Day 367: Delaying the Inevitable

Procrastination, the action of delaying or postponing something which is something we have all expercined at certain moments. It might be putting off your housework, maybe too many snoozes on your alarm before work, or trying to avoid contacting someone because what you need to tell them is uncomfortable.

Maybe you are delaying learning something new that you must learn, or constantly saying to yourself "I will stop tomorrow" with some kind of addiction to alcohol/drugs.

This delay is always deadly, it is like being trapped in a swamp where the more you fight the more you fall into it, it is like super glue where the longer you leave it the harder it gets to make a move to do what must be done. It's like we purposely blind ourselves to what is here in favour of some form of energy as entertainment usually being as we are pre-programmed as energy machines.

While I have corrected a lot of areas in my life around procrastination, particularly in relation to things that involve physical effort, I have developed an enjoyment of acting immediately when it comes to any kind of physical effort task.

Yet I still notice many areas of my life where I react in my mind to something that needs to be done, I go into Fear and Ego by purposely distracting myself within entertainment to avoid facing and completing something.

For example this past week i have to make some adjustments to some contracts before I can complete a business partnership with someone - amazing how I wrote it down, "do contracts today" but did i do that? No I didn't, Instead when I got home at the end of each day for the whole week I did everything but work on my contracts.

It's probably an hour or so of work tops, but I just kept giving in to procrastination all week around these contracts, the most usual justification in my mind would be "Well i've had a long busy day, so i'm allowed to chill in the evening now, and there probably won't be much money from correcting these specific contracts so I will get to those contracts tomorrow".

The thing that is funny about that which keeps me in an endless cycle is the fact that everyday is a busy day for me with many tasks to complete, which means that all im saying with the above thought is that every single day I can allow myself to give in to this excuse, this justification to not get things done, I have created a door that I can always open to escape facing what's here, which is unacceptable.

The first time I became this procrastination that I can recall was when I was about 10 years old, I can remember playing computer games in my bedroom, I was getting deeply into the game I think it was Metal Gear Solid, but then my mum came in and asked me to clean my bedroom, I said yes to her and then every 20 minutes or so my mum would come back in and ask again, her voice getting noticeably more annoyed.

I knew what I was doing, trying to get a reaction from my mum by pretending I cant hear her - the entertainment of the game was just so sweet and attractive to me, my mouth open in awe as I played the game and i kept thinking "let me stay in this fun a bit longer" - and the thought of facing what i need to do in this real world here seemed like such a far away, hard, boring thing I didn't want to face. Then this poisonous seed of delaying what is best for all, in separation of myself began to take root within and as me.

These patterns never assist me, so I have to uproot all of this shit out of me in order to manifest my true potential and live what's best for all -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to delay the inevitable in various moments where I have to get something done that needs to be done, just so I can spend an extra few minutes in my mind entertaining myself with some futile quick sugar rush of fun energy.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not realise that every moment I delay what needs to done, is a moment where I become weaker, more turgid as the glue of the procrastination sets harder and harder - I realise that the quicker I breathe and act to get things done, then the stronger I become where the moments of delay become non existent which is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to something new I have to learn which will benefit me and thus all life in fear, as doubting myself that I can actually effectively do that, which will not assist me so I end this. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself when I procrastinate, instead of taking self-responsible action by removing the justifications that allowed me to procrastinate in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise the consequence of procrastination is having to rush doing it later before the actual deadline, which is then where I'm rushing and more likely to make mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the thought of stopping some entertaining addiction patterns in complete self-dishonesty, when in reality I know that the sooner the addiction to anything is stopped here from a clear self-honest starting point then that is always what's best for all life.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely disregard my own written word "do the contracts" as if what I wrote was not worthy of being written down in the first place, which is insane.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don't trust myself to to always commit to my own words to do what's best immediately without hesitation or delay, then I cannot be trusted with life until I make sure that no matter what is written, no matter what must be done, that it is done with immediacy, because something that is best for all must be implemented immediately and any delay is actually abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the thought "I don't want to face it now" is always ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I am delaying doing something, that this unconsciously feeds into the mind all humans to accept the same and it is this acceptance of delay that is the exact reason why the world is the way it is, why we are so ignorant and slow to respond to the horrific things that need to be stopped in this world, procrastination is the root of evil, you know what they say - idle hands are the devils play things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I allow myself to delay doing something, I believe I always have time to do it later, when in reality we are always running out of time everyday to get done what needs to be done in our short lives, so it is nothing but an abusive disrespect to time to procrastinate in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise in every breath that procatstination is always based in self-interest, because every moment I procrastinate is a moment I am saying that it is ok to disregard doing what must be done here in favour of entertaining myself first which is unacceptable in any breathe.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  give myself a justification to delay doing something everyday from a backlog of justifications to delaying various things - I realise these justifications will continue to exist until I stand up within and as them one by one until there is no backlog of justifications that I hold onto. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of when I was a child delaying cleaning my room because of selfishly wanting to stay in never never land of the computer game where I can have no responsibility for what is happening in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that every moment I procrastinate is where I am wanting to hide from my responsibilities, trying to remain that child playing computer games in separation of myself as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hide from my responsibilities where the consequence of stagnation occurs, so I take self-responsibility to align this fuck up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify procrastination in moments when I believe there will not be much money I get from doing something, which only speaks to greed, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as greed through being lazy about doing my contracts as I don;t think much money will come from these specific contracts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to purposely spite those that put a lot of faith in my potential, by thinking and participating with the thoughts - "Why are you saying I have a lot of potential, I'm nothing special and I will show you know by purposely not living up to my potential by being lazy."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who deserves to be lazy about most things after work because of "how much I have been through in my life to get here" and because of "how hard I work" which is a definition that is based in the separation of self-martyrdom and so does not support me in living what's best for all, so I stop.     

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that every day I delay something is a day where I might end up being dead the next day and will have not completed what needs to be done before I die, which could have the consequence of leaving a message behind that not completing your mission is ok -  I do not want to pass that message onto future generations.   

I commit myself to not allowing myself to procrastinate these contracts any further, so as and when i see my mind next trying to avoid doing that this week, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to participate with the thought to delay, I stick to my breathing and get it done, I continue to breathe anytime I have to do any business contracts, until no more thoughts come up in these situations.

I commit myself to investigate and correct all areas of my life where procrastination still exists, because in self-honesty the removal of all procrastination from my life will only assist me in living what is best for all life.

I commit myself to exposing the abusive consequences of procrastination and those who try to defend their procrastination as a strength, when it is clear abuse.

I commit myself to creating a world where proctarstion no longer exists and where relaxation does not come until the mission is complete, but no delay is spent in getting the mission done first - humanity would be so effective if we removed laziness from this world, which would only assist us to creating Heaven on Earth sooner.