I did you a “favour”, so where’s my return “favour?”

So today an old work colleague called me and after the preliminary “how have you been” shit he quickly asked if he can borrow £300 off me. He said that he was taking a longshot by asking me, because people that he expected to help him have not offered any financial support. The reason he expected some other people to help him is that he gave some of them money when they were in a tough situation in the past, and so he expected that they would return the “favour”. 

He now resents these people he has given money too, purely because they haven’t given him any money back. It’s like what people do at Christmas - we give presents to someone, and when we don’t receive a specific present or reaction back from the person then we start to attack the person.

Now this person that called me for £300 I have known for over 3 years, I have never borrowed money of him, and he has never asked for money off me until now. And I explained to him a few years ago that he does too much charity, giving his money to other people at the expense of being able to support himself effectively. And because he has given so much money to others, he automatically expects others to help him with money when he needs it, when obviously this world doesn’t work like that. 

And what he said to me a few years ago was that he only gives money to other people, so that he can get a “favour” returned in the future. I told him at the time that his plan would not work and that people will not care to do you a favour back, because the human don’t give a shit about its fellow living beings, we only exist in self-interest as our pre-programmed minds.

In my experience, to give something to others in the hope that others will give me something back is dishonesty, it is a conditional giving where I’m not really giving anything I am only pre-empting my repaid reward one day, also trying to paint a “good” picture of myself in the other persons mind so that I can manipulate them to doing what I want them to do. 

It’s fascinating but completely unacceptable, because what I have learnt in my process of self-honesty is that if I give anything to anybody, it must be an unconditional giving where I don’t expect any feedback of any kind, where I am just giving to another that which I would like for myself in equality as a point of physical support – that’s best for all.      

      

So although I have the money, I did not offer to give this person money because of the abuse I see that he allows, I mean this person has literally purposely put themselves in a situation of abuse from projecting this “good guy” image all the time, giving away all his money, then expecting sympathy for doing it, as if he is a martyr or something. I have no remorse for anybody that purposely puts themselves into situations of abuse to try and manipulate peoples emotions, when they have more than enough education and money to able to avoid it, while billions cannot possibly avoid being in abusive situations currently due to the inequality we allow as this capitalist money system.

However what this person is doing is what I have done in the past many times before, and everyone has done before, we can all reflect this point as any  – giving to others under the guise of “being friendly” when in fact the intentions behind it are really nasty shit, where the giving is more of a taking actually, because of trying to take a certain feedback from the other person and essentially putting the person “in my pocket” enslaved,  where  I will keep them until the day I get my money back, as a form of power over another, its blackmailing gang tactics and we humans just accept and allow this to exist when this must be stopped.

I’m not willing to live in a world where everything we give to each other is from a conditional starting point. 

I am committed to creating and living in a world where all giving is unconditional where no hidden agendas can exist because the only focus is what’s best for all in any moment, that is a world of worth that must be designed here - So if anyone offers you money when you have none be careful of what their intentions are, because if the starting point is dishonest for the “giving”, they may end up attacking you to receive it back one day with added interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only offer “favours” to others as long as I get the “favour” back in an equal amount or with added interest as a conditional starting point, where I’m not really doing somebody a favour at all, I’m actually coning the person into having to pay for what I have given them one day - a fake favour, where I’m really only favouring myself. 

I forgive myself that I have not realised that anytime I offer something to someone hoping to get something back, I am existing in the hereafter as ego, my starting point is only of self interest in complete separation of myself, where I’m not really giving the person anything I’m only looking to receive my repayment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a “positive” image to others in an attempt to manipulate sympathy out of those that buy this image as valid when I want something like money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others will surely buy this “good guy” image I’m presenting and existing  as the more people I give things to. When in fact it does not matter how much I give to others, because we humans only know our own self-interest so to expect anything from anyone is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and exist as this “good guy” persona which is actually nasty underneath, and is not real as it only exists in my mind, and by feeding into it I only allow myself to exist as illusion, enforcing my starting point of separation.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that by attempting to feed into the “positive” in my mind day to day, continuously, I am actually ensuring that the “negative” as abusive situations are allowed to exist in my world and my reality, that is the consequence, and which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that by focusing on the “positive” or the “negative” as my starting point, I am actually at the unconscious level charging this entire unified consciousness field, where I am supporting others to commit and exist as the same abuse that I am allowing as a pre-programmed mind consciousness system.      

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely place myself in positions of abuse so that I can try and manipulate others into helping and saving me, creating situations and emotional dramas unnecessarily, when I actually have enough money and education to support myself effectively, while there is billions of people existing in this world that have no access to the education and money I have access to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility in the hands of others, where I can blame others as ego for not buying my “good guy” personality, and thus then attack those that didn’t buy this personality when I get a situation of lacking money and they don’t help me, when it was through my allowance that this lack of money came about, nothing else, and in fact I am always responsible for what I accepted and allow myself to be.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack and blame others that do not feed into my “good guy” persona doing what I want, when I want, without realizing that I can never control what someone else is going to do, to believe I can control anything outside of self is self-deception.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire keeping people “in my pocket” as a form of power over others, where I’m essentially seeing people as nothing more than vending machines that must cough up money when I ask for it because i believed this person was “in my pocket”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the outcome of anybody else in this reality, when actually I can’t control what anybody else accepts and allows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe subconsciously that I am psychic in some way through believing that I have someone “in my pocket”, that I can create outcomes for other people to work in my favour, when again and again my beliefs are proven as not being real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposefully not be clear with people about if I am giving them money for free, or if I’m expecting a repayment, just so that in the future I can create an imaginary scenario to this person when I need money, that I “definitely only let you borrow that money I gave you in the past, now I need it back”.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that the only form of giving to others which is valid as what’s best for all, is when the giving is a self-movement, completely unconditional, where I’m not expecting, wanting or demanding something in return for my giving, it is simply to support the person physically here as what I would like for myself.