Day 18: Jealousy

So I’m looking here at jealousy that came up today, and has come up many times in my life where I have allowed my participation to be dictated by jealousy, where I continually mentally stab a person, and desire to see them come to some nasty demise, to lose whatever item or person I see they have in their life which I desire. I do not allow myself to be directed by jealousy. I take self-responsibility to face and eliminate this fear through continual self-corrective application. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy within and as me towards others that I see have something that I don’t have and I want to have, where I then justify mentally stabbing the person as Jealousy without realizing that in a capitalist money system of haves and have not’s there is always someone that will have more money than me, so I should expect others to have more than me the same way I have more than many others, thus reacting to others experiencing jealousy is not necessary and unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify experiencing myself as jealous towards others that have something I don’t because in my mind I’m blaming this person for my own experience of jealousy, as if it’s their fault that I’m getting jealous when in actual fact in self honesty it is my responsibility what I experience, to blame someone else for my reactions is nothing but ego in complete dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that by allowing myself to experience myself as jealous; I am unconsciously charging the jealousy of all other humans mind consciousness systems where I’m saying that it is ok for everyone to be jealous of each other.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that by allowing myself to experience myself as jealous, I am essentially saying that I am of less than another, and that by having something that someone else has then I will enjoy my life more in some way which is a state of insanity because all that I am as life here as this breathe which I am unable to see within experiencing myself as jealous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind that it is ok to experience jealousy towards a person when I see they are rich with a lot of luxury in their lives, when in fact whether a person is rich or poor is irrelevant, thinking harmful shit about other humans is not acceptable. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised that when I experience jealousy, I am actually competing with this person on a mental plain, which is because i have been conditioned growing up to believe that I must compete, that only a winner Is “good enough” and that being a loser is unacceptable, and in self-honesty I often experience myself as a loser when I see that someone has something I don’t have which I desire, then I want to compete with them, which is war. Unacceptable shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mentally plot and scheme ways in which a person that has something I want can be broken down, and lose everything they have in an instant, as if I’m playing a movie of this persons demise in my head which is nasty unacceptable shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy when I think, believe or know that a person has more sex then me, where I’m constantly existing as a state of comparison to others which is completely unnecessary, because comparison only exists in my mind and so is not real.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment that I experience jealousy that it is pointless to hope for others to lose what I want; because each and every human will lose every item we believe we own at death. I realize that if I have 10 billion pound or 10 pounds it will all be taken from us at death. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a person is “bad” because they have an item that I am desiring when in actual fact the person is not “bad” at all because “good bad” polarity only exists in the mind, and this believe that this person is “bad” for having something I want is actually only revealing that I have an obsessive desire with something I see this person has and thus I must find the route desire and remove the value through effective self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that an experience of jealousy I have in any moment is actually revealing my own desires and that I must take self-responsibility to end my desire, by removing the value I have allowed to be built up in the particular point. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment that I experience jealousy that I am feeding into and existing as a system that abuses life, so no matter what justification my mind comes up with for existing as jealousy it is all abuse of life. I do not allow my mind to dictate my daily participation here.

 I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breath that within saying that my internal experiences is the responsibility of others, I am just saying that I am a slave to others, where I create someone else as god of my experiences in my mind which is complete bullshit, because what I experience within and as me is always my own responsibility never anybody else’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have nasty thoughts about others within experiencing jealousy, where I’m basically internally praying for this person to be harmed in some way so I can take some sick enjoyment from seeing this person suffer that has something which I believe I need, when I do not need this thing to exist here at all, so to have nasty thoughts about others is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience jealousy whenever I see that a person has a relationship which in my mind looks “good” whether it is a partner or a family member, or a friend that I see them with. When in actual fact there is no such thing as a “good” relationship that is just my mind revealing a polarized perspective of what I desire, which must be stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiencing jealousy is ok if It seems from my perspective that the person is showing off something they have, when in actual fact it is never acceptable to experience jealousy within and as my pre-programmed mind. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised that thinking shit about others is not really thinking shit about someone else, because we are all equal as the physical, so each person is a reflection of me as the physical, thus when I believe I’m  thinking shit about others I’m actually thinking shit about myself as a form of self-destruction.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breathe that by feeding into and existing as jealousy, I am actually feeding into and existing as war, and it is best for all to end all form of war in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack others in my mind, as a state of war, feeding energy for myself as a pre-programmed robotic zombie of consciousness, which is abusive to life.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every here moment of breath, that there is nothing physically constructive that can come from allowing myself to exist as jealousy in my mind, because the physical consequence of participation with thoughts based in jealousy is guaranteed to cause physical destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy of jealousy, where I’m essentially enjoying having war like thoughts towards others, mentally stabbing others repeatedly in silence in my mind believing that the starting point of this addiction is something real where I can find a way to justify attacking others as ego, when in fact in self honesty the starting point of any addiction is within and as consciousness which is not real.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to exist as jealousy as I realise that jealousy is only existing in my mind as a state of consciousness and so is not real, and I do not accept myself to exist as an illusion, I only accept physical reality as myself in self-honesty.

I commit myself to walking out of a system of abuse into and as a system that is best for all life, because I realize that jealousy is a system of abuse, a system that I have accepted and allowed to generate energy, to dominate and dictate decision making in many situations in my life. I realize that anything I do from a starting point of jealousy will be in complete separation of myself, so I stop now.    

I commit myself to living the realization that in order to actually exist in the physical in every moment there must be no jealousy that exists, because jealousy is of the metaphysical, it’s not real, jealousy is simply mental war, as a starting point for actual physical war thus is complete dishonest abuse of life which must end.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to compete with others in my mind, I see that I’m only competing because I want to win, because i have been conditioned growing up to believe that only being a winner Is acceptable and that being a loser is unacceptable, and I experience myself as a loser when I see that someone has something I don’t have which I desire, which I believe will make me feel “more comfortable” which in actual fact would be a false comfort dependent upon something outside of myself. So I take self-responsibility to correct my desires and any starting point that leads to a consequence of jealousy.

I commit myself to understanding that jealousy and any reactions and experiences I have in my mind are my responsibility completely, it is never the responsibility of others, it is simply ego to say it is, also within saying my responsibility is others I am saying I am a slave to others, when in fact else can enslave me, it is only me that can enslave myself.

I commit myself to sticking to breathe when any reactions/experiences of jealousy come up in any moment; I commit myself to not accepting and allowing jealousy in myself or others in this world that I see existing as the point, because it is best for all to live in a world where jealousy does not exist. I do not allow myself to unconsciously charge the jealousy experiences of each and every human in this world. I accept nothing less than self-honesty as myself where I stand as the directive principle of what’s best for all existing within and as the physical here, where no mental wanking as jealousy can exist.