Day 295: The Sleepwalker part 2

So I need to walk out my issues in relation to sleep -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a pattern of always sleeping late -  I realise that this pattern does not support me in living what is best for all, because while oversleeping is not supportive either, getting too little sleep at too late a time is not effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through late sleeping  - I realise this self-definition only keeps me in separation from physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that as I get older there are more consequences of sleeping late and not enough hours too often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped in a zombie state every morning through this continual late night and lack of sleeping.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not consider that the fact that I have been getting illnesses like colds and flues in the past year for really the first time in my life, is likely a result of this lack of sleep and sleeping too late, too often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the ego justifying and defending my sleep patterns when someone tries to challenge them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see the issues of my sleep patterns, but not being willing to walk the necessary adjustments in self-honesty to truly change the issue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my sleep patterns do not effect me at all, when in reality as I mentioned earlier I am trapped in a zombie state first thing in the morning, and I have been getting ill recently as a result.

I forgive myself for holding onto memories of my granddad and Bernard teaching me that 4-6 hours is plenty of sleep, my grandfather explained that it can be trained into ones mind to adopt, and Bernard taught me the same while also elaborating that with the problems in the world we don't have time to sleep more - I reacted to this and twisted the concept into my own idea.

I forgive myself for not realising that my sleep patterns often result in me wasting too much of the day instead of maximising my capacity, as I sleep too little in the weekdays and too much too at the weekends.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot sleep before 1am, as if I am allergic to this or something, when this is just another stupid concept in my mind and in fact it would benefit me to sometimes sleep earlier then 1am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the idea that I will sleep when im dead, which I have allowed to be a driving force in my forcing myself to stay up late and sleep very little.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of when i was younger and sleeping late was seen as something cool that older people do and then defining myself through this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the idea that sleeping late is something cool to do.

I forgive myself that I have added layers to this "sleeping late is cool concept" by letting films effect me - for instance thinking the explanation of insomnia is cool in the film fight club, and then letting this be another excuse in my mind to keep my impractical sleep pattern in place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I am asleep someone could break in my house, or manipulate my dreams, my sleep patterns, my actions while I am asleep, so purposely trying to avoid it.

I forgive myself for defining myself as not normal, and therefore I must have a not normal sleep pattern which is nothing bu limitation and thus not needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must always watch fighting late at night live, which again has been feeding into this habit - I must get used to not always doing this regardless of my enjoyment of martial arts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to being addicted to sleeping late and allowing this addiction to control me.

I commit myself to not allowing myself continue being addicted to sleeping late all the time, I realise this has benefits but also negative effects as I get older and must be adjusted - so as and when I see my mind having thoughts to stay up late and only sleep 4-6 hours etc - I stop and breathe, I realise that I can sleep at more practical times also - so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to living the realisation that sleep is something that we all need, and at different time depending on what work we have done - we may need more or less sleep - you cannot always be sleeping not much, or always sleeping too much because it has clear consequences as we have been discussing, so I take self-responsibility to walk the necessary adjustments in my sleep patterns in order to maximise my capacities in my life.