Day 289: Maintaining stability within jealousy and shame Part 2

Lets look closer at jealousy and shame, as I have faced these points recently, while in my experience these emotions do not and have never assisted me in my life in living what is best for all life in equality and oneness.

So walk with me -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame when I am faced with the jealousy of others towards me in one of my current work places - I realise that this shame experience is from almost wanting to apologise to the people who are jealous towards me, yet all this does is cause my performances to be affected, purposely limiting my skills and capacities, so as to try and reduce peoples jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that limiting myself through this shame, is only allowing myself to be controlled by the internal experiences and actions of others - at a detriment to myself, keeping myself in separation from the physical which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in each breathe that the only reason people are becoming jealous towards me is because they are competing with me, feeling my achievements are unfair that they could do better, desiring what I have done, but also fearing that they will never achieve what I have - so these people allowing my actions to cause these kinds of reactions in them, is really a support for them to deal with unnecessary issues they have in their mind

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment, that I cannot control how someone reacts to me, all I can ever do is make sure hat I am stable as breathe throughout whatever mental episode this person/persons is having towards me - because it is only when I am breathing clear here that I can apply common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to apologise for performing well in anything I do which causes jealousy in other's - when in reality these thoughts need not occur and do not assist me in anyway whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this shame experience is actually a defence mechanism deriving from my ego, where I believe that I am responsible for other peoples experience which of course is nothing but self-deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in certain moments like when others experience jealousy towards me, that I am responsible for their mind  and therefore "have to" be ashamed that I am causing them this reaction - when in reality it s not me who is causing there reaction, it is that persons own allowance and lack of direction of their mind that is causing their reaction towards me.

I forgive myself  for not realising in every breathe that this capitalist system is designed to programme our thinking to underachieve, thus automatically jealousy can occur towards anyone that we see overachieving in anything.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as someone who doesn't want attention - so when I am effective at something causing myself to get attention from others, I fall into this shame experience, to try to reduce this attention.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that I fallen int this pattern of shame towards myself multiple times in my life -

So I forgive myself that  have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my skin colour in various moments in my life, due to the reaction it seems to cause in others - yet I have realised in my life that racism is a real part of this world and it is not different skin colours which is the cause, it is mankind's inability to see that we are all here as this one breathe, skin colour is completely irrelevant because we are all equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame when I am interacting with an attractive female, when I can see it is causing others to be jealous - again this shame makes no sense because if someone is jealous of  a conversation I am having with someone, then I am actually assisting them to also communicate with people more effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame when I have been given promotions ahead of older/more experienced colleagues in previous companies when I was younger - I see how I have carried this my entire working life, right into a company I currently work at, as my recent promotion has shown me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience and carry this shame of when I had sex with a girl when I was in college and the jealousy it caused in some guys on campus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience shame when I was younger training shoot fighting and was given an opportunity to be the first under 16 to train with the adults, which caused jealousy in the other young students.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience this shame experience when I had a better sicker collection then most at school which caused a lot of jealousy towards me - I can recall even virtually giving all my stickers away to my friends eventually, to try and get rid of this shame at the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience jealousy towards friends that had bigger families then mine when I was younger, I remember trying to make my friends feel ashamed of having a bigger family then me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy towards friends growing up who did not have a disabled mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy towards friends growing up who had both parents living with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy towards friends and people I have met throughout my life who seem to have a normal family - when In reality we cannot control who is our family and this jealousy has never assisted me, it has only ever made me bitter about my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous towards friends and people I have met in life who are of pure Aryan blood - I have realised that there is no genetics that gives any type of beings more superiority then any others, because we are all equal as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend in dishonesty that I didn't care about the things I was jealous towards others growing up, when in reality not only was I reacting but I was also trying to manipulate the person to feel ashamed for having more then me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use logical  self-manipulation to try to cause shame in another when I was jealous of something abut them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was "over" any jealousy experience towards another, when In reality if that were the case then I would not have reacted as this shame to the jealousy I have been receiving from others recently.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in the moment this shame experience arises that being stable, being content as this breathe makes more sense, because my actions are causing others to have to question themselves as this jealousy experience, which is a form of assistance to them.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to experience shame when I am faced with people being jealous towards me, as I realise this pattern has been happening for too long and does not assist me to live whats is best for all life in self-honesty here - so as and when I see my mind having thoughts based in shame when others are jealous, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to replay this pre-programme, I allow for no interaction. I breathe and continue to breathe until there is no more thoughts that come up which will indicate my transcendence of this point.

I commit myself to living the realisation that no matter what I do in life, I cannot control the experience that anyone has towards me in any moment, therefore reacting to the reactions others have towards me makes no sense, because I can only direct myself here as this breathe in this life, which is the greatest assistance I can provide anyone who has been moved into reaction by my actions.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to experience jealousy towards anyone in my life, I realise that while I have done effective work to reduce jealousy, my reaction towards others jealousy recently shows me I must be aware and continue to align myself  - so s and when I see my mind having thoughts of jealousy towards another for anything, then I stop and breathe I do not allow myself to engage or participate in anyway, I stand here as this breathe no matter how many times the thoughts come up, until the thoughts are no more.