought came up "if i say no, then she will react" and so within fearing her reaction if i were to say no, i agreed she could get the wine based on fear of the future, a memory also came up here of the other day when my mother reacted very emotionally when i didnt get her a bottle of wine that she wanted - so i noted this fear of the future, this fear of what "could happen" this fearful starting point within getting the wine, that i must use this wine as a point of self support to flag and realise whenever i am accepting and allowing myself to exist as the mind as fear of my mums reaction, then direct myself within and as this fear until it exists no more and the givng of wine to my mother is a point of unconditional giving where i remain stable within the giving.

And as we got home, i unpacked the shopping and decided to start making food, i wanted a fry up, so i started doing so, and i noticed i started rushing within this as i had the bacon on high heat aswel as the beans and my toast in an attempt to rush the cooking because of a fear of not having enough time to do other things. Also within the high heat rushing the grease was spitting extensively, and then as a blob of hot grease spat onto my face i reacted in fear and turned the heat down a bit, fearing the stinging of the grease spiting in my face again lol. Fear of "pain" fear of the future, fear of death, the words Grease, Eat and Hurry come up.

So its very intersting to slow down during a day and look specifically at fear and how many of my thoughts, actions, decisions etc are based on fear, because in self honesty all our decisions are based in fear according to the pre-programmed mind consciousness system that we exist within and as, and it is only through effective self realization and self corrective application can we humans ever release any fears that we have allowed to develop through our lives - So cool sharing these self realizations in relation to fear, and now i must stand as the directive principle to stop, by mapping out these fears in precise detail, looking at the starting points, the trigger points, the justifications used to hold onto a specific fear, the physical experiences, words, memories, pictures, then apply continuous self forgiveness as and when required, pushing the point through remaining stable as breathe, utlizing laughter as self support etc, until i stand here as myself as a world of no fear no matter how long it takes.

Shut the fuck up im concentrating - Noise reactions

When i was typing out a point earlier, i noticed that i could hear some neighbours talking across the road, now these particular neighbours sometimes have friends round, and earlier there was 3 guys standing outside this house across the road, and because my estate is in a bowl design, so sounds that are actually not loud vibrate round the estate quickly. So i could hear these 3 guys talking and it wasnt loud, but like i say due to the design of my estate its easy to hear alot of small noises, anyway so im reacting as annoyance, and its building up as i hear them chatting meaningless shit about football, its like i can hear them chatting just behind me, and within myself im starting to chat away to myself in my mindlike "shut the fuck up im concentrating" and "cant you just piss off" also experiencing a feeling that i should be able to have total utter silence when im concentrating, that if i cant have it the way i want it in total silence then its "not fair" for me. Then fearing what they might say if i tell them to lower the volume, then experiencing some physical effects as my heart start beating a bit faster,and some energy movements in my body manifesting as itching in various spots for the next few minutes, specifically my thigh, calf, chin, knee, and foot.

Then i realised what was happening so i applied four count breathe and released this energy movement, stabilised myself, then made a note of what was happening, and then when i go slightly deeper into the point, i can see in self honesty that i do this all the time when there is noise around me while im typing a blog or doing research. I can see that i allow myself to react to the noise, and get all worked up about it within thoughts and feelings separating myself from what im actually participating with physically here, then if i dont stop myself, i use it as a justification within my ego as to why i cant concentrate within my typing, that the conditions arent "good" enough for me to finish doing what im doing, blaming the cause of the noise for my own self created limitation, instead of standing one and equal as the noise, remaining stable and unreactive through breathe and carrying on with what im doing, i mean its not like bombs going off outside my house, its just a few people speaking. But its like im expecting an exam room level of silence, which fascinatingly now as i write this brings up  points of treating my blogging, and ITD almost as school work that i percieve i have to "drag" myself through it just like when i was at school, that point of ego wanting total silence to craft a personality stroking "masterpiece" of art, and going into the mind as competition within my blogging at times, again reason for demanding no noise when i attempting to "win" the competition lol  - anyway fucked up and unacceptable that im reacting to this, but as with any point its actually cool that this comes up and happens, because now i am self aware within this point, i now have the power to do something about it thats best for all. so i will be stopping this now  -

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself accodring to the mind by reacting to the words of others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to noise in fear as the mind while i am blogging and researching.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the words of others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear jduging others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realise that when i am judging something and am in fact fearing what im judging.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realise in all moments that through judging another i am actually judging myself, and thus fearing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear living as myself here in self awareness in the totality of myself as life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thoughts "shut the fuck up im concentrating" and "cant you piss off home" to a feeling of annoyance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define annoyance within myself through these thoughts according to separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to physically experience annoyance towards others within and as me while i am blogging and researching.

I for give myself that i have not allowed myself to stand equal and one as another being based on their level of noise when i am studying, i realise and accept this to be separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that while im studying i should be able to have total silence around me.

I forgive myself that i have not realised that within wanting things to go my way, and meet my approval, that i am just existing as the ego as the mind, believing that my wants and needs must come beofre another because my wants and needs are "so important"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that blogging and studying equality is of more importance then anything, where i allow myself to compromise whats best for all in the name of blogging and reserching equality by reacting to noise of others.

I forgive myself that i have not relaised that when i percieve something to be "unfair" for me, that i am actually existing as self interest as the mind as ego, within this i am not considering those that has less then me, and standing in oneness and equality with whats here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reactions of noisy people if i tell them to be quiet.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into a verbal and physical fight with another person.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within fearing others i can stop myself from being effected by fear.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed by another, which unconsciously makesure that this fear will physically manifest for another human in the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accumilate annoyance within me in suppression of myself to a point where my heart is actually beating faster, because of getting stuck in the mind instead of breathing and sticking to whats here as stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accumilate harmful thoughts about neighbours that make noise, which culminates into an emotional feeling based response and manifests as various itches around my body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in judgemental thoughts about noisy neighbours, and then connect the thoughts to feelings and emotions getting worked up within energy existing as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify why i havent completed a blog or piece of research, because im blaming a point outside of myself, blaming noise.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stop blaming others noise for why i havent finished doing what im doing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to fear not blaming another for my own built up shit, because within blaming others, i am actually avoiding taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking sef responsibility for myself in all moments.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to believe that within stating to myself in my mind that the conditions arent "good" enough for me to complete what im doing, then i have an excuse for why i didnt do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define loud noise as "bad" and silence as "good" existing as polarity as the mind as illusion separating myself from whats here, and pereptuating the system of haves and have nots.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to build up an idea where i define blogging and doing ITD as requiring exam room silence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, believe and define blogging ad ITD as school work that i have to "drag myself through"

I forgive myself that i have not realised that within this belief of having to drag myself to do something, that this dragging manifests as  lazyiness carrying extra shit, and so i end up not doing what i was doing a fully and effectively as i possibly can.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my blooging as works of art that i believe requires total silence in order for me to complete my "masterpiece" existing as the ego in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes utilize blogging as a point of attempting to impress and compete with others, within which there is only dishonesty shared and no real actual self realizations from a starting point of total clear self honesty and self expression.  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect blogging to competition where i want to win and beat others that have blogged less then me, existing as polarity friction in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not realised and accepted myself fully in self trust. That it is only i, me here as life as this breathe that remains when all this shit is removed,  and i only i can remove it, no matter how irrelevant i perceive the point to be, it will not correct itself, only i can move myself within and as this self deception and direct myself to a point of stability, releasing the point effectively.

So when noise is near me while i am blogging or doing something next time, i stop. i breathe, i direct me within and as what is here sticking to breathe in self honesty not participating in any back chat that comes up. Remaining disciplined and stable here through continuous application, until the noise of others can no longer cause a reaction within me.

I dont want to be left out - Fear, competition, ego

At work today there was a scheduled managers meeting at head office that my boss told me about on the phone. Its just a meeting to meet some new managers, and share our perspectives on how we find it practically managing our teams, which can be cool support but we dont have to go. Now at todays meeting there was two new managers introduced to people in the office, meanwhile i was 70 miles away, and when i heard on the phone that these new managers where at the meeting, then i immediately went into the mind as a thought that "i better go, because i dont want to be left out of the group or any major decisions" then a moment later on the motorway, i realized that i was going into this point, and that the only reason i was on the motorway was because of participating with this thought, so i applied self forgiveness outloud and stabilized myself within and as breathe.

Then when i got there it turned out that the meeting was actually cancelled at the last minute due to training new staff. But i found it interesting to note that i was only there in the first place because i initially participated in a thought that "i dont want to be left out of the group or any major decisions" not because i wanted to support myself or another within the job, but purely from a fear perspective of fearing being left out of the group. I then stopped and applied forgiveness again, and realised this thought "i dont want to be left out" is coming from a fear of not being able to participate in the group, a fear of being cast out by the group, a fear of not knowing what direction the group is going to go, thus using the group as a crutch for my own short comings based in fear, instead of appying myself within the goup according to whats best for all.  So no matter what group i find myself within, i am solely responsible for myself, and i must be standing in absolute self honesty within my starting point of participating with a group.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and perpetuate a fear of being left of of the group.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what i experience here in self awareness by going into the mind as a fear of being left out.

 I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to trust myself here fully in each moment self honestly, because it is within self trust that my actions are trustworthy as best for all.

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the ego, wanting and believing that i should be involved in all managerial decisions, which is separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as separation as the fight to survive within the group instead of whats best for all.

 I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to face and correct this point as soon as it comes up, because i realise and accept that within compounding and participating with a thought even for one moment, then the consequence of that one moment of thought must occur.

 I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realise and accept that in all moments i am reponsible for myself fully, that if the group is no more then i still remain here as breathe, so to go into my pre programmed  mind about my work group is totally unacceptable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as having to constantly proove my worth within my work collegaues existing as a constant state of competition.

Politeness Self - Deception

Today While talking on the phone to a potential new recruit at work, i noticed during the conversation that i was speaking differently, that my tonaility had changed, and i could see i was clearly focusing on being polite in this conversation. And i was justifying this "act" of "politeness" within and as my mind through an assumption that this guy could be very effective at the job because he has 15 years sales experience, which doesnt infact mean he will be able to do this job effectively here and now, but i was assuming he will be able to, so i "should be polite to him". So i realised what i was doing in the moment, but i didnt direct the point and ended up playing out a 5 minute conversation where i was speaking words within limitation and separation of myself. And when i put the phone down i realized how unacceptable what i had just allowed was.

I mean what a bullshit point of self-deception to attempt to change myself in any situation to attempt to impress somebody and place more value on the person then on any other person. Literally saying that the person has more value then myself as life, and that i must be "good" to the person which is absolutely ridiculous and is just me allowing myself to exist as the mind as separation. Justifying being "good" within polarity because of a hidden agenda starting point within myself attempting to butter the person up because i percieve that the person will be effective at the job, that i will get praise and money in return for the po-light ness im projecting onto the erson during the conversation. I mean before the guy met for an interview he told me that he couldnt make it at the last minute, but i still went into all this polite speech when i was on the phone with him.

Now being polite is usually not an issue for me, as i usually am direct with people in conversations ahead of being "friendly". But its interesting when i note and look further into the point that i can see that everytime i am going into the mind and assuming that a person will be able to make some money for me, then i justify being polite to the person which is a dishonest starting point of separation where my giving of "politeness" is totally Con-ditional in the first place. I mean you can see this everywhere in society currently where we humans are always only giving something to another so that we can recieve something, if we didnt get anything back we would not have given it in the first place because we are inherently according to pre-programming totally selfish and self interested where we always expect payment of some form wether its money or a thank you for what we offered so that we feel better about ourselves trapped within energy as the mind, like a vampire. So when we offer support to another

We humans are taught by all aspects of the system growing up that it is the "right" thing to do in a situation to be polite, and that all the "best" people are polite. Fascinating to consider that a persons percieved choice to be polite in the first place is totally dependant on a persons level of income. I mean most families from poor estates and slums do not have the education to be "polite" or articulate, because most turn to crime, where being polite does not make a person much money, being ruthless is the only way a person gets money in capitalism. it is only well supported families that have the opportunity to be polite. I mean if i have no money and im slowly starving to death, then i am not even considering being polite, because the physical desperation for food is too great to avoid by going into them mind with an idea of being polite, i cannot escape what is here, and all i can consider is how to get food. But its like we are taught that to get stuff "go our way" in life that we must be polite in order to attract, and decieve others into favouring us above another person. Then we look at the super wealthy and the elite as us that walk around in a bubble of perception as the mind actually believing that being polite will somehow bring us "good karma" and "good fortune" as money, but in actual fact the ability to accumilate money in this world is in no way dependant on how polite someone is. In actual fact it is a case of accumilating knowledge in particular fields, and being able to physically apply and package this knowledge into a sellable product, then being able to destroy the comptetion and utterly dominate the market, which is just the support of war as Abuse. In an equal money system there will be no need for anybody to make an effort to be polite to people, because people will not be attempting to deceive eachother to get money out of eachother, and those that do will be quickly exposed.

Being polite is to attempt to make-sense of a situation according to consciousness as self-deception, attempting to appear in a "good" light to another person trapped in polarity, while common sense is simply what is commonly acknowledged as reality, it is a simple matter of doing whats best for all where the making of sense in the mind is not required because it is just common sense.

So i realise my own deception here, and i take self-responsiblity to correct the point -

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and perpetuate an idea of being polite to another person just because they may be able to accumilate money or do something for me in total dishonesty. I realise and accept that within this implies only self interest and dishonesty as the pre programmed mind.

I forgive myself for not realising and accepting that presenting a fake face for profit to another at any time is totally unacceptable and is just me saying that i want somebody else to do the same to me, when in self honesty i do not want any being to present a "polite presentation" to me as a fake face to try and attain something from me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect this idea formulated in the mind of being polite to a phone conversation i had today, existing in total separtion from what is here in the actuality of the phone conversation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to logic as the mind in certain situations by being polite in order to increase my chance of making money in self interest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate a person into thinking i am a "good" person.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and percieve that i must change and allow myself to become energetically charged with "positivity" in order to impress another. I realise and accept that within this lies only lies and an acceptance of myself as instability and limitation according to and through my pre programmed mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place more value on a person that is equally life as anybody else, just because they might be able to make me some money.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by being polite a person is being a "better person."

I forgive myself for not realising and accepting in all moments that by saying what i percieve someone wants to hear instead of what i actually want to say is to accept dishonesty and limitation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to separation as polarity by projecting "good" in any situation, which i realise and accept continues humanities enslavement to the mind, and unconsciously makes sure that there will always be someone who is not being "polite" being "bad" to balance out my accepted perception of being "good" as being polite.

I forgive myself that i have not realised and understood that by being polite in any situation i am actually deceiving myself and deceiving the person i am communicating with, in dishonesty, attempting to appear "nice" and "positive" to hide the fucked up actuality of what is existing within me.

So whenever i am communicating with a being that i am aware may be effective at making money, i stop, i breathe, i direct myself with whats here in self honesty, and i will not allow any separation of myself in the situation, as being polite, i remain stable within and as the words i speak, totally clear and accountable, i will not allow myself to go into a thought to be polite to the being in order to impress them to get money. i accept myself as life in self honesty here as the physical as who i really am, and i will accept no less.

Equal Money System Bird Project

So after watching the birds experiment video done on the farm a while back i have been consdiering testing the point. So  my mother and i have been placing bread on the roof of the garden shed for birds for the past month now, which i have found to be a really cool point of self support, and it is very interesting to see how the birds respond to this constant food supply. It has been particularly pidgeons that have responded to this food supply, by coming back to our garden everyday for the past 7 days. Also when the pidgeons come down and eat, they also pirch themselves ontop of the Arbour next to the front room window in the garden and one of them has even tried stepping on the window edge the other day :) It seems that the animals are more relaxed and comfortable with us humans, and are not so interested in avoiding us, but have come to trust us, and obviously have equated that their basic requirement to have food is catered for on the shed roof, they know that they can get their daily needs without having to compete with others stuck in survival mode, thus there is an actual physical supportive relationship that is now understood and shared, which is reflected in their behaviour.

I mean this clearly validates the perfection of an equal money system, where a beings fear is diminshed extensively and self-expression is encouraged, and in an equal money system which includes animals and plants, the basic neccessities of plants and wild animals must be catered for to the maximum possible ability the same as with any human.Would also generate alot more jobs, where groups could train to become something like a wild animal basic support unit, that travel round the world to provide daily food "support docks" for wild animals. It would be common sense to have differnet units assigned to different types of animal species and i mean the army could defintely be incorporated into this as they already do alot of physical work. Also the recycling of human remains to be minced and put into tins for wild animals to consume, as i heard Bernard once state -- i mean its common sense all humans providing continuous support for wild animals as all as one as equal supporting eachother as the physical, rather then wasting the flesh of the human body by playing out manifested consciousness beliefs such as putting the body into a casket, then 6 feet under the ground in ritualitic fashion is - no common sense whatsoever.

The food for the birds will be continuously put out, as a constant flow of unconditional self support as support of another equally. supporting me as life by assisting and supporting another as myself directing what is best for all within the situation into manifestation, equally distributing to another what i myself would like to receieve with no favouritism or any form of conditions for the support i am offering, unconditional here as myself as an Equal Money System - Best for All.

Blogging resistance - im too busy to blog

Pushing the point of blogging, as has been alot of resistance to blogging today and in general recently, from the starting point of a self created idea that "i am too busy". Interesting that this justicifaction that i am too busy is actual bullshit in self honesty, because in actual fact i know i have the time to blog daily, but i have been accepting and allowing the the point of avoiding facing myself in daily blogging to accumilate. And then judging myself and comparing myself to others for not keeping up with my daily blogging, treating blogging as if it is a competition which is totally unacceptable. Blogging is about me sharing a flagging point during my day in self honesty, which supports myself and others in facing the point, along with blogging to support an equal money system, and any internal separation i am accepting and allowing through participating in the mind is not valid and must be stopped.

I have faced and pushed through resistances to typing/blogging in the past, but the comforts of the mind are easy to fall back into, because to remain stable constant within any point requires continuous application until it is lived in every moment. So i stop, i breathe, i direct myself in self honesty in accordance with what is here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed a resistance to blogging to exist within myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify my resistance to blogging through an idea that i am "too busy".

I forgive myself that i have not allowed and accepted myself to realise that by justifying resisting blogging, i am saying it is acceptable to avoid facing myself, which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind as dishonesty, lying to myself in relation to blogging, feeding into a self created idea that i am "too busy" when in fact i am not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as "less than another" for not blogging daily.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to another as "better and more effective then me" existing as separation as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in blogging from a point of competition with others as apparently believing i have to "proove myself".

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise that within competing with others in my mind within blogging there is only limitation and separation of myself which must be stopped. I realise and accept that blogging is only for the purpose of sharing myself in self honesty, my corrections, exposing this current accepted system, and supporting equal money system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is here as blogging by going into and existing as limitation as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to stagnate, and exist as the mind in relation to blogging by not continuing to push myself.

I forgive myself that i have not realised that within avoiding blogging, i am simply making it more "difficult" to start blogging again as it is with avoiding facing and correcting any point. I realise and accept that i must continue to push, until all reactions in relation to blogging is not existing here any further.

Wow your from South Africa?

So today i noticed a point when i met a person that added me online, and i noticed a reaction when i realized when i looked on the persons profile that they are from Durban. Its like as soon as i read the word Durban, then immediatley i noticed the word Desteni came up, which was also connected to a picture in my mind of the Desteni farm even though i have never been there, so its just an interpreted picture i have built up in my mind of the farm from an accumilation of knowledge and information as pictures and video footage. And within realizing this point i noted it down, and through self investigation i realized that since walking my process, this point has happened everytime i have worked with the word South Africa or Durban in conversations and writings , or if i am dicussing with a person that is from South Africa.

i noticed also that i start acting in a peculiar way around people that are from South Africa, because i have noticed that i start going into back chat, comparisons where im attempting to be "extra friendly" its like i cant wait to do the person a favour just because they are from South Africa specifically Durban obviously. I realize and accept that its uneccessary separation of myself, i mean i can remember specifcally many conversations with a customer at work, where i experience myself as a feeling of excitement and i start reacting within energy eager to have a prolonged discussion with them, to try and impress them, and make them like me in someway, once i have become aware that they are from South Africa.

I mean this is clearly telling me that unconsciously i have built "extra value" a personality based on praise of south africans, because of a point of praising members of desteni in my mind, which i have only just realized i have carried for my entire process and is still existant within me, which is all based on the shame i initially experienced when i stopped attacking desteni on youtube in the first place, i started experiencing all this shame that i had been attacking a group that are actually standing for equality and whats best for all. I mean shame is a point i have held onto extensively in my life in general, but since walking my process i have obviously become able to stop participating in the mind as shame when it comes up, however i still sometimes fall flat on my face by experiencing myself as ashamed as self judgemental as doubting myself - i take Self-Responsibility to correct this point fully.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react as the mind to the words South Africa and Durban

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within the mind to a person that is from Durban.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word Desteni to the words South Africa and Durban in total division and limitation of the words as they exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define the words South Africa and Durban within the word Desteni in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this separation of myself is unacceptable and must be corrected.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect a picture in my mind of the Desteni Farm to the words South Africa and Durban in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define these words according to this picture in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create, accept and hold onto a picture within me as the mind of the desteni farm based on knowledge and information. I realise and accept this picture i created in my mind to be limitation of myself, so i take self-repsonsibility here to stop.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within the mind to a person that is from South Africa.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define a person from south africa as having "more value" then anybody else, in total separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have continued to accept and allow this separation of myself unaware of the consequnces of this acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is here physically by going into the mind allowing myself to become excited and unstable when i realize the person is from South Africa.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into and participate in the ego, by attempting to have a prolonged conversation with a person because they are from South Africa in order to impress the person. I Realise and accept this point as unacceptable, because it is within attempting to impress anybody, that i am saying that the person is more then me, and that i am less, that i am a slave, that this persons wants and needs should come before my own, existing within and as the mind in absolute separation of myself which is totally unacceptable because it is not best for all.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and alllowed myself to stand equal and one as a South African, as all beings in existance as myself in self honesty - I realize and accept myself as equal and one as a person from South Africa.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea based in polarity that i must be "good" to a person from South Africa, out of holding onto a memory of shame for attacking members of desteni in the past.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define and limit myself as having to be "good" to a person from South Africa because of defining myself according to memory as being "bad" as attacking desteni in the past. I realise and accept that to define myself or anyone as "good" or "bad" accroding to memory, is to define and limit myself Here according to a built up perception of myself as something that is not actually physically manifest as reality.

I forgive myself that i have not realised and accepted that within experiencing my self as shame, as self judgment as self doubt according to memory, then there exists only separation of myself and disempowerment of myself where i can justify abdication of taking self-responsibility, playing the victim - Unacceptable so i stop.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create and accept a self definition of myself as a victim of the shame that i have created believing that i will "fail" in creating a system as myself that stands in absolute self honesty in equality and oneness in all moments because of a belief that i am inherently "bad".

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to and perpetuate this kind of uneccessary separation of myself as polarity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what i experience within me as shame, by just accepting it as "just the way it is" which disempowers me and continues my creation and existance as the point as the pre programmed mind. I stop. I breathe. I direct myself to a system that is best for all in Equality and Oneness

Sticking to whats Here within Physical Labour

So today i did alot of physical labour, just going to share some reactions that came up at one point. So i first spent 2 hours piecing a large bench together, i had my earpiece in my ear while doing this, so i could talk on the phone, because a member of staff had not turned up for work, so i had to find cover, and another member was pulling a "sickness" excuse, (this "sickness" for alot of people in the company usually constitutes a hangover from too much alcohol from the night before) - unacceptable. Anyway so im pieceing this large bench together while speaking on the phone alot, then experiencing "stress" then i started blaming a heated discussion with staff for this stress i was experiencing which i immediately noticed, so i stopped separating myself from whats here, and then i spoke self forgiveness outloud, took a deep breathe and reamained stable within and as whats here, standing equal and one as these pieces of wood that had to be structured together in a way to manfest the bench - i do find creating something with with my hands that requires physical labour to be an awesome point of self support in establishing wether or not i am standing in self honesty equal and one as the physical in a moment, or wether i am going into the mind about it fucking around with back chat and energy.

Then i had lunch for a few minutes, and so i completed 60% of the bench when i had to stop, because it was time for my mums riding lesson at pine trees farm - some back chat came up about this a thought of "i dont want to go to the farm right now i want to finish this bench first" then while we are sat in the car i write this thought down before i start driving, I then start speaking self forgiveness and self corrective statements in relation to this thought outloud while driving, bringing myself back here stabilizing myself through these statements and breathe.

When we get to the farm, i first say hello to Ashley an Aussie woman that works on the farm, Sheila the farm owner, her dog Toby, and a few of the horses, then Sheila informs me that a few school kids helped and did a bit of painting earlier in the week contiuning what i had started, so i did the same and picked up where the kids left off My mum goes off riding with Ashley, Sheila is cleaning the stables, and im starting to paint. But first i had to clear alot of spider webs that where over the areas i had to paint - some self judgements about this came up - "how would you like your house smashed down marley?" i stopped, deleted, breathed, let the point go, and just made sure i dont kill any insects while doing this painting - some spiders popped out now and then, so i just directed them away from the wet paint.

And after painting for 30 minutes or so, i noticed another point come up, where i started judging the amount of painting i had managed in the 30 minute timeframe as "not good enough so far" "keep working" "everybody will be impressed if i do more" then i noticed i was speeding up the speed of my painting as i went into these thoughts, so i stopped and laughed at the ridiculousness of it, then i slowed myself down, stopped participation in an idea of impressing everyone on the farm and stuck to breathe. I find it cool that these points come up that require correction, so that i can be aware of what is happening within me and take self responsibility to make sure the same points do not occur again when the original trigger comes up again, by remaining self disciplined in my application.

So after painting when i got back home, i continued with completing the bench, then i had dinner, got my teams results, then i went to play football in a staff game that happens once a month, this went on for 2 hours in a 7 a side game so it was tiring. I find sport to be a cool self support point aswel, i enjoy reamining here within doing sports, sticking to breathe, so as to not separate myself from the experience by going into the mind as competition, winning-losing, ego etc - i will not accept these Self-Limitations, so i write myself out, i re-script myself - so as and when thoughts come up in relation to physical labour, i stop participation, i stick to breathe as who i really am in Self-Honesty, until the points no longer are a part of my world.

Mans Fear of the Beast in "Sport"

Man fears the beast, and this is revealed as truth in so many ways, through looking at the multiple creations we humans have accepeted and allowed to exist within and as us that cause harm to animals. The various mechanisms set up in place within the current money system that induces extensive suffering for the majority of people on earth, where 100s of millions of animals a year are killed for their fur, skin, teeth, bones, and many more purely for "sport" alone not to mention the millions more killled through vivisection for the make up indutry everyday, these "sports" work through spiteful nasty fear based "games" where a beast is forced into a position of having to compete, defend themselves and fight to survive from a "mighty" human "master", such as in Fox Hunting, Bull fighting, Circus, Rodeos, Dog racing, Snail racing, Camel racing, fucking Elephant Polo you name it, some groups have even created an idea that breaking baby seal necks is acceptable to define as a "sport" - how fucked up we humans are that we take pleasure in the suffering of beings that are totally helpless, that have no ability to defend themselves other then the physicality of their own bodies. I mean its this constant treading on animals everywhere, where we actually percieve ourselves to be "greater" then the beast, of more value, smarter, of a "higher" purpose as if we are god sitting in heaven striking the beast out of heaven, casting them down to exist in hell, in immense daily pain, as if that is acceptable - when it is so clearly inequality and thus is unacceptable

The Animal kingdom is actually here to support us humans in this process of realizing and correcting ourselves to live as self honesty in equality and oneness - The Beast will have its day again, and this is only through an equal money system that not only supports human life, but as has been documented by many others, this includes unconditional support for plants and animals -
1. Human bodies at death are to be recycled back to nature so as to provide a constant uncondtional food supply for wild animals, so that no animal will ever get so hungry as to eat their own children again.
2. Banning of all poaching, and forced animal "sports" used for profit through harming life.
3. Domesticated animals that live with humans will have their allocated animal food credits issued to their owners as a basic in an equal money system, so that nobody will have to pay for animal food again.
4. also the highest standard of veterinary care will be afforded to all animals equally in the world.
5. Deforestation of trees and plant life will also be banned.
6. Various trained teams will develop to monitor various wild animals, and offer food, water, healthcare, and "spare housing" support if required to suit the animal. 
7. All abuse of plants and animals in all ways will be banned and eventually will not be existing on planet earth in anyway.

I mean im just throwing out a few points here, but there is actually 100s of points that will change just in animal and plantlife functions within an equal money system. So research and support the solution here : http://equalmoney.org/ http://www.desteniiprocess.com we must take Self-Responsibility now to stand up for life, get self honest start working with desteni self-support tools daily, its time to locate, assimilate, direct and eliminate all separation existant within us in all ways in prepartion to bring about a new system of equality for all as ourselves and as this world, as within and without in all moments.

I said hello to you - wheres my hello back?

So today at work i was working on my own in a busy shopping centre, i was suposed to be working with two of my newly acquired recruits, but they both failed to arrive - some judgemental back chat towards these beings and myself came up about this imediately - "these guys are fucking lazy - i give them a job and this is how they repay me on their second day" "im shit at scouting for new effective staff" so i stopped, deleted, breathed and stabilized myself here and started working.

So im directing myself throughout the day specifically in my body movement, touch and conversational mechanisms to stand equal in understanding with a stranger so they will then leave me their address details. Since walking my process my ability to direct an effective day at work every day into manifestion has inscreased dramatically, how to treat all times of labour equally by sticking to breathe, reamining stable, releasing all reactions towards the job and putting in 100% application physically here, directing myself within and as whats here fully. So anyway, the company targets us on 7 leads a day although alot of staff struggle to achieve that, i was on 15 leads at 2pm with 3 hours left, slight hunger came, so i decided best for all to go and get some lunch, so i did.

Then i saw a guy looking at me, so i nodded at him and said hello - he did not respond, and immediate back chat comes up "mate i just said hello to you, wheres my hello back?", "fine fuck you too" then a moment later i realised that this back chat does not come up often when im at work, but always comes up when i greet someone when im not working - totally uneccessary separation of myself here. And fascinating that by the very fact that this back chat came up, is only indicating that my initial greeting was not unconditional and self honest, that i veiled my hello as a "friendly" act when in actual fact it was clear self deception, because in self honesty i know i only nodded at the guy just for the energetic "buzz" of him noddiing back at me, not unconditionally as whats best for all. So what i did here was spiteful, and reveals my male ego initiating a competition with another, attempting to create a conflict with another, but i did not go any further into the thoughts.

I stopped deleted the thought and stuck to breathe, and the next time i see a man or a woman that i want to nod at, i take self responsibility to look at why am i initiating this nod? for what purpose am i allowing it to exist? Is it an unconditional nod that passes the equality equation? I stick to reathe, because i do not accept or allow myself to separate myself by saying hello to people just so they can say hello back to me in self interest, its unacceptable, so i stop participating now, and continue to do so until here no further.

Crime and Equal Money: A 5 year old girl shot in the chest

So i read a newspaper story today about a 5 year old girl that was shot in the chest as she was caught in the crossfire between two gangs in South London Lambeth area. Three guys on bikes were chasing two guys that ran into a shop, and instead of coming into the shop too look, they stood outside and started recklessley firing into the shop. A 35 year old man was also shot in the face during this incident, and fascinating that both opposing gang members fled the scene unscathed, but seriously injured two beings who had nothing to do with the conflict. The 5 year old girl, and the 35 year old man are said to be in a citical yet stable condition currently.

Now this is clearly unacceptable, and just shows exactly what happens when people start feeding into and playing out back chat in the mind, charging thoughts to the point where the being explode as a mind possessed demon.These beings that fired these shots were completely psyhoctic, possessed by a thought to cause harm to someone which these beings accepted and allowed to accumilate with energy and physically play out totally dishonouring life in everyway, blatantly disregarding whats best for all - there is no forgiveness for an action such as murder, and the fact that the attackers fled after missing their targets, and harming bystanders only shows up the crminal mindstate of constantly trying to run away from consequence, hiding instead of standing to be held accountable for their own actions, which is bullshit because nobody can escape what is created here, as what has been accepted and allowed by the being, consequence can never be avoided as death, or changing the channel on a tv remote prooves.

Self Forgiveness, Self Honesty and Common sense is the only practical tools of self support that exists that when is effectively applied will stop the energetic connection and build up between thoughts and feelings - so that one is able to stabilize oneself whenever a thought comes up, by standing within and as Breathe as Life as who we actually are in fact which is Equality and Oneness Here. So join Desteni where anybody can investigate and see in common sense what the solution is for all humanity to stop the mechanizations of the pre programmed mind, which  is equality.    

Also this story rises questions about policing, because alot of time, money and labour must now be spent on catching the criminal. But in an equal money system if everybody has a microchip implant, then this could be utilized to eventually eliminate all crime. I mean it would be easy to catch someone if there was a place where all micro chip movement is monitored, and that all microchips in the vicinity of a murder would immediately be a suspect, which would save police so much time, money and labour. And obviously an equal money system will eventually elimnate crime anyway because gang leaders of any kind cannot exist in a system of uncondtional support for all, so gang activity in general will eventually cease to exist in an equal money system because all have the basic standard starting point of having money, so nobody would then need to commit crime at all, and points like the microchip and machine police would be a final nail in the coffin for crime - so join us in correcting this capitalist money system of abuse to an equal money system with ourselves as the starting point by being another Vote for World Equality, where we all take self responsibility to do what is best for all no matter what.