Day 38: The Film Zombie

Watching films is cool because it shows us ourselves, however I find watching films as this character is not cool - 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeatedly exist as a zombie character, where I only allow myself to watch an “exciting noisy film” from the starting point of wanting to “zone out” purely entertaining my mind, and I realize that within this I am in complete separation of myself creating a film dimension escape in my mind where I do not even notice what is happening around me physically because I am so lost in this colourful holographic reality, very similarly to a form of bliss seeking light thumping meditation which is dishonest, not real and thus unacceptable and thus I take self-responsibility now to stop this piece of my brainwashing from existing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted to only want to watch an “exciting film” with lots of explosions and special effects within and as this film zombie character, where I cannot even watch any film, or analyse a film with common sense, because I am purely just generating energy from feeding my mind the sweets of “exciting films”, when I realize that anytime I’m having a reaction of any kind in relation to any film, I realize I have a problem which requires investigation and correction.

I forgive myself I forgive myself that I have not realized that to say that films with special effects and explosions are “exciting” I am thus saying that films without explosions and special effects are not exciting. Which I realize is where i am fucking myself within creating a valued judgement of polarity within watching films, where “exciting” films I define as “good” and “unexciting” films I define as “bad” where i simply shifting from one pole to the other as an immediate judgement of the film every moment it is playing – is this going to be exciting? I want the excitement! Oh man this is looking boring already? When is the noisy big flashy shit going to start happening? Maybe I should switch to a more noisy flashy film. Pretty fucked up thoughts as this character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire watching films purely to “zone out” where I basically am looking to get away from what is here so I can feed my mind and within this take no responsibility for myself. This I realize is exactly the same as what people that meditate do or drug addicts for instance utilizing separation as a form of entertainment to make me feel as if I am in a secret world of harmony completely removed from the horrors of what’s here on earth now, which no matter how hard I try and escape from in my mind, it is always here, every moment is another moment where this world requires physical action to be corrected to what’s best for all, and I realize that within existing as this zombie character i am unable to take any physical action because I’m too busy “zoning out” to a new illusionary reality in my mind, and this I do not accept and allow myself to do any further.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever an “exciting” film finishes, to experience a light form of sadness that the film is finished now and I have to get up and move around which takes effort unlike watching a film as this film zombie character, which takes no effort and which I have allowed myself to become addicted to. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to an energetic experience of excitement within watching films as this zombie character. I realize that I have been allowing myself to charge the experience of watching “exciting films” within a positive polarity which then is where I experience the negative as a form of sadness that the film is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to trap myself in the positive experience of watching an “exciting film” through watching film after film in a row, trying to avoid the negative experience of the film ending which is not possible, and to within this basically be purposely spiting myself as existence where I am essentially saying  “fuck off existence I’m too busy in my film zombie land to give a fuck about correcting anything”, which again I realize is very much the same as what people that meditate or do drugs consistently are doing, so I realize this is unacceptable as it does not support me in living as life in anyway, so I’m not willing to accept this.

    

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to completely disregard what is happening outside of the film world when I am existing as this character, which as I have seen before can have consequences where something in my world should have been sorted but because i allowed myself to enslave myself as this film zombie character then I cannot see the fuck up I’m creating where I may for instance leave the oven on too long burning the food, forget to do a work task, forget an appointment with someone, all kinds of fuck ups can come from existing as this character within watching films.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear that if I let go of this character then my enjoyment of a lot of films will diminish in some way, which is not true because i realize the mental experience I’m having as this film zombie character will be replaced by me as myself as the physical character which is who I am, and thus where my experience of the film becomes that which is physical with no mind attachments. And so I realize that if my “enjoyment” of films did diminish after removing this character, then that would be cool because it would show me that my idea of enjoyment within watching films was based in energy, which is not a real enjoyment, real enjoyment I realize is enjoying the physical experience of the film itself with no pre-programs separating me from this physical experience in anyway. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand in all moments that what the film is portraying or representing, is completely irrelevant because it is all just mankind playing out its shit on a screen, and at the end of the day I realize that it is who I am in relation to this film which is of the upmost importance to pay attention to and direct to what is best for all.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this zombie film character any further. I realize that within this character I am not actually here as breathe in anyway, I am instead entrapped within my mind where I look for the most amount of energy possible in the film to keep me entertained, where I am completely cut off from physical reality.

I commit myself to not creating polarity judgments towards any films which I realize only enforces my starting point of separation in relation to all films, so I stop now.

 I commit myself to not trying to deceive myself that I can stay in positive lala land in my mind through existing as and feeding this zombie character constant energy through watching film after film trying to avoid the negative. Which I realize operates very much like a meditating bliss thumping light worker repeatedly meditating throughout the day when that person could be putting themselves to much more effective use, or a crack head that at the end of the effect of a hit only wants another hit. I realize that I cannot escape from what is here, I realize that within looking to stay in “positive land” of “exciting films” I am deceiving myself because it is not possible I will have to face reality sooner or later, I realize that whenever I create a positive connection to anything in my mind then the negative will never be far away, I realize that if I do not create any positive mind shit in relation to films, then there will be no negative mind shit that manifests when the positivity has run out of juice.

I commit myself to not disregarding what is happening in my immediate reality in favour of this film zombie character. I realize that within existing as this film zombie character disregarding what’s happening here, i am actually creating consequences that are dangerous and within which may put others at risk of harm also.  

I commit myself to not fearing the removal of this character because i realize it is not real I have simply allowed myself to exist as it for a long time, so It is all I have known, I commit myself to stepping into the unknown as myself and walking what’s best for all here where no fear exists.

I commit myself to exposing any and all that allow themselves to exist as this character, because I realize that this character keeps people cut off from the real world in an illusionary state of bliss while the world is crumbling screaming out for willing participants to stand up and do what’s best for all – not when the 1000s of films are finished. Now. Now is when we must stand up and live what’s best for all, in every moment. 

When and as I see myself existing as this or potentially shifting into this film zombie character, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to be directed by this character, I commit myself to this, I realize that it is best for all to watch films from a clear physical starting point with no mind programming getting in the way. I realize that within this commitment I develop real enjoyment of films as what they are, rather than a programmed concept of enjoyment which is based in energy and thus not real. I commit myself to investigate in detail any energetic experiences or mind movements that may occur in relation to films and to apply self-forgiveness accordingly, not engage these thoughts, simply stabilize myself through breathing application, and this I repeat  until this character is no more.