So im looking here at the fears that have come up during the day today and what thoughts, pictures, words, memories come up in relation to the fears im writing about at the time or here and now as i write this. Its very Interesting looking at fears and how they manifest physically in our lives, and i notice a prominent trend in myself and others i have discussed fears with, that it seems that we immediately attempt to deny whatever it is that we fear, by suppressing the fears through the mind, then through the ego denying that we have any fear, that we dont want to appear weak and afraid infront of others, we want to appear strong and perfect, so instead people put up a fake face of fearlessness, where through particicpating in thoughts, feelings and emotions we attempt to avoid taking self responsibility for correcting the specific fear - facing fears is a simple point of self honesty, because when we are honest with ourselves we can see that fear is existing within us, and only in dishonesty as the minds ego can a being claim they have no fear. However to actually self honestly release points of fear in our lives requires walking backwards in time, looking at where, how and what was created, then flagging self and applying continuous application here until the point of fear is walked out physical through breathe until here no further, where even the fear of death the most extensive fear in all humans can be transcended through effective self application, also laughing is a cool self support tool to direct and release fear.
Anyway rant over - so today i woke up at 8.30am, it was easter sunday, so none of my team was working, and immediately i feared not being fully functional, because of having less then 4 hours sleep because i went to bed at 5am, so then i justified going back to sleep in my mind to have a few more hours sleep, then i woke up again after what seemed in my mind to only be a moment, immediately when i noticed the clock said 11am i reacted to this point as fear which came up when i realised that i am going over 6 hours sleep - i started to judge myself and going into fear beleiving that i wont have enough time to get done what i want to get done today, a thought came up that "i must get up now or i wont get enough things done", the word Lazy sprung to mind, also a memory came up of when i used to stay in bed most of the day, then i started comparing myself to this memory, and fearing being defined as lazy like i defined myself in the "old days". I noted this down and then stabilized myself within the point through laughing and applying the four count breathe, then i got up to have some breakfast.
After getting my coffee and bananas, i noticed as i came upstairs that my next door neighbours were outside making noise, and i had a thought "what are you doing?" then i physically acted upon this thought where i was watching my neighbours out of the window, then another thought popped up "i dont want you to see me watching you" and so i was watching them from behind the blind, then i realised that these thoughts were connected to fear, a fear of being exposed as a "peeping tom" thus fear of loss where i was fearing losing my position of value as the point of being "unseen" as my pre programmed mind - so i wrote this down and then stabilized myself within the point.
Then before going out to the shop to get some food, some back chat came up as i smelt my armpits of "sweat" "i can smell my body odour, need to sort that" so i had a shower, fearing my bodys odour, fearing that another person would smell my body odour and percieve it as "bad", and again as i started taking my clothes off i wrote this point down, realising that the physical action of having a shower was actually motivated by fear. Fear of self, wanting to present an image of "cleanliness" desiring to give myself the "best" opportunity to appear as a valid candidate for a realtionship with a female, and as i was showering pictures of me and my ex partner having a shower came up in my mind, then remembering the acelerated arguments and abuse towards the end of the relationship, then from that memory i then had a fear come up of having another relationship, that while i desire it, im in fact actually fearing another relationship here, fearing being "locked down", and being afraid of reliving any past patterns of abuse, fear of loss/change - instead of trusting myself as life here in self honesty, as being actually able to be in an effective relationship with myself and thus be able to produce an effective agreement with a partner. I flagged this point as i got out of the shower, wrote it down and spoke self-forgiveness statements outloud as i put my clothes on.
Then as i stepped outside to get into the car i looked at the crack on the front of the grill on the car, which happened a few days ago, and coincidently happened when i was in a state of fear as rushing in anxiety, in the haste of go go go, worrying about being late for a weekly team review due to traffic, getting distracted by thoughts, phone calls and a spot on my chin, then my car slowly rolled into the car infront causing a minor crack on my grill and a minor crack on his number plate. I experienced embarrassment at the time at being so clumsy, which indicated fear of change to me at the time. And anyway i reacted to this crack on my grill with the thoughts "car wash" "the car could do with a wash, at the car wash but i dont know if the superglue holding the grill can take the water" lol so i was fearing that the grill might fall off if i try and wash it, so i was fearing my own fear here, again fear of change and fear of the future - i laughed as i noticed this fear, i wrote it down and i simply made a decision from the starting point of whats best for all to get the problem sorted - just wash the car by hand being careful with the grill, and go and get the grill professionally fixed when possible.
Then when me and my mum got to the shop, we started shopping, and when we got to the alcohol section, my mum said to me "can i get a few bottles of wine?" i agreed that she could put a few bottles in the trolley, but i noticed that the starting point was not an unconditional self honest giving, but was actually from a dishonest starting point of fear, because the thought came up "if i say no, then she will react" and so within fearing her reaction if i were to say no, i agreed she could get the wine based on fear of the future, a memory also came up here of the other day when my mother reacted very emotionally when i didnt get her a bottle of wine that she wanted - so i noted this fear of the future, this fear of what "could happen" this fearful starting point within getting the wine, that i must use this wine as a point of self support to flag and realise whenever i am accepting and allowing myself to exist as the mind as fear of my mums reaction, then direct myself within and as this fear until it exists no more and the givng of wine to my mother is a point of unconditional giving where i remain stable within the giving.
And as we got home, i unpacked the shopping and decided to start making food, i wanted a fry up, so i started doing so, and i noticed i started rushing within this as i had the bacon on high heat aswel as the beans and my toast in an attempt to rush the cooking because of a fear of not having enough time to do other things. Also within the high heat rushing the grease was spitting extensively, and then as a blob of hot grease spat onto my face i reacted in fear and turned the heat down a bit, fearing the stinging of the grease spiting in my face again lol. Fear of "pain" fear of the future, fear of death, the words Grease, Eat and Hurry come up.
So its very intersting to slow down during a day and look specifically at fear and how many of my thoughts, actions, decisions etc are based on fear, because in self honesty all our decisions are based in fear according to the pre-programmed mind consciousness system that we exist within and as, and it is only through effective self realization and self corrective application can we humans ever release any fears that we have allowed to develop through our lives - So cool sharing these self realizations in relation to fear, and now i must stand as the directive principle to stop, by mapping out these fears in precise detail, looking at the starting points, the trigger points, the justifications used to hold onto a specific fear, the physical experiences, words, memories, pictures, then apply continuous self forgiveness as and when required, pushing the point through remaining stable as breathe, utlizing laughter as self support etc, until i stand here as myself as a world of no fear no matter how long it takes.
Anyway rant over - so today i woke up at 8.30am, it was easter sunday, so none of my team was working, and immediately i feared not being fully functional, because of having less then 4 hours sleep because i went to bed at 5am, so then i justified going back to sleep in my mind to have a few more hours sleep, then i woke up again after what seemed in my mind to only be a moment, immediately when i noticed the clock said 11am i reacted to this point as fear which came up when i realised that i am going over 6 hours sleep - i started to judge myself and going into fear beleiving that i wont have enough time to get done what i want to get done today, a thought came up that "i must get up now or i wont get enough things done", the word Lazy sprung to mind, also a memory came up of when i used to stay in bed most of the day, then i started comparing myself to this memory, and fearing being defined as lazy like i defined myself in the "old days". I noted this down and then stabilized myself within the point through laughing and applying the four count breathe, then i got up to have some breakfast.
After getting my coffee and bananas, i noticed as i came upstairs that my next door neighbours were outside making noise, and i had a thought "what are you doing?" then i physically acted upon this thought where i was watching my neighbours out of the window, then another thought popped up "i dont want you to see me watching you" and so i was watching them from behind the blind, then i realised that these thoughts were connected to fear, a fear of being exposed as a "peeping tom" thus fear of loss where i was fearing losing my position of value as the point of being "unseen" as my pre programmed mind - so i wrote this down and then stabilized myself within the point.
Then before going out to the shop to get some food, some back chat came up as i smelt my armpits of "sweat" "i can smell my body odour, need to sort that" so i had a shower, fearing my bodys odour, fearing that another person would smell my body odour and percieve it as "bad", and again as i started taking my clothes off i wrote this point down, realising that the physical action of having a shower was actually motivated by fear. Fear of self, wanting to present an image of "cleanliness" desiring to give myself the "best" opportunity to appear as a valid candidate for a realtionship with a female, and as i was showering pictures of me and my ex partner having a shower came up in my mind, then remembering the acelerated arguments and abuse towards the end of the relationship, then from that memory i then had a fear come up of having another relationship, that while i desire it, im in fact actually fearing another relationship here, fearing being "locked down", and being afraid of reliving any past patterns of abuse, fear of loss/change - instead of trusting myself as life here in self honesty, as being actually able to be in an effective relationship with myself and thus be able to produce an effective agreement with a partner. I flagged this point as i got out of the shower, wrote it down and spoke self-forgiveness statements outloud as i put my clothes on.
Then as i stepped outside to get into the car i looked at the crack on the front of the grill on the car, which happened a few days ago, and coincidently happened when i was in a state of fear as rushing in anxiety, in the haste of go go go, worrying about being late for a weekly team review due to traffic, getting distracted by thoughts, phone calls and a spot on my chin, then my car slowly rolled into the car infront causing a minor crack on my grill and a minor crack on his number plate. I experienced embarrassment at the time at being so clumsy, which indicated fear of change to me at the time. And anyway i reacted to this crack on my grill with the thoughts "car wash" "the car could do with a wash, at the car wash but i dont know if the superglue holding the grill can take the water" lol so i was fearing that the grill might fall off if i try and wash it, so i was fearing my own fear here, again fear of change and fear of the future - i laughed as i noticed this fear, i wrote it down and i simply made a decision from the starting point of whats best for all to get the problem sorted - just wash the car by hand being careful with the grill, and go and get the grill professionally fixed when possible.
Then when me and my mum got to the shop, we started shopping, and when we got to the alcohol section, my mum said to me "can i get a few bottles of wine?" i agreed that she could put a few bottles in the trolley, but i noticed that the starting point was not an unconditional self honest giving, but was actually from a dishonest starting point of fear, because the thought came up "if i say no, then she will react" and so within fearing her reaction if i were to say no, i agreed she could get the wine based on fear of the future, a memory also came up here of the other day when my mother reacted very emotionally when i didnt get her a bottle of wine that she wanted - so i noted this fear of the future, this fear of what "could happen" this fearful starting point within getting the wine, that i must use this wine as a point of self support to flag and realise whenever i am accepting and allowing myself to exist as the mind as fear of my mums reaction, then direct myself within and as this fear until it exists no more and the givng of wine to my mother is a point of unconditional giving where i remain stable within the giving.
And as we got home, i unpacked the shopping and decided to start making food, i wanted a fry up, so i started doing so, and i noticed i started rushing within this as i had the bacon on high heat aswel as the beans and my toast in an attempt to rush the cooking because of a fear of not having enough time to do other things. Also within the high heat rushing the grease was spitting extensively, and then as a blob of hot grease spat onto my face i reacted in fear and turned the heat down a bit, fearing the stinging of the grease spiting in my face again lol. Fear of "pain" fear of the future, fear of death, the words Grease, Eat and Hurry come up.
So its very intersting to slow down during a day and look specifically at fear and how many of my thoughts, actions, decisions etc are based on fear, because in self honesty all our decisions are based in fear according to the pre-programmed mind consciousness system that we exist within and as, and it is only through effective self realization and self corrective application can we humans ever release any fears that we have allowed to develop through our lives - So cool sharing these self realizations in relation to fear, and now i must stand as the directive principle to stop, by mapping out these fears in precise detail, looking at the starting points, the trigger points, the justifications used to hold onto a specific fear, the physical experiences, words, memories, pictures, then apply continuous self forgiveness as and when required, pushing the point through remaining stable as breathe, utlizing laughter as self support etc, until i stand here as myself as a world of no fear no matter how long it takes.
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