Day 191: I dont like bosses Part 2

Continuing from my last blog - so I have psychological dysfunctions in relation to bosses within employment, problems in my mind that do not compliment me to be the best version of myself, so I walk -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to bosses in a company I work for, whenever I see they are not implementing systems of equality in the office - I realise that while equality is best for all, I must understand and accept that within the realms of employment in this capitalist system there is a "system game" that one must play if one wants to maintain the employment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to any clear abuse of power, as the emotions of annoyance, anger and sadness, which I realise will not assist me in living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that the boss of a company I work for should always listen to my word equal as their own because of defining myself as a boss in my mind. I understand and accept that while in reality everyone is equal as a boss, capitalism only allows for certain people within companies to have the title of "boss" and therefore I must live the realisation that as a employee of a company, I have to adhere to an "employee character" or i will inevitably have a collision with the boss.

I forgive myself to define myself as a boss when I am an employee within a company, I realise that no matter how effective you become at a job, if you believe that your word is equal to the bosses, you will eventually find out that this is not the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my word is equal to that of the boss when I am an employee within a company - now while it is true that everyone's word is equal in reality, capitalism is not based on reality, so i realise that seeing oneself as equal to the boss in capitalism is nothing but ego and completely destructive to maintaining employment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I can support myself financially without a job through self-employed activities, that it gives me "license" to be extra brash towards the bosses of any company I work for, because of not caring if I lose the job. I realise that this concept is destructive, and essentially it is pointless to join any company with this attitude, so I take self-responsibility to remove this concept, so that I expand my capacity in this world having the capability to be fully effective at self-employed and employed work.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment, that not every being understands yet that everyone is equal as life, so it makes no sense to expect/demand that the laws of equality are implemented within a capitalistic business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of being a criminal in younger years, where it is imperative to define yourself as a boss in order to be an effective criminal.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to accept that despite applying self-forgiveness on these points before, that I have not dealt with them effectively enough, which is why the consequences keep time looping every time I get a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unknowingly define portions of my character according to a statement Robert De Niros Noodles character says in the film Once Upon a Time In America - "I don't like bosses, that used to be  good idea for us and it still is". I realise that this statement is destructive to gaining/maintaining employment within capitalism, so I realise how this statement has affected my mind, so i take self-responsibility to remove this concept.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to effectively deal with the reactions I have to bosses, but simply suppress them, where they only end up coming back again at moments within employment where I react to the bosses actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeatedly react throughout my childhood/teenage years about my father not being involved in my life, and then through suppressing/holding onto these reactions/memories, to then create a belief/definition that i do not have a boss, I am my own boss, therefore nobody can tell me what to do.
So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through this suppression/holding onto reactions about my father that I am my own boss/nobody can tell me what to do -  I realise that while it is true that everyone is their own boss, this concept does not work within the realms of employment, and in reality everyone can give directions to another if those directions are beneficial.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that there are many family related points which are at the root of why I have been reacting to bosses throughout my life. I for instance have been the financial leader and most physically capable in my family for years, which again is a part of how within and as ego I have defined myself as a boss, and been reacting to anyone defined as "my boss" in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with bosses whenever I am employed and I start reacting to their lack of understanding of the principles of equality.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe, that making suggestions to improve a company is beneficial, but not from a starting point of a pre-programmed reactions, because this is separation so my "suggestions" will be full of thoughts and emotions to destroy the bosses which is unacceptable. I realise that planting seeds when done from a starting point of breathe, will allow for common sense within my suggestions which is best for all.  

I commit myself to living the realisation that if I want to work within a company in this capitalist system, I must adhere to the "system game" meaning I must do my best at my work tasks without question, I must not make demands as if i am the boss, and if I am to make any suggestions of improving the company, I must do so gently and not react if those suggestions are not implemented.

I commit myself to making sure that I do not react to the unequal actions of the bosses of a company I work, I realise that within this capitalist system, inequality is paramount and thus I must not expect/demand that the laws of equality are immediately implemented when i make the company a lot of money. So as and when I see myself reacting to the words/actions of any future bosses I may have in employment, I stop and I breathe, I realise the mental fuck up that what will happen if I engage with these thoughts, and go into suppression - the inevitable "fuck you boss" preach will come again which does not support me in living what is best for all life. So i breathe and continue to do so, no matter how many times the thoughts come up, until eventually these destructive thoughts will cease to exist.

I commit myself to living the realisation that I am the boss in living what is best for all in my day to day living, just like every other being, which means that learning to be humble and always learning how to improve myself and my interactions to get more beneficial results is paramount. If any other bosses are not yet ready to live whats best for all, I will not react, because I know that they are not yet ready to fully understand how this physical universe functions, but one day they may learn how to transform from a "capitalist boss" into a boss of equality.