Day 270: The Exorcist

What is an Exorcist? No I'm not talking about the classic 1973 film, but the exact dictionary definition is - a person who is believed to be able to cast out the devil or other demons. A priest, a nun, a monk, a healer, a shaman or a specially prepared or instructed person can be an Exorcist.

Amazing how I can see how I have been defining myself as an Exorcist in my mind for a longtime, where I am always looking to perform a sort of Exorcism on people I come across in my life.

Its like as soon as I detect some form of religious believe in a person, or some pattern or ignorant abusive behaviour, its like I want to take responsibility to show the person their own shit which is possessing them.

Yet what is the point in trying to exorcise something from someone else, if they are not willing to exorcise themselves? When will I learn that I cannot change anyone else, I can only take responsibility for myself?

I should know by now that there is no saving anybody, I can only ever assist a person to assist themselves to change. But as this Exorcist character its like my mind wants to be able to congratulate itself for exorcising the evil in another in complete self-interest - like I'm literally only trying to exorcise them to get my kicks of "saving" the ignorant.

I see how when a person is not aware of and not willing to change their mind possession, their demonic activity, then I react to this as if the person is some destructive demon and thus must be destroyed, so I will attack this person verbally until they leave my space.

I have seen just very recently how a friendship came to an end on this basis specifically - getting angry at this persons resistance for me to "exorcise them" of their religious beliefs.

Why must their always be this Exorcist attack to other people in my life? It is completely limiting, because I have realised that whenever I stand in opposition to something, whenever I am not standing equal to this person, not walking in their shoes, then only consequences of conflict occur.

Its like my ego cannot handle it when a person completely ignores physical reality, cannot see their own shit and are even proud of their limitations.

I am going to have to get used to this, because if other peoples beliefs care causing instability in me, then it only indicates that their is many issues within myself that still need to be sorted out.

A lot of this point comes from memories I have held onto from my Grandfather and Bernard.

I remember my granddad over and over through the years growing up, he would tell me that if something has been scientifically proven to exist and if a religious person denies that, then this person is essentially something negative and evil in this world.

Bernard on the other hand was once known as an Exorcist by some people in South Africa, as he had an extensive understanding of demons and the afterlife etc. I always had an interest in these things, but it was through Bernard that my interest in Demons and the afterlife became far more prominent in my life.

I see how my mind venerated these two men so much, so you could say their lives and their deaths caused my mind to react and add more layers to this quietly developing Exorcist character I have become.

In the words of Malcolm X, there was a time I didn't know what I know now, so why would I judge someone for not knowing what I do now? I understand and realise that self-realisation is something we all have to go through, no matter what I know about anything, I cannot expect that something I say will cause a person to immediately be expelled of the religion and programmed patterns within them.

Am I free of pre-programmed patterns within and as me? Which are all forms of religion - No I am not, so what right do I have to try to exorcise another?

This is an issue I have identified before and not been effective in my walking to correct this self-definition, so I must continue to investigate, to introspect and align myself through self-forgiveness and the self-corrective application of breathing -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an Exorcist character, where I obsessed with trying to "expel" the demons within a person once they rear their head around me.I realise that this character is a limitation of myself, because it is not my responsibility to try to change others.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that as this Exorcist character I am completely contradicting the foundations of equality and oneness, which is to stand equal to all life, where all life has the same opportunities to improve themselves as living beings and will realise these things when they are ready in their life process, no matter what I do cannot speed this up, or take responsibility for this change for anyone other then myself, I can only ever assist anther to assist themselves and only if they are open to listening and changing themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as something "holy" in a world of unholiness, where I have some apparent mission to destroy all these demons - yet how can this make any sense when I am also a demon? Yes I have improved many areas of my life, yet I still engage in some form of demonic activity like majority of humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anyone that stands for a religious belief, must be some type of demon against life that I must exorcise.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am more knowledgeable then most people in matters of demonology, the occult and religion - regardless of this being true or not, it is no excuse to use this knowledge against people as a form of weapon to attack their beliefs and pre-programmed patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to congratulate myself for "exorcising" someone in complete self-interest vampiring energy to get my kicks.

I forgive myself for not realising that If I am attacking a persons beliefs as this exorcist character, especially when they are not ready to investigate and change their beliefs then I am doing far more damage then benefit for the person. I will not allow myself to abuse people like this anymore.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to judge someone as evil for a believing a religious belief that has been scientifically proven to be false.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as some kind of saviour, when in reality there is no saving anyone, in this world we can only ever save ourselves and assist others to save themselves - the idea of saving other sis just as futile as forgiving others -- there is no forgiveness that truly exist other then self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not realising in all moments that when I am trying to complete an "excorcism" on someone, judging them, that I am completely deluded and in fact need to exorcise myself of this delusion.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react as the ego, whenever someone is proud of their limitation and create a polarity friction where I define the person as evil and myself as good, which is separation - and apparently now we must battle intellectually until I make the person submit in complete separation from physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe that when I react to someone else's issues, that it is showing me that I am not clear at all and require to stop breathe, locate and remove these reactions I am having in the moment.

I forgive myself for holding onto memories of my grandfather ridiculing all forms of religion growing up, I see how I reacted to his knowledge of Science and ridicule of religion as a child and because I venerated my grandfather I see how I essentially became him and started to attack anything that supported the major establishment religions with the "power of Science."

I forgive myself for holding onto memories of Bernard having extensive knowledge of demons, the after life and demonic behaviour in humans - I see how I reacted to his knowledge and because I venerated him, I see how I became this limited form of him, believing I am like "Bernard's soldier" fighting against the evil in humanity so to speak. 

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as this Exorcist character anymore, so as and when I see my mind having thoughts about battling someones beliefs, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage these thoughts because all that will happen is the continued limitation of myself and likely I will only cause conflict with someone, instead of assisting them. It may take many breathes, but I continue to breathe, no matter how many times I fall, I continue to breathe until eventually there is no more remnants of this Exorcist character.

I commit myself to living the realisation that everyone self-realises when the moment is right in their life process, I cannot speed up or take responsibility for anyone else's self-realisation but my own, I can only assist another to assist themselves, planting seeds, and I can only plant seeds If I am speaking from direct physical experience and the person is open to a seed being planted in their mind.