Thursday, 4 October 2012

Day 51: not admitting when I’ve miscalculated.



In my last journey to life blog I spoke about how I have re-programmed myself to enjoy labour; however I have still found brainwashing present when I am doing labour so I will open this up now. So I’ve always found that right and wrong doesn’t actually exist really, in the context of decision making, because really it is just a valued judgment I’m making which shows the limitation of myself as the mind.

However I’ve noticed about myself sometimes that whenever I miscalculate something ,then  I don’t like being corrected by someone else which shows my existence as ego looking for validation of being “right” even when reality is showing me that I’m very clearly missing fact. 

And I’ve noticed that whenever I miscalculate something, it’s usually because I’m too busy in my head, believing that my opinionated perspective of a calculation is correct, that my projection of events in my head is correct without having complete 100% certainty of something, completely taking into consideration the physical factors of how something is created effectively -  for instance I burnt the dinner because I was too busy believing that my opinion of the correct timeframe to cook the dinner was accurate, when in fact I was completely incorrect, and if I had just followed the instructions to the tee 100% as a common sense decision, then the burning of the food wouldn’t of happened. Knowledge without application is useless. So knowing how to cook a particular meal in my head is irrelevant unless I can physically manifest the knowledge I have accumulated in my head through my hands.  

So not being physically here point by point within any labour I do causes massive devastation such as my food being burnt. Then when someone points out to me that I have miscalculated a point, then sometimes I will react internally as being offended depending on how much value I had in my opinionated calculation. 

And this offence of being corrected when someone else points out my miscalculation, I have found is usually when someone has pointed out my ineffective calculation at doing something which is socially defined as being manly such as difficult physical labour, I experience uncomfortable annoyance whenever someone points out that I’m not doing the point of hard labour correctly. And I also experience this offence whenever I’m doing something socially defined as skilful with hands such as cooking for instance, and then someone points out that I’m miscalculating the cooking. 

This experience of internal offence sometimes will be obvious in my physical movements and verbal responses, however other times I will suppress this offended experience depending on who It is that is correcting me – whoever I respect in my mind I will suppress any annoyance that comes up when the person corrects me, someone I don’t respect I will immediately engage into a disagreement with through arguing and defending my calculation, which is fascinating because it shows that I’m not seeing and treating al beings equally. 

I realize there should be no suppression or explosion of annoyance at being corrected by any one, I realize that this suppression and explosion I do around different people according to respect levels is actually showing my limitation as ego, and is actually showing that I am not respecting the person fully as myself as life, because if I did then there would be no reaction at all, just taking on board the point the person is making without taking offence, so I realize i must release any annoyance at being corrected by another through effective self-corrective application, i realize that i do miscalculate and that anybody no matter what my opinion of the person is can support me to be more effective in a particular area because no opinion is valid as real.
    
So I can see this not admitting I’ve miscalculated point has manifested over and  over so many times in my life, and I can see this is complete limitation of myself which must be stopped, because i realize that to miscalculate something is actually supportive because it reveals where I must investigate and correct myself, where I have not taken into consideration every physical point to be fully effective in my calculation based on 100% common sense fact rather than opinionated self-deceptive decisions. And if someone else is pointing out my miscalculation I must breathe and not allow myself to be offended no matter what it is that is being pointed out, because I realize that it is very assisting for me to be able to apply knowledge more effectively with my hands here in common sense rather than creating opinions out of knowledge I’ve accumulated thinking I know everything when I do not. Also I realize that it makes no difference who points out that I have miscalculated, all humans are completely equal so my experience in relation to every human must be equal.

Self-Forgiveness/Self-Corrective Living commitments follow in my next blog……

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