Day 220: Why does it always rain on me? The Conspiracy against me part 2

So have you been thinking a lot that everything is raining on you all the time? Even if there are forces trying to conspire and make it rain on you, it is pivotal that we do not let the rain settle in our minds, we cannot allow the concept of things working against us to control our actions.

I will not settle for anyone or anything trying to control my actions, so this is where we walk to redesign our mind to suit what is best for all -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything is working against me all the time - this believe manifests as an experience of consistent sadness, feeling alone all the time, of expected failures and expected conspiring attempts of others to make this failure happen. I realise that no matter who is doing what to me in my life, whether I allow it to effect my mind is my own doing, and within believing that there are forces trying to stop me all the time, I limit my ability to learn, interact and expand in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this "raining on me" experience is responsible for making things "impossible" for me to complete, because of some imaginary "bad luck" which is apparently  "out of my control". I realise that this "raining on me" experience literally creates "bad luck" as negative outcomes, through an apathetic acceptance that things just won't work out from the start.

I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments that "Bad" or "Good" luck do not exist, as essentially we are always responsible for creating our own luck but the concept of certain people having bad or good luck, is just a way to avoiding taking responsibility for ones own actions which is unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within existing mentally as this "raining on me experience" my mind is automatically looking for things to validate the conspiracy against me in a state of paranoia and blame, reacting to anything this character perceives to be working against it in a defence  mechanism.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to react to various issues in my life like with my dogs, my mother, my son, haters, or work as apparent "validation points" for the fact that things are raining on me all the time, that there are those that are conspiring against me, and why I should just keep feeding into the idea that "everything is against me" which is not acceptable because this concept and belief does not assist me to complete anything effectively in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dis-empowered by bad events in my life, instead of empowering myself within theses events, where I literally take my life personally, and limit my own capacity in anything I'm doing - when in reality my life has the exact parameters as anyone else, meaning through education, caring, commitment and attention to detail anything can be achieved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect failure in anything based on this "raining on me" experience, when in reality expectations are meaningless in anything, because all I can control is how much effort I put into something, the outcome is irrelevant really, but as long as I show what was needed to be done in my conduct and interactions then that is all that matters.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that any projects that I have completed successfully in my life  has been when I focus on breathing, where I can apply common sense, maximise my potential and complete the task at hand without any allowance for distraction by this "raining on me" concept, so it is clear that this concept is not needed to be maintained in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being cursed.

I forgive myself that from this "raining on me" experience I have built an offshoot idea that it is always "me against the world" which is a recipe for conflict and war, not improving the world, so I stop this now.

I forgive myself that I have not realised that within this "raining on me" experience, I am completely separated from physical reality, and i am actually trapped within self-interest, thinking that there are special rules for me then other people, which is not true.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be defined according to this "raining on me experience" through years adding layers, where I have accepted this pre-programming for so long that it has become who I am, which I am not willing to allow to continue, so I take self-responsibility to redesign myself without this self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of when I was younger in life, and I first experienced this "raining on me experience" in my mind. I remember standing in hospital watching my mother bleeding everywhere and doctors and nurses rushing around her - my mind was a whirlwind of fears and emotions. I wondered why am I on my own? Where is my father? Where is my family? Why is this happening to my mother? Why is all this happening to me? Then i decided here that I must be a bad person with bad luck, because this must be the reason this is all happening in my life, so I can see that this is where this "raining on me" experience first originated.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in every breathe in my life, that the reason this "raining on me" experience has compounded in my life, is because of holding onto this experience I had as a child, which imprinted on me and was the origin of this "raining on me" experience.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments of breathe, that their are many in the world such as starving people, that really do have it raining on them all the time, and their really is a conspiracy against them to destroy them. So if their is a conspiracy against me of any sorts, then at least I still have my basics, my luxuries, my ability to move around different groups etc. I realise that as long as I have my basics in my life, then i have no reason to see things being against me.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to feed into this "always raining on me" experience, so as and when I see my mind having thoughts centralising  on believing things are working against me, I stop and breathe. I do not allow myself to feed into these thought constructs, as I realise that I will only entrap myself, feed into separation and limit myself through participation, so I breathe and continue to do so until these kind of thoughts do not come up anymore.

I commit myself to living the realisation that no matter what anyone is doing to make my life more difficult, I am always responsible for my own mind, and through learning to maintain stability in the worst of situations,or situations being made more difficult by others, I am empowering myself to maximise my potential and power in anything I do.

I commit myself to not allowing myself to justify this "raining on me" experience through reacting to bad events in my life. I realise that good and bad things happen to people all the time, so I take self-responsibility to not take these events personally. So as and when thoughts come up trying to justify that things are "raining on me" I stop and breathe, I realise that my mind is trying to over dramatise the situation and defend this "raining on me concept" so I continue to suffocate this concept by breathing and continuing to breathe no matter what until I have transcended this limitation of myself.