Day 52: not admitting when I’ve miscalculated part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character that refuses to admit a miscalculation specifically when I’m doing physical labour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as ego of wanting to be right all the time, instead of breathing and directing what’s best for all with my hands where no ego of wanting to be right exist.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that wanting to be right is to create a polarity of being wrong, making valued judgements, existing in complete separation of myself when neither right or wrong exists in fact, there is either what’s bet for all or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as right even when fact shows otherwise, which shows that I am completely possessed as ego and an idea of myself that I must be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist as a self-belief that im too intelligent to make mistakes, as if it isn’t possible to make a mistake about something that I define myself to be smart about.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand in all moments within this that intelligence does not mean I can’t miscalculate, because I realise that any knowledge without application is completely useless, so I can have all the knowledge in the world, but if I cannot apply the knowledge with my hands then I have clearly miscalculated in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that having knowledge without application simply feeds into ego that I “know how to do something” before I have actually got there in fact and implemented the knowledge with my hands which is when I can actually say I know how to do something because ei have tested the knowledge physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my opinion in my head is trustworthy as being correct, when in actuality only physical fact is trustworthy as being correct as what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my opinion onto others, without realizing that any projection that my mind can conjure is never valid as reality which I can prove to myself in any breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to validate my projected opinion so that I get energy and experience myself as some kind of god of the particular point which reveals again my starting point of ego in total separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be physically here within and as physical labour in all moments, but to try and implement my opinion so that I can say “see I was right” as ego in complete self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as being offended to someone that points out that I’m not being effective at a point of labour, when I realize that this reaction of offence is actually stopping me from completing the point of labour as effectively as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t need direction to do a point of labour that is socially defined as “manly” or skilful, even when someone with more knowledge and application of the point is trying to point out how I can be more effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a “real man” does not need direction from others in regards to completing physical labour. And because i have defined myself as “manly” as ego, I experience myself as being diminished when someone points out my miscalculation, that I’m not manly, experiencing myself as being smaller like I’m a little boy that needs help with things. When really I realize all this is just happening in my head and in fact the more hands that work on a point of labour, the more people work together, then the quicker and more effectively it can be done. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being defined as a little boy if I listen to what the person is saying that is pointing out my miscalculation, when this is actually only in my mind and is thus not real, so I stop now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to being a little boy in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can do everything alone in relation to physical labour, instead of realising in every moment that it is within unison with other beings that makes sure physical labour is done as effectively as possible. I realize that whenever I’m forcing myself to go it alone, that I’m actually also putting my physical body through unnecessary stress to get the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in my life as a “lone wolf” and so I don’t need correction from anyone, because ei already apparently know everything about living effectively, when in fact I am still learning, and I realize that this lone wolf definition of myself is not real and simply feeds into this not admitting miscalculation point, so I stop this now as myself.  

   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to prove things to others to show that I’m a man, when I realize that this is complete self-deception and dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being manly, when really this is just in my head, I realize that there is no such thing as being manly, because just by the fact that I am a male body is proof I’m a man, there is nothing outside of myself that is required to show that I’m a man. I realize that anything that I believe I must define myself as and project onto other to “prove” my manliness is just a mental relationship and is thus not real and thus is not relevant to exist within. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my annoyance when I “respect” someone that is correcting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely argue with someone that I don’t “respect” when they point out something I’m not doing effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that this shows that I am actually disrespecting everyone, because I see that I’m clearly not treating all people equally, because if I was then I would respect every human equally to be able to assist me with any point of labour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind that when someone is pointing out something I’m not doing correctly that the person must not like me in some way, or they are purposely trying to attack me in some way, which regardless of whether or not the person is doing this or not, I must not be reacting in these ways, I must be stable as breathe in all environments and all situations and all moments as who I really am as life. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is actually supportive to see and admit when I have miscalculated something, because that means there is points for me to investigate and correct so that I’m more effective in living what’s best for all.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to be offended when someone is pointing out that I’m being ineffective at a point of labour. I commit myself to slowing down within and as breathe whenever someone points out my miscalculation within a point of labour. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to begin labour from a starting point of attempting to validate and justify my opinions to others. I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as a polarity of trying to attract the positive experience of being “right” to avoid the negative of being “wrong” when in actual fact my attention focusing on being right is actually making sure that I am not being effective in a point as I could be, it is making sure that the whole concept of right and wrong, good and bad is perpetuated in this reality by myself, when in self-honesty I know there is no such thing as right and wrong, there is only what’s best for all and what’s not best for all.

I commit myself to not stopping myself from attempting to prove to others that I’m right about a point of labour when only my opinion backs up what I’m saying, because i realize that an opinion does not back up anything other than my ego.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist in complete separation of myself through approaching a point of labour from this starting point of the mind.

I commit myself to listen to all people equally when they are pointing out my miscalculation within a particular point of labour, as I realize that I must allow anyone regardless of how I see the person to assist me in effective completion of the task.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to suppress my annoyance when someone I “respect” points out my miscalculation, because this actually shows that I’m disrespecting the person completely, and I realize I must not be having any internal movements whatsoever when someone points out how I could do something more effectively.

I commit myself to not purposely arguing with someone that I don’t respect when they point out my miscalculation within a point of labour.

I commit myself to living as real respect, treating all as equal as I would like to be treated, wherein I will not allow memories of a person that I’ve built up in my head to be the decider of whether or not I will listen to the person or not, I commit myself to listening unconditionally to any suggestion someone makes while I’m working on a point of labour, and testing it for myself to see if it will work instead of having this ridiculous internal reactive experience which prohibits my ability to listen to all beings effectively.   

I commit myself to getting a job done as effectively as possible with my hands, through effective breathing application in all moments, to see and admit in all moments when I have miscalculated something, no matter how or who is pointing out my miscalculation, so in this way the labour can be done as effectively as possible.

When and as I see myself reacting to somebody that is pointing out my miscalculation within a point of labour, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to engage any internal experiences as thoughts, feelings and emotions that come up in relation to this. I realize the consequence of participation within and as my pre-programmed mind in this situation. I realize that it is best for all to listen to what the person has to say unconditionally, and then make a common sense mathematically equated decision to see if what the person is suggesting will actually physically work for the best of all within the point of completing the labour effectively. I do not allow my mind to get in the way of creating what is best for all. I discipline myself in this situation through continual breathing, which through consistent application will make sure that this point of brainwashing will eventually be completely removed from my existence. I take Self-Responsibility for the entirety of myself; I focus myself on living as the self-directive principle of life.