Day 48: Deliberate Isolation of myself

I notice that I purposely isolate myself in certain situations; I become a character where I Isolate myself out of conversations and interaction with people very often. I see that i fear being judged as something “weird” and being confronted as such by others, so through freewill I notice I have many times chosen to isolate myself from others desiring to be left alone to myself where in my mind I believe there are no complications and attacks from others.  

This is a completely self-limiting experience where I’m supressing my self-expression as life, and so I stop now -

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself from others in this world, trying to avoid confrontation in a completely ineffective manner through isolating myself from others, barricading myself into my own personal prison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the best way to avoid confrontation in this world is to just not participate with others, which is actually just separation as a completely self-suppressing system where my ability to interact with others effectively in unconditional support as life is completely hindered because I’m too busy trying to avoid contact with people in an attempt to avoid any confrontation with the person.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the best way to avoid confrontation with people, is to not allow this confrontation to exist, to take self-responsibility to create a world where confrontation is no more, instead of hiding away in my mind as isolation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I isolate myself from others then I cannot be attacked by others which is not true, because humans attacking each other in this world is constantly getting worse, and through the fact that I attack myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions based in various fears, judgements, desires etc - then it is clear that I cannot hide from confrontation, whether from others or myself, so I must take on confrontation in all aspects in this world, by standing clearly as the self-directive principle of what’s best for all, where I myself will not allow confrontation of any kind, inside myself, in my participation or the world as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within isolating myself from others that i am actually hiding from what is here on earth, hiding from taking responsibility in all moments to live what is best for all. I realize that hiding is something which is not supportive in anyway as it only causes suppression of myself, so I stop this.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in all moments that I cannot hide from what is here, because I am directly responsible for everything that is here, so I realize that I must take responsibility in all moments to live what is best for all which means the removal of this isolation character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience depression about the state of the world currently and how majority don’t care, and to within this experience of depression go further and further into the isolation of myself from others, which is actually how the abuse in this world is continued, through people not standing up but instead being consumed by a want to escape from what’s here through points like isolation. I take self-responsibility to end this. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as weird by others, I realize that this fear is only existing in my mind as a state of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify this deliberate isolation of myself through accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged as weird, when I realize that if I just remove the fear of being judged then justification of this isolation character does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be left alone so that I don’t have to deal with other peoples shit, and they do not have to deal with mine. I realize that this is actually saying that nobody should speak up about what is happening here on earth, nobody should take responsibility to be self-honest and stand as an example of what’s best for all, that we should just isolate ourselves from each other, leave each other to our own accumulating shit, which is what we humans are already doing- so I realize that this isolation character feeds directly into everything that is here as capitalism accepting and allowing all that is here to continue, so this I stop now. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity in relation to isolation in my mind, where I see being on my own as something positive and easy, where as I see interacting with others as bad and hard. Thus I see where I am constantly unstable within and as this character jumping back and forth in my mind rather than remaining stable and consistent here as breathe. I realize that from a starting point of breathe there is no good or bad, no polarity that exists, thus no attempting to attract the positive and repel the negative, no choice exists within and as breathe, there is only what is here, and from this clear starting point I walk what is best for all in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-judge every person I meet as going to judge me as being weird, so then just deciding to take the easier way which is to not contact and communicate with this person often. To say I know how someone will react to me is actually a statement of ego, saying that I know something in the hereafter which is not possible in fact, so I stop.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’m pre-judging others because I’m judging myself all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting in the necessary effort to interact with all life equally through existing as this isolation character where I’m looking for the easy way out as being on my own, which I realize is where I disempower myself from self-expansion within and as this world through effective interaction with others.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to interact with people if I think i can get money or sex as a completely conditional starting point of separation where any relationships I develop from this starting point will not be real anyway. I give myself permission to interact with people unconditionally, not looking to receive something from them like a slot machine; I honour each as I would like to be treated, in complete respect and honour as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only interact with people for energy in complete self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame of the fact that I’m only interacting with people for energy, where I charge my starting point of separation as this isolation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself as a slave to the god of isolation when I can stop this through effective self-corrective application. I give myself permission to remove god from the throne I have created it as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as this experience of isolation that comes up sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the apparent choice I have to isolate myself from others is only made possible through money, because I realize that if I did not have money then I would not be able to try and isolate myself from others, because i would have to go out to interact with others in order to get money. 

I realize that isolation of myself is self-limitation and has no practical function in supporting life equally and so must be stopped.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to experience depression about the state of the world and how humans don’t care, because i realize that this experience of depression feeds directly into this isolation character, charging it in each moment I allow myself to experience depression, so i end my allowance to experience depression about the state of the world and the uncaring majority.

I commit myself to exposing the limitations of isolation in this world wherever I see it exists.

I commit myself to assisting others to not allow themselves to isolate themselves through sharing the limitations of isolation I found in my self-investigation and how I stopped myself from existing as it any further. 

I realize that the judgements about myself and others are not real, and to give power to them I am actually enslaving myself, disempowering myself rom living what is best for all.

I realize that confrontation in this world is something that I must face and correct as myself in all aspects of how I exist in this world. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to pre-judge someone as “obviously going to attack me”, because i realize that this is ego looking for validation in complete separation of myself. I commit myself to walking away if some becomes confrontational to or towards me.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this isolation character which I realize is total separation of myself which I end now.

When and as I see myself experiencing and existing as isolation or desiring to be isolated, then I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to exist as this piece of programming as I see the automatic play out of events which do not result in what’s best for all. I commit myself to what is best for all, I realize that expansion of myself in always is what is best for all, so I stick to breathing and not allowing myself to experience isolation, I discipline myself within and as breathe until there is no more isolation that exists within my total experience of myself.