Shut the fuck up im concentrating - Noise reactions

When i was typing out a point earlier, i noticed that i could hear some neighbours talking across the road, now these particular neighbours sometimes have friends round, and earlier there was 3 guys standing outside this house across the road, and because my estate is in a bowl design, so sounds that are actually not loud vibrate round the estate quickly. So i could hear these 3 guys talking and it wasnt loud, but like i say due to the design of my estate its easy to hear alot of small noises, anyway so im reacting as annoyance, and its building up as i hear them chatting meaningless shit about football, its like i can hear them chatting just behind me, and within myself im starting to chat away to myself in my mindlike "shut the fuck up im concentrating" and "cant you just piss off" also experiencing a feeling that i should be able to have total utter silence when im concentrating, that if i cant have it the way i want it in total silence then its "not fair" for me. Then fearing what they might say if i tell them to lower the volume, then experiencing some physical effects as my heart start beating a bit faster,and some energy movements in my body manifesting as itching in various spots for the next few minutes, specifically my thigh, calf, chin, knee, and foot.

Then i realised what was happening so i applied four count breathe and released this energy movement, stabilised myself, then made a note of what was happening, and then when i go slightly deeper into the point, i can see in self honesty that i do this all the time when there is noise around me while im typing a blog or doing research. I can see that i allow myself to react to the noise, and get all worked up about it within thoughts and feelings separating myself from what im actually participating with physically here, then if i dont stop myself, i use it as a justification within my ego as to why i cant concentrate within my typing, that the conditions arent "good" enough for me to finish doing what im doing, blaming the cause of the noise for my own self created limitation, instead of standing one and equal as the noise, remaining stable and unreactive through breathe and carrying on with what im doing, i mean its not like bombs going off outside my house, its just a few people speaking. But its like im expecting an exam room level of silence, which fascinatingly now as i write this brings up  points of treating my blogging, and ITD almost as school work that i percieve i have to "drag" myself through it just like when i was at school, that point of ego wanting total silence to craft a personality stroking "masterpiece" of art, and going into the mind as competition within my blogging at times, again reason for demanding no noise when i attempting to "win" the competition lol  - anyway fucked up and unacceptable that im reacting to this, but as with any point its actually cool that this comes up and happens, because now i am self aware within this point, i now have the power to do something about it thats best for all. so i will be stopping this now  -

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself accodring to the mind by reacting to the words of others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to noise in fear as the mind while i am blogging and researching.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the words of others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear jduging others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realise that when i am judging something and am in fact fearing what im judging.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realise in all moments that through judging another i am actually judging myself, and thus fearing myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear living as myself here in self awareness in the totality of myself as life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thoughts "shut the fuck up im concentrating" and "cant you piss off home" to a feeling of annoyance.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define annoyance within myself through these thoughts according to separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to physically experience annoyance towards others within and as me while i am blogging and researching.

I for give myself that i have not allowed myself to stand equal and one as another being based on their level of noise when i am studying, i realise and accept this to be separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that while im studying i should be able to have total silence around me.

I forgive myself that i have not realised that within wanting things to go my way, and meet my approval, that i am just existing as the ego as the mind, believing that my wants and needs must come beofre another because my wants and needs are "so important"

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that blogging and studying equality is of more importance then anything, where i allow myself to compromise whats best for all in the name of blogging and reserching equality by reacting to noise of others.

I forgive myself that i have not relaised that when i percieve something to be "unfair" for me, that i am actually existing as self interest as the mind as ego, within this i am not considering those that has less then me, and standing in oneness and equality with whats here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the reactions of noisy people if i tell them to be quiet.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into a verbal and physical fight with another person.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within fearing others i can stop myself from being effected by fear.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed by another, which unconsciously makesure that this fear will physically manifest for another human in the world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accumilate annoyance within me in suppression of myself to a point where my heart is actually beating faster, because of getting stuck in the mind instead of breathing and sticking to whats here as stability.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accumilate harmful thoughts about neighbours that make noise, which culminates into an emotional feeling based response and manifests as various itches around my body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in judgemental thoughts about noisy neighbours, and then connect the thoughts to feelings and emotions getting worked up within energy existing as the mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify why i havent completed a blog or piece of research, because im blaming a point outside of myself, blaming noise.

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to stop blaming others noise for why i havent finished doing what im doing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to fear not blaming another for my own built up shit, because within blaming others, i am actually avoiding taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking sef responsibility for myself in all moments.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to believe that within stating to myself in my mind that the conditions arent "good" enough for me to complete what im doing, then i have an excuse for why i didnt do it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define loud noise as "bad" and silence as "good" existing as polarity as the mind as illusion separating myself from whats here, and pereptuating the system of haves and have nots.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to build up an idea where i define blogging and doing ITD as requiring exam room silence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, believe and define blogging ad ITD as school work that i have to "drag myself through"

I forgive myself that i have not realised that within this belief of having to drag myself to do something, that this dragging manifests as  lazyiness carrying extra shit, and so i end up not doing what i was doing a fully and effectively as i possibly can.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define my blooging as works of art that i believe requires total silence in order for me to complete my "masterpiece" existing as the ego in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes utilize blogging as a point of attempting to impress and compete with others, within which there is only dishonesty shared and no real actual self realizations from a starting point of total clear self honesty and self expression.  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect blogging to competition where i want to win and beat others that have blogged less then me, existing as polarity friction in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that i have not realised and accepted myself fully in self trust. That it is only i, me here as life as this breathe that remains when all this shit is removed,  and i only i can remove it, no matter how irrelevant i perceive the point to be, it will not correct itself, only i can move myself within and as this self deception and direct myself to a point of stability, releasing the point effectively.

So when noise is near me while i am blogging or doing something next time, i stop. i breathe, i direct me within and as what is here sticking to breathe in self honesty not participating in any back chat that comes up. Remaining disciplined and stable here through continuous application, until the noise of others can no longer cause a reaction within me.