So yesterday i went to a dvd store where i had placed an order for a dvd, and i have been waiting for the order and been back to the store a few times since i ordered it because it was over 3 months ago that i placed the order.
Anyway on the way there a thought came up "i bet they wont have it yet...again" so i took self - responsibility and deleted this thought and stuck to breathe. i got to the counter and i asked the guy if they had the film yet, so he checked the system, and told me that the reason the delivery was taking so long, was because the company the order was placed with was very small, and was waiting for more orders until they would deliver the dvd - basically they wouldnt send just one copy becuase they knew HMV was a massive company and so were waiting until more orders were placed. So anyway the guy suggested to me that i should take my deposit back and just order it on the HMV website instead, so i agreed, i remained stable through this discussion, then he gave me my deposit back which was only £2 then i went back to the car. But then i got in the car, some chatter came up "i knew they wouldnt have it yet" i didnt go into the thought as i realised it was not real, and that going into the thought would would just be total stroking my ego bullshit, feeding into this idea that im always right to expect the least out of something so that "disapointment" is avoided. i stabilized myself within and as breathe, but the point was noted on my notepad while sitting in the car.
Then on the way back home text messages started flooding into my phone from my instore team giving me their end of day results as it was about 5.15pm. And then my phone started ringing and i knew it would be another member of my team considering the time of day it was, so as my phone was vibrating in my pocket, a thought came up of "i bet he has had a shit score today" because i knew it had been raining heavily today which always gives the team a tougher day selling solar technology obviously
But anyway as this thought came up i smiled, as i realised this point of expecting the least out of people these negatively charged thoughts about people, needs a much further look in detail so i am most effectively able to support myself in releasing the point fully. This point of trying to "win" the feeling odds by expecting failure out of a person or event, so that in self interest i get some "nice" surprise feeling if i am wrong, and then basing my decision that something or someone willl "fail me" on past memories of feeling "let down" by somebody or something in the past. Then after a set period of time of being correct everytime i expect the worse, its like that point of "well i knew that would fail" which is just me recreating and constructing through my own acceptances and allowances as the mind consciousness system as ego, that "well done me i know how to spot a loser" loser being defined as someone or something that has not "won me over" in the past by prooving my negative assumptions based in memory to be wrong.
I mean its very fucked up, because i can see how i have carried this point my entire process, which is showing me that in fact my starting point within process is questionable, because i can see that i have been walking process in complete fucking self interest by defining process as "good" and that i must apparently "complete" or "win" this process, and that i have won when i have faced and corrected all the points of separation within myself, when i am corrected, only considering myself in self interest. But then also percieving that i will inevitably fail in my process because of defining myself according to memories of me being "bad", letting people down, and repeatedly falling in my process on some points carrying that self judgement and shame in total separation of myself. This self created idea, is then what i use inside myself to justify stagnation on a point, justify why i havent corrected a point by sometimes going into back chat like "oh well im a fucking failure anyway" - which is totally unacceptable, i mean its like i have this seriously fucked up perception of process as being some large "higher knowledge" "good path" thing that i must attain "glorious victory" in but i will probably never win, without realising that this point i am just allowing to fuck me up further into and as the mind, but i realise now.
I mean there is no chasing a point in process, there is no winning/losing "right/wrong" "good" "bad" polarity bullshit that can exist, in any moment who i am is already knowledge, and its this knowledge of me as the mind as memory of a "failure" that i have defined myself according to, believing it to be real, thus i have allowed myself to recreate repeatedly through which has emerged this fucked up "process personality" where there is no stability in myself as life, just separation. Everything i must face and correct is here, and everything i require to face and correct myself with is here as me as the directive principle of oneness and equality applying myself within self support tools rigourously, correcting myself within so that i am best able to correct my outer world to oneness and equality - So its cool to see this within myself, and i am tired of manifesting this bullshit point of separation, fucking myself further into polarity, personality and fear as the mind so i stop here, and will direct myself as whats best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that another being will fail in something just because i assume so based on memory.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that within memory as the mind as a derrogatory assumption about another, is only separating myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to justify blaming a being for not completing something, because of a memory of the being breaking their word, however i realise and accept that i have no right to judge anyone, as i am purely judgin myself, beacuase a point i judge in another, i can reflect back at myself and see that there is loads of times i have broken my word in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a thought that "i bet they wont have it yet...again" to an idea in my mind of being let down by the company before, as i realise that wihtin this connection there exists only separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my continuation and existance as the ego as the mind, because i was correct about something or someone in the past, thus defining myself according to the past through which i have allowed myself to build up and bolster assumptions of knowing based in knowledge which is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought "i bet he has had a shit score today" to an idea that i must be right because he had a shit score yesterday again defining myself according to past memory as knowledge as separation.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that within creating and going into assumptions about others that there exists only separation of myself as memory.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that expecting the worse out of myself or anybody else is to just allow the polarity of good/bad friction, by expecting the "bad" but hoping for the "good", which i realise is just fucking me further into the mind, so i stop here.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to define process as something "good" and myself as something "bad" in total polarity and separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to hold onto and define myself as a feeling of shame about how i have experienced myself in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i have "achieved so much" so far in my process, projecting this image to others that i am "doing so well" that im doing "good" when in actual fact this point is stagnating me further in the point of the "process personality" as the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to want to attain a state of "nice feelings", and avoid "bad feelings" by expecting the worst out of people - i realise and accept that all feelings are equally not real and the idea of a "nice" feeling or "bad" feeling is just an opinion, which is not valid as reality.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that by holding onto memory there exists only separation of myself, which must be stopped.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to perceive within and as the mind that i must attain something outside of myself, as a hunt for something, without realising that all i require is here as myself by taking self responsibility, applying myself in all moments, there is no - thing out there that can unfuck my own self created fuckedness, only i can do that.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to desire "winning", and purposely avoiding being a "loser" feeding into the whole polarity point and compettioin point as fighting to survive, which is totally uneccessary and must be stopped, because i realise and accept that within winners and losers there is only inequality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to fear not winning, as having no money, as fearing death, which is a ridiculous point, because death cannot be avoided for anyone.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed mysef to live within and as self honesty in all moments as one reality with no separation as the mind as competiotion or polarity existant.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to stagnate on points in my process because of the self created definition of myself the self image of apparently going to fail before i start - i stop participation here.
I realise and accept myself as the directive principle of life, that i am totally responsible for myself, and that the patterns of the past based on inequality is what im working on stopping. Hanging onto points inside myself is just pure unacceptable stagnation, because i am in this process to recreate myself as the starting point of oneness and equality, to do all i can in this lifetime to create a system that works to the benefit of everybody, not to be "good" or a "winner" which is of self interest and self deception. There is no right and wrong in actuality, its all in the mind, so i will not recreate anymore expectant failure in relation to myself or others, i take self responsibility to correct this fully, i will not fucking allow this point to control me, i direct me as common sense as breathe as who i really am as life here in self honesty, and i will not accept any less then that.
Anyway on the way there a thought came up "i bet they wont have it yet...again" so i took self - responsibility and deleted this thought and stuck to breathe. i got to the counter and i asked the guy if they had the film yet, so he checked the system, and told me that the reason the delivery was taking so long, was because the company the order was placed with was very small, and was waiting for more orders until they would deliver the dvd - basically they wouldnt send just one copy becuase they knew HMV was a massive company and so were waiting until more orders were placed. So anyway the guy suggested to me that i should take my deposit back and just order it on the HMV website instead, so i agreed, i remained stable through this discussion, then he gave me my deposit back which was only £2 then i went back to the car. But then i got in the car, some chatter came up "i knew they wouldnt have it yet" i didnt go into the thought as i realised it was not real, and that going into the thought would would just be total stroking my ego bullshit, feeding into this idea that im always right to expect the least out of something so that "disapointment" is avoided. i stabilized myself within and as breathe, but the point was noted on my notepad while sitting in the car.
Then on the way back home text messages started flooding into my phone from my instore team giving me their end of day results as it was about 5.15pm. And then my phone started ringing and i knew it would be another member of my team considering the time of day it was, so as my phone was vibrating in my pocket, a thought came up of "i bet he has had a shit score today" because i knew it had been raining heavily today which always gives the team a tougher day selling solar technology obviously
But anyway as this thought came up i smiled, as i realised this point of expecting the least out of people these negatively charged thoughts about people, needs a much further look in detail so i am most effectively able to support myself in releasing the point fully. This point of trying to "win" the feeling odds by expecting failure out of a person or event, so that in self interest i get some "nice" surprise feeling if i am wrong, and then basing my decision that something or someone willl "fail me" on past memories of feeling "let down" by somebody or something in the past. Then after a set period of time of being correct everytime i expect the worse, its like that point of "well i knew that would fail" which is just me recreating and constructing through my own acceptances and allowances as the mind consciousness system as ego, that "well done me i know how to spot a loser" loser being defined as someone or something that has not "won me over" in the past by prooving my negative assumptions based in memory to be wrong.
I mean its very fucked up, because i can see how i have carried this point my entire process, which is showing me that in fact my starting point within process is questionable, because i can see that i have been walking process in complete fucking self interest by defining process as "good" and that i must apparently "complete" or "win" this process, and that i have won when i have faced and corrected all the points of separation within myself, when i am corrected, only considering myself in self interest. But then also percieving that i will inevitably fail in my process because of defining myself according to memories of me being "bad", letting people down, and repeatedly falling in my process on some points carrying that self judgement and shame in total separation of myself. This self created idea, is then what i use inside myself to justify stagnation on a point, justify why i havent corrected a point by sometimes going into back chat like "oh well im a fucking failure anyway" - which is totally unacceptable, i mean its like i have this seriously fucked up perception of process as being some large "higher knowledge" "good path" thing that i must attain "glorious victory" in but i will probably never win, without realising that this point i am just allowing to fuck me up further into and as the mind, but i realise now.
I mean there is no chasing a point in process, there is no winning/losing "right/wrong" "good" "bad" polarity bullshit that can exist, in any moment who i am is already knowledge, and its this knowledge of me as the mind as memory of a "failure" that i have defined myself according to, believing it to be real, thus i have allowed myself to recreate repeatedly through which has emerged this fucked up "process personality" where there is no stability in myself as life, just separation. Everything i must face and correct is here, and everything i require to face and correct myself with is here as me as the directive principle of oneness and equality applying myself within self support tools rigourously, correcting myself within so that i am best able to correct my outer world to oneness and equality - So its cool to see this within myself, and i am tired of manifesting this bullshit point of separation, fucking myself further into polarity, personality and fear as the mind so i stop here, and will direct myself as whats best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that another being will fail in something just because i assume so based on memory.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that within memory as the mind as a derrogatory assumption about another, is only separating myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to justify blaming a being for not completing something, because of a memory of the being breaking their word, however i realise and accept that i have no right to judge anyone, as i am purely judgin myself, beacuase a point i judge in another, i can reflect back at myself and see that there is loads of times i have broken my word in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a thought that "i bet they wont have it yet...again" to an idea in my mind of being let down by the company before, as i realise that wihtin this connection there exists only separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my continuation and existance as the ego as the mind, because i was correct about something or someone in the past, thus defining myself according to the past through which i have allowed myself to build up and bolster assumptions of knowing based in knowledge which is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought "i bet he has had a shit score today" to an idea that i must be right because he had a shit score yesterday again defining myself according to past memory as knowledge as separation.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that within creating and going into assumptions about others that there exists only separation of myself as memory.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that expecting the worse out of myself or anybody else is to just allow the polarity of good/bad friction, by expecting the "bad" but hoping for the "good", which i realise is just fucking me further into the mind, so i stop here.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to define process as something "good" and myself as something "bad" in total polarity and separation of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to hold onto and define myself as a feeling of shame about how i have experienced myself in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that i have "achieved so much" so far in my process, projecting this image to others that i am "doing so well" that im doing "good" when in actual fact this point is stagnating me further in the point of the "process personality" as the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to want to attain a state of "nice feelings", and avoid "bad feelings" by expecting the worst out of people - i realise and accept that all feelings are equally not real and the idea of a "nice" feeling or "bad" feeling is just an opinion, which is not valid as reality.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that by holding onto memory there exists only separation of myself, which must be stopped.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to perceive within and as the mind that i must attain something outside of myself, as a hunt for something, without realising that all i require is here as myself by taking self responsibility, applying myself in all moments, there is no - thing out there that can unfuck my own self created fuckedness, only i can do that.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to desire "winning", and purposely avoiding being a "loser" feeding into the whole polarity point and compettioin point as fighting to survive, which is totally uneccessary and must be stopped, because i realise and accept that within winners and losers there is only inequality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to fear not winning, as having no money, as fearing death, which is a ridiculous point, because death cannot be avoided for anyone.
I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed mysef to live within and as self honesty in all moments as one reality with no separation as the mind as competiotion or polarity existant.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysef to stagnate on points in my process because of the self created definition of myself the self image of apparently going to fail before i start - i stop participation here.
I realise and accept myself as the directive principle of life, that i am totally responsible for myself, and that the patterns of the past based on inequality is what im working on stopping. Hanging onto points inside myself is just pure unacceptable stagnation, because i am in this process to recreate myself as the starting point of oneness and equality, to do all i can in this lifetime to create a system that works to the benefit of everybody, not to be "good" or a "winner" which is of self interest and self deception. There is no right and wrong in actuality, its all in the mind, so i will not recreate anymore expectant failure in relation to myself or others, i take self responsibility to correct this fully, i will not fucking allow this point to control me, i direct me as common sense as breathe as who i really am as life here in self honesty, and i will not accept any less then that.
No comments:
Post a Comment