So yesterday evening i met a person that i have never met before, and i have been interested to meet this person for a few weeks. The reason i was interested in meeting the person, was because there is a possibility that they may be a future Destonian, because they emailed me saying they had been reading my blog and they liked it and agreed with the principle of equality and oneness.
Anyway so i met this person, and we had some cool discussion, and then she took me to a party of a workmate she knew, however the party was mostly people that were twice my age, so me and her were easily the two youngest people at this party.
However i noticed that i was compromising myself by experiencing uncomfortability towards the situation. It wasnt that i didnt know the people, as i have always been comfortable communicating with strangers. It was a room full of 15 people, i knew none of them were walking the process of self honesty, but that wasnt the problem, i mean im used to being around people that are not taking a stand for life. it was the age of most of the people in the room that i was reacting to. They were all old, around 60+ i would say, so it reminded me of work immediately, because the older generation is my target market at work.
And i mean because of the nature of pre programming, if a person is not challenging themselves and correcting themselves, then the older the person is - the more brainwashing and self definitions the person will have accumilated, which will make it harder for them to face and release points of self deception, thus i know it may be harder to discuss my process with an old person. But its fucked up, spite, because i go into this assumption around all old people i meet apart from my mother, and older destonians.
So i noticed at this party, that i was purposely supressing myself from discussing many desteni related topics, or offering assistance to a point of separation i could see in myself as them, due to fearing these older peoples reactions. As i allow this fear assumption to build around people much older then me, i start perceiving that they wouldnt appreciate any point in relation to equality and support because i am so much younger then them, and they would just say something like "who do you think you are telling me whats real, when i have experienced so much more then you."
And also from the level of alcohol being consumed, the music being played, and topics i heard people talking about, i didnt want to unintentionally offend anyone, or be branded "the weird one" at the party when its the first night any of these people have met me. And being as i was the only person at the party who wasnt drinking alcohol, i allowed that to add to my fear also. all bullshit ego, fears and anxieties i was participating in.
I mean i would put suggestions foward in conversations to people, but at somepoint in the conversation i would be holding myself back. For instance one lady was a bit drunk, and was talking to me about her hair, and how much she hates certain hairstyles. I responded by saying that hair is meaningless to me, and i just keep it bald to keep it practical, but i stopped there. I wanted to continue, and speak about the self definitions we all have in relation to hair, the separations created by humans through hair, and the environmental reasons also, but i gave into my fear and just stopped talking there.
So i was reacting, and going into my mind during most of this party, was about halfway through that i started releasing these points through breathe, and was remaining stable for the duration. its fascinating though upon further investigation, while driving back home after the party, that i am used to suppressing what i really want to say to a person at work around older people, where i am mainly selling to older people. I mean i have to stick to solar panels and money in conversations at work in order to maintain sales, and keep my job.
Also interesting that i do the same most of the time around my grandad, because of his accepted programming, i dont want to offend him, and i go into fears, and assupmtions that i will, and thus do not dicuss points in relation to my process with him. Occassionally i discuss with my grandad about a certain point, or the equal money system, but most of the time i just avoid speaking about equality with older people out of fear. But when i am around people my age, i have no problem going deep into equality in discussion, even if i have only known them for a minute or two.
So i can see how this is creating a polarity point of me percieving its "good" to discuss equality with people around my age, and "bad" to discuss equality with people much older then me.
Yes fearing discussing equality around old people, interesting multi layered point for me, as i have spent so much of my younger life purposefully going against the older generation, attempting to offend old people intentionally because i could see at a young age that it was the old people who are in control of this money system, and so they are apparently to blame.
Its like i expect all old people should know by now how to live self honestly and stand as equality and oneness in this world, why should i attempt to help "them"? As if they are something different to me. Then i see most older people are not applying themselves to a system of equality, and they are apparently then the ones i must blame. So instead of supporting the old person as myself in a discussion, i just go into fears and judgments against them existing in my mind, which is dishonesty, its simply unacceptable, i mean we are all equally valid as life, and all equally responsible for the world as ourselves. So its cool to realize this point, and thus now have the opportunity to direct the point to a system of equality thats best for all.
I have been pushing the point more recently, but its time to take a stand now, and stop this point in totality, so that i am fully able to support myself as another, by sharing my experience walking my process unconditionally with anyone of any age group. So as to provide suggestions of how the person can support themselves on a similar point that i have faced and released in my process, and so we both have the best opportunity to open up and share cool points.
Anyway so i met this person, and we had some cool discussion, and then she took me to a party of a workmate she knew, however the party was mostly people that were twice my age, so me and her were easily the two youngest people at this party.
However i noticed that i was compromising myself by experiencing uncomfortability towards the situation. It wasnt that i didnt know the people, as i have always been comfortable communicating with strangers. It was a room full of 15 people, i knew none of them were walking the process of self honesty, but that wasnt the problem, i mean im used to being around people that are not taking a stand for life. it was the age of most of the people in the room that i was reacting to. They were all old, around 60+ i would say, so it reminded me of work immediately, because the older generation is my target market at work.
And i mean because of the nature of pre programming, if a person is not challenging themselves and correcting themselves, then the older the person is - the more brainwashing and self definitions the person will have accumilated, which will make it harder for them to face and release points of self deception, thus i know it may be harder to discuss my process with an old person. But its fucked up, spite, because i go into this assumption around all old people i meet apart from my mother, and older destonians.
So i noticed at this party, that i was purposely supressing myself from discussing many desteni related topics, or offering assistance to a point of separation i could see in myself as them, due to fearing these older peoples reactions. As i allow this fear assumption to build around people much older then me, i start perceiving that they wouldnt appreciate any point in relation to equality and support because i am so much younger then them, and they would just say something like "who do you think you are telling me whats real, when i have experienced so much more then you."
And also from the level of alcohol being consumed, the music being played, and topics i heard people talking about, i didnt want to unintentionally offend anyone, or be branded "the weird one" at the party when its the first night any of these people have met me. And being as i was the only person at the party who wasnt drinking alcohol, i allowed that to add to my fear also. all bullshit ego, fears and anxieties i was participating in.
I mean i would put suggestions foward in conversations to people, but at somepoint in the conversation i would be holding myself back. For instance one lady was a bit drunk, and was talking to me about her hair, and how much she hates certain hairstyles. I responded by saying that hair is meaningless to me, and i just keep it bald to keep it practical, but i stopped there. I wanted to continue, and speak about the self definitions we all have in relation to hair, the separations created by humans through hair, and the environmental reasons also, but i gave into my fear and just stopped talking there.
So i was reacting, and going into my mind during most of this party, was about halfway through that i started releasing these points through breathe, and was remaining stable for the duration. its fascinating though upon further investigation, while driving back home after the party, that i am used to suppressing what i really want to say to a person at work around older people, where i am mainly selling to older people. I mean i have to stick to solar panels and money in conversations at work in order to maintain sales, and keep my job.
Also interesting that i do the same most of the time around my grandad, because of his accepted programming, i dont want to offend him, and i go into fears, and assupmtions that i will, and thus do not dicuss points in relation to my process with him. Occassionally i discuss with my grandad about a certain point, or the equal money system, but most of the time i just avoid speaking about equality with older people out of fear. But when i am around people my age, i have no problem going deep into equality in discussion, even if i have only known them for a minute or two.
So i can see how this is creating a polarity point of me percieving its "good" to discuss equality with people around my age, and "bad" to discuss equality with people much older then me.
Yes fearing discussing equality around old people, interesting multi layered point for me, as i have spent so much of my younger life purposefully going against the older generation, attempting to offend old people intentionally because i could see at a young age that it was the old people who are in control of this money system, and so they are apparently to blame.
Its like i expect all old people should know by now how to live self honestly and stand as equality and oneness in this world, why should i attempt to help "them"? As if they are something different to me. Then i see most older people are not applying themselves to a system of equality, and they are apparently then the ones i must blame. So instead of supporting the old person as myself in a discussion, i just go into fears and judgments against them existing in my mind, which is dishonesty, its simply unacceptable, i mean we are all equally valid as life, and all equally responsible for the world as ourselves. So its cool to realize this point, and thus now have the opportunity to direct the point to a system of equality thats best for all.
I have been pushing the point more recently, but its time to take a stand now, and stop this point in totality, so that i am fully able to support myself as another, by sharing my experience walking my process unconditionally with anyone of any age group. So as to provide suggestions of how the person can support themselves on a similar point that i have faced and released in my process, and so we both have the best opportunity to open up and share cool points.
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