Day 263: Are you an Alien? If you are not from HERE you will be. Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an alien, as someone that is "not from here" I realise that this self-definition I have created myself as is actually based in and feeding into separation of myself from physical reality, because every time I interact with an alienation thought, I see how I am not here breathing, but rather existing within and as the pre-programmed mind where I isolate myself and limit my interaction with others which is not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to as this Alienation character, to separate myself from others in certain situations, where there is a high amount of ignorance and then I will limit my interaction, where no equal understanding and respect emerge, but rather just a critical, distant and judgemental participation from me which is not helpful for me or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe that the concept of being an Alien is not actually based on any form of common sense, because every being in this physical existence is here sharing this physical reality with me equal and one therefore - how can anyone not be that? I see that it is only through the ego, the pre-programmed mind of the human that causes any form of alienation of ourselves and others around us.

I forgive myself that I have defined and charged the word alienation with positive connotations, whereby when I speak and hear this word, it makes me feel comfortable because these memories of isolating myself as the alien is a comfort space for my mind, a built up automatic acceptance of "my difference" to others.

I forgive myself for projecting my bullshit onto the word Alienation, because in fact it is the state of being alienated, or the transfer of ownership - neither of these dictionary definitions means "being comfortable with separating myself from others" - I redefine the word Alienation in line with what is best for all - as a nation of aliens, all from different places walking in unity as a nation of life, where all races transfer ownership amongst each other equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an alien based on my mixed race genetics since I was a child because most of my friends growing up were white - I realise that this process of singling myself out in my mind as the black sheep, is something I have been limiting myself as for far too long, I see my improvements through the years, but I see the moments where I still limit myself as this pre-program so I take self-responsibility to end these limiting moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe since I was a child and hold onto the idea that I an Alien based on having a mother that is always very ill, when none of my friends really had to deal with this growing up. So I forgive myself for holding onto this idea, because in reality everybody knows a friend or family member who is sick in someway because this world we as humanity has created is sickness incarnate, a state of dis-ease as this capitalist money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weird growing up, because my grandfather who was like a father to me spoke about things that a lot of people would call crazy or Alien even. Within this I forgive myself that I added more layers to the idea that I am an alien as a child, because I was the only one of my friends who had a grandfather for a father instead of a "normal father".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my real father and my grandmothers as alien to me, while it is true they never interacted in my life, allowing this fact to feed into the separation of myself is unacceptable - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my family in general as Alien, which again further fed into the limitation of myself as the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as alien within my own family, because just like when I was around my friends, I was the one with the most mixed up genetics - I realise that this concept has been the catalyst for many angers within myself throughout teenage years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having a higher percentage of Aryan genetics in my physical design, I realise that this judgement stemmed from me reacting to comments my grandfather made about genetics and aliens growing up, then through the years I held onto this judgement which fed into the alienation of myself.

I forgive myself that I feared disagreeing with my grandfather whenever he would speak about Nazis, Aliens and genetics, because my grandfather looked a lot like Adolf Hitler, and he liked Adolf Hitler, which as a youngster made me want to listen to his word more as I learnt who Hitler was of course first through my grandfather - Hitler was known for his natural authority and I could always see this in my grandfather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the fact that my DNA is so mixed up and does not incorporate a higher percentage of Aryan genetics - I mean I have Aryan

genetics in me, as well as many other races, so what difference does the percentages make? None in reality it is only the ego that believes this to be of any importance and the ego is a holographic illusion, thus it is not real.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to my grandfathers words about genetics growing up, fear that even though he was not racist to me, that he could be if he wanted and that it might be hard for me to fit in with other people in life, becoming a charged emotional paranoia in teenage years which only contributed to my harsh and criminal mind that began to develop.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe that my incessant focus on genetics at a young age transferred directly from these reactions to my grandfather, which became a charged paranoia full of emotion which cannot assist me in living whats best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of my grandfather calling me Mars as a nickname - he was the only person who called me this, and my reaction to this nickname was years of defining myself through the planet mars.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that memories of my grandfather playing the track Gustov Holt - Mars the bringer of War and saying "this is you Mars" caused me to literally define myself as the destroyer that is not from here, which had the consequence of being a contributing factor as to me constantly trying to destroy things in teenage years.

I forgive myself that I for years I accepted and allowed myself to react as a fired up kind of strength when i heard this Gustov Holt track play while my grandfather said "this is you Mars", I would scream and shout, feeling like I'm powerful, yet again this has all contributed to the separation of myself from physical reality as an Alien.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a destroyer that is not from Earth, not from Here, I realise that no matter what anyone's connection is to anything, there is no justification to allow anything within and as me that only can cause abuse to myself and everyone around me, therefore I reprogram myself here to release these memories and these repeated reactions, to align myself with what is bets for all life as breathe here.

I forgive myself for regretting that ever since my grandfather died in 2013, I never got to ask him why he would always connected me to the planet Mars, I have feared for a long time that he was doing this as a form on programming to me for some purpose - so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my grandfather was trying to programme to me to believe that I am not from here in some way, I realise that he is dead now, no matter I feel I cannot ask him and his answer would be irrelevant, because now in my life I take full responsibility for every action I do and my grandfather saying something could not have changed that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "I was over" this Alienation character I have had for so long, but a situation at work and in my personal life recently showed me that I am not, so I must walk no matter how long until I transcend this shit for good.

I forgive myself for not realising in every moment that when I do not engage these Alienation thoughts that come up and I keep myself here as this breathe, then I am easily able to integrate with a person or group of people and then I have opportunities to plant seeds in amongst the crazy, stupid or ignorant activity they are doing which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and a willingness to fight when I see people doing really stupid and uncaring things, it is like - ok this persons is really stupid, time for Mars to engage where only my harsh and direct verbal criticism can occur which only ends up causing reactions in other people and a fractious relationship with that person occurs which is not supportive for anyone.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment that separating myself from abuse I see in others as this Alien character, is literally saying I have no responsibility to change myself to change this abuse that's here, which is bullshit.

I forgive myself that as the pre-programmed ego as this Alienantion character, I have thoughts like - why is this person/persons so stupid? Its like we are from different planets, Im so much smarter, why cant they see it like me, etc etc. I see how all of these thoughts are destructive in nature and thus have no place for any interaction, so I stop and breathe anytime these thoughts come up.

I forgive myself that I have allowed this Alien within me concept  to affect my interaction with others in this world growing up, there is only friction, limitation and self-interest as this Alienation character, I cannot allow this to continue, we cannot be and must not be aliens to eachother.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to Alienate myself with other people and groups - so as and when I see thoughts coming up in my mind that are based in separating myself from this person/persons, based in thinking we are different, based in treating them differently and acting distant and critical towards them, then I stop and breathe I do not allow myself to interact as I know there will only be teh continuation of this cycle of programming which supports nobody, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more Alienation that exists.

I commit myself to living the realisation that when I see ignorance and abuse in others, that I must integrate with them and as them, understand that I would be as ignorant if I lived their life, walk with them and then from here I can plant seeds through my own living example while I am with them.

I commit myself to not allowing the idea that Alienating myself from others is cool, is a good thing to do as this is just polarity friction which will not assist me, so as and when I see my mind thinking positively about defining myself as an Alien to others, then I stop and breathe, I do not participate with the thoughts, these thoughts are destructive and based in bullshit, all life is equal as the physical in reality - so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more ideas that being an alien to others is positive.

I commit myself to no matter what finding a way to integrate with and direct the most difficult groups and people in this world to what s best for all through living as an example in my day to day application. 

  

Day 262: Are you an Alien? If you are not from HERE you will be.

How many times have you been in situations in your live where, the circumstances and events of the situation make you feel like an Alien? A feeling that you are separate and different from a person or from a specific group you find yourself in - from a different culture, principle base, country, planet, solar system, galaxy, universe, or from a different reality even - Alienation is a word that encapsulates this feeling.

I have had a pattern of experiencing this in different situations through out my life, and while I have walked some corrections with this point before in the past, I see in certain situations still where i slip into this pre-programmed pattern of these same reactions and emotions.

I have carried this Alienation experience since I was a child, it is one of the long standing pre-programmed points within my make up that still require more direction - this belief that I am different, the alien within me that I have been carrying and what has been directing my decision making in many situations.

I see how certain events in my childhood contributed to this - all throughout school living in Bournemouth I was one of the few mixed race kids, all my best friends growing up were predominantly white, which in some situations is where you feel like the black sheep of the group, which develops like a chip on the shoulder experience continually.

I was the only one out of all my friends at school that had a mother that was always ill needing taking care of, and a grandfather who was more like my father then my real father and spoke about topics many people would call crazy, then a grandmother and father that I had never met - these factors fed into this Alien within me experience - feeling like none of my friends could understand how strange my family is.

Then within my family in terms of daily life with my mother or grandfather I was the only black sheep if that makes sense literally, then my grandfather for as many fascinating things he taught me about various kinds of Science, he did always have a lot to say about genetics, Nazi ideologies, Aliens and the strength of Aryan genetics, which again caused this internal judgement of myself, this idea that I cannot fit in because I have so much of a mix of genetics, then anger about this came in teenage years.

But he was never racist to me, because he would say I have the best of all genetics in me, but it was just that his incessant focus on genetics caused me to pay attention to race in a much closer almost paranoid way growing up, more perhaps then a young person really should.


Then also literally my Grandfather would call me Mars as my nickname, Aliens/Space was always a huge topic he loved. He also loved Orchestra and I even remember when he first played the track Gustav Holst - Mars the Bringer of War it had profound impact on me because he would literally say "this is you Mars" every time he played it, it would get me fired up and feeling strong, but ultimately something from far away that destroys.

Then through the repetitions through the years I started defining myself through the planet Mars in a way, an Alien destroyer you could say, which I can see is also a contributing factor as to why I was always getting into trouble as a youngster - after my grandfather died I always wondered and had a fear if he intended to do that to me, like a form of programming that he was doing to me.

Just recently I had a situation at work and a situation in my personal life which showed me I am still carrying a lot of shit in regards to this Alien within me experience.

Fascinating that when I see these Alienation thoughts come up in the moment and then I breathe, use common sense and then direct myself to integrate into the group, into the situation regardless of the stupidity that may be occurring in this person or group of humans.

But from there I can plant seeds, within amongst the chaos of the human ego, where ignorance, self-interest and detachment from physical reality is constantly running the bio frame of the human and the parameters of the wider reality that we all share together.

What does the ego say when you feel separated from people? Thoughts like - this person, or these people don't understand me, its like we are from different planets, their stupidity is mind numbing, I am much smarter then this person or this group of people, why can they not just see things like me, judgement upon judgement etc, etc.

Then what comes from interacting with these thoughts as the ego? All that comes is a limitation of myself as the mind consciousness system and thus a limitation of what I can achieve with this person or persons, where there will be no equal respect as life, but fear where my words and actions becoming more critical and unsupportive, where no mutual understanding and beneficial growth can occur which is not helpful for anyone.

It is irrelevant where we come from, we all come from different places, we all have different genetics, ideologies and understandings of existence - yet ultimately we are all equal as life living on planet Earth together, so we must find a way to agree on this no matter what, because we are truly in this together until the end, so re-aligning my resonance to what is best for all continually has to be done, no matter how many times I fall I will build up my muscle memory through accumulating my stability as breathe in situations where the Alienantion thoughts come up.

Only limitation, friction, conflict and the individualism of self-interest can come from feeding into this Alienation, so it is completely unacceptable.

I will not tolerate this to continue, to stifle any form of interactions with other beings I have in this world, I will find a way to work with and direct the most difficult of beings and groups in existence to what is best for all, through living as an example in my daily application.

That is all I can ever do is bring everything back to self here, because from here I can create self-honest change as myself in every moment of breathe, when I am outside of myself as the pre-programmed mind I cannot do anything other then continue the enslavement of myself and everyone around me which is unacceptable.

I am responsible for what I experience in any moment, we all are and we cannot allow ourselves to be aliens to eachother -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Alienate myself from a person or peoples around me, I realise that this Alienation experience is a pattern of behaviour that has existed for too long within and as me, and does not support me in living what is best for all life, so I must continue to walk here as breathe until this Alien experience is breathe by breathe pulled apart and dissolved into nothingness.

Join me next time as I continue to walk this point...

Day 261: Illness and Mortality Part 2

Have you been reacting to an illness in your life before?  If you have or if your going through that now then this blog will assist you so lets walk -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in various ways to being ill recently, I realise that these reactions have not assisted me to get better, and cannot assist me in any scenario in my life moving forward, so I take self-responsibility to redesign myself to not fight in my mind with an illness once it arrives.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe that these reactions are not assisting me to live what is best for all in every moment in self-honesty as breathe where I can apply common sense when I become Ill to be able to only allow that which supports physical healing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that because I rarely ever get Ill, that It should be impossible for me to get Ill when in reality there is a form of contagion that can affect any physical being in existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ego through the thought "I never get ill, how is this possible?" I understand and realise that when I stop and breathe, I am able to see that this thought is based in these memories, this accumulated knowledge of not become ill which I then became proud of and defined myself according to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a person that "cannot become ill" when in reality I realise this concept is flawed on the basis of the fact that as an organic life form existing in this physical realm of existence, I am always vulnerable to some form of plague that exists - from an innocent child to the most physically strong on this planet, there is always a virus that can afflict us.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that just living in this world, within and as this physical body is an affliction one could say from the perspective that from the moment we are born we are doomed to have to continue fuelling our body to stay alive, because it will wither and die if we do not, and no matter how physically strong you are everyone in this world physically withers after our athletic prime fades away as we get older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak, to fear being compromised, a fear of illness as the contagion is upon me - because these are not feelings that I am used to having myself, but I have for instance seen my mother for years dealing with severe illnesses, being compromised so I realise that this is the starting point of these fears.

So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed hold onto memories of my mother being Ill for years and to react to these memories in fear of manifesting illness in my own body - I realise that fearing becoming ill to any degree can only make me more open an susceptible to an illness, so I have now learnt to forgive myself, to breathe whenever fears of illness come up, so that I remain stable, where my decision making is clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying when I am ill, I mean everyone fears death at times, but when we are Ill these thoughts can become charged emotions, where we start believing we are actually dying, when the ego will always exaggerate what is reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being Ill, this judgement is not self-honest, because it is based on the pre-programmed egotistical idea that it is not possible for me to become ill in the first place which is a complete delusion that keeps me in separation from reality as I have now seen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for being ill, when again this is all stemming from a delusional idea which only keeps me in separation from physical reality and this anger is purely a reaction to this idea in self-dishonesty which is not acceptable, this anger cannot assist me in healing or living whats best for all life when I am ill, so I am walking, realigning myself and end this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste many moments of breathe when I am Ill just through being confused, getting stuck in my mind for many moments in a day thinking about "how is this possible? Where did this come from?" when all these moments could be used more effectively to taking physical steps to heal instead of whining in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in conspiratorial paranoia about being Ill where I have been entrapping myself within a fear that someone is doing this to me, that someone is trying to silence me with a powerful virus. I realise that this concept does not assist healing, does not assists me to live whats best for all life and really only feeds my ego and strengthens the virus through me accepting this concept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that someone is trying to kill me with this virus, which regardless of if that were true or not, how does that support me to beneficially change my situation now? It does not because it is based in separation from who I am as life as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get more easily distracted from things I'm working on when I am ill and to then justify my lack of focus and effort because I am ill. I can now understand and see that this justification empowers this distraction and vice versa, when if I simply direct myself as breathe here to move without these points, bringing myself back to what I'm doing consistently, then the distraction will reduce and the justification will disappear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest when people ask me how I am feeling when I am Ill - my ego automatically defends itself pretending and says "I'm fine, nothing wrong with me" I realise that when I am breathing and self-honest in these situations, I say "well I'm not great, but I'm reducing its affect on me mentally to improve my focus, and I'm doing all I can to fully recover asap." So I take self-responsibility to be honest with myself about my health, because if someone asks me if I am ok, I should only say I'm Ok if i'm actually ok.

I forgive myself for fearing that I will not get better from this affliction, that it will eventually sap my life force and destroy me - yet as I have seen in my road to recovery, I am actually around 80% recovered now, soon I will be 100%, so I can see how these fears that I have been having for weeks before were actually just drama in my mind based on no actual common sense whatsoever - so If I am ever to become Ill again, I will be ready for the games my mind tries to play, I redesign my mind now to be different next time.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to react in fear to being ill, I have seen for myself as I am recovering that these fears have not assisted me in anyway, but have only made the process more difficult and likely prolonged the illness itself. So as and when I see myself having any reactions to any potential future illnesses I have, then I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage these thoughts, because I know the cycle of events that will occur in my mind, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more fear reactions that come up, so I can focus on healing and living whats best for all life through out it.

I commit myself to living the realisation that we are more emotional then usual when we are ill, and when we have a starting point of emotion in anything we do then we have a starting point of instability, so It is so important to check myself, to keep myself stable through breathing to pull the emotion out of the illness I am suffering from.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to believe that I cannot be affected by an illness, I have learnt just recently that It is possible for me to get ill, that it is possible for any being to get ill. So as and when I see my mind having thoughts that I am physically infallible, that I "cannot get ill" then I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to interact with these thoughts, as this would only be the continuation of the separation of myself, so I continue to breathe until there is no more thoughts that come up.  

Day 260: Illness and Mortality

Illness, something that is always lurking around the corner, the virus ready to infect your body and debilitate you in whatever way the specific virus is intended to do.

Just living life in this world is essentially a virus that slowly breaks us down as we get older, but in today's world where viruses are designed through science at an accelerated rate, it is virtually impossible for a person to navigate a lifetime in this world without contracting some kind of illness at some point in our life -

This illness will either a short/long term debilitation of our capabilities where we will fully recover at some point, or it can be the more sinister, the fast destructive disease, or the slow painful disease draining our life where we will not only never full recover, but will inevitably die from this. 

This contagion, this endemic, this plague does not care if you are an innocent fragile baby, or if you are the man of steel standing on a mountain - there is a virus somewhere in existence that you will not be impervious to.

So we can extend our life, we can make people more invulnerable in certain ways, but there is no immortality in one organic vessel, and there is always a pathogen somewhere that can cause immense physical trauma upon us. 

When we are Ill, we are reminded of our mortality of our vulnerability - its is easy to forget when we spend so much time in and as our ego hat we are just organic bone filled soft blood sacs walking around in environments full of hazard, where a million things can harm us, so it really doesn't take much to cause us to contract an illness which can then potentially speed up our inevitable death.

With this knowledge of knowing how viruses attack the body looking to break us down or imbalance us in someway, we are reminded how death can be brought closer by this illness.

Then the thoughts of the fear of death can begin to encircle ones thought process as the ravages of the contagion takes a hold of you.

I have been dealing with this myself being Ill with a type of flu like virus, a particularly strong strain that I have been battling for months to fight off - which as my doctor has noted, is strange considering I do not have a track record of getting Ill like this at all.

My mother and me were joking about this recently, but in reality there has been many points here which have been coming up in relation to me being ill - judging myself for being ill, being angry that I am ill, feeling confused as to why I am ill, daydreaming for hours in the day about what kind of virus this could be and where it came from.

Conspiratorial paranoia that this virus was designed for me, to silence me. I find myself getting distracted from things I am doing here because I am ill here, being dishonest and self-dishonest when people ask, or I ask how I'm feeling, like pretending that I'm not even ill. Then there is this fearing that I will not get back to full fitness and what will happen if I don't, fearing that I will become more ill then my mother, fearing that this contagion will continue to mutate and destroy me from this world.

So yeah as much as it is shit being ill, it has also been fascinating to see what has come up within me as a result, and realising through seeing whats happening in my mind, that this excess baggage in my pre-programmed mind is completely unneeded  and does not assist me to physically heal and ultimately it is building physical healing that one must always do when we are ill.

Join me next time as I take the necessary steps to make sure that I unravel these illness mind possessions I have been dealing with, and align myself to what is best for all life.