Day 120: The Green Eyed Monster Within Me

Jealousy is a fascinating point that exists within every human in this world - we have all been in a situation where we desired to have what another has, and a seething jealous beast emerges inside ourselves in this moment. Just like Bruce Banner in a psychological way rather then a physiological way -- everybody has this green beast inside them, which if we do not release through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application of breathing will inevitably cause us to "hulk out" in a tornado of jealous, spiteful anger directed at the person or persons that we have been experiencing envy towards.

This has happened a lot at certain points recently at work, so it is important that I face and change this point immediately before any serious consequences emerge. I have been the top agent in my office for the past 3 months now, and while it is always cool to excel in a specific field iv'e noticed this point of jealousy coming up a lot in the last month.

While I have been making decent money from my endeavours for the company, as well as getting a promotion, this jealousy experience keeps coming up when I see the amount of money I am making for the owners, and in comparison what a small amount is coming back to me and the rest of the office while the owners keep majority of the profit.

Its like it can come up at multiple times in the course of 9 hour shift, but every time it does come is when I look at the amount of profit made for the company in a week, or when I see the owners laughing about how much profit they have made, or when I see one of the owners get a new car or brag to somebody in the office about how much money they spent at the weekend, or when I have to stretch financially to cover a certain outgoing.
In these moments I am reacting and experiencing an angry jealousy which when i'm honest with myself I have been suppressing, and I know that if I keep suppressing the point then inevitably I will explode in a jealous anger, where I will tell the owners to go and fuck themselves then walk out of the company. Many thoughts like "you fucking cunts keep whining about this and that, while we are busting our ass for the company and you are keeping majority of the profit", "you fuckers should be looking after us so much better", "why do you get to have all the fun while we are making you rich? I want to have fun too" - so as you can see, there are some pretty nasty thoughts spiralling around that need to be dealt with asap.

Jealousy is something that I have faced and released at various points of my life, the first time I can remember being jealous was when i was at school at about 7 years old and a kid had loads more marbles and stickers then me. I reacted as a jealous experience to this, and when he was distracted one day I tried to steal some of his marbles and stickers when he wasn't looking, but I got caught and told off by the teacher as well as my mum. So there was the consequences for me at that age for not directing the jealous experience in the moment, of course as adults due to the compounding of systems inside us - the consequences can be much more severe from participating with thoughts based in jealousy, I mean literally jealousy can and does destroy peoples lives everyday.

So here is another opportunity for me to take self-responsibility - face this point in this context and align myself to what is best for all through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application of breathing.

I realise that there is no consequences through participating with thoughts based in jealousy that will benefit myself or my fellow man in anyway, so join me next week as i walk the correction required to make sure I do not hulk out :)