Day 228: They want to remove me - remaining stable in the face of attacks

It's a strange thing when certain people don't like you isn't it? If you have not been in a situation like this before, then maybe you will not understand what I am saying. But majority of people have been in a situation at least once in their lives, where you are seen as an enemy by a certain person or group.

Perhaps you have a family member that really dislikes you, or a person you think is a friend that is actually not a friend at all, or maybe a work colleague really despises you, or a former partner is causing you issues - where all of these people are thinking their life will be better when you are removed from the equation.

You likely will not have done anything to physically or mentally harm these people, but still they go on the attack. If you are a forward thinking being like me, or you are successful in anything you do, then likely it will just be your very principles and achievements that offend these people. Then they begin to gossip, plotting ways to try attacking you and destroy you and everything you stand for.

These type of people will for example try, one or a variety of attacks such as - deceiving you,

physically harming you or your family/friends, stealing from you, trolling/hacking you, demonising you to others, blackmailing you, embarrassing you, getting you locked up or worse.

This is what a group of people have been trying to do to me recently, where just my principles are enough for these people to try and cause some sort of chaos in my life, mainly in the form of legal/police attacks.

These people try fabricating stories in order for me to sound like some kind of monster, thinking that these techniques are effective.

The problem for these people has been providing any evidence to show I am this monster that they have been trying to paint to others. The Police and Intelligence agencies around the world know my story, it is on the internet for anyone to see within this very blog, or the masses of content in a variety of fields -
I have no "dark secrets", yes there is confidentiality involved in some of my work, but people who know me, know I am not a dangerous person and that I am a supportive being for others to know, some people even think I am someone that is very important to keep in the equation in terms of creating a beneficial future for this planet.

This is why the "good guys" in the police and the intelligence communities like me - but this is also the same reason why the bad guys in the police and intelligence communities don't like me.

I am "used to" these attacks at this point, and even though they have failed every time thus far, I still react in these moments. I will get angry that these people are trying to create disturbances in my life through fabrications and basically talking shit.

Then from this anger reaction, I will be in a foul mood and may say hurtful words to someone close
to me, or a work colleague which is of course detrimental to relationships and completing projects, and then I will be sad about reacting like that to my friend or work colleague, sad about the attacks on me, and that I'm allowing the weight of these attacks to effect me.

I mean It's understandable to react when a group of people are trying to remove you in some way, but that doesn't mean I have to react, or that I have to move from this reaction, or allow this reaction pattern to define me.

But as my friends, family and work colleagues have reminded me, when you are getting attacked by people, when certain people want you removed, it shows that what you have been doing is effective in routing out the real bad guys.

So I cannot control the actions of others, if they don't like that I am a voice for life, then fuck them this is their own judgements that they must deal with now, or after death - but what I require to do now, is make sure that I do not allow these attacks to effect me, that I change this pattern of reaction. Because just like anything else I can learn to not react, only I can reprogram my own psychology in relation to this.

I must walk a process of self-forgiveness and self corrective application of breathing in relation to

this point, just like any other psychological issues that comes up in my life, in order to remain stable in the face of and army of haters -

when I remain stable as breathe I am able to apply common sense to my actions, instead of actions based in emotions, then when this is done consistently -- this is where I can do what is best for all life in every moment in relation to this point.

There will be more attacks in the future, because some of "the enemies" of life, still need to learn what equality really means, and how to take care of life - so until they learn, I must make sure I stand strong fully prepared for these attacks, to take action instead of reaction.

So walk with me in my net blog as I continue my journey to life no matter what.

Day 227: The Dragon Within Part 2

Continuing from my last blog -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consistently react in personal offence to those who speak about Dragons and China/Dragon countries in an judgemental negative light. I realise that this reaction does not support me to be the best version of myself, as it only feeds into conflict and separation of myself and thus the interactions with others, even though it is true that nobody should judge others.

I forgive myself for not realising that verbally attacking people with emotion when I allow myself to be personally offended will not help me or the person I am attacking - I only cause internal discomfort for myself, and the other person only reacts back in fear, which is a recipe for disaster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not react in moments where people talk shit about dragons and china, I realise that if I had not reacted and instead remained calm here as breathe, then I would have been able to apply common sense, where I can plant a seed in a person instead of reacting to their reaction towards Chinese people and Dragons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as ego, where I become a defensive mechanism with regards to china and dragons, as I see it as a part of me, a part of how I define myself. So within this I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself through dragons and china in separation of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe from a young age that mythological

and historical stories that include dragons are automatically more interesting then stories without them. I realise that the reason I enjoyed it more when my granddad or whoever taught me stories with dragons, was because all throughout childhood some of my favourite films and animated show would be things that involve dragons in the story such as: Conan the barbarian, Aliens, Gargoyles, Dragonball z, Dragon wars, Power rangers, Teenage mutant ninja turtles etc.

So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto these memories of watching these dragon shows as a child, and then using these memories as a starting point of the importance I have placed on dragons and china in my life as this "dragon within" character.    

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of watching and

listening to Bruce Lee growing up, I realise that the iconic god like status that I built in my mind through the years in relation to him is a huge part of this "dragon within" self-definition I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe that enjoying certain peoples skills, character and input to this world is a fine and enjoyable part of life, but once I allow myself to go beyond enjoyment into reaction, infatuation, to praise and become addicted to a person, that has only an imaginary identity, where there can only be frictional consequences because it is based in separation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hold onto and charge memories of the relationship I had with a Chinese woman, it was a very passionate relationship, she taught me many things about Chinese culture and history, which just added more layers of value to Dragons and China in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself to realise that because this relationship was very

passionate and we both taught each other so much, that in my mind she is marked as one of the greatest interactions I ever had with a female, which caused an immense sadness within me when she went back to China for work and disappeared from my life - we still talk from time to time, but the nature of her work means its difficult for us to speak to each other more then a few times a year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have this partner back in my life, which has caused my mind to hold onto the memories so closely and allow layers of value to add onto my infatuation with dragons and china, thus fuelling this character I become in moments where people speak negative remarks about china and dragons, which I am not willing to continue in my life, so I take self-responsibility to stop this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally transform as this dragon where my eyes get wider, my chest puffs out, my voice deepens and raises in volume significantly and I am ready to literally breathe some fire, to bite the head off of the person who is disrespecting dragons and china in my presence, which as I noted earlier, can only denote a response of fear in another which is not supportive for me or the other person, even if the point I'm making to them about disrespecting dragons and china is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of me having a snake and a lizard for years, which are both a type of dragon you could say, where I have then gone and defined myself according to this memory as a kind of "dragon man" in my mind - where dragons "understand me" and therefore I must apparently "stand up for dragons" when they are disrespected by others  in any situation -  but what I am learning now is that as breathe planting a seed, a statement of truth without emotions, is far more effective then transforming into a raging dragon for calling out peoples bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to any derogatory national slants towards countries that associate themselves with dragons historically - so countries like Japan, Vietnam,
Indonesia, South Korea, Scandinavian countries, some eastern European countries, and China standing at the pinnacle of these countries in my mind with regards to this.

I forgive myself for not realising in every here moment of breathe, that I am allowing my actions to be controlled, through reacting to the derogatory statements about dragons and china, but I am not willing to allow myself to be enslaved by this pattern of behaviour anymore.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to transform into a fire breathing dragon when I see or hear someone making ignorant statements about dragons and countries that associate themselves with dragons predominantly china. I realise that this transformation does not assist me, but only causes issues for all involved, so as and when i see my mind having thoughts coming up about defending dragons, china and various "dragon countries" when someone says something stupid, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to react and become unstable -

I simply continue to breathe until I have grounded all the energy and I can speak from common sense to assist the person and myself rather then feeding into these thoughts/emotions etc. I continue to focus on breathing in these situations, until these thoughts no longer come up any more.

I commit myself to living the realisation that while using emotion and putting fear into people is effective at shocking people, sometimes frightening them onto their feet for a moment, but on the whole it is not conducive of a support relationship with anyone, therefore I must stop this cycle of reacting to dragon/dragon country ignorance from others.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to hold onto memories of this dragon love, because I have only gone and limited myself by defining myself as these memories, which as I have shown myself in this blog only keep me in separation, which is not supportive for me or any life on Earth. So as and when I see my mind reminiscing over some kind of dragon associated memory, I stop and breathe, I continue to breathe until these memories are no longer coming up in various situations that trigger them.

I commit myself to walking in this life to make the best version of myself no matter what, where amazing creatures like dragons are enjoyed without any unnecessary separation inside of myself being added, which is best for all life in equality and oneness.

See you soon.

  

Day 226: The Dragon Within

So Dragons are fascinating aren't they? The word Dragon derives from the Latin word Draco, which then derived from the Greek word Drakon "Huge water snake". I mean for thousands of years, human cultures around the world have venerated the symbol of the dragon. Particularly in Asia and Eastern Europe there are countless stories and historical depictions of  various types of Dragons.

In the west historical depictions and concepts surrounding Dragons are that they are synonymous with the Devil, and are cold blooded evil beings, that are enemies of mankind, the western dragon has typically been seen as a fire breathing scaly horned creature with wings.

There are countless historical and mythological stories in the west such as Beowulf, St. George and the Dragon, The epic of Gilgamesh, the Bible, and many others, all centralising around a famous prince or king being praised for fighting off dragons to protect their village or kingdom from the threat that the Dragons posed.

Yet in Asia, the Dragon is historically depicted differently as a being that is a combination of snakes

and eagles with no wings. yet still being able to fly, and is seen as a symbol of strength, imperial authority and wisdom, which you could say I have shaped much of my character after this premise.

Again there are countless fascinating stories throughout Asia, which tend to praise Dragons much more then in the west, as we see in the classic 16th century Chinese novel called Journey to the West. In Vietnam for instance it is believed that Vietnamese people descend from a Dragon and a Fairy, in Japan and many Asian cultures it is believed that the Dragon has the ability to change weather and make it rain.

Yet despite this difference regarding the viewpoints on Dragons in the east and west, in all areas of the world all Dragons are typically taken on as symbols of authority by all royal households.

But lets look closer at what I mean by I have shaped much of my character after the premise of the eastern dragon, because my fascination with Asia in general in my life, much of it has stemmed from the point of the dragon -

Any historical and mythological story I learnt about growing up, was always automatically more interesting to me if it had Dragons involved. I can remember my granddad teaching me stories from Gods of Eden, Beowulf, George and the Dragon, the Secret Doctrine and other books where dragons are involved growing up.

So Bruce Lee who was Chinese was a huge hero of mine growing up, probably the most influential figure on TV for me. It is common knowledge that he had many philosophies about dragons, his ties to Chinese secret societies of the Dragon families, and even going so far as to speak about invoking dragon entities before battle - Bruce himself was often referred to as The Dragon.

So you can imagine how much this imprinted on me, now on top of this one of my ex partners was from China, which was a passionate relationship for the the time she was living in England.

Also I have owned a few dragons in my day in the form of a Monitor Lizard, a Python and a Bearded Dragon.

Now what I noticed the other day at work, one of my work colleagues was struggling to complete a deal with his Chinese client, and at one point he started ranting and raving after a long phone call, about "how the Chinese are such weird people" "its all bloody Dragons and hidden meanings".

I reacted aggressively immediately when I heard the words China and Dragons in a derogatory light, I told him to shut his fucking mouth, and start learning the Chinese culture better and respect the fact that the guy will make him a lot of money instead of talking shit about him when hes not there. My work colleague could see I was offended by his words, and then apologised to me, but it was a moment that silenced the usually bustling office for a few seconds.

Now while what I said to my work colleague was valid with regards to respecting others equally as life, but the point of me reacting defensively and being personally offended when someone talks shit about China or certain other Asian countries like Japan, Vietnam, Indonesia, and South Korea is an unnecessary reaction to have.

I mean in one of my offices it is very common to hear someone having a heated debate with someone from another country, and then venting some steam about the culture at the end of the call, but why is it when I hear about someone talking shit about certain Asian countries I lose my shit?

When I look closer I can see a lot of memories I've been holding onto, and with charged emotions with regards to dragons/asia. So the moment that happened in the office recently has happened in many other situations before, and will only continue to happen again if I do not change some things in my mind in relation to this.

When someone says or does something really stupid in our environment it is always more advisable to move into action to direct the stupidity to whats best for all,  but within this no reaction inside my mind is needed, no breathing fire on people - no personal offence, annoyance and aggression is needed within this equation,

Dragons are amazing creatures no matter what you look at it, there is nothing wrong with enjoying Dragons in symbology, history, mythology, animal kingdom etc. But nothing in this world should move me to instability in any moment, because I must learn to be in this world, but not of this world,

So join me next time as I continue to unravel this pre-program.

Day 225: I can't sleep Part 3

Now we continue the point of not sleeping well consistently, because as i have shown, this is a complex topic for me -

So research is also another thing that keeps me awake through the night, its like an endless desire to know more knowledge about myself and the world I live in, an endless questioning of why the world is the way it is, and an uncomfortability about the point of resting until the pain in this world is cured - 

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to consistently desire to know more about the world I live in, to know more about myself and find solutions to the problems in this world. I realise that constantly understanding the pain that exists, that wanting to learn new things about the world, myself and solutions to improve things is very cool, but not at the expense of a stable sleep schedule.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that I cannot make the pain of this world disappear instantaneously no matter how hard I try to keep myself awake and vigilant all night, I can only improve what is practically possible within my capacity everyday here - I realise that for all pain to disappear in the world, requires all of humanity to focus on improvement and sustainability together, so I cannot expect more then what is possible of myself as a single being.     

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the importance of sleeping in my mind, I realise that sleep is an important part of having a healthy mind and body, so this disregard must be stopped now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard the process of sleeping because I do not have

dreams. I realise that this is no justification to avoid sleeping, because dreaming is not the point of sleeping, sleeping is for recuperation of the body and mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to consistently avoid sleeping, making sleeping more difficult through my own thoughts,and then when I get to sleep, I don't want to wake up, as a result of resisting sleeping so often.  

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment what the dangerous effects of sleep deprivation can be, because if you do your research the data is unanimous - the longer a person goes without sleep, the more zombie like the person literally becomes.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pattern of avoiding sleeping, through judging sleeping and the act of "submitting to being tired" as something that is a sign of apparent "weakness" in a person as the ego. However, even though I do not tire easily, I realise that avoiding sleeping if I am psychically tired is just me allowing my ego to dictate to me when to sleep, as if I am apparently "stronger" if I always push through the tiredness that comes up which is bullshit, and as studies show, the effects of sleep deprivation are mentally and physically damaging for the most part, so I cannot allow this self-sabotage to continue.

Within this I forgive myself that I have allowed and accept my ego to dictate to me when I should sleep, where apparently "pushing through" any tiredness that occurs makes me "stronger" in some way, which is not true.

I forgive myself for defining myself as someone that "does not need sleep" as if I am different to anyone else, when in reality I am not, so this definition is stupid, because I do require at least 4-6 hours sleep a day just like everyone else, so I must learn to get this consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sleeping is something which I can do without, because "I am strong" and that sleep is something that is for weaker people to do, when in reality this is a completely limiting concept, because everyone requires sleep - yes we can gear ourselves to have less or more of it, but that does not give me or anyone else more value regardless.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear being in a vulnerable state while I am sleeping, to feel like I could be attacked by some form of technology, or my physical body could be harmed if someone broke into my house for instance. I realise that yes while I could be attacked by some technology that effects my mind, and yes it is impossible to defend yourself from physical attack while your asleep -  I also realise that the fear of these things is separation and thus only serves to limit my interaction, which is unacceptable, so I walk a process to to stop this.

I forgive myself for believing that sleep is something I can do mainly when I die - this is not true, as I have pushed the limits of avoiding sleep more then most people, and it is unanimous that everyone requires it during their life - and who says that death will involve any form of sleeping?


I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself to create my own insomnia in my life though fearing sleeping. I realise that being in a self-created state of insomnia, is nothing but self-sabotage, which does not support me in living whats best for all, but instead keeps me in a state of separation from the physical which will not assist me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to resist physical or mental tiredness that comes up intently, and to actually brainwash myself to not allow myself to naturally allow myself to sleep if I am physically tired.

I forgive myself for defining the process of becoming tired as some kind of untrustworthy monster which is trying to consume me, to "take away my control of myself" when in reality thing is just a defence mechanism of my pre-programmed mind trying to remain "in control" which is an unnecessary limitation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the effects of sleep deprivation in my life, come through as a variety of consequences, such as: short temper, random moments of tiredness in the day, random headaches, and losing accuracy and focus with certain tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of paranoia while trying to sleep about science, conspiracies and aliens, that I developed in younger years from staying round my grandfathers a lot. I realise that the reactions I had to things my granddad would teach me, are not relevant to hold onto in my life, so I give myself license to release these memories.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to hold onto memories of worrying about things in my life while trying to sleep from when I was younger. I can remember laying in bed wondering why my mum is so ill, wondering where my dad and grandmother are, why don't they ever see me, worrying about the future. I realise these memories do not support me in living what is best for all like have a stable sleep pattern.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to hold onto memories from childhood of fearing that my family will cease to exist, that I will be on my own and have to be an adult - part of being an adult is staying up later then children. So I indoctrinated myself with this for a long time, and now it will not help me to maintain this is my mind, so I walk to train myself to change this.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react to the increased amount of responsibilities in my life, where I again add more fuel to staying awake all night worrying about the best way to care of each responsibility. I realise that while planning how to handle responsibilities is important, this worrying about my responsibilities while trying to sleep, will only damage my ability to look after my responsibilities effectively, so I must stop. 

I forgive myself for consistently distracting myself form the paranoid, worried thoughts I have while trying to sleep, by immersing myself into hours of computer games or sexuality with a female friend. I realise that playing games and having sex is cool within reason, but neither should ever be used to distract myself from facing and dealing with my mind, so i will walk to re-wire myself with regards to this.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe, that one of the reasons why I have never had a partner longer then a few years, is because my sleep pattern is too crazy for most people to keep up with, as it just causes them to become tired all the time. So I must make sure that when I am interacting with a potential partner, that I get used to pushing myself to sleep earlier, the same way that I have pushed myself to avoid sleep for so many years.  

I commit myself to not allowing myself to purposely force myself to stay awake in a pattern of self-sabotaging behaviour, so as and when i see my mind having thoughts come up about avoiding/disregarding sleep, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage in these thoughts, as I know the cycle of self-destructive behaviour will continue, which I am not willing to accept, so I breathe and continue to do so until these thoughts do not come up any further.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to be distracted by memories, beliefs and fears while I am trying to sleep, I don't care how long it takes, i will learn how to do this, so when I see my mind moving to some of these things, I stop and breathe and keep myself stable here. I do not participate with these emotions and feelings, I breathe and keeping maintaining myself as this stability of breathing until this shit does not come up in my head anymore.

I commit myself to living the realisation that sleep is a natural process that everyone requires, it is vital for physical and mental health to have at least 4-6 hours a day. So i walk, I change my interaction with sleep to become something that is best for my physical and mental well being, which is an act which is best for all life on earth.