So i enjoy doing gardening extensively since walking my process, i find it to be such a cool point of self support, standing equal as the plant - where im supporting the plant to have water, sun and effective housing, while at the same time utilizing myself effectivelly, supporting myself within the point of gardening to stick to breathe in self honesty in every moment. I have a Bonsai tree on my window in my bedroom, that i would re - plant in the garden, however there is no space for him to go currently, as my mother is always adding new plants and flowers to the garden. And also from the minimal research i have done on Bonsai trees, apparently they dont require much root space anyway, so i will keep the Bonsai on my window for now.
However as i shared in my most recent vlog, i can see that sometimes i am separating myself from the physical experience of gardening here, by going into the mind, judging myself and allowing the whole polarity point to play out. I noticed this point today when i was watering my Bonsai, and a thought came up of "well done Marley, i am a good guy" then i realized i was going into the mind, i breathed and released the point remaining within and as breathe stable here in self honesty, supporting myself and the Bonsai. Then just after i finished watering the Bonsai, i remembered two days ago when i forgot to water the Bonsai, that when i realized that i forgot, i went into a thought that "you are so bad Marley, how the fuck can you forget to water the Bonsai", so for a moment i went into this judging myself, and then a moment later a memory came up, then i stopped and stuck to breathe.
The memory that came up, was when my mum went to Portugal for a month in July, that i did the same back then in relation to the garden. Where if i forgot to water the plants for a day, and then remembered that i forgot the day after, then immediately thoughts would come up exactly the same like "how can you forget to water the plants in the garden Marley? Would you like to be left with nothing to drink? Im Bad" And then when i would remember on time, then self praising thoughts would come up that i am a "good" person, just the same as today with the Bonsai.
So im clearly holding onto points of knowledge here, and this seesaw polarity point, is totally uneccessary to go into, and is only me allowing myself to separate myself within and as the mind from the physical experience of supporting my bonsai and doing gardening here within and as the totality of all that is here in self honesty. so i stop.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical experience of supporting my Bonsai, by going into the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define supporting my bonsai and gardening within and as the mind, in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect a picture in my mind of me forgeting to water the plants in the garden when my mum was on holiday, to a judgemental thought that "i am so bad for forgetting to water my bonsai" and a praising thought that "i am so good for remembering to water my bonsai"
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself within and as the mind as "bad" for forgeting to water my bonsai tree.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Praise myself within and as the mind as "good" for watering my bonsai tree on time.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spearate myself from what i am experiencing here in awareness within gardening.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate and limit myself from gardening, through defining gardening in polarity according to thoughts that i am "good" for remebering to water a plant, and "bad" for forgetting, in total separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even for a moment waver in my full application and support of myself as life in self honesty in every moment within gardening.
However as i shared in my most recent vlog, i can see that sometimes i am separating myself from the physical experience of gardening here, by going into the mind, judging myself and allowing the whole polarity point to play out. I noticed this point today when i was watering my Bonsai, and a thought came up of "well done Marley, i am a good guy" then i realized i was going into the mind, i breathed and released the point remaining within and as breathe stable here in self honesty, supporting myself and the Bonsai. Then just after i finished watering the Bonsai, i remembered two days ago when i forgot to water the Bonsai, that when i realized that i forgot, i went into a thought that "you are so bad Marley, how the fuck can you forget to water the Bonsai", so for a moment i went into this judging myself, and then a moment later a memory came up, then i stopped and stuck to breathe.
The memory that came up, was when my mum went to Portugal for a month in July, that i did the same back then in relation to the garden. Where if i forgot to water the plants for a day, and then remembered that i forgot the day after, then immediately thoughts would come up exactly the same like "how can you forget to water the plants in the garden Marley? Would you like to be left with nothing to drink? Im Bad" And then when i would remember on time, then self praising thoughts would come up that i am a "good" person, just the same as today with the Bonsai.
So im clearly holding onto points of knowledge here, and this seesaw polarity point, is totally uneccessary to go into, and is only me allowing myself to separate myself within and as the mind from the physical experience of supporting my bonsai and doing gardening here within and as the totality of all that is here in self honesty. so i stop.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical experience of supporting my Bonsai, by going into the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define supporting my bonsai and gardening within and as the mind, in separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect a picture in my mind of me forgeting to water the plants in the garden when my mum was on holiday, to a judgemental thought that "i am so bad for forgetting to water my bonsai" and a praising thought that "i am so good for remembering to water my bonsai"
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself within and as the mind as "bad" for forgeting to water my bonsai tree.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Praise myself within and as the mind as "good" for watering my bonsai tree on time.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to spearate myself from what i am experiencing here in awareness within gardening.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate and limit myself from gardening, through defining gardening in polarity according to thoughts that i am "good" for remebering to water a plant, and "bad" for forgetting, in total separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even for a moment waver in my full application and support of myself as life in self honesty in every moment within gardening.
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