Day 290: The Wild

Has someone called you wild before? Do you define yourself as a wild person? If you have then this blog will be of interest to you and will be of support to you.

But what does the word wild mean? It actually has a whole host of definitions such as -

1. living or growing in the natural environment, not domesticated or cultivated.
2. Uninhabited, Uncultivated, Inhospitable, Rough, Stormy, Primitive, an indication of distraction or strong emotion.
3. Lacking discipline or restraint, very enthusiastic, excited or angry.
4. Not based on sound reasoning or probability.
5. Treating a person harshly so they become untrusting or nervous.
6. (In plying cards) deemed to have any value, suit, colour or other property in a game at the discretion of the player holding it.

So before I went to work the other day I had a thought come up in the evening - I haven't had a shave in  while, should I do that now? "No its wild like me, so I will leave it."

Then my friend who I spent a few days at the weekend with, asked me the other day - what should we do today? I said go out in the wild and walk the dog.

On the way to walking the dog in the wild, I was listening to some wild metal music, driving fast and answering a phone call and telling the person in a wild fashion to stop calling me.

Then later in the evening I trained then watched some wild fights, then the next day in the morning I researched some wild conspiracies. Then a female friend implied I have some entertaining wild mannerisms when I am explaining these wild conspiracies, then she implied I am also wild in the bedroom.

So I started looking at this point of wildness, being a "wild man": my hair, my music taste, my attraction to spending time in the wild around animals, my enjoyment of martial arts, exaggeration, my enjoyment of most high octane sports, my attraction to investigate wild conspiracies, my lack of regard for manners, my sex drive, my driving style, my often bombastic mannerisms, my general tendencies etc.

It seems I have defined myself through wilderness, being wild - which has the benefits of laughing in the face of fear and putting a lot of passion in things I do in life.

Yet at the sometime, this self-definition also detriments me by keeping me in separation from physical reality, it is a pre-programme - one which has the consequences of being too rough with people in general, being a harsh character, lacking restraint, which can make others nervous, getting angry or excited quickly, often relying on "luck" instead of probability which is dangerous.

All of these kinds of consequences do not assist me in living what is best for all life, so I must realign this wilderness within me, to tame this beast.

I remember defining myself as wild years ago when I was a kid around 8 years old - I often felt frustration about various things in my life, often I would feel like a black sheep, a lone wolf. I can remember at this time how much I loved the marvel superhero Wolverine for instance and the more feral he was the more I enjoyed his character - I would sometimes jump around in the forest using
sticks for claws, sniffing things and speaking in a gravelly voice like Wolverine.

So it was around this age where I first created this Wild character within me, and through the years of holding onto these memories and adding new layers to this wilderness - has brought me to where I am here, where this self-definition of being wild is in full effect within and as me.

I commit myself to removing this pre-programming with self-forgiveness and learning through self-corrective application of breathing and common sense of when it makes sense to be more wild in life and when one must not be wild, instead of reliving a cycle on eternal repeat.

Join me next time as I continue to investigate and correct this wilderness.