Day 53: Music and Emotions

The correlation between music and emotions has long been talked about by various psychologists, philosophers and scientists throughout history, and majority can remember atleast one instance in their life where while listening to a certain music we start crying in sadness or being completely elated in happiness. And so i want to open this topic, because i find it very interesting that when I listen to certain types of music, that there is a consistent pattern I notice, where I experience emotional internal movements in relation to specific lyrics and resonant sounds that I hear.

I mean I really don’t actually get teary eyed about anything in my life currently, however I find that one music track can still cause me to get teary eyed, so there is extensive connections in my mind to music and emotional responses. Because I have noticed that within my taste in music I find that I always in my mind am attracted to listen to music that sounds what I would define as “deep” and “epic” music either in musical sound, lyrically or both. like a shape shifting, dark, heavy, melancholic, reminiscent, beat and tone that my mind is always searching for when I put music on, where it seems that the “deeper” the track I can find then the more I seem to enjoy it and listen to the track again. I enjoy lyrics that question human behaviour, and music sounds that are original and different in their structure to mainstream music, however in the lyrics delivery and the sound of the music itself I constantly want this heavy “deep/epicness” in the music. 

So what is this “deep/epic” experience that my mind is always yearning for within music? Why do I have these thoughts and emotional responses within certain music? Where does this come from? What is the consequence of connecting music to pre-programming and defining myself within it?

When I look within myself, it is clear that I have developed particular tastes s in certain types of music because of how I have experienced myself growing up. And in relation to growing up I certainly experienced a lot of emotions like anyone, some that were “positive”, however a lot of these emotions were very “negative” and “deep” in their kind of scarring effect in my mind, which resulted in a lot of development and out lashing as anger, depression, selfishness and disgust. I was an emotional kid however I also got used to supressing my emotions, carrying a consistent heavy energy around within and as me.

So as I grew I began to see what I was experiencing within myself and in the world as “deep and epic” in scale, and I can see how music for me has become some sort of tool for my ego to express regret about what I have done in the past in my life, and also my regret about the state of humanity, so music that seems to express these points as validly as my brainwashing sees, then I will like listening to the music a lot.

Some would call this kinds of music to be depressing , and within this there has been a polarity that has played out in my music taste, where music that I define as being connected to “happiness” I tend to not enjoy, but when music is connected to sadness then It is highly likely that I will enjoy the track, which is interesting because I can see so many times in my life, where within myself I actually become addicted to depression, kind of like being in love with my sadness and really not enjoying things defined as “good” and “light”.

I realize that this is a complete limitation of myself as a time looping behaviour in absolute separation of myself, where I am not expressing myself as life unconditionally within music, but rather just charging programming that is already existent within me. So I take self-responsibility for this separation of myself so I can stand equal to music completely stable here as breathe whenever I am listening to any music, so I will continue to investigate and walk self-forgiveness/corrective statements in my next blog…