Day 104: Body Image/Self-Judgment – My Skinny Wrists

So recently I noticed that when my wrists are showing in anyway, that I get back chat thoughts that come up in my mind, where I start thinking about my wrists, judging my wrists as being “too skinny for a guy” believing that because my wrists are skinny that I am “less of a man”. I experience myself as inadequate in relation to my wrists – I notice that when I am around a female I automatically fear that she will judge my wrists in the same way I have been allowing myself to do, and when I am around a male I will at some point look at the males wrist size and compare them to mine to see if they are bigger or not.

Some may see this as a trivial point, yet i have always found in my process of birthing life from the physical that any backchat regardless of how “trivial” it may initially seem, will only accumulate and have unnecessary consequences if the initial back chat thoughts are not dealt with effectively.

And I realize here that I have this image in my mind of how I would like my body to look, and this image is in complete separation from physical reality, does not assist me in living what’s best for all, and this is where I essentially allow and justify my backchat thoughts about my wrists as being valid in “getting closer” to this “ideal” image of myself in my mind.

I realize that this is complete limitation of myself, so I take responsibility to end this stupidity –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with back chat thoughts in my mind about my wrists, which only results in me experiencing uncomfortability about my wrists in certain situations, judging my wrists as “inadequate” when this is all only happening in my mind and so is not real, pertinent or relevant to physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my wrists as being inadequate, not “manly enough” and to be something negative.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every moment that this inadequacy I’m experiencing only exists within the limitations of my programmed mind and so is not real in anyway and so must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within judging my wrists as “not being good enough” that I am in fact creating a polarity friction within and as the mind in relation to my wrists, where I believe that skinny wrists on a man is something “negative” and bigger wrists as being “positive” which is nothing but a mind possessed fuck up which is where I unconsciously charge the mind consciousness systems of every other person in the world to accept the same kind of self-limiting concepts of believing that something about the body must be in a certain way in order to validate my body as acceptable, which is completely unacceptable, as I realize that all bodies are different shapes and sizes, so through self-corrective application of breathing I stop this self-sabotaging behaviour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when I am around a woman, that she will judge my wrists the same way as I have, and then will judge me as an “inadequate man” which is a completely unnecessary story in my mind to accept, so I stop this fear now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my wrist size to other men that are around me in any moment, competing in my mind for validation of my manliness, where I see myself as more of less of man according to the size of other men’s wrists around me, which again is more unnecessary mind theatre shit which is completely unnecessary, so I take responsibility to just breathe and direct myself within and as breathe where I have no pre-conceived ideas about myself, and no comparison with others around me.  

I forgive myself that I have not realized that regardless of what size my wrists are, it does not make me more or less “manly”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to fit an image of “manliness” in my mind through having bigger wrists, when this image is nothing more than a hologram which I have allowed to direct my experience towards my physical body to a mind possession which is unacceptable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my back chat thoughts about my wrists in order to reach this image of “manliness” in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to desire to be seen be seen by others as being “manly” and believing that having bigger wrists will fulfill this desire when this is nothing but a delusion I have accepted as myself which I stop here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as these backchat thoughts, which is simply defining myself according to separation within and as the mind consciousness system which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation from my physical body through back chat participation. I stand as my physical body in complete self-acceptance where I can from this starting point express myself as life in all moments without any thoughts about my wrists getting in the way.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to participate with any back chat thoughts that come up in any situation about my wrists, so when and as I see myself going into the mind in anyway about my wrists, I stop and breathe – I do not allow myself to engage and move from this mind possessed starting point. Instead I realize the consequence of mind participation here will only result in behaviour which does not best serve life as judging myself more and more as inadequate and doing unnecessary harm to my body to get “bigger wrists”. So I breathe and continue to breathe though any reaction that comes up until here no further where I stand as complete self-acceptance of my physical body.