Day 11: “I think I’m in control of others”

So Cypher had an outburst at another dog today while my mum was walking him and Lola today, then the situation got out of hand a bit. Afterwards I spoke with my mother about it when I got home from work, she thought she was in control and very quickly realised that she wasn’t. And the event reminded me of how many times in my life where I thought I was in control of a situation in my mind, but in fact I was unable to see that the level of control I have in my mind is not actually the physical control of a situation I have here. 

Within the pre-programmed mind I have existed as for my entire life, I believe I am more than what I really am as life. As pre-programming I assume to have power and control as an idea of myself as self-glorifying god, where i believe I make no mistakes, and always pick the decision that best serves me in self-interest, where i view others as puppets, and me as the puppet master. Within and as this assumption that I have power and control in a situation is where I believe I can do more in one breathe then what is actually possible, its where I do not equate the actual fact in the situation that no matter what I tell another to do, no matter how much control I claim - I cannot control another’s experience and thus reactions to situations, my responsibility is only to how I experience myself in any situation, and as a pre-programmed human I have to understand that I will make many errors, because this world is a complete error.  

In my experience, whenever I plan something then a picture in my mind of how I would like the situation to be resolved comes up. But in actual fact it is self-deception and ego to believe that I know how something will result, that I am apparently always able to control outcomes for others, because in fact I’m never in control of what another person is experiencing, I cannot control anything outside of myself. 

And to believe i am more in control of a sitaution becuase animals are involved is just not real, because animals have there own individual minds like humans, and thus will sometimes do things which are unpredictable despite the fact i have trained them well.

All I can do is make sure that in any situation where I have to look after another, that I do not expect that my direction of a situation will be absolute, that I can perfectly control another. Any expectations are not required, because they are not real, they only exist in my mind, I have to understand that I am able to make mistakes, and that all I can do in any situation is conduct myself effectively, to make sure that I do what is best for all in the situation inside myself and in my participation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as an idea that I’m in complete control of situations where others are involved, when in actual fact it is not real to believe that I have complete control of a situation, it only exists in my mind - I cannot control the outcomes of situations, I can only direct myself to conduct myself effectively and create an outcome to the situation which is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i can control another’s reactions in a situation when that is just ego and an idea of myself which is an illusion, because it is completely impossible to control how another person experiences themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control a situation where my animals are involved, purely because of the fact that they are animals, and I am a human so apparently “I’m in control” when really that is self-deception to believe this.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within believing I have power and control in a situation, I am simply setting myself up for an emotional reaction as a judgement of myself once I realise that I did not have power and control over another in a situation.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that my ability to look after another being, has nothing to do with a belief in my mind that I have power and control, it is only made possible through money.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as god, and that i am able to control others as puppets as the puppet master. When in fact from this starting point i am only controlling myself within self-deception not seeing others as life, seeing them as toys, believing i can control others when i really cant.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as surprised with how an abusive situation developed, which shows me I had an expectation of the situation which is not necessary because it is not actually tangibly manifest, everyday this reality shows that expectations are never real, and only set ourselves up for a hard fall where change is not possible, as light working/ascension movement shows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself into believing that I can do more in one breath then is actually possible through believing I am more than I am as the ego, when in fact I am always equal to what I allow, nothing more nothing less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “bad” and stupid when a situation does not go the way I planned/wanted it to, which is only being unnecessarily hard on myself for something I designed through my acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical actuality of a situation through expecting a certain result outcome in my mind to work in my favour in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and design outcomes of situations to benefit me first ahead of what benefits all, which is unacceptable as it only shows that I am only existing as a pre-programmed system zombie, where I attempt to separate my reality from this world as a whole, which is what humans do with concepts like love for instance.

I commit myself to making sure that I do not allow myself to believe I am in complete control of others or any situation. I commit myself to the understanding that I cannot control how others experience themselves; I can only direct my own experience of myself.

I commit myself to the realization that within expecting a person to react in a certain way, or expecting a situation to result in a certain way I am only feeding into something which is not real, because expectations only exist within and as my pre-programmed mind, it is always best to have no expectations.

I commit myself to doing what is best for all in situations where I have to look after others, rather than only focusing on outcomes which benefit me first. I commit myself to not allowing myself to judge myself as less then when things do not work out so well in situations.  I am not willing to believe that I am perfection without walking perfection, I do not allow myself to continue an existence of ignorance as the programming I have existed as, I will accept no less than what is best for all in self-honesty for myself .