Day 50: Practical application of breathing within physical labour

So this is a practical application I have developed within walking my process, where I remain stable as breathe within working with my hands.

Once upon a time I really could not stand doing physical labour to fix something that is broken or to support another as myself within a point of labour. The only labour that ever interested me was whatever I got an entertaining energy from, which was usually to do with sports, specifically football and martial arts. If it was not something to keep me entertained in self-interest then I would not be interested in doing the labour.

When I was about 8 my mother was diagnosed with Bechets syndrome after having a lifesaving blood transfusion. And after that happened my mother was then on around 20 different medications a day, and at the time I noticed she became less able to do things like cooking, cleaning, basically points of physical labour of some kind. From this point on through preteen/teenage years I got used to my mother going in and out of hospital; however one thing I did not get used to, was the chores I had to do when my mum was really ill.

A lot of suppressed annoyance I had towards my mother, where in my mind I would actually be blaming her for being ill, for at that stage what I saw as causing this annoyance in me, for dumping all this housework on me. I began to secretly loath my mother as being at fault for spoiling my childhood fun.

As I grew from here this suppressed anger I had towards my mother, her illness, the housework I had to do developed further and further, which got to the point a three or so years prior to researching desteni, that i couldn’t stand to be around my mother.

I would find any excuse to get out of the house to avoid doing housework, and to search for an energetic fun experience in self-interest, looking for an outlet for developing anger inside myself. This anger I allowed to be caused by many things, a lot to do with my mother, but also other things for instance my mother’s different boyfriends she had who never stuck around, anger at my father for not being around and general developing anger towards the state of the world. 

Anyway this anger, I would get out of the house at every opportunity to try and find outlets for. I was doing martial arts and football which was perceived by my mother, my granddad and me to be “good outlets” for my anger issues. However what I found was fascinating, because I actually found that while I was doing these sporting activities, that the anger experience inside of myself was actually compounding not subsiding, which I did not realize at that stage was because of my starting point in relation to these activities where I was basically exercising ego in manifestation. I would start doing things in the sports where I would kick other kids, purposely trying to cause harm on the football pitch and in the gym out of frustration of my life, and jealousy of certain other kids that I saw in my mind at the time as having it easier than me with more desirable parents.

So I started looking for more perceived “outlets” for this anger about my life, which is where the whole gang stuff happened. Anyway years later, once I had researched desteni and began testing out the tools from a clear starting point, after some time I noticed that despite releasing some other points of anger, that whenever I was doing housework around the house that I would be having this uncomfortable annoyed experience inside myself, specifically towards my mother.

So I started writing about these experiences, writing self-forgiveness statements with a pen and a pad and stating them out loud about specific thoughts I would have while I’m doing housework, and whenever I next had to do some housework, I would focus on living my self-forgiveness statements, focusing on breathing through any reactions that came up. Just allowing myself to only see the point that requires correction, then standing equal to what needs to be done to create the correction, doing the job as effectively as possible without any added mind shit to make the experience uncomfortable and ineffective.

This I started doing consistently, daily, which through the years i started applying within all forms of labour where something requires to be produced for the best of all with my hands.

However there has been a lot of other mind shit in relation to physical labour I have spotted, investigated and let go of through the years, for example the desire to be a “good” person from guilt of being a delinquent youth, so doing housework/labour for others to be seen as “good”, also doing housework to try and impress females I desired to have sex with, and unnecessarily putting my body through physical pain during labour to project “male strength” to others as ego, competing with other males.

It’s cool exposing all this shit to myself through the years though,  sometimes I enjoy looking back at memory pictures in my head about how I have developed stability within physical labour, how I got to this point here, where I enjoy myself as self-movement as breathe within doing housework and physical labour.

Anyone that is serious about changing this world for the best of all, has to learn at some point how to be as effective within physical labour as possible, to get done what needs to be done from a starting point of breathe, a starting point of what’s best for all. To not participate in labour for self-interested reasons, to give our hands to the service of life, to not allow fear of getting dirty, to not fear being harmed or fear not having energetic fake fun, but to actually stand equal as enjoyment within every breathe of labour, where we realize that this is a physical reality, we are all physical beings, and it is only with practical physical solutions can this world change one by one - so one by one we must see the shit here within us and this world, then one by one clean up all shit that harms life with our hands until there is no more shit existing here, but rather self-expression as life equally shared for all.

Through developing stability within physical labour I have developed self-trust to continue doing what I am doing, because although resistances occasionally still come up, I know the consequence of going into any pre-programmed thoughts, feelings or emotions that come up during physical labour - The consequence is the labour will not be done effectively because I will make some kind of valued judgement in my mind about why I don’t have to do it effectively and I will be thus in complete separation of myself. While the consequence of doing labour from a starting point of breathe in every moment - is that the labour will be done as effectively as I am able to do so, there will be no unnecessary rushing, or any form of programming trying to override to get out of doing the labour, there is simply seeing what needs to be done for the best of all, then immediately doing what needs to be done for the best of all as soon as it requires to be done until it’s done, where the whole experience of housework and physical labour from start to finish is stable as breathe. 

There’s a lot of shit that requires correction here on earth, a lot of labour that needs to be done, within and without, so let’s get stable within all forms of labour now, as it’s clearly best for all.