Day 397: Surely they will react

Fascinating isn't it when you're looking for/expecting negative reactions from someone towards you and then when you interact with that person you see they are not reacting the way you assumed. Then within these moments when I slow down as breath and am self-honest I realise it is often me that is reacting all along but projecting onto others. When I assume I am actually making an Ass out of you and Me.

I know how I speak, I speak with directness and it can sometimes be taken as harsh or rude by people, which is mainly due to enjoying it, actually moving myself when people are direct with me, without sugar coating. Now when these people react to my words it could be down to them not having the vocabulary to process what I'm saying to them so they are getting emotional, they might be going into some inferiority, it could be because of how I said it to them, the truth can hurt as we all know, could be a combination of all of these points. 

Self-realisation of the need to birth oneself as life, while there can be support this can only be self-realised and it is that point of "well it doesnt matter how I interact with you, because really its all down to you anyway" that has caused me to be purposely more direct and sharp then is needed at times in my life, which then has a counter productive consequence on developing communication with that person.

It has been a process of learning gentleness with directness that I am still walking, but why in my mind do I automatically assume that someone is going to react to me negatively? Like this idea that it must be me surely right? Bringing things back to self just to judge oneself is nothing but unacceptable self-sabotage.

This past week I caught my mind multiple times assuming that a person would react emotionally to me, one guy I forgot to confirm the day before an appointment with him as well as completely forgetting the appointment due to a busy week, but then when I called him a few days after, he actually immediately apologised to me for not calling me the day before and we immediately rebooked.

Then another guy was avoiding my phone calls a bit and seemed to be hiding stuff in text messages so I assumed he would just fuck around with me when I get him on the phone. But actually in reality we had a great chat and I arranged an appointment with him easily.

Then another appointment I was keeping it all on texts, assuming based on where the lead came from that it would be a shit appointment - now while it was a rough part of the country, the appointment was really good as the parent almost bought there and then.

Then one of my clients from the start of the year who I assumed was never going to get serious based on our interaction such as the amount of laughing emojis she always uses in texts lol - but then she messages me last night literally saying I need to get serious, I'm ready to buy TechnoTutor Marley.

I assumed the person I have been spending a lot of time with recently would react negatively to me if I told her some of the reactions I was having towards her. But in reality when I did tell her (a whole day later when I was brave enough lol) it actually just opened up more points and clarified/strengthened our communication/interaction.

Can you see the common thread here? Can you see all this assumption patterns and how it is usually incorrect? Fascinating that I still haven't seemed to fully realise and live this point yet - there is definitely some desires/beliefs around me being psychic in someway, which always brings me back to "trusting my assumptions" but why cant I just consistently trust myself in self-honesty and that be enough? 

Yes sometimes people will react when you are redesigning the entire system, yes there will be similarities based on things I have seen before - many will say its not possible, some will try to attack me, not be open to communicate at this time - but assuming that people will automatically react negatively to me without actually seeing any physical feedback of them reacting negatively to me beforehand is not going to assist me and only make my life more difficult.

I live for the living word not the feeling/projection/idea of the living word.

So I walk -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people will automatically react negatively to me, often without any actual evidence this is the case and as I have seen massively in the past week is totally invalid assumptions and judgments that I'm going into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the expectation of someone to react negatively to me, is more often due to me reacting negatively to the person in someway and projecting it onto them as if they are having the same negative experience towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own experience onto others as if it is their issue to deal with, when it is mine. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself by so many times in life letting assumption be my gauge for making decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I'm going to make someone react negatively if I tell them my reactions towards them, especially when I am close to them - I will be direct with clients, but with people closer to me I justify not immediately sharing my reactions towards them to try and "not hurt their feelings" that system love bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every breath that the system version of love is not real as it is based in energy, self-interest, not dealing with issues, assuming that hiding, suppression and presenting a constant perfect image is best for the other person when it never is, because in reality it is through facing the issues physically here, as they come up that bonds are strengthened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that assumption is by its very nature designed to keep us away from investigation and expansion to get real answers and so is not supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every moment that just because its best for all to bring everything back to self, that does not mean I have to judge myself as automatically being annoying to others because of how I call peoples bullshit out - so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being annoying to others based on how many people have reacted to me before which is just self-sabotage which does not support me in living whats best for all life, so I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I  am actually directing myself to support people everyday physically with the real work I do, if they see me as annoying that is their own issue to deal with, I do not need to try and be a mind reader or assume I am annoying them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often get annoyed at the reactions of annoyance people have had to me before and use that as some kind of template for my assumptions, which only makes me contract not expand in my living of bringing about whats bets for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed at myself whenever I get annoyed by the annoyance of someone else towards me, believing I should be "better then this annoyance reaction" when in reality I can react the same as any human, nobody is above any experience and whenever I react to anything It shows me a reflection that I have unresolved issues around the point I'm reacting to in another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that because I can see my own mind on a certain point, that because im dealing with this point right now, then "surely" this person is dealing with the same point right now, thus my assumption is valid which is fucked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself  and all destonians as psychic in someway and thus "can see it all" when this very idea shows me I'm not seeing whats happening here within and as me which is being directed by fear and ego to not actually investigate all things and only keep whats best, but to rather sit on a throne of "great knowledge" which is completely contrary to what is best for all life which Desteni stands for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can read peoples minds and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add layers to this every time my assumptions are proven true, but when they are wrong I just ignore it as my miscalculation didn't really happen and continue to assume next time in an endless cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that a form of psychics can develop in anyone, but its not based in the minds idea like assumption, its based on actual real physical feedback - as an example a recovered drug addict can easily spot the same addiction in another because they actually have directly experienced the same life and the thoughts that go with it before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have the idea of "the truth hurts" sometimes to be an excuse to be purposely harsh to someone with words, which is mental abuse which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a promulgate a polarity friction because it feels "good" when I know something and "bad" when I don't thus with assumption, I can essentially cheat the system and have a continual false sense of " I know I'm right" which gives that good feeling energy instead of actually checking, actually cross referencing where I often find I am totally wrong in my assumptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of making mistakes, because through trusting my assumptions instead of trusting myself here letting myself make mistakes as I do when using TT as an example, I can apparently avoid any and all mistakes in my ego through assumption which is just a delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise In every here breath that when I meet someone new, I automatically expect betrayal at some point so I will try to search for memories in my mind of a person who stabbed me before who this new person reminds me of, so I can compare, judge and build assumptions of their intentions to "save time".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume I am wasting my time with a certain person based on a memory I have compared them against - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing time on someone who will waste my time and betray me one day anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I am actually wasting my own time through spending so much time in my assumptions, which were proven invalid all week for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is never a waste of time to create new connections, yes humans are inherently untrustworthy yet that is not a valid justification of allowing fear of loss and to build a better world we actually all need each other 1+1+1 even those we have had disagreements with in the past, eventually we will all have to walk this process together as one kingdom of life.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise im using assumptions as an excuse to not face the pain of being wrong/correcting mistakes and building interaction/relationships which takes physical effort. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have been holding onto memories because I had to work things out quickly when I was younger, taking care of my mum at a young age, having a super smart grandfather - that I'm "more able" then most to work everything out in my life quickly, even people which is actually bullshit ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had an addiction to betting on sports and because of often being good at it, to then believe/justify that my seemingly clairvoyant sport betting assumptions can expand out into anything which is not true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I'm betting on sports my assumption is at least based on statistics of a particular team/athlete, not a thought/feeling/emotion I'm having towards someone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that just like betting, I get an energetic buzz of finding out if my assumption is accurate, so that when I win I can say "I knew it!" and when I lose I can justify and say "oh well my vision wasn't clear on that one, next time my assumption will be correct" in a continual cycle - so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore when my assumptions are wrong, just so I can justify my addiction to getting that energy of winning again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my addiction to betting on sports to fuel my pre-program around assumptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more words I know then the more I can assume, because surely my assumptions will be more intelligent and thus more likely correct right? Wrong, because if my starting point is an energetic reaction in anything it doesn't matter how many words I know from that perspective as the assumption will not be based in common sense, because common sense doesn't assume, it checks, cross references. Assumptions is literally a dis to self-honesty and common sense is where real self-honesty is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise and understanding in every self honest breath that the world works according to physical feedback not thought/feeling/emotional feedback, thus assumption will never be as effective as actually getting the real story here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when a car engine is being built does assumption go into any area of this? No because everything that is effective in this world was designed in a measurable way step by step based on physical trial and error.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that it is possible to have no assumptions at all If I stick to breath which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that assumptions are the very reason why so many innocents suffer in silence in this world everyday, because we assume that someone else will fix these problems - surely the government or some rich celebrity will feed those people right? No they never do, so this idea is fucked, thus we cannot allow assumptions to continue to destroy our world.

I commit myself to not allowing assumptions to enslave me and be my decision makers in life, so as and when I see my mind having reactions come up around assumptions, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage as doing so will only result in my continual enslavement to assumption, so I breathe and continue to do so until there is no more reactions that come up.

I commit myself to living the realisation that without physical feedback I have no right to project my minds feedback on others as assumptions.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to use assumptions as an excuse to not have to go through the effort of having to deal with/build with someone because its an easy excuse to just say "Iv'e seen this before so I know what will happen" without checking.

I commit myself to showing that it is through assumptions that poverty is maintained in this world - because we always assume someone else will take responsibility for the fucked up shit in the world instead of ourselves, which I cannot allow any further.

I commit myself to exposing all forms of assumptions in this world through living as an example by basing my decisions in what is best for all life which is the building of heaven on earth as me, sharing my experiences with assumptions with others when I see they are assuming.

I commit myself to show that everything of value built in this world was done so without the need of any assumptions.