Day 368: Malicious Intent

Never forget when you are a polarising figure, someone outspoken, someone who questions the ego, there is always going to be people who feel positively about you and some who feel negatively about you, this is the consequence you have to accept.

Then if there is other reasons people have to dislike you then the negative feelings can be more intense, more malicious. If someone reacts negatively to your age, your race, your money, your family, your friends, your lifestyle, your principles then you cannot control any of that.

Then when someone who has these malicious intentions towards you, never forget that if anything happens to them, if they get sick, get physically hurt or lose something, they will look for any opportunity to blame you, to paint you as some monster, to try and incite a hoard to burn you at the stake.

It's never easy to know that anyone out there wants to cause you severe harm financially, physically or both, because I have had some threats of harm recently. Its a bad feeling to have, but all I know is that I have never had anything to hide from anyone, my life story is known to many and it's been a long journey for me to become the man I am today, a man that never intentionally harms anyone, a man that gives without looking for reward as im only interested in helping people improve their life.

I know I am a controversial character, I know I can get people going with words and I am by no means perfection, but no matter what you hear about me from those that love me or those that hate me, of those that are indifferent I only ask that you make your own judgment of what kind of person I am.

Those who have known me all my life know what kind of person I am, they know the supportive and caring person I truly am, these people care for me unconditionally and me for them - But of course anyone who has malicious intentions towards me in anyway, I cannot change how you feel, but i do understand why you feel this way, and I truly hope that we can fix any issues because peaceful resolution is always what's best for all anytime an altercation arises in our life.

Nobody can change what they have done, all I can do is make sure that I keep walking creating myself as what's best for all and so worrying about the malicious intentions of others towards me will never benefit me to be the best version of myself -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that some people want to cause me harm because they feel I have caused an injustice to them, regardless of the fact that I know I never intend to physically harm anyone in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise sometimes how quickly people can react to my words in malice, because it may come across too direct, honest, sarcastic, rude etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that telling someone the truth of my thoughts about them positive or negative is a good thing, when in reality everyone loves a positive comment, but whenever you tell someone the bad feelings you have about them, this can cause a person to physically attack you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad about the fact that some people want to paint me as a horrible person, that I am some kind of a thug, a monster, when in reality my training, my life experience, my principles, mean that it is not possible for me to attack anyone, I only ever defend myself if I am physically attacked first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise how much some people can hate you if you accidentally hurt them more than you initially realised after they attacked you first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry shame about any physical pain I cause anyone, even when i didn't intend this pain, I can remember the first time feeling like this when I was about 11 and I accidently hurt my friends ankle badly in a football match - but I realise that while initial shame is understandable, because if you imagine accidently standing on your dog's foot and breaking a bone in their foot, initial shame is understandable, but carrying this shame for the rest of your life will only keep you in a self-sabotaging depressed state which does not benefit anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have a physically uncomfortable feeling in my stomach when i know someone has serious ill will towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes have paranoid expectation that if someone dislikes me enough, they could automatically plot and scheme to see me burn, to get me hurt, stabbed, shot, locked up, maimed and smear my name in the dirt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  fear that once someone dislikes me, that they will just automatically dislike me forever without ever extending a handshake of peace - realise I cannot change how others feel about me and you never truly know when a person can realise the futility of conflict with anyone.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to carry any reactions about the malicious intentions of others, so as and when I see myself getting uncomfortable about how bad someone might feel about me, I stop and breathe, I realise that these uncomfortable reactions only limit me, so I breathe and keeping doing so until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to showing that all malicious intentions in this world, must be met with peaceful intentions because it is what's best for all.