Day 78: The Exaggerating Deceiver Part 2.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an exaggeration character within and as myself where I do not take into consideration an act according to what’s best for all, but purely from a starting point of self-interest to create energy for myself as the ego looking for validation outside of myself from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes attempt to deceive the person I am speaking to, trying to get the person to take me and my words as “a big important deal” in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from talking about a topic with a person until the person acknowledges my words as “a big important deal” as this exaggeration character, when I realize that regardless of how true the content of what I’m saying is, I realize that it is not best for all to enforce my perspective on someone until they submit to my exaggerations, so I commit myself to stopping this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to deceive and manipulate others through projecting a self-belief onto others that I am a “big deal”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a “big important deal” when I realize that this is all in my head, I am not big, I am not any more important than anyone else, and I am not a deal to be bartered around, so it is pointless to attempt to get people to see me in this way, it is complete delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for others to see me as a “big important deal”.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being defined by people as a “small deal” whose words have no “weight”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have words that “have weight” with people, meaning I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for desiring to have people see my words as meaningful, big and important words that will impact people’s lives hugely.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within this I am creating a polarity within and as myself as this exaggeration character where I see exaggerating things as “positive” that “add weight” to my words, and not exaggerating things as “negative”, when I realize that this is simply a fiasco happening in my head, it is not real in anyway whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that through looking for feedback for presenting myself in a certain way I am revealing that I am in complete separation of myself, that I am sometimes not actually talking to a person to hear anything they have to say, but purely as a conditional starting point looking for any excuse to charge and validate my existence as ego as this exaggerating character. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within existing as this exaggerating character that I am not applying myself according to what’s best for all, that I am not here as breathe directing myself as the living word of and as equality, so I commit myself to change this about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to project myself as a “knowledgeable good person” through the use “bending the truth” or of directly lying as this exaggeration character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically give a person a sales pitch within existing as this exaggeration character, looking to make a sale by manipulating the customer into believing that my product is a “big important positive deal” that will change their life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within attempting to manipulate others to see me and the world in a certain way, that I am saying I want to be this persons god, I want this person to be my slave applauding and praising my every word which I realize is unacceptable, so I take responsibility to release this abuse of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate sentences, phrases, words, topics to receive energy for myself as ego as this exaggeration character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this energy of manipulating others through the use of exaggeration, almost seeing each person as a game to be played with through exaggerating to them, testing them to see if they will validate my exaggerations or not.

I forgive myself that I have not realized until now, that many people I have stopped talking to/hanging out with in the past, was actually because the person was not willing to acknowledge my exaggerations which I did not like and so stopped seeing them, which clearly shows how self-indoctrinated within and as this exaggeration character I have allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify exaggerating things because of how easy it is to do, and how good it makes me feel, when in fact it does not matter how easy or “good” something makes me feel, if it is based in self-interest, in the deception/abuse of myself or another, then it is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as god “painting my own reality”, my own version of events, when I effectively manage to deceive someone through the use of exaggeration, where I present myself and my words as a “big deal” in total separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments of breathe, that any internal response I am having as a feeling in any moment is not actually real, and so it is complete self-interest to value how something makes me feel as something acceptable, and I realize in fact that it is completely unacceptable to accumulate value in that which is not real ahead of accumulating myself as breathe, living what’s best for all, as the self-directive principle of life in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate how many material objects I have to others throughout my life, which started at playschool when I bragged and exaggerated to other kids about how many toys I would get at xmas or my birthday so that I could “feel good” off the energy of making this person believe a falsified, glamourized version of events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate about how many sexual encounters and how many females I know to others throughout my life, which started in secondary/middle school where I again became further and further accustomed to existing as exaggeration in all areas of my life to make myself “feel good” and get certain responses from others, through deceiving myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate about how good I am at certain computer games throughout my life to others, so that regardless of whether or not it was true, I can make myself “feel good” as an ego on the feedback response I get from a person that believes my exaggerated “computer game god” stories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate anything in a discussion with a person that I see would assist me to come across as a “good person” or “more manly person” or “more sexually attractive person” or a “more knowledgeable person” etc. Depending on whom I am speaking with at the time, when I realize that this is complete self-deception and the deception of others to exist in alternate illusionary realities instead of being here as breathe, within and as this physical reality. I am not willing to allow myself to continually look to present myself as more then I am as life here.

 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that utilizing exaggeration so people see me in a certain light, and so I feel a certain way, is nothing but mind masturbation fucking myself as ego which must be stopped immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate how ill I am in the morning to my boss to try and manipulate him to feel sorry for me and thus be ok with me taking the day off, which reveals a point where I am looking to hide in relation to my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize exaggeration to hide away from the fact that I do not like my job, when really there is nothing wrong with my job, it is simply me reacting to and judging my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate any event in my personal life to my boss to try and manipulate him to not pressure me too much, so that I can get away with not doing the job with 100% commitment and effectiveness because of believing that I am “too good for the job”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am “too good for my job” as I realize that this is complete bullshit because my job supports me effectively, and so the whole Idea that I am “too good” for the job is nothing more than an idea of myself as ego which is not real, so I stop this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to justify not working my job effectively through believing that I am “too good” for my job, when I realize that there is no justification that exists for creating and existing as a pre-programmed belief in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate how much money I make in my job to females that I want to have sex with in an attempt to impress the female, which is complete separation, where I am not standing equal as the female, but rather just attempting to manipulate the woman to have sex with me through getting her to believe and be attracted to my exaggerations, which really is just saying that I don’t want to share myself unconditionally with this person, I just want her to accept this piece of brainwashing and then drop her pants, which is really like a form of prostitution where I’m prostituting out my ego looking for a woman to pick me up, and where I’m expecting the woman to also be a prostitute through accepting my “entertaining exaggerations” as payment then having sex with me. Direct prostitution which I’m not willing to accept as myself any further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a prostitute and treat many women as prostitutes, through looking to sell myself as this exaggerated ego to a female, then looking for the female to accept this exaggerated illusions as payment for sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate about my past to others that I am speaking with about crime, so that I get “respect” and come across as “being in the know” about the criminal lifestyle, which regardless of the fact that I have had experiences with crime, I am by no means an expert, and through existing as this exaggerated character, I claim to be an expert. I realize that exaggerating to what extent I abused as a criminal really is actually showing that I actually still harbour some pride about being involved in crime, which is fucked up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have pride about being a criminal which becomes clear in self-honesty through allowing myself to use exaggeration about my criminal experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate some people in my life to be afraid of me through exaggerating my criminal experiences in my life, where I experience a “godly feeling” inside myself in complete self-interest, so I stop this shit now. 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself in all moments to simply acknowledge all beings as equal, simply respecting myself and all beings as life, which is real respect not this false respect which is seen in the criminal world which is all based in fear, looking to give and receive fear wrapped up in a fake package of “respect”

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exaggerate how ineffective my sons mum is at raising my son, which regardless of whether or not she is indeed ineffective at supporting my son, there is no reason that I should be exaggerating this to people, as this is just unnecessary warlike backchat behaviour which is never best for all, so I must stop. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate people to see me as “good” and my sons mum as “bad” through the use of exaggeration in complete separation of myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarized self-belief/belief that I am “good” and my sons mum is “bad” when I realize that neither me or the mum are “good” or “bad” as that does not exist, it is only created and existing in my head, so I must stop defining myself and my sons mum like this.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in all moments of breathe that while I do not agree with some of the parenting techniques of my sons mum, what beliefs she’s teaches him etc. However I realize that I can only work with my son when he is with me, and that he does have all his basic needs catered for, so again there is absolutely no reason to exaggerate “how bad” the mum is.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exaggerate words, phrases, topics in my life as this exaggeration character, as I realize that this character does not support me in living what’s best for all, but rather enforces my starting point of separation which I am not willing to accept.

I commit myself to  not allowing myself to present myself or anything I’m saying as a “big deal” through the use of exaggeration, as I realize that this “big deal” is only existing in my mind, and is clearly a self-limiting  point to allow, so I stop.

I commit myself to not fearing being seen as a “small deal” or “big deal” or any deal, I commit myself to simply existing here as breathe, with attempted projected exaggerations of myself.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to create any polarity based concepts in relation to myself or others through the use of exaggeration for instance that my sons mum is “bad” which I now realize is a polarized concept that is not real.

I commit myself to stopping a conversation immediately when I see that I am simply battling with a person to acknowledge me or a particular topic as a “big deal” as I realize the consequence of continuing into the point in the moment is the further charging and enslavement of myself as this exaggerating deceiver.

I commit myself to not selling myself in my life through exaggeration as a prostitute, or looking to attract people that want to be sold to through the use of exaggeration as I realize that this is the complete deception of myself and others which is complete unacceptable.  

I commit myself to living the realization that this exaggeration character, while very often can be effective with selling a product at work, it has no practical functions in assisting me or anyone else in living what’s best for all in our lives. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to deceive others through the use of exaggeration that something is real about me which is not real, or an inflated version of events.

I commit myself to exposing all exaggeration in this world as a fraudulent debt based system where the exaggerator is only looking to acknowledgement for his exaggeration, trying to present/make himself feel good, and is looking to manipulate the people listening to believe the exaggerations.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to utilize exaggeration to in an attempt to receive attention/pity/money/sex etc from others, as I realize that this is all just energy accumulation enforcing my starting point as ego in complete separation and limitation from who I really am as life.

When and as I see myself about to shift into this exaggeration character in my mind as a specific thought, feeling or emotion that comes up in any moment, then I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to engage with the mind, I realize that exaggeration is nothing but illusions in my head which I take self-responsibility here to eradicate. I breathe and continue to do so until here no further, so that I never again allow myself to be defined within and as the delusion of exaggerating deceiver