Day 193: Family Dynamics Part 2

Continuing from my last blog -

Many people have issues with the word Family, and that is certainly true for myself, so i take self-responsibility to get to the bottom of these issues, so that i can learn to release these issues and thus improve my capacity as a supportive being in this world -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation to the word family, where I have developed lots of pre-programming in various areas of my life in relation to the word family.

I forgive myself that I have not realised until recently that problems with the word family seem to bleed into all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words Confusion, Hard-work, Weird and Fear to the word Family within and as my pre-programmed mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experiences confusion regarding some things my Grandad would teach me growing up -  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience confusion about my mothers disability and why she is not with my Father growing up - I realise that these confusion experiences I had to some of the things he talked about, and mothers health/relationship status, lead me to create this mind dimension in separation from the word family, where I associate and define my family with the word confusion in complete separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my grandfathers words at certain times growing up, experiencing my granddad as being hard-work to understand - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself react to looking after my mother at various points growing up as being hard work - I realise that these hard work reactions/experiences growing up that I have had towards understanding my grandfather and looking after my mother, have lead my mind to create more pre-programmed baggage in relation to the word family -  I commit myself to deleting this unnecessary separation of myself, because it does not assist me in anyway in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to and judge my grandfathers words growing up, and my mothers illness as being weird. I realise that this judgement reaction has existed within
me for a long time, and again has compounded the separation of myself in relation to the word Family. I understand and accept that my first initial reaction/judgement to my grandfathers words and my mothers illness, was when i was around 6 years old, thus it was based on my lack of understanding of the words of my grandfather and the nature of my mothers illness at that age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all the time growing up that my grandfather and mother will die and I will be left on my own - I realise that this fear has again added more unnecessary layers to the word Family, and i can see as a consequence of accepting this fear continually growing up, that it has contributed to depression in relation to my family at certain points in my life, as well as a comparison/jealousy of people with larger families with good health/less difficulties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my family to other peoples families - I realise that comparing ones family to another is stupid, because you cannot choose your family, and this comparison just keeps me in separation of myself which I will not allow to continue.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments that comparing my family to other peoples family will not assist me in living what is best for all life in each moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience Jealousy towards people who explain something about their family in a positive way to me - again this Jealousy makes no sense because you cannot choose your family, and reacting to other peoples family as Jealousy which implies that they have something that i do not - when in reality yes someone else's family may have more or less problems then my family, but as long as most of the family looks after each other as best they can, then there is no "better" families that exist, and this Jealousy will not assist me in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that this jealousy experience is not assisting me in living whats best for all life - I also realise that whenever I accept an experience of Jealousy towards other peoples families, I am compounding negative reactions in relation to my own family members here, and therefore not contributing to beneficial interactions with family members, which is not acceptable.  

There is much more to type regarding this point of Family, so join me next week as I continue.