Day 227: The Dragon Within Part 2

Continuing from my last blog -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consistently react in personal offence to those who speak about Dragons and China/Dragon countries in an judgemental negative light. I realise that this reaction does not support me to be the best version of myself, as it only feeds into conflict and separation of myself and thus the interactions with others, even though it is true that nobody should judge others.

I forgive myself for not realising that verbally attacking people with emotion when I allow myself to be personally offended will not help me or the person I am attacking - I only cause internal discomfort for myself, and the other person only reacts back in fear, which is a recipe for disaster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not react in moments where people talk shit about dragons and china, I realise that if I had not reacted and instead remained calm here as breathe, then I would have been able to apply common sense, where I can plant a seed in a person instead of reacting to their reaction towards Chinese people and Dragons.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as ego, where I become a defensive mechanism with regards to china and dragons, as I see it as a part of me, a part of how I define myself. So within this I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself through dragons and china in separation of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe from a young age that mythological

and historical stories that include dragons are automatically more interesting then stories without them. I realise that the reason I enjoyed it more when my granddad or whoever taught me stories with dragons, was because all throughout childhood some of my favourite films and animated show would be things that involve dragons in the story such as: Conan the barbarian, Aliens, Gargoyles, Dragonball z, Dragon wars, Power rangers, Teenage mutant ninja turtles etc.

So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto these memories of watching these dragon shows as a child, and then using these memories as a starting point of the importance I have placed on dragons and china in my life as this "dragon within" character.    

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of watching and

listening to Bruce Lee growing up, I realise that the iconic god like status that I built in my mind through the years in relation to him is a huge part of this "dragon within" self-definition I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment of breathe that enjoying certain peoples skills, character and input to this world is a fine and enjoyable part of life, but once I allow myself to go beyond enjoyment into reaction, infatuation, to praise and become addicted to a person, that has only an imaginary identity, where there can only be frictional consequences because it is based in separation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to hold onto and charge memories of the relationship I had with a Chinese woman, it was a very passionate relationship, she taught me many things about Chinese culture and history, which just added more layers of value to Dragons and China in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself to realise that because this relationship was very

passionate and we both taught each other so much, that in my mind she is marked as one of the greatest interactions I ever had with a female, which caused an immense sadness within me when she went back to China for work and disappeared from my life - we still talk from time to time, but the nature of her work means its difficult for us to speak to each other more then a few times a year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have this partner back in my life, which has caused my mind to hold onto the memories so closely and allow layers of value to add onto my infatuation with dragons and china, thus fuelling this character I become in moments where people speak negative remarks about china and dragons, which I am not willing to continue in my life, so I take self-responsibility to stop this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally transform as this dragon where my eyes get wider, my chest puffs out, my voice deepens and raises in volume significantly and I am ready to literally breathe some fire, to bite the head off of the person who is disrespecting dragons and china in my presence, which as I noted earlier, can only denote a response of fear in another which is not supportive for me or the other person, even if the point I'm making to them about disrespecting dragons and china is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of me having a snake and a lizard for years, which are both a type of dragon you could say, where I have then gone and defined myself according to this memory as a kind of "dragon man" in my mind - where dragons "understand me" and therefore I must apparently "stand up for dragons" when they are disrespected by others  in any situation -  but what I am learning now is that as breathe planting a seed, a statement of truth without emotions, is far more effective then transforming into a raging dragon for calling out peoples bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to any derogatory national slants towards countries that associate themselves with dragons historically - so countries like Japan, Vietnam,
Indonesia, South Korea, Scandinavian countries, some eastern European countries, and China standing at the pinnacle of these countries in my mind with regards to this.

I forgive myself for not realising in every here moment of breathe, that I am allowing my actions to be controlled, through reacting to the derogatory statements about dragons and china, but I am not willing to allow myself to be enslaved by this pattern of behaviour anymore.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to transform into a fire breathing dragon when I see or hear someone making ignorant statements about dragons and countries that associate themselves with dragons predominantly china. I realise that this transformation does not assist me, but only causes issues for all involved, so as and when i see my mind having thoughts coming up about defending dragons, china and various "dragon countries" when someone says something stupid, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to react and become unstable -

I simply continue to breathe until I have grounded all the energy and I can speak from common sense to assist the person and myself rather then feeding into these thoughts/emotions etc. I continue to focus on breathing in these situations, until these thoughts no longer come up any more.

I commit myself to living the realisation that while using emotion and putting fear into people is effective at shocking people, sometimes frightening them onto their feet for a moment, but on the whole it is not conducive of a support relationship with anyone, therefore I must stop this cycle of reacting to dragon/dragon country ignorance from others.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to hold onto memories of this dragon love, because I have only gone and limited myself by defining myself as these memories, which as I have shown myself in this blog only keep me in separation, which is not supportive for me or any life on Earth. So as and when I see my mind reminiscing over some kind of dragon associated memory, I stop and breathe, I continue to breathe until these memories are no longer coming up in various situations that trigger them.

I commit myself to walking in this life to make the best version of myself no matter what, where amazing creatures like dragons are enjoyed without any unnecessary separation inside of myself being added, which is best for all life in equality and oneness.

See you soon.