Day 202: Being Content with what I have Vs Wanting More Part 2

So continuing from my last blog -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation through creating and feeding into a polarity friction between being content with what I have vs wanting more. I realise that there are moments where wanting more makes sense, and there are times when being content with what I have makes sense - but creating unnecessary hesitancy in my decisions and stress through going back and forth in my mind regarding certain decisions, makes no sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the polarity friction of wanting more being a good thing and being content with what I have being a bad thing - I realise how I have mentally fucked myself from a young age to believe that the grass is always greener through this polarity friction definition of these words, but I have since realised that there is no good or bad in anything, there is only something helpful or unhelpful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being content as a negative connotative point, and wanting more being a positive point - I realise that this definition has limited my expression as life, and so has no place to be accepted any further in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold/keep reliving/adding layers to memories of having various collectable things as a child, and always wanting to have more then what I had - I realise that these memories are feeding into the limitation/separation of myself within making decisions to be content or want more at any moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare what I currently have to what I would like to have in my mind. I realise that this comparison does not really exist and so I cannot allow this to affect my behaviour/make decisions for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the situation of buying a new car, by having back and forth thoughts that were almost arguing with each other about getting the same car, or getting a more expensive one.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that there is never any need for mental conflict within decisions, because really it is a matter of what ever is most practical and best for all life that is always the best decision to make in any moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for wanting more then what I currently have, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for being content with what I have.

I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments, that there are times when being content with what I have is best, in terms of there is no need to get rid of what I have unless it becomes abusive, that goes for friendships, work, things I buy - unless they become broken I must be content.

However I forgive myself that I have not realised in all moments that there are times that wanting and pursuing more is best - for instance if a job can pay you better money or give you more enjoyment then your current job, or if your partner or friend becomes a abusive, then it makes sense to want and to go ahead and pursue more.

I commit myself to being content with what I have if it is practical to do so, I realise that unless something becomes abusive here, I have no reason not to be content here, as I am content with myself as a living being. So as and when I see my mind drifting and wanting more then whats here, and the motivations behind this want are not practical, then I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage with any thoughts, instead I breathe and continue to do so, until there is no more thoughts that come up.

I commit myself to wanting more if it is practical to do so, I realise that it is only ever practical to want more, if something here is abusive or not functioning effectively, if I know that the thing I am wanting will be much more physically supportive for me, then I must take it. So as and when I see my mind having thoughts to be content with something here which is abusive, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to engage any thoughts, as I realise that do so, would be to consider accepting the abuse that is happening here, so I continue to breathe until the thoughts do not come up any more, and thus I will be able to pursue a more beneficial point then what I have here.

I commit myself to living the realisation that within any decision, whatever is the most practical option, is always whats best for all and thus best for me - this means that being content and wanting more essentially become irrelevant, because the focus in decisions, is on what can be achieved feasibly and what will support me in my capacity to support all life equally.