Day 276: Embarrassment as Support Part 2

Embarrassment can be supportive, one must learn from moments where we feel small, ashamed, stupid and where we have things that we fear to lose.

I realise that I must walk when moments of embarrassment occur, I must investigate the origin of this embarrassment which could be the result of addiction, some form of hiding, and then make sure that the stupidity I created as this addiction which then caused this embarrassment experience must be realigned to never happen again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that as uncomfortable as embarrassment is, it is actually one of the best forms of support to motivate a clearer reanalysis and correction of ones patterns that caused the embarrassment.

I forgive my that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by a pattern s much that I cannot even see the consequence until it happens and i experience this embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smoke so much at times that I don't even realise where the entrails of my smoking are affecting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my smoking patterns affect my relations with business partners. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes believe I need to smoke.

I forgive myself for not smoking from a clear starting point, where I can stop and start smoking at any time in my life, without any form of addiction to the point occurring.

I forgive myself for not realising that every time I smoke I am just recharging the memory of the definition of myself as a smoker.

I forgive myself that  have allowed and accepted myself to define myself as a smoker.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my smoking habits because I believe I am not afraid of dying which smoking is apparently supposed to do to you.

I forgive myself for not realising in every breathe that if I didn't fear dying in anyway, then I wouldn't have any fear of stopping smoking - so I forgive myself for manipulating myself into believing I'm not afraid of dying, hen my very addiction to smoking shows me that I am.

I forgive myself for only not smoking when I am training and even then to smoke after training as an excuse to "relax myself" after training.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think i cant relax effectively without smoking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use smoking as an excuse for physical pains that I have.

I forgive myself for not noticing that when I am in the middle of a jiu-jitsu bout or at any point in my life where i require concentration, it is when I am breathing that I am the most clear to do what I need to from a calm stable starting point here, where there is common sense which I can produce in my decision making instead of stupidity.

I forgive myself for always giving myself and excuse to always come back to smoking no matter if I have a few days or weeks off here and there, I allow my desire to smoke to override and control me to smoke again.

I forgive myself for desiring to smoke all the time, to feed into this desire and become addicted to the act and experience one gets from smoking.

I forgive myself for believing that smoking doesn't affect me, because I'm still so "physically capable" athletically, but in reality it does affect me as this recent consequence which caused me to become embarrassed showed me and if I didn't smoke as much or not at all then my athletic capabilities wuld only increase.

I forgive myself for not realising that this embarrassment experience with smoking recently would not have occurred if i wasn't actually addicted to smoking, which I am currently.

I forgive myself for not living common sense within my smoking habits and to only ever have this starting point of "needing" in my mind.


I forgive myself for not realising in every here moment of breathe that I can relax myself with breathing at any time without smoking.

I forgive myself for not realising in all moments that when I am stable as breathe, only then can I apply common sense, where I am so much less likely to do something stupid because I am clear, focused, stable not embroiled in the unstable actions and thus consequences which occurs with addictions.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to avid the origin of any moments of embarrassment that exist in my life, because I realise this embarrassment must be investigated, so I can unravel the stupidity behind that which I experiencing embarrassment about - so as and when I see myself having thoughts about something that I am embarrassed about,  I stop and breathe, I do not allow my mind to engage these embarrassed thoughts, where only stupid actions and shame derive, I take note of the thoughts and find the origin later, but I  breathe and continue to do so until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to not giving in to the luring thoughts of smoking all the time that come up in my mind so often, because I realise that If i do not learn to stop myself, that I will only continue to be enslaved and will make more stupid actions that lead to embarrassment like putting an empty smoking pack in with business contracts -  So as and when I see my mind thinks it "needs" smoking, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself t engage these thoughts, I breathe through these thoughts no matter how many times until I am clear.

I commit myself to living the realisation, if I have nothing to hide from myself or others, then embarrassment cannot occur, but as long as there is areas that I fear to change about myself then, there is always the danger that I could be embarrassed from self-interested, pre-programed actions I allow, so I take responsibility for myself to stop.