I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to spend longer at work then anyone else, I realise that this is all coming from this "pushing it to the limit" character which is based in competition is all ego trying to show my work colleagues that I work harder then them to achieve my goals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do everything as a hard as possible, yet I am realising as I get older the limitations of always going 100% because it leads to missing things here that I see when I am stable as breathe, it leads to burning out and a lack of consideration that my pushing it to the limit has on myself and others around me.
I forgive myself that I have not realised that some moments require pushing it to the limit and some do not, many things require a blend of pushing myself to the limit and being gentle - I see and understand that when I am clam as this breathe here, I can apply common sense and be honest with myself about when it is beneficial to push and when it is beneficial to relax - as the ego I always push, so I take self-responsibility to rewire this cycle to what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined according to pushing things to the limit, as if I am "not myself" if I am not doing everything to the maximum extremes - I recognise and see that this self-definition is based in separation because who I am as life, is always here as this breathe, thus this self-definition is not based in physical reality and so i am stopping this now.
I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe that while being passionate about something and being fully invested in seeing it done with all my effort is of benefit, this can become counter productive if I am too harsh on myself and listening to my body noticing when I must relax in amongst the passion of completing something.
I forgive myself that every time I am relaxing, to have thoughts and interact with these thoughts that I am so lazy when I'm relaxing, that no matter how tired I am I need to get up and complete everything with all my effort.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel satisfied with my day unless I have tried to complete as many things as possible with all my effort - I realise that my life is not a computer game, I cannot do everything at once, I can only do my best to practically navigate each point that needs my attention.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself whenever I am not pushing things to the limit which is not supportive at all.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise in all moments that my mother had a heart attack from this exact point of always pushing to the limit, and so I see how I have learnt this pushing and self-judgement from her and held onto those memories -
So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of my mother always pushing things to the limit in everything she does, I can see how holding onto these memories does not assist me and only leads into more layers of self-judgement when I am not pushing, so I let these memories go now.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to enjoy moments of relaxation fully.
I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here breathe that pushing when my body or mind when it needs to relax is self-abuse which is unacceptable.
I forgive myself that I have not realised that this pushing it to the limit all the time affects my sleep patterns, which causes me to be more tired and like a self-created type of insomnia which affects my concentration levels.
I forgive myself for not adjusting or be willing to adjust my sleep patterns often enough to give myself more rest - I realise that If i continue this there can be no beneficial outcome for anyone, so I have to push myself and create new sleep patterns which will consistently allow me to have 4-6 hours of deep sleep a night and more if I am more tired.
I forgive myself for not always realising that if I am not getting enough sleep then I am abusing myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am being lazy when I'm relaxing, when in reality if the rest is helping to recuperate my sore mind or body, then it is necessary so I will not allow this fear to continue.
I commit myself to living the realisation that always pushing myself to the limit is a limiting pattern which can only lead to decrease in results.
I commit myself to not allowing myself to always go to the limit, to always push as a hard as possible as I see the limitation of this systematic behaviour - so as and when I see my mind having thoughts to go non-stop, I stop and breathe I do not allow myself to immediately interact with these thoughts, I continue to breathe until these thoughts do not come up, so I can use common sense to apply more effort when the time is right.
I commit myself to not allowing myself to judge myself for not pushing to the limit, so as and when I see my mind having self-judgemental thoughts, I stop and breathe I do not let myself engage with these thoughts as no form of judgement of myself can help me to get the best results from anything, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more thoughts that come up.
I commit myself to living the realisation that I am flesh and bone, that I require to take rests in between pushing to the limit on anything.
I commit myself to not allowing myself to push myself to the limit unless I am actually stable as breathe, where I can make a common sense decision of when to push and how long to push for, instead of going into ego where only pushing makes sense, so I breathe when thoughts come up, keep breathing and .
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