Day 37: Sleep Addiction – I will get up in 20 minutes….which turns to an hour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a particular sleep addiction character, where I literally will find a way to zone out of reality and take no responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and find an excuse to not be here physically within and as my body, and to use sleep as the point I can use to not be here but to only exist within and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the physical act of sleeping to an illusionary character that I have created in my mind, which completely separates me from physical reality, where I look for an excuse to stay in bed for as long as possible so that I don’t have to face myself. Which I now realize is not possible, because no matter how much I try and delay what needs to be done through the course of the day, it will still need to be done, and I realize that I am simply entrapping myself within procrastination within existing as this sleep addiction character and so I stop now.

I forgive myself that I have not realized in every here moment of breathe, that no matter how hard I try and avoid doing what needs to be done in the morning within sleeping, what needs to be done will still need to be done no matter what. Also I realize that if I do not get up and do what needs to be done for the morning, then someone else will have to do what I’m avoiding, and within that I am actually trying to get others to take responsibility for me, trying to throw work onto other people so that I have less work to do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this sleeping addiction character purposely try and push my workload onto other people so that I have less to do, trying to enslave others to be my servants of sorts, so I can spend more time sleeping. I realize that within this I am not standing up and taking responsibility for myself I am actually abusing another, so I do not accept and allow this about myself any further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within existing as this sleep addiction character, to not realize that I am actually trapping myself in the past through procrastinating on points that should have been completed immediately when they came up, but now instead I have to spend the rest of the day trying to “catch up time” which is not possible because what’s here is always here, and what i do here determines on whether or not i will let go of the past, living what’s best for all in each breathe, or will I continue to define myself in the future according to the past. So there is no catching up that exists, this only exists in my mind, in fact there is only what’s here in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can “catch up time” once I get up late. Because I realize this is complete self-deception, because the breathes I have missed while I was sleeping cannot be replaced, so it’s a simple mathematical fact that once I wake up half way through the day, then my timeframe to get everything that needed to be done for the day is cut in half, and so my application can only be half as effective as it could have been if I had woke up earlier, but in my mind as this character I believe I can “catch up” missed time. And so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand in every moment, that within believing I can “catch up time” through the day when I wake up, I am actually justifying rushing through the second half of the day where my application within this half of the day is much less effective because I am rushing to try and catch up time that can never be caught.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rushing through the second half of the day will be ok because I know how to be effective at high speed, which is an idea about myself based in ego which is not real. I know that rushing through things quickly is where I do not pay attention to what’s happening here, because I’m so busy in my mind trying to “catch up” to the next moment. I realize that this is where I make mistakes in decision making, or a mistake in completing a task effectively, all because of allowing myself to rush. When if I had not allowed this sleep addiction character, then I would have been up early, so I could have taken my time with each point as and when it came up through the day where I can focus on being as effective in my participation as possible. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief as this sleep addiction character, that no matter how late I get up, I will be able to get a whole days work done in half a day anyway, so there is no need for me to wake up early. I realize that this belief is revealing my ego to actually think I will be able to get more done in one breathe then is actually physically possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this sleep addiction character within and as my mind because of believing the self-belief I created in my mind that I will be able to get a whole days work done in half a day. I realize that my participation for the day after getting up at midday will be rushed and generally ineffective so this must be stopped. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when existing as this sleep addiction character, to immediately hit the snooze button on the alarm so that I can sleep more, trying to “buy more time” in dreamland reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to every time I hit the snooze button on the alarm, to speak to myself that “I will wake up in 20 minutes”, which without any direction will inevitably only lead to longer than an hour. I realise that within not living my words in relation to when I’m getting up, I am actually damaging my own self-trust, and within this then judging myself as “bad” for not living my words, and within that disempowering myself to change this about myself the next time I have to wake up, and rather just fuelling this time loop to continue which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damage my own self-trust through not living my words in relation to when I get up in the morning. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “bad” for not sticking to my word and oversleeping, because within this I realize I am disempowering myself to change, diminishing myself, and that I am creating a completely unnecessary polarity point whir i go back and forth in my mind of judging myself as “bad” for getting up late and “good” for getting up early. I realize that there is no such thing as a “good or bad” time to get up, there is only the simple fact that if I wake up earlier, I will have more time as more breathes to complete tasks effectively throughout the day, so I realize that within getting up early I am supporting myself to be more effective in the physical. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for and acknowledge people that also have this sleep addiction character so that we can support each other’s delusion, and also I believe I will feel “less bad” about myself if I see the character that have been accepting and allowing being accepted and allowed in another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to support another person’s delusion of existing as this sleep addiction character, and to within this unconsciously feed into and support the minds of all humans in this reality to accept this sleep addiction character about themselves, to basically say it’s cool to be asleep, which is not true because within sleeping we are not awake to what’s happening in this reality. And so I can see here that I basically have been projecting my bullshit onto existence so that the existence of bullshit can continue which is completely unacceptable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will feel “less bad” about myself for existing as this sleep addiction character if I get acknowledgment from someone that also exists as this character, which is complete self-deception because I realize that through saying someone else can make me feel better, I am saying that I am a slave of another and that I cannot take self-responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that another can change my feelings in anyway, when I realize in self-honesty that whatever feeling I experience in any moment, these feelings are not only not real, but are completely my responsibility to sort out, never anyone else’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when looking for a partner in my life, that it will be “great” if she has this sleep addiction character as well, so we can stay in bed a lot, which I realize would not be great at all, because two people being ineffective spending all day in dreamland is worse than one, and I realize that if my partner was not in a process of willing herself to change then it certainly wouldn’t be great that she exists as the sleep addiction character, because while I am willing to change it, a partner like this would increase the likelihood that I will just remain limited as this sleep addiction character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience depression when I wake up in the morning over the fact that I do not have a partner that I wake up with when that is what I desire. And so this is again where I justify spending more and more time in sleep land, because i am experiencing depression when I wake up in the morning about not having a partner.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate all the dimensions of this depression about relationships when I wake up in the morning, but to rather supress the point through sleeping which has consequences which are not best for all, so I’m not willing to allow this anymore. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in my mind in relation to sleep, where my starting point is dishonesty in that I am not unconditionally supporting myself within sleeping physically here breathing as my body, but instead I have accepted and allowed a fucked up starting point in relation to sleep which I am changing now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely not answer the phone to my staff or my boss in the morning so that I can sleep more, only focusing on my self-interest to get energy within sleeping more rather than doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create elaborate fictional stories when explaining to my boss what I have been doing all morning, even trying to manipulate my boss to feel sorry for me in someway, when if I had not allowed myself to exist as this sleep addiction character, then I wouldn’t have had to make up any story. And within this I forgive myself that because i know my boss does not often ask what i have been doing, i know i can get away with spending all morning in bed. i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what his reaction will be if he finds out that ive been purposely oversleeping, when if i just stopped existing as this character then i would be getting up early and not fearing him finding it out about anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough sleep, but to happily have more sleep then I need. And I realize that within this I am creating a polarity again where I am defining not having enough sleep as “bad” and defining more sleep then I need as “good”, which is where I see I justify this sleep addiction character that I allow to direct me to stay in bed for longer then I need, when I realize this limiting and defining me according to dishonesty so it must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future within this sleep addiction character, where I fear what the next day will bring, because I see that the world is getting a worse and worse place, where people eventually don’t want to sleep for two minutes anywhere over fear of someone trying to take something while i sleep, so it’s like I’m trying to get as much sleep as possible now in “preparation” for living in a world where nobody can sleep, which I realise is a ridiculous justification and is a constant cycle of unnecessary fear based sleep. I realize that no matter what the future brings to me, I can only ever know in clarity what I bring to the future, who am I in each breathe? Who am I accepting myself to be? Am I life or not? Is what I’m doing best for al or not? I am not willing to limit and define myself according to fearing the future anymore as this sleep addiction character.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as comparison and justification of this sleep addiction character in my mind because I see how much the dogs sleep I compare myself to that, and then justify sleeping more, when obviously I have a lot more to do then the dogs because I am a human meaning I have more responsibilities and so this justification is not valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the amount of work that needs to be done in this reality in order to create heaven on earth, and to within this fear try and suppress it through sleeping. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this fear which I have not dealt with to become one reason for how this sleep addiction character has manifested as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger at myself for oversleeping when I planned to get up earlier, even though in self-honesty I knew I would over sleep because I have allowed this sleep addiction character to develop and not be dealt with effectively as yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience self-loathing of myself because I’m sleeping so much, where I see myself as worthless and less than life. I realize that within this I am judging myself enforcing my starting point of separation which must be stopped in order for me to sleep unconditionally as a structured practical amount of sleep with no mental characters connected.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this sleep addiction character any further. I realize that this character is where I attempt to hide away from existence in complete dishonesty. I do not accept myself to exist as this self-deception anymore; I face this now and do so until this is no longer a part of my reality in anyway.

I commit myself to not trying to find excuses as sleeping to not take self-responsibility for myself in every moment, because I realize I have no excuse for not standing up and living what’s best for all. I realize that I am the directive principle of this reality, and I realize that the less time I spend feeding and existing as a character of the mind, then the more time I can spend being effective in my daily participation here in supporting all life equally as myself.

I commit myself to not creating and connecting any fears or polarities to the physical action of sleeping because neither fear, nor polarity should in anyway be coming into the physical process of going to sleep, so I stop.

I commit myself to not deceiving myself into believing that I can “catch up time” throughout the course of half a day when I get up late.  Realize that every breathe I miss while I am sleeping is a moment that cannot be restored, and no matter how much I rush when I wake up I will never be able to catch up to something which is already gone. I realize that all that is ever real is what is here in each breath. And only through slowing down, taking my time within what I’m doing can I really make sure I’m taking care to produce a caring result of effectiveness. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to use sleep as a way to try and hide from depression about a relationship or as a way to hide away from anything allow about myself. I realize that it is not possible to hide from something that I am allowing, all I am doing though sleeping is trying to distract myself from it, trying to deny it exists, and within this I only supress the point which will inevitably come out in some form eventually, so I commit myself here to not allowing any build ups like this happen again. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to support this delusional sleep addiction character in myself or in others, because i am not willing to continue the limitation of myself and all others through allowing this character. I stop now. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to judge and loath myself as “bad” for over sleeping, but rather to look at it as a point where I must re-investigate what is behind this oversleeping, is there any unresolved internal experiences which has resulted in this oversleeping? I investigate, I locate the problem, I remove the problem, I walk as breathe of life.

i commit myself to not allowing my job or anything to be a justification of why im oversleeping, because at the end of the day i am soley responsible for what i allow. i commit myself to investigation of any mental reaction i have in relation to sleeping.

When and as I see myself becoming this sleep addiction character, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to engage any thoughts that come up, I realize the time loop about to happen before it happens and I take action to not exist as or continue feeding into it. I realize that this character is not real, is completely limiting and dishonest in nature. I realize that through pushing myself to stop this character in every moment I build my self-trust to live what is best for all in all moments; I diminish the mind and expand physical expression as myself which is best for all. I commit myself to waking up when the alarm goes off, so that I can be as effective as possible rather than delaying the inevitable. I commit myself to standing here unconditionally as life where I do not create any mental relationships in relation to sleeping. I commit myself to focusing on my stability within and as breathing which I continue until there is no more sleep addiction character that exists.