Day 58: Pride Character

Interesting, I notice that sometimes when I make something with my hands, whether making a meal or creating a lot of sales at work as a for instance, then I become this pride character in my mind, where I create, charge and exist as an idea that I am great and good for what I have achieved. Like a sort of invisible pat on my own back that I give myself, as a form of mental masturbation as ego.

And so I walk to end this – 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a pride character when I have completed construction of something or a task to a high standard of precision. I realize that this character is only existing in my mind and so is not real, because once I complete a task there should be no change in me in anyway whatsoever, meaning no thoughts that “I am great” for this creation. What is best for all here is to no participate with any thoughts, but to rather breathe and remain stable here where I am able to apply common sense living of what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am completely limited and defined within and as ego through taking pride in something that I have created and completed with my hands. I realize that within and as ego I look for validation from others that I am “so good” for what I have designed with my hands as a desire for godly praise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a self-belief that I am “godly” for creating something efficiently, when in fact I realize that it is only through living what’s best for all in all moments that is the highest purpose, so a self-belief that I am the highest purpose without living the highest purpose as myself is clearly a delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself too desire to receive praise from others to affirm this self-belief in my mind that I am “godly” for building what I have built.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as “something” in my mind, just for creating something, rather just remaining stable without any mental relationships created around the physical matter that I shaped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity that I am “so good” for making what I have made, where I judge myself and everyone else in this world as “bad” if we do not build something well with our hands, which I realize is where I am existing in a completely fluctuating state of instability in my internal experience. Where my starting point of creating anything is not clear as breathe, not for what is best for all, but what is best for self, in self-interest  as charging this self-belief that I am “so good” for creating something well. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create valued judgments on every person I meet in my life as being “good or “bad” according to how many effective things the person has created with their hands. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m existing as this pride character, to literally get trapped within the past moment, basking in the sunshine of “my glorious achievement” instead of remaining here directing myself to continue walking as breathe as what’s best for all, correcting the next point, rather than confining myself in my mind, stroking my ego through replaying memories in my head of how I created “my marvel”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to daydream about how I created this creation completely enslaved as memory in total separation from what is here, I realize that memory is not real, and I realize that I must correct this pride character immediately, otherwise I will do exactly the same shit next time I have created something, stroking my ego with memory as a time looping cycle the same way all pre-programs I accept and allow myself to exist as do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I build/correct something, that it is “my marvel”  in total self-interest, when I realize that this “marvel” that I believe is mine, is not actually mine at all, it is the property of the physical. Death proves that no human ever really owns anything, because what we think we own remains, yet we do not, so nothing is ever really mine, it is what is here already, I simply restructured what’s already here. So I realize that it is best to not claim anything about what I build/correct, because that is where I feed into pride, where I’m trying to use what I’ve done to get something else in self-interest. Instead I direct myself within and as breathe to create/correct things according to what’s best for all with no mental shit, rather than what’s best for my ego to bask in “my creation”.   

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this Pride character, because i realize that through existing as this pride character I am completely limited and defined according to pre-programming which is abusive to life, where I am totally possessed by my ego in complete separation of myself which I am not willing to accept any further.

I commit myself to exposing pride in this world as a fallacy, as a complete cartoon show in the minds of humans, and cartoon characters are never real as we all know, so I realize that anything that is not real as physical, tangible, measurable, existence must be deleted because it is ineffective and counter-productive in the expansion of humans in this world to live what’s best for all.

I commit myself to not seek validation from others for anything I create, because I realize that anytime I am looking for validation from another, I know I am not breathing, am completely enslaved as ego and thus I am dishonest, so I stop and commit myself to self-honesty instead.

I commit myself to not accepting and allowing myself to create any ideas about myself in anyway, as I realize that this is just separation.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to believe that I am “godly” for creating this creation, because I realize that through believing I am “godly”, is where I separate myself from others believing I am better than others desiring validation for praise.

I commit myself to not creating any polarity friction connections in my mind in relation to building/correcting something with my hands, as I realize this is where I judge myself and others as “good” or “bad” according to how effective something has been created. I commit myself to instead stick to breathing and to not see myself or others as anything other than flesh and bone regardless of what someone does or doesn’t create, and regardless of how efficiently functional  the creation is. 

I commit myself to not limiting and defining myself according to memory through replaying events in my mind of “how I did it” when I build/correct something, as I realize that the energy from this simply charges this pride character within and as me, and make sure I enslave myself in future moments to do the same thing as a time loop, when I realize that any time wasted daydreaming about “glorious past achievements” is where I am separated from physical reality, its where I’m not here, and this wasted time could instead be utilized through breathing to do whatever needs to be done next in my life that’s best for all, instead of basking in the past in my mind.   

I commit myself to making sure that anything I create, I create as myself clear as breathe, directing what’s best for all, rather than believing I am the copyright owner of this creation in self-interest. When in fact there is no human that owns anything, I realize that I do not own anything; regardless of whether I create it or no. Everything that’s here is the property of the physical not the minds of men, which is proven the day we die, where everything we believed we owned remains, yet we do not.

Whenever I am next building/creating/correcting something, I focus on breathing. I do not allow myself to participate with any thoughts, feelings or emotions that may come up. I realize that participation with anything in the mind will result in me transforming into this pride character as soon as I have completed the task/creation in total self-interest. I do not accept this, I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more delusions as this pride character that exist when I  build/correct something to an efficient standard.