Day 54: Music and Emotions Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize music as a means of creating emotions within and as me, wherein I am only allowing myself to listen to music that I see as “deep” and “epic” which I see as fitting in with “deep” “epic” emotions that I experience inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that through not dealing with my emotions with effective breathing that I have actually been feeding into emotions within music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical experience of listening to music through creating mental relationships with certain types of music, where I realize i completely limit my expression as life, because I’m looking for a mental experience from music rather than enjoying the music unconditionally as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect music to emotional responses that come up in my life in various situations, where I will almost try and choose music to play according to a particular emotion I have been experiencing through the day rather than because of actually wanting to listen to it.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within playing music throughout the day which correlates to my emotional experience, that I am completely deceiving myself into believing that I’m giving myself a form of relief from the emotional experience, when in fact I am feeding into, and compounding the particular emotion that I experience.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to question emotional responses that happen while I listen to certain music, but to rather think that it is just the way it is, because the track is emotional, thus I must apparently become emotional in response.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that through saying that a music track is responsible for my emotions, I am saying that I am a slave to emotional music, that this music is the god of my emotional experiences, that I have no responsibility to release my own emotions. However in self-honesty I realize that emotions I experience are because I have accepted and allowed myself to react to a specific lyric/tone of the track. I realize that it is all through my own allowance, and that I am directly responsible for what I experience in any moment.

I forgive myself that through searching for “emotional” music, and constantly having emotional responses within listening to this kind of music, that I am actually defining myself within and as emotions as if emotions are who I really am as life, when this is not true.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every moment that I am listening to music, that any emotional response I have is not actually me as who I really am as life, it is a pre-programmed systematic response that I plug into and allow myself to become, so I realize I must end this for the best of all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define my inner emotional experiences to be “so deep” and to within this to plug into these deep emotions through always looking for the most emotionally deep tracks that I can find.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that there is not actually such a thing as an “emotional track”, because although the content of the track could be emotional, that does not mean that I must be experiencing emotions while I’m listening to it. I realize that through stabilizing myself within and as breathe while I’m listening to any track, makes sure that no matter how deep and emotional the track seems to be, I do not allow myself to experience any internal movements, so I can just listen to the music without any instabilities happening through my allowance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my life as “epic” like a Hollywood blockbuster film, and thus within this always trying to listen to music which I define as being big and “epic” in scale, when this is only existing in my head and thus not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life is “deep and epic” thus I must be interested in music that matches this definition, when really this is only existing in my head and thus not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define myself as heavy, and so always looking for heavy lyrics/music in terms of the content coming across to me as a shape shifting, dark, heavy, melancholic, reminiscent, beat and tone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my enjoyment of music within these words in complete separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed my enjoyment of music to be dependent on the level of “depth” and “epic” scale of the track, which I realize is showing me that my enjoyment of music is not actually real currently as an expression of myself as life, but rather is a constant regurgitation of separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words “deep” and “epic” to “good music” in my mind in total separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my taste in music according to memories of emotional situations I had growing up rather than because i actually enjoy the expression of the track.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use music as a massaging tool for my ego to express regret over what I have done in the pats in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret over the state of humanity, and to only focus on listening to music that from my perspective matches up to this regret I experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be interested in listening to music that many would define as depressing music, because I have allowed myself to experience depression at so many points in my life that it has spilled into all areas of my interests and patterns to the point where I experience a form of energetic enjoyment from what is defined as depressing, like being addicted to depression, and thus addicted to music that could be defined as depressing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to depression in all areas of my life, and to rather than stand equal to this depression and release this depression with self-corrective application, to rather feed into this depression I experience through listening to music that could be defined as depressing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disgust towards music that could be defined as “happy” music because it is in direct friction with how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within music according to Polarity, where I am creating two unnecessary points of value in my mind, in a constant state of instability trying to avoid the positive and attract the negative, feeding into both poles existence, when I realize that music is neither “positive” or “negative”, music is just music, it is my experience in relation to the music that is unstable as positive and negative, and so I take self-responsibility here to stop this separation of myself completely, so I can remain stable as breathe within listening to music, expressing myself unconditionally as life. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to use music as a tool for feeding into emotions that I experience within and as me, because i realize that this is complete separation of myself. I commit myself to release emotions I experience with effective, writing, self-forgiveness and breathing application which I realize is best for all.

I commit myself to stop trying to correlate my music taste to emotional memories in my mind, which I realize are only memories and have nothing to do with music in anyway whatsoever, so I stop creating these mental relationships with music now.

I commit myself to listening to music for enjoyment of myself unconditionally as life here, not to fulfil any mental masturbation of correlating “deep emotions”.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to choose music to listen to according to what emotions that I have experienced in the course of the day, as I realize that this creates a compounding effect of the emotion, which furthers the separation of myself. I stop.

I commit myself to investigate all music that provokes any internal response within me, and to release this internal response with effective self-corrective application.

I commit myself to not defining music according to positive and negative in my mind, as I realize that this is a valued judgement of polarity, which simply feeds into everything here as the dysfunctional state of mankind as the system of capitalism. I realize that this polarity is not actually real because ei t only exists in my head.

Whenever I am choosing music to listen to, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to only play music that feeds into emotions that I have been experiencing in the day. I realize that this is a compounding of the emotion rather than releasing this emotion as I have deceived myself into believing it is. I allow myself to express myself unconditionally within music, where I listen and enjoy whatever music without creating mental relationships in relation to the music.

Whenever I listen to music and I notice any internal movements, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to feed into this internal experience, I know the consequence of feeding into this internal experience, which is further separation, limitation and suppression of myself in relation to music. I take self-responsibility for myself completely to continue breathing until this pattern of connecting music and emotions is dismantled in totality.