Day 109: Why have i not been writing? Part 1 - "The Computer Prison"

Ive noticed that while there have been multiple reasons why i have not been blogging consistently in the past few years in my life, one contributing factor ive noticed is a resistance that comes up when i do a job that i dont really want to be doing like i am now, which involves sitting at computers all day, typing a lot, and a lot of usage of words on the phone throughout the day.

Once i stopped writing consistently i've found it harder and harder to start writing again, experiencing myself as being imprisoned by computers in some way. So as soon as i finish this job everyday, i come home then do more work on computers involving typing till very late, often past 1am. Then automatically in my mind once i finish work completely for the day at around this time, its like i want nothing more to do with computers or typing of any kind, like i want to "escape" the computer.

So within my mind i have literally created a separation, where i have started defining computers and typing in my mind within work, as something i don't want to do and something that is apparently imprisoning me. Now this is interesting because writing about ones own experiences and patterns is difficult enough as it is without this kind of added shit in my mind making it more difficult. Because the mind automatically tries to manipulate us into avoiding getting to the root of things we allow, because self-investigation and self-recreation takes physical effort and does not have the entertaining energy that the mind craves in order to survive. 

Now obviously with such a rigorous schedule of computer based work in the weekdays, it is understandable that i don't write blogs during the week. But even at the weekends when i know i have more time to write for a moment, but i will allow myself to be directed by any excuse to get away from "work" which for the past few years or so i have been defining within "sitting at a computer typing alot".

However i have noticed this pattern building up for a while, and so ive been looking at where i can practically create time by cutting away mind justifications to avoid typing. Ive found stability within working on a mind construct bit by bit, where ive been committing myself to working on a mind construct for just 15-30 minutes every saturday for the past few months. I have developed consistency within this point of typing just a little every weekend now, and within this i can see how i will be able to create more time in the future, so i can start building further consistency in blogging again as well.

So im not going to allow this point to continue, so join me next weekend :)