I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being imprisoned by computers. I realise that this imprisoning experience is only existing in my mind in reaction to working on computers a lot.
I forgive myself that i have not realised in all moments that while i do a lot of work on computers, that does not mean i am being imprisoned by computers, and it does not mean that i cannot still create time to write at some point in my week.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that at the end of each day i need to try and escape the computer, as a form of "escaping the prison" in my mind. I realise that this belief is in complete separation from physical reality, and i realise that there is no escaping what is here in my world and my reality. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the computer for this "escape from the prison" experience, when in fact this experience has all been created in my mind through my allowance, so i realise that there is nothing else that is responsible for my own delusion other then myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define computers within work as something i don't want to do. I realise that this definition is only a self-limitation which keeps me in separation from what is here.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by any excuse at the weekend to not do more writing on the computer. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define writing about process points within work as something i don't want to do.
I forgive myself for not realising in every here moment of breath that physical labour, work of various types is required to make things move to the benefit of everyone in this world. I realise that within avoiding work i have literally been saying within myself "avoid trying to change the world for the better" which is not acceptable.
I forgive myself that i have allowed and accepted myself to exist for a long time as sadness after Bernard and Peter died.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed this sadness as myself, then used this sadness as a justification to not write.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe after Bernard and Peter died that everyone that i am close to is fading away from my life. and within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a self-belief and self-definition that as these people fade away that i am fading away within myself. I realise that within these self-limitations that i was simply stagnating, wallowing in hopelessness and separating myself from life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist as hopelessness within this "fading away" experience of myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify not participating in anything to my fullest capacity through accepting this "fading away" experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience and compound emotions of depression and frustration in relation to Bernard and Peter dying.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire being a "ghost" that does nothing and just watches others while wallowing in self-pity.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no point in trying to live what's best for all when everyone i care about will disappear from my life. And within this i forgive myself for believing it is easier to fade away and be a ghost then to push myself to live what's best for all. I realise that everybody dies eventually, and therefore there is no need to allow myself to feed into my mind for prolonged periods of time when people close to me die.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within Bernard and Peter dying in a short space of time, that there was an apparent "conspiracy" happening "to me" where i was fearing that my mother and my son would "inevitably" die next and soon. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my mother and son would die soon after Bernard and Peter. I realise that this fear was feeding into this fading away experience i have been existing as, and within the realisation that everybody will die at somepoint there is no need to fear death because it is simply an inevitability for all of us, not just some of us :)
Join me next weekend for more Self-Forgiveness on these points as well as Self-Commitment statements.
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