Wow I “get it” – You need to “get it” too! Or i will cut you down fucker! Im the desteni hater slayer!

So i had a heated argument with somebody recently about my participation with desteni, i reacted alot, i was angry with the person who i have known a longtime. Nowadays i dont argue with people if they dont like equality in someway, i just breath and remove myself from the situation if needed. However this person i have known a longtime really started attacking me and the desteni message in general very directly. And although i walked away from the situation, me arguing with this person for a while didnt need to occur at all if i hadnt reacted, it was an interesting event because it revealed to me some points of my brainwashing that i must investigate and correct so that i can remain stable when a similar event happens again which is best for all.

I mean its fascinating when I look at the earlier stages of researching equality, because years ago once I had started testing desteni tools, once I worked on correcting my reactions towards the desteni message and I was beginning to realise how effective the tools are, that equality is best for all - it was interesting that a personality developed through my allowance.

This personality is basically a kind of “gatekeeper” or “desteni protector” personality, where I take a defence/offense stance in conversations with people regarding anything desteni related. It’s like every situation I was in at that stage my aim would be to enforce the message of desteni on others, and then expecting the person or persons to have a fight with me until I force them to submit and they listen to me,  so I could get some understanding and attention, as if they had an obligation to listen to me, an obligation to start researching desteni because I according to my understating  of equality and oneness at that stage – I could see that equality is clearly the most effective solution to sort out the human and this world, thus you must see this as well, so fucking listen to me! So i can see how this personality activated again in this situation where this person i have known a longtime started attacking me.

Countless daily arguments and debates I was having at this stage in my life all as an outward expression of the conflict i was experiencing inside myself. It was online, with my family, with “friends”, with work colleagues, random people on the street, nobody was safe from my energetic wrath. And all of these arguments and debates always ended up going nowhere apart from me really offending the person, in some cases to the point that they are crying in a heap of depression, or even physically attacking me in a rage of anger.

And i notice that with people i have known a longtime like family or child hood friends, that i will get alot more emotional during the argument about the desteni message because i have seen these people as my family, and being as i see members of desteni as family, i can see that in my mind is like a desire for a unification of families in someway.

But within this I was simply trapped within an energetic prison of my own design, where I was completely misunderstanding the point of equality and how it works - it has nothing to do with desteni, desteni is just the facilitating body, the support group to assist people, but the message of desteni is all about self-responsibility. 

But at this stage in my life i did not really understand fully how things worked, i mean I would never focus on breath before I spoke, I would never take into account in most situations that it took me a process just to be able to research and implement the desteni tools from a clear starting point, so there is no way I can make anybody understand this, because I had to understand it myself, nobody did it for me, or could possibly do it for me, I had to do it my-self.

I have since realised that it is actually abusive to enforce conversation upon someone that does not want to speak about what I want to speak about. Because regardless of whether or not I agree with someone, once I put myself in their shoes and stand equal to the persons perspective, then i can understand the person as a reflection of myself, not get possessed by thoughts, feelings, emotions, trying to “prove a point”, but instead focus on breathing, being here, creating a solution that is best for all, where I take self-responsibility to stop war. 

But there is no equality within debating and forcing something there is just conflict, some real frictional shit between two points of view drawing swords in a mind battle of ego. I mean it’s cool to support others, there is support along the way from others, but there is massive difference between supporting and abusing someone. I mean without supporting self effectively as my starting point, then how can I do what’s best for others, if I can’t even do what’s best for all as  myself as the living word in each moment? To try and change others without first changing self, is not changing anything, it is self-manipulation, it is to simply stand as a point of ego trying to dominate everything without realising that all is equal in the point of “freewill” thus people can only see what desteni is saying and take action to create what’s best for all in their own time. 

Walking this process of self-realization and self-correction is all about self, I can only determine my own future in terms of what I accept and allow to exist, I cannot determine what happens to anyone else in this reality.  If there is no self-movement, then movement is not real, it is always from a starting point of doing something to receive something else, a feedback to attain energy, a conditional dishonest starting point, originating within and as the pre-programmed human mind.

So the focus is self, it is always self, it is an equation of what I accept and allow to exist as the who I am, changing myself to what is best for all, and within that be able to support others effectively to realise equality through walking as an unconditional example here. But anytime I  focus on something outside of myself having to change before me, “having” to listen to me, then I have a problem, because it is simply ego as the brainwashing I have existed as for most of my life, which must be stopped.

I commit myself to focusing only on my own process of re-birthing myself from system to life here. I will accept nothing less than walking the solution of equality and oneness as myself in every here breath. 

I do not accept myself to exist in a mind possessed state trying to fight with others, trying to feed off energy, trying to enforce on others, through knowledge alone how equality works, because in fact it does not matter if a person listens to me or not, knowledge without practical application here is useless.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to believe that it is acceptable to to engage someone in an argument just because they attack the message of desteni in someway and i have known them a long time, when that is no justification, there is no jsustification, because heated debates and arguements are completely pointless. And although i did eventually walk away, the argument did not need to happen in the first place if i had simply remained stable and walked away instead of building thought energy and exploding. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take an attack defence position of the mind in relation to the desteni material, towards those that do not want to change the world to what’s best for all, without realising that I must be the change in each moment, it has nothing to do with anybody else.

I forgive myself that i have not realised until this recent argument with a person that i still react alot when someone disagrees with the desteni message in anyway, im still wanting the person to hear the message, and if they cant hear it then i sometimes am still trying to get energy of an argument.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my emtional argument with family members and old friends is justified in someway because i have known them a longtime, when infact it is never justified to argue.

I forgive myself that i have connected emotions to my family members and old friends as well as to the desteni group itself, then within and as ego, thinking i am able to merge my family members and freinds into the desteni group within having heated debates which is just not possible and is emtional manipulation which is abuse. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within demanding somebody speaks only about what I want to speak about, I am actually completely in opposition with how equality works as ego and an idea of myself , where I only enforce my starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that I once did not realise in every moment that it is completely unacceptable and pointless to point out abuse in others unless I can show practically how I changed myself, so that the solution that worked for me can be cross referenced by the other person, instead of telling other people to change before I myself had changed.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to initially completely misunderstand the message of desteni even after i stoppped attacking the desteni message, i still did not realise at that stage that it is all about self, because once i stopped attacking desteni, i was now just doing the same thing, but attacking those that opposed desteni instead. 

I forgive msyelf that i did not realise at the time that my attack towards those that opposed desteni, the conflict i was purposely creating, was always an outward exposure of the inner conflict i was purposely allowing to exist within and as me at that time in my constant search for energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use many people in my life as nothing more than ragdolls for my argumentative amusement, as if people are nothing more than brain dead batteries that I can drain energy from, which is completely unacceptable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes want people to disagree with me about equality just so that I can engage them in an argument, where I attract the energy my mind is looking for as attention.         

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to focus on getting attention from others with the message of equality trying to manipulate others to see me in a certain context as being a “good person” a “great saviour”, and I have since realised that it is completely unacceptable to attempt to get attention from others with anything, this starting point is neither “good” nor “great” it is actually abuse of myself, of others, of life, and a fear of having no attention, which is a fear of death.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will diminish or die in some way if I don’t get attention and have arguments with people in general about anything, as if I need attention and arguments  to breathe lol, which I have since realised is complete bullshit illusion in my head.  

  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am winning an imaginary fight in my mind when I get somebody to submit to my word, as if I have knocked them out, knocked out their shit, when all I have really done is fight myself, knock myself out  accepting and allowing abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify participating and feeding into this imaginary fight because I am apparently trying to “help the person” which Is what I would tell people at that stage, when all I was really doing was looking for an argument then looking to win the argument.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to scream and shout at people during arguments about desteni believing that if I shout louder and talk quicker about desteni then the person is more likely to understand me, when actually it made people not understand me.   

   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone must listen to the message of desteni immediately now, without realising that as with everybody, it takes a process to get to a point of researching and implementing what’s best for all. All is equal in this point.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every moment that anybody that disagrees with desteni message is only showing me a reflection of myself when I once disagreed with desteni material.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that nobody can hear the message of equality and realise that it is best for all until the person themselves wills that realization as I myself and everybody must realise.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that by enforcing and demanding that people research desteni, I am actually making sure that other people do not want to research what’s best for all through the unnecessary fearful reactions I have caused with trying to prove the desteni message is valid to another. So I have realised that trying to force a computer to realise they are a computer is not possible, because that can only be self-realized.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those that don’t want to hear the desteni message as bad, and that anybody that can see the common sense of desteni is good, instead of realising that there is no good or bad that exists, there is only what’s best and what’s not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be a hero in somebody else’s life through explaining the desteni message to the person, which is simply a starting point of ego, trying to fulfil some kind of fucked up self – glorifying prophecy of Jesus Christ syndrome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that must save someone else from themselves which I now realise is completely impossible and self-deceptive. Impossible because it is only self that can sort self out, as this world and this reality, nobody else, and self-deceptive because trying to “save” anyone including myself is a dishonest starting point within process dressed up as “being good” but which actually comes from a fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying and not “saving enough people” within and as this fucked up Jesus personality disorder, where I busy myself trying to “save” others but where the point of self, and self-responsibility  is always missed.

I forgive myself that I once did not realise in every moment that it is completely unacceptable and pointless to point out abuse in others unless I can show practically how I changed myself, so that the solution that worked for me can be cross referenced by the other person, instead of telling other people to change before I myself had changed.

I commit myself on this Journey to life, i take self repsonsibility walking here in the physical as the physical, i accept no less then self honesty for myself as what is best for all.